


The Curse of Service

by 7thChevronLocked, Keriae



Category: Original Work
Genre: Afghanistan, Anesthesia, Army, Army Medics, British Army, Elyana Lozier, Endometriosis, F/M, Fao x Ely, Faolan Blackwood, Hospitals, Implied Opioid Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Military, Miscarriage, Ollie x Jacob, PTSD, Past Child Abuse, Pregnancy, Self-Harm, Smoking, Suicide Attempt, Surgery, Trauma surgeon, Trying For A Baby, Trying To Conceive, i steal characters shhhh, probably, trying to get more people into this trash fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 11:11:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 58
Words: 151,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18520288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/7thChevronLocked/pseuds/7thChevronLocked, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keriae/pseuds/Keriae
Summary: Fao and Ely met on a tour of Afghanistan, working on treating the soldiers there and making sure they got the best possible care. A year after his girlfriend's death, Fao is still struggling to stay afloat. But war is war, and it's not long before things take a turn for him. How will he keep himself going after a medical discharge? How will his friendship with the petite blonde anaesthetist develop?





	1. Chapter 1

The Army Hospital in Camp Bastion was impressive. They had amazing facilities, and while they weren’t necessarily as advanced as what they had back in the UK, considering they were in the middle of Afghanistan it was really incredible. Fao was humbled by it almost every day. It was basically home, and he’d never be able to do his job without it. 

Things were tough, sometimes, but of course it was. They were in a warzone for crying out loud. The people he worked with were cutting edge and they worked 24/7 to give the troops the best care should anything go wrong. But things often went wrong.

Fao was catching up on some sleep - he’d had a disturbed night - in a quiet corner, feet up on a chair in front of him, head resting on the wall as he catnapped. It was his CO that grabbed him, damn nearly making him fall off of the chair. 

“Wolfie, we need to go. There’s been an IED hit, they’re on their way as we speak.”

“Fucking hell, Nick, if you want me to help try not giving me a heart attack first.” Fao grumbled, getting up and gathering his stuff.

Ely was already on the chopper, ignoring how it kept jolting and moving with the air. Their poor patient was only a young lad, barely eighteen, and she was determined to do her best for him. There was blood everywhere - she could almost taste it.

And he was screaming.

"Shhh, Sam, c'mon now," she soothed, carefully taking his hand and inserting the cannula while she spoke, "I know it hurts, but screaming isn't gonna do anything, yeah? We're gonna fix you up, promise. But I need you to be as calm as you can for me."

He looked so young as he stared up at her, before he swallowed thickly.

"Y-yeah." He got out, his voice scratchy and hoarse.

Ely offered a small smile to him, glancing at the medic on her other side. "Is that tourniquet tight enough?"

There was a nod of reply, and she turned back to Sam.

"Right now, Sam, I'm just gonna give you some more pain relief, yeah? And when we get back to base you're gonna get the best care in the world." She said, injecting the morphine. There wasn't time nor space to right down what she'd given him, but she was used to remembering it by now. She'd relay it over to the team back at camp when they got there. It couldn't be much later.

And thank god, they weren't. But with so little staff, she couldn't go back out into the field - instead, she was joining the team there, as their anaesthetist.

Fao had his whole team ready and waiting to receive the casualty. They’d been informed that the anaesthetist that had been in the field was joining them. They had the case history and were already in control of analgesia. It made sense. When they arrived, Fao was immediately at the head of the arriving team. 

“Someone give me a handover?”

She looked up at him. "Samuel Phelps, 18, no known medications. He was on patrol when his team was hit by an IED. On arrival he was conscious but in clear distress, hypotensive and tachycardic. Burst earsdrums and scrapes on head and neck, possible head and brain injures, stones lodged in the skin. Chest has flail segment on right side. Back appears uninjured. Severe amputation of right leg below the knee. Patient received a chest drain, a tourniquet on the right leg and 5mg of morphine. Two litres of saline were given. HR 130, BP 70/60, GCS 9, EtCo 6, SpO2 92, temp 97.”

Fao took it all in, humming to himself. “Right, I don’t want to leave him with the possibility of a head or brain injury.” He looked over at Ely. “Are you happy to go straight to CT?”

"Yes." Fingers crossed, he should be fine. It needed to be done, anyway.

“Right.” He murmured. “Okay everyone, listen up! We’re going straight to CT, I want scans sorted before I even think about getting him into a theatre. I want someone pushing fluids, and we need to keep an eye on bp and heart rate.” He called above the noise of the team. Then, he moved closer to his patient. “Hi, Samuel. We’re gonna make sure you’re just fine - you’re in bloody good hands here, don’t worry. We’re gonna get you a scan and go from there, yeah? How’s your pain?”

"Still hurts." He replied, eyes flicking between Fao and Ely.

"Okay, I know. We'll get you some more of the good stuff, eh? Don't you worry." He murmured, glancing over at Ely. "He could stand to get at least another 2.5mg, right?"

She nodded, already there giving it. "Yep."

"Great. Let's get him to CT, then, people."

God, was she glad to get him to CT. They really needed a better idea of what was going on with him. And at least he wasn't acting out.

Whilst CT was relatively reassuring, Ely's tourniquet wouldn't hold forever and Samuel was already starting to bleed again. On the bright side, at least he still had good blood flow to the injured leg. They headed almost straight to theatre, and as Fao scrubbed up he was buzzing with adrenaline, his earlier tiredness completely forgotten. He lived for this. Arriving in theatre, he was glad to see the blonde anaesthetist still there with their patient. He'd been worried she'd end up having to take a break. 

"How's he holding up?" He asked her. 

She hummed, not looking away from the stats. "Pretty well, all things considered."

"That's what I like to hear." He replied. "Right, let's sort this leg out."

"It's an absolute mess." She commented - she'd not really had time to look at it, but what she had seen would once have made her puke.

"That it is." He agreed. "We'll get him all sured up and get him home."

"Poor lad. He's no more than a kid."

"He looks it. He's got his whole life to move on from this, though. And he's otherwise fit."

"Yeah. Poor thing was crying when we got there."

"I think I'd cry too." Fao murmured as he started to work. 

"I know I would."

"It's a fucking nightmare." He replied. 

She hummed. "I know."

Fao had a lot of work to do, however, and fell silent save for his instructions or requests for equipment. It was long, complex work, but he was determined to save the knee joint. It took a long time to get there, but eventually he finished up and the poor kid headed straight to intensive care. He'd go home as soon as he was stable enough. Fao was absolutely knackered as he headed out of theatre. He grabbed his jacket from where he'd left it and pulled out his pack of cigarettes. 

"Fancy taking a smoke break?"

Ely found herself nodding. “Sure."

He smiled a small smile. “Cool. I, uh, didn’t catch your name back there.”

She smiled back. "Ely. Nice to meet you.”

“Fao. Pleasure’s all mine.”

"I'm just glad Sam's going to be okay.”

“Yeah.”

She pulled her own jacket back on. "Come on, get moving.”

He snorted. “Okay, then.” He said, heading out. It was hot, in the sun, and he sighed, leaning against the wall and drawing out a cigarette, holding it between his teeth to light it before he offered the pack to Ely.

She shook her head. "I'm fine.”

He nodded, pocketing the pack once more. He inhaled deeply, holding his breath for a moment before he slowly exhaled. 

"I've never smoked." She murmured.

“Never start.” He replied. “It’s a vice."

"I'll take that advice." She said.

“Good.” He murmured, taking another drag. In the moment, he’d been so focused on the case he hadn’t thought about anything other than the medicine. But now he was ‘free’, so many memories just came flooding back.

"That, and I have common sense."

"That too."

“You obviously don’t.”

"It's a habit I picked up in college. It's hard to beat. Plus, if I live long enough to get lung cancer I've done pretty well."

That made her laugh. “I suppose you have a point.”

"Of course I've got a point. It's a pretty good way to deal with stress, too."

“You need something in this job.” She agreed. 

"You do." He replied quietly, taking another drag and staring down at his feet.

“You okay?”

"Mmmhmm. Tough case, that's all."

She nodded. “Yeah, it was.”

"I, uh, lost my girlfriend to an IED last year."

She looked up, unsure what to say for a moment. “I’m so sorry.”

"Thanks. I thought I was okay but I guess this case just bought it all back, you know?"

Ely nodded. “Yeah, I get it. Sometimes things just hit you.”

He cleared his throat. "Yeah. Life sucks like that."

“Life is one big pile of shit.”

"Pretty much."

She glanced at him again. “C’mon, let’s cheer you up.”

He took another long drag on his cigarette, savouring it before he exhaled. "Yeah. Fuck me, I didn't mean to get all depressing and shit. We did well today."

She laughed a little bit at that. "I suppose so. I'm just glad I'm getting used to this now."

He frowned. "How long have you been serving?"

"I'm only doing short tours - six weeks. This is my second one."

"Oh, that makes sense." He murmured. 

"I'm here for a good time, not a long time." She joked.

He laughed. "So are you at the Queen Elizabeth when you're not out here?"

She nodded. "Yeah. But this is more... cutting edge. And brutal."

"That it is." He agreed.

"What about you?" She asked. "How long have you been in this hell hole?"

"Uh, two months. I've got another month or so left."

She smiled at him. "Looks like we're going home at the same time."

"Cool." He said. "I've got a few weeks off then I'll be with the F1s at the Queen Elizabeth."

"Stuck with me, again." She joked.

"I'll be lucky if I see you."

She shrugged. "I don't just knock people out, you know."

"I know! But I'll still be lucky if I see you, the F1s are a handful."

"Or I might end up helping you."

"That's true."

She smirked at him. "Bet you were a handful of an F1."

"Probably, yeah."

"I was a teacher's pet."

"Of course you were. I was always asking questions and wanting to get in on stuff."

She looked up at the sky. "Maybe we're more alike than not."

"Well, we're both out here. It takes a certain kind of person to work out here."

Ely looked back at him. "I suppose you're right."

"You know I'm right." He said with a grin.

"Oh, I don't know about that. You seem like the sort of person who is wrong a lot of the time." She shot back.

“Oi! Piss off!”

“No!"

“I know many things!”

"Don't believe you!”

“Uh, you should. Was I or was I not excellent in theatre?”

She laughed. "Well, you knew what you were doing then.”

“So I know stuff.”

"I guess." She said. "I know stuff too.”

“Yeah, you do. Stuff I don’t know.”

She grinned. "Maybe I'm smarter than you. All the mathematics I have to do.”

“Different kind of knowledge.”

Ely rolled her eyes. "If you say so.”

“It is!” He huffed, finishing his cigarette and stubbing it out.

"Whatever." She teased. “Inside?"

“Yeah.” He replied, pushing off of the wall.

She smiled at him. "I should go check on Sam.”

“Yeah, of course.”

"I guess I'll see you later?”

“Yeah, I’m sure I’ll see you in the mess.”

She hummed. "Likely. See you later." She said, disappearing off.

“Yeah, later.” He called, heading off to do his own work. That evening, when he was done, he headed down to the mess to eat. He was starving and absolutely exhausted when he sat down next to Jake and a couple of familiar faces. He didn’t really bother to look around the table before he ate, too concerned with getting the hot food in him. 

“Long day, Wolfie?” Jake asked, smacking his friend on the back. “No manners at all, you heathen.”

Ely was sat not far away, only a table over, though she was eating neatly. Even though the noise in the mess, she could hear what someone said to Fao.

Wolfie?

She hadn't been over here when she'd died, but she'd heard of the duo - Wolfie and Vixen, constantly together. A couple that worked together so well it was almost unnatural, and she was quick on her feet and had a mind sharper than a scalpel. In that moment, she knew exactly who his girlfriend had been.

She'd worked briefly with Alex, when she'd been over on her first tour. But Alex had been nearing the end of her own, and even though they'd got along they'd never kept up contact.

She got up, joining Fao's table. She wasn't really sure why.

"He didn't even say hello to me earlier." She teased.

He looked up with a smile. “Oh, hi.”

She grinned. "Better late than never.”

“Sorry, I’m starved.” He replied. “Good day?”

"Yeah. You?”

“Yeah, not bad.”

She hummed. "Sam's okay, by the way."

"Glad to hear it."

"Going strong, and loopy on the morphine."

Fao laughed. "Of course he is."

"It's good stuff."

"Yeah, for most people."

Ely raised an eyebrow, her fork hovering in the air. "Most people?”

“It disagrees with me.”

She frowned. "You poor thing.”

“Yeah. It’s a burden I must bear.” He said with a grin.

"It is." She agreed, continuing to lift her food to her mouth, though she was smiling.

“I’m sure I’ll survive.” He said, finishing his food.

"Of course you will. If you can survive out here, you can do anything.”

“Well, that’s true.”

She too finished her meal. "Are you going to introduce me to your friends?”

“Oh, yeah.” Fao said. “This shit sitting next to me is Jake, he’s a charge nurse but we like to tease him by calling him sister,” Fao got another smack for that, “and opposite me is Matt, you’ve probably met him in passing because he’s a medic. Guys, this is Ely.” 

Jake grinned at her, and Matt kindly offered his hand for her to shake. She did so, smiling back, but she nudged Fao with her shoulder. "I thought you had manners.”

“I do have manners! You’re introduced.”

"I had to remind you!”

“Oh, piss off, I was eating.” He shot back.

"Piss off yourself.”

“Now who’s got no manners?”

"I'm just giving you a taste of your own medicine." She teased.

“How kind of you.”

"That's the Hippocratic Oath for you.”

“Oh, ha ha.”

She grinned. "I'd say I'm full of puns but that was a one off.”

“Good, because that was terrible.”

"I never said I was a comedian.”

“Don’t give up the day job.”

She grinned. "Not planning on it. I just hope you don't mind me attaching myself to you and your friends.”

Jake flashed her a smile. “We’re glad to have you.”

“Yeah, seriously. It’s nice to have you around.” Fao agreed.

"Well, I am pretty cool." She joked.

“You are.” He agreed with a smile. “Right, I’m off for a smoke.” He said, standing up.

"Go on, then, go ruin your lungs." She said, still clearly joking.

“Oh, shut up.” He shot back with a grin. He cleared up his stuff and headed out of the mess. He reached the little yard and lit up another cigarette, the sky dark and full of stars.

Ely excused herself not much later - she was dead on her feet, and could really do with an early night. But when she came across Fao, she couldn't help but wander over.

"I knew Alex, you know." She murmured.

He paused, his cigarette halfway to his lips. “You did?” He asked softly.

"Yeah. Briefly, but…"

“I’m so sorry, if I’d have known I’d have sent you an invite to the funeral.”

Ely shook her head. "It's okay. We weren't that close.”

“It was an open funeral, word of mouth really. I suppose if you were at Queen Elizabeth when we were over here you wouldn’t have heard. But I’m sorry you’ve only just found out.”

"Yeah, I was. I'd like to go pay my respects, though." When they'd had downtime, they had spent some time together. She'd go and leave some flowers, maybe a card.

“Of course. I can give you the address to where she’s buried.”

"Thanks." She said.

“It’s no problem.” He murmured, finally raising his cigarette to his lips and inhaling. 

"Are you holding up okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, fine.”

"Okay." She said softly.

“I mean, I miss her, but it doesn’t rule my life.”

Ely nodded slowly. "I get it." She felt that way about her father.

“I guess it’s tougher when I see couples.”

"Yeah." She murmured. "Luckily for you, there's none here.”

“Well, not many.” He murmured. “I was gonna marry her.”

"Oh, Fao."

"We'd been dating on and off since Sandhurst."

"I'm so sorry."

"It's alright. I'm still close with her family and stuff." He murmured. "Oh, she's buried in London, by the way. Close to her parents."

"I'll get down there."

"Good."

She smiled. "Just as soon as I'm free from the hospital."

“Of course, yeah.”

"I'm sure you know what it's like there.”

“Of course I do. I’ve done my fair share there.”

She looked at him. "I don't know about you, but I'm absolutely knackered.”

“I’m exhausted.” He replied. “I was up at two dealing with an emergency call.”

"Well, I'm going to call it a night.”

“Mmm, I’ll head to bed after I’ve finished this.” He replied. “We were good today. See you around, yeah?”

"Definitely." She agreed, and added politely. “Goodnight."

“Goodnight.” He echoed.


	2. Chapter 2

Fao got a decent night’s sleep (thank god) and woke early as always. He showered and shaved and got ready to work. Sam’s case yesterday had taken it’s toll on him, but he was ready to do his best today and he knew it was what Alex would have wanted. She had always told him to get on with life, that he couldn’t let the past define him. So he heeded his ex-girlfriend’s advice. His work was never easy but it was challenging and he liked that. He always had done.

The next time they worked together, it was on a much simpler case. Somehow, one of the men had been an absolute idiot. He'd been messing about, and had fallen and now he had a compound fracture. Ely couldn't help but roll her eyes.

"You're an ass, Marcus," she said, inserting a cannula to she could give him some pain relief, "you know that, right?”

Marcus huffed. “I thought you lot were meant to be nice to me.”

"We'd be nice to you if you didn't do stupid shit." She replied.

“Like you’ve never done something for a laugh.”

"Not to the point of breaking my leg, you dumbass." Ely shot bac k. "Now, how's your pain? 1-10, please.”

“Shut up Lozier.” He grumbled. “7.”

"Shut up yourself." She said with a grin. "No qualms about morphine?”

“None at all.” He replied. “The opposite of qualms.”

"Good, because that's what you're getting. Sorry if it stings a little." She said, carefully injecting it.

“Ah, not a problem.” Marcus replied. “When are you lot gonna sort me out properly, eh?”

"We're waiting for the doctor to show their face." She said. "Anyway, don't you like this one on one time?”

“Well, I’d appreciate it more if I wasn’t bleeding everywhere.”

She rolled her eyes. "You've got a tourniquet, you blind bat.”

“Shut up, I was bleeding.”

"Exactly. You were. Now you've just got dried blood all over your uniform. Thank God I'm not dealing with your washing any more.”

“Any excuse for you to get my pants off.” He mumbled.

"Because I definitely want your cock right now.”

“You always want my cock.” He shot back with a crooked smile. 

At that moment, Fao arrived, panting from his rush across the hospital. “What’s this I hear about cocks?” He asked, breathlessly.

Ely looked up with a grin. "Marcus seems to think I want nothing more right now than his pants down.”

Fao snorted. “Yeah, right. You’re not that good-looking, Spence.”

"I am!”

“Not like this. You’re a fucking mess.”

Ely snorted. "He's always a mess. Always making a mess, too.”

“Now that I can believe.” Fao replied. “So, Marcus, I’ve looked at your x-rays and I’m sure it’s no surprise that you’re going to need surgery.”

"Not at all. Tell Lozier to knock me out already.”

He laughed. “We’ve got a bit of admin to sort out first, but we’ll get you to theatre as soon as possible, yeah? Tell Ely if you’re uncomfortable, or grab a nurse.”

Ely grinned. "I could punch you, if you want.”

Marcus laughed, despite himself. “You’re a terrible punch. Never in a million years. I’ll let the drugs do all of that."

"Well, we'll just have to wait a bit longer. Pain now?”

“Like a four.” He murmured.

"Let's give it a little longer, and then if it's still the same I'll give you some more.”

“Thanks.” He replied. 

Fao smiled. “Right, I’ve got some paperwork and shit to do, but I’ll see you later, mate.”

"You leaving me too, Lozier?"

Ely shook her head. "No such luck.”

“Damn. Thought I’d get some peace.”

"Sorry. You miss me, anyway. Best fuck you ever had.”

“Hmm, I dunno about that.”

She scoffed. "I remember everything you said. I'm like an elephant - I never forget.”

He laughed softly. “Well, you don’t know who I’ve had since."

"I'm bloody brilliant, thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah, arrogant too.”

"You know it." She grinned. “Pain?"

“Three? It’s hard to judge…” He murmured. The morphine was good, though there was still a bit of an ache.

"You're not complaining, so the morphine must be working." She said. "Not long now, I think.”

“Okay. Gotta wait for Blackwood to sort his shit out.”

She laughed. "That we do.”

Fao disappeared to sort out his paperwork and everything. It was a drag, but it had to be done. Once it was all sorted and consent forms went out and were signed, he was happy to proceed. He sorted out his theatre and his team - Ely at the top of the list, of course. Eventually, it was all sorted and they could take Marcus down to theatre. Fao slipped in to the anaesthesia room just to check in on his friend. 

“How you doing, Spence?” He asked with a grin.

Ely was busy making sure she had all the anaesthesia she needed, and was just getting ready to inject. Marcus grinned at Fao.

"Great. I get to nap while you lot sweat your asses off.”

“That’s true.” He agreed.

She looked up at Marcus now. "Right, I'm injecting now. You're just gonna drift off, nice and slowly. Natalie is gonna put an oxygen mask over your face. Breathe deep." She said.

Marcus grinned again, blowing Ely a hazy kiss. “See you on the other side, Blondie.”

She laughed. "That you will." She replied, just as his eyes closed. She looked at Fao, now. "You best get scrubbed in, we won't be long."

"Yeah, of course." He mumbled. "Just wanted to see how he was doing." He said, before he left.

She frowned, but she had more important things to worry about right now than running after Fao to make sure he was okay. She’d see him soon enough, anyway. And she did - not much later, they were in theatre. 

Fao had done hundreds of compound fractures in his time, he could virtually do them with his eyes closed. Of course, he'd have his eyes open the whole time, but it meant he could relax a little more. And he could chat to Ely and the rest of his team. 

Ely greeted him with a grin. “Hey. Ready?”

"Yeah. Let's get started."

She hummed. “You got a game plan, then?”

"Of course I have. It's a simple fix." He murmured, getting started. "So, how do you know Marcus?"

“He’s an old flame.” She said. 

"Oh, right." Fao said softly. "Recent or?"

“We broke up a year and a half ago.” She explained. “We drifted apart, but we’re still friends.”

"I hate when that happens." Fao murmured. "But good you're still friends."

“Mmm, it is. He denies it, but I’m the best he ever had. Always says I complained too much.”

Fao laughed. "Well, that sounds like Marcus."

“He’s always complaining himself.”

"He is." He agreed. 

She shrugged. “But he’s a good soldier. Gets on with his job.”

"Yeah, he's bloody good at what he does." Fao agreed.

“Not unlike myself.”

"You're pretty good."

“I’m damn good.” She corrected breezily, glancing at him again. 

"You keep telling yourself that." He murmured. He'd almost finished cleaning the wound, then he could reduce the fracture and bring it together internally.

“Oh, I know I am.” She replied. “Don’t think I’d be good at anything else.”

"I'm sure there's plenty you're good at."

“Well, not as good.”

"Fair play." He murmured.

“I certainly couldn’t do what you do.”

"Well, I know I couldn't do your job, so I guess we're even."

She grinned. “You get the short stick - I get to sit down.”

"Yeah, I'm well jealous."

“As you should be.”

He chuckled to himself, carefully reducing the fracture. Both ends aligned nicely and now he just had to begin the process of selecting the right plate. It was always a case of trial and error, guided by sight. 

"Feet aching?" She asked.

“No, actually. My shoes are comfortable.”

"I'm just glad to be off of mine.”

“Lucky duck.”

"You will be, soon enough.”

“I know.”

She grinned. "I could definitely do with a nice drink.”

“Mmm, same.”

"Or a nice cup of tea." She murmured.

“Oh, god yeah.”

She grinned, looking around at the team. "Anyone else?”

One of the scrub nurses nodded. “I could murder a cup of tea.”

"We'll have a group get together after this, then." She said. "God, though, we're so bloody British.”

Fao laughed. “I know. It’s what, thirty degrees out and we’ll be drinking tea.”

"It's so good, though.”

“That it is.” He agreed, finally finding the right plate.

"God, I hope there's some cake.”

“We’ll be bloody lucky.” He grumbled. “Maybe some biscuits.”

She groaned. "I'd love a couple of bourbons.”

“Oh my god, yeah. I’ve not had a bourbon in months.”

"Not as good as Jaffa Cakes, though.”

“Jaffa Cakes are a completely different thing, though.”

"Oh, bugger off.”

“They are. They’re on a different level.” He murmured. Once everything was done, he could close up and get Marcus into recovery. He’d be just fine, and back on his feet in a matter of days. He’d get time off, of course. And he’d go home as soon as he was fit to travel. Once they were all done, most of the surgical team settled down for a cup of tea and whatever biscuits they had in the mess.

Ely swung her feet up, circling her hands around her cup. "God, I feel I don't get this enough.”

“Well, it’s entirely on you.” Fao shot back. “I get it all the time.”

"I feel like I spend no time in camp.”

“Yeah, you’re unlucky.”

"So it's not all my fault." She said, sipping.

“No, I suppose not.” He murmured. “I’ve not been out in ages.”

"Going crazy?”

“A bit.”

"I'm sure you'll get out soon.”

“Yeah, I’m sure."

"Not that there's any lack of action here.”

“Practically silent.” He replied with a grin. “Fancy coming on a run with me later?”

She nodded. "Might as well.”

“Gotta keep fit.”

"That we do." She agreed. It was something she'd struggled to get used to - chronically lazy, her mum had always said.

“And it’s always more fun with someone else.”

"As long as you don't leave me in the dust.”

“Oh, I’ll be nice.”

She rolled her eyes. "Ah, no one ever is when it comes to exercise.”

“I promise!”

"Don't believe you!”

“Well, you should.”

She grinned and bit into a biscuit. "Well, I'll just find out what you're like.”

“I suppose you will.” He said, sipping his tea.

"Later, though.”

“Yeah, not now.”

She drained the rest of her tea. "Right, I'm off to go check on that idiot. He'll probably try to woo me.”

“Of course he will, he’s like a horny rabbit.” Fao shot back. 

"He's like a rampant rabbit." She joked.

“True.” He said with a smirk. “Go on, go and see him, tell him I’ll be up soon.”

"I will, if he's somewhat awake." She said, finishing her biscuit before disappearing off.

“I’m sure he will be.” Fao murmured as Ely left.


	3. Chapter 3

Marcus turned out to be fine - a bit groggy and woozy, but still attempting to be a charmer. She couldn't help but laugh at him, and let him press a messy kiss to her knuckles before she left him. That evening, she had a run with Fao (he complained that she was running too slow) and after dinner they had a game of cards. She lost, of course, she was absolutely shit and he spent half the time trying to teach her. But it was fun, and it became a little ritual with his friends.

Playing cards with a beer or two was fun, even if Fao had to keep whispering hints in Ely’s ear. But she could easily keep up with the group’s fast paced banter and idiocy and she fit right in. She was the female touch they’d been missing since Alex’s death, and it felt right to have her there. Alex definitely would have approved, especially the way she absolutely wrecked Jake when he tried to flirt. After that first game she joined them every time they played, and eventually both her and Fao were nearing the end of their tour. 

That’s when Fao got news of a vehicle being hit. Somehow they’d managed to find a weak spot in the armour and it was a mess. The medics first on scene wanted him there, so that’s where he went. They retrieved their casualties and started to make their way back to base, Fao doing the best he could to suture and stabilise in the back of a chinook. It was loud and unstable but he had a job to do and he’d damn well do it. 

But the resistant forces had somehow gotten their hands on some serious weaponry, enough to bring down a chinook. They found that one out the hard way. After the most almighty crash and the screaming of warping metal, the big helicopter pitched and went down. Fao and his crew shared a look. They knew they were as good as dead as they collided with the heat-baked earth.

It didn't take long for everyone in camp to get wind of what happened, and Ely rather hurriedly found herself in the back of another chinook, somewhat nervous. Over the card games and the running and the banter in theatre, she'd come to think of herself and Fao as pretty firm friends. She was pretty sure he'd been involved, and her heart was beating rapidly in her chest. Mostly adrenaline, she knew, but also some fear. You'd be insane not to be scared when you heard a chinook had been brought down. There was absolutely nothing to suggest that they too couldn't be targeted.

The chopper was a screaming mess of metal and fire. And the only person alive was Fao. Ely crouched by his side, immediately checking over him.

"Blackwood? Can you hear me?"

Fao groaned. He'd lost consciousness during the impact and had been thrown from the main wreckage of the Chinook. But now he could hear shouting and another Chinook and a softer voice. Was it Ely? He could feel her hands on him, gentle, confident. He slowly blinked his eyes open.

"There we are." She soothed. "Can you tell me where it hurts?"

He hadn't really been aware of the pain until she'd mentioned it. Now, it washed over him. "Everywhere." He managed to get out. It was hard to breathe.

"Alright, alright." She murmured, kneeling in the sand. She'd already pulled a pair of scissors out of her belt. "I'm gonna have to cut this off of you, okay? Can you tell me your age?"

He had to think, frowning. "I, uh, thirty one? I think." He mumbled. 

She hummed. "Very good." She praised, the scissors gliding along the fabric. "I've just got to examine you. Does it hurt if I press on your chest?" She asked, pressing gently on his right side and feeling his ribs crunch.

He cried out. "Ah, fuck. Yes, it does."

"Sorry," she apologised, "it's hard to breathe, yeah?"

He nodded, not speaking. God, it was agony. 

He looked pale, white, and she knew she didn't really have a choice, even if this was hardly the best place for such drastic measures. "I need to check your oxygen saturation, but I can't do that until we're in the chopper. We're gonna get you on a spinal board, okay?"

"Y-yeah. 'kay."

Chloe had joined her and together they got a collar on his neck and got him onto the spinal board. He was heavy, and she huffed as they set him down. "Safe and sound. Just keep breathing for me."

"Yeah." He said quietly. 

It only took a few moments for her to get a reading, and she swore under her breath. It was too low, and she really would have to do something. "Right, Major, I'm going to have to put a needle in your chest, okay? It'll help you breathe."

"I...I know wha' it is." He said hoarsely, struggling to breathe. 

"I know you do." She said, as the hollow needle was passed to her. "Just a sharp scratch." She warned, catching Chloe administering pain relief out of the corner of her eye.

He frowned, groaning, but didn't move. He just tried to breathe. 

It wasn't enough, she realised. Fucking hell, this was not what she needed, but she couldn't let him die. There was a risk of the anaesthetic and the shock combining and his heart failing, but it was the only chance they had.

"Fao," she said, "I've got to knock you out, okay?"

"N-no. You can't." He whined. 

She could barely hear him over the roar of the chopper. "I've got to, otherwise you're going to die. You know I'll look after you."

He reached out for her with his good hand. "Please don't."

Immediately, she took his hand and squeezed his finger. "I have to. You trust me, right?"

"Yeah." He whined. "But I wanna stay lucid."

"You can't. There's the possibility I'll need to intubate you, and if you're conscious you'll resist."

He whined. "'m fine, 'm all fine."

"No, you're not." She said, fingers closing around the needle placed in her hand by Chloe.

His eyes flicked around the chopper, and he was shaking. "Please."

"I can't. Think about how bad I am at cards, eh?"

"R-really bad. I...I let you win."

"Well, that was nice of you." She said, slowly starting with the drugs. If she took her time and kept him calm, it would be better for him.

He sighed. "'m nice."

"Yeah, you are. Maybe you should let me lose and I'll get better on my own, eh?"

"No hope of that." He slurred. 

"That's rude." She joked, continuing with the dose.

"Pretty, though." 

She raised an eyebrow at him. "That ketamine getting to you, major?"

"Nah. You're jus' pretty."

"You getting sleepy?"

"A bit."

"Good. You just keep breathing."

It was hard, but wasn't hurting so much now. "You're sneaky."

"Oh, I know. I'll look after you, though."

"Mean. 'm scared."

"Shhh, I've got you." She soothed, softening. "There's nothing to be scared of."

"I... Sorry." He whined. "'m a wuss. A baby. Not like you. You're... Perfect. Remind me of 'lex."

"Oh, don't be silly. You're not a baby and I'm far from perfect."

"'m not gonna die, am I?"

"I'm not gonna let you. You'll wake up in hospital and I'll beat you at cards." She promised.

He could really feel the ketamine working now. He couldn't really resist it. "'kay. Sleepy now."

"I bet. Why don't you sleep, eh? I've got you." The sooner he slept, the sooner she could release the trapped air.

He nodded, and gave into it, his eyes drifting shut. He didn't have a choice, it would take him sooner or later. 

He finally gave in and she reached for the intubation tube. "Chloe, while I get him intubated, keep an eye on his sats. I'm going to have to do a thoracotomy."

Chloe nodded. "Of course. His blood pressure is on the low side and his O2 is pretty horrendous."

“I thought so. He better not crash.” She said, focusing. She only had a few seconds, this one chance. 

"Heartrate is up, too. Probably internal bleeding."

“I wouldn’t be surprised. Everyone else is dead.” She said, finishing intubating him. “Can you get up here for me?”

"Yeah, of course." She replied, swapping places with her to breathe for him. 

“Thank you.” It wouldn’t be long now until they got back to base. She wiped iodine over the area, and grabbed a scalpel - it wasn’t often she held one. But she was sure and steady as she made the cut, and checked it with her finger. She could feel broken bone and a punctured lung. “Everything here is shattered.”

Chloe hissed. "Not good, then."

“Not at all.” She agreed, as he flatlined. His body simply hadn’t had time to get oxygen to his organs. “Fucking shit!” She exclaimed, leaping up and starting compressions - she had no choice. 

"Oh, fucking hell." Ely's nurse muttered. "Poor guy."

“He’s a twat.” She ground out, and shouted at the pilot. “How much longer?!”

"Two minutes!" Came the shouted reply.

“Better fucking be!” She called back. It was quicker, and she ended up hovering over Fao, continuing compressions as he was rushed inside. 

Not long after he got inside he recovered his pulse, weak but there.


	4. Chapter 4

Ely was able to keep Fao completely sedated as they made their way back to Bastion, and almost as soon as they landed he was taken into theatre, with her supervising (of course). She was too invested in this to step away now, she needed to make sure he was okay. 

With Fao in theatre, his surgeon was able to reduce the shoulder dislocation and put screws in place to fix his neck of femur. It was the best he could do. Fao needed time to rest- he wouldn't recover if they did too much at once. His jaw would require a specialist they didn't have, and hopefully the shoulder would begin to heal on its own. They got him into recovery as soon as they could. He needed to recover here before he could go home to the specialists he needed to see.

Ely sat with him in recovery - in all honesty, she didn't really trust anyone else to give him the care he needed. So she sat with him and monitored his vitals, making sure that he was coming around okay.

Fao came round slowly. He blinked his eyes open, groggy and nauseous. But he wasn't in pain, he was warm and the lights were soft. He groaned, still a little uncomfortable. He coughed a couple of times, groaning again. 

She got to her feet, reaching out to take his hand. "Shhhh. It's all over, you're safe."

"Did it go well?" He croaked. 

"Yeah, it did."

He smiled softly to himself, closing his eyes again. "'kay."

"Go to sleep again. You need all the rest you can get."

He hummed. He was still feeling nauseous, but tried to drift off again. Maybe he'd feel better after a while. 

"There you are." She said softly, sitting back down. So far, so good.

Fao wasn't sure how long he'd been out for, but when he woke he felt infinitely worse. He couldn't really move, but gagged a couple of times before he was sick, stomach churning. 

Ely didn't even have time to give him a sick bowl. Instead, she just grimaced. "Oh, Fao. Let me give you something to stop that."

He whined, though he felt a little better afterwards. "Fuck." He muttered. 

"I know, I know." She replied, more just so he knew she was there. She gave him an antiemetic, and wrote it down in his notes before she carefully folded the blanket onto itself and lifted it from them, passing it to a nurse and draping a clean one over him.

He coughed again, unable to settle, but closed his eyes, utterly embarrassed. He wished he could shift the cough, but it was sore on his ribs when he coughed too hard. He just hoped the drugs Ely had given him worked. 

"There. Go back to sleep."

He whined. He wanted this to be over already. 

Before long, he was fit enough to be taken back to the ward. There, he stayed stable, and by a sheer stroke of luck he was sent home on the same day Ely was leaving. She felt happier for it - she could keep an eye on him, and they were both going to the Queen Elizabeth. However, she did have a couple of days off, to get over the jet lag, and then she was straight back to work. Fao had text her on her days off, which let her know he was doing somewhat well.

So, of course, she went to see him, greeting him with a smile and a wave, though she was in scrubs.

“Morning."

He’d been so bored when Ely was on leave. He was well enough to sit up and play on his phone, but unable to do much else. He was tethered to his power cable, wasting the day away on terrible games and netflix. But finally, Ely came back into work and came to visit him like he’d asked.

“Hey."

She immediately picked up his notes. "How are you doing?”

“Yeah, not bad.”

"Feeling like shit, I bet." She said.

“Pretty shit, yeah. But better than in Afghan. Time difference fucked me over, too.”

She nodded, skimming over his notes. "It fucked me over, too.”

“I bet.” He said softly.

"But I'm here now. I promised I'd look after you.”

“Yeah. About that…”

She looked up, frowning. “Yeah?"

“I want you there for my next op.”

Oh. She'd expected something else - expected him to not want her there, for whatever reason. Instead, she nodded. "I'll see what I can do. Do you admit I'm good at it, now?”

He smiled. “You’re great. I trust you.”

"You're definitely drugged up." She teased.

“Piss off, I’m not that drugged up.”

"You are." She teased.

“I’m not. I’m on codeine."

Ely grinned. "Working well?”

“Pretty well.”

She hummed. "Good. Sleeping okay?”

“Well the jetlag fucked me but I nap alright.”

"Still tired from the op?”

“Yeah, a bit.”

She nodded slowly, putting the folder back. "Has any surgeon spoke to you?”

“No. They’re waiting for a specialist civilian.”

"That's such a pain.”

“I know. Such is life.”

"Hopefully it won't be long.”

“Hopefully. I’m meant to see them today and maybe get my op tomorrow.”

Ely nodded again, squeezing some antibac onto her hands. "Good. Text me when you know who it is?”

“Yeah.” He murmured.

"I'll have to ask them if I can be on your case." There was no reason not to - she'd initially treated him, after all. She knew what to expect.

“‘course.” He murmured. “I’ll let you know.”

"I'm here for a good amount of time, now.”

“Not as long as me, I bet.”

She shrugged. "We'll see. I've not got any tours coming up.”

“Nor have I.” He said with a hesitant grin. “Go do your job. I’ll text you.”

"Fine, if you're that keen to get rid of me!”

“You can’t stand around all day talking to me, as much as I’d love that.”

"I suppose not. See you later.”

“See you.”

Fao met his surgeon later that day. She was lovely, though seemed a little intimidated by the military personnel all around her. Fao suspected she'd recently transferred from a purely civilian hospital. But he managed to convince her he was a real person despite his rank, and she said she was happy to proceed with his op tomorrow so long as his anaesthetist was happy. There and then, Fao requested Ely, and told her to get in contact with the blonde. His surgeon seemed happy with that and said she'd seek her out. Once she'd left, Fao sent Ely a quick text - he'd gotten good at typing with one hand now - giving his surgeon's name and some other details. 

Ely was delighted to be on Fao’s case. She decided to go visit him when her shift finished, hoping that he’d eaten. 

Fao was surprised to see Ely that evening. "Hello you."

“You don’t mind me coming to bother you, do you?”

"Bother away." He said. "Unless you've come to clinically bother me in which case you can fuck off."

She laughed. “I’m a friend now.”

"Good."

“It’s strange, to be properly off the clock.”

"I know what you mean."

She took the seat by his bed. “What did you think of your surgeon?”

"Nice, a little intimidated I think."

Ely nodded. “I think everyone is when they come here.”

"Yeah, I think so too."

“Do you trust her?”

"Yeah. She said the x-rays looked positive and she was confident she'd be able to sort the fracture. Though she said it'd be two ops. One now and one a few months down the line once everything settles."  
“Well, that makes sense.”

"Yeah. It's a shame though." He murmured. "So you're on the team, yeah?"

Ely nodded. “Yeah, I’ll be knocking you out again. Think I’ve got an F1, too.”

"Oh, lucky you."

She grinned. “I know. But we’ve all been there, and you’re an interesting case.”

"I'm honoured."

“You should be.”

"I like being special. Promise I won't freak out this time."

Ely shrugged. “It’s not the end of the world.”

He looked over at her. "It's hard to explain..."

“You don’t have to.”

“Okay. Maybe one day.”

She shrugged again. “If you want.”

“When I can find the words.”

“As long as I can do my job, I don’t mind not knowing.”

He nodded. "Is this F1 of yours any good?"

“He’s called Chris.” She said. “A little nervous, but I can understand why.”

"Fair. Decided his specialty? Is he enjoying working with you?"

“I’ve only worked with him today!” She replied, smiling. “He’s just being nosy right now, but he seems to be enjoying it.”

"So, how mean can I be tomorrow?"

“Be gentle with him.” She said. “He’s.... small.”

“He got through Sandhurst, he can’t be small.”

“Not in stature. You’ll understand when you meet him.”

“Alright. Have you seen tomorrow’s list?”

“Briefly. Why?”

“I want to know when I get the pleasure of your company.”

She rolled her eyes. “I think you were second. So, morning sometime.”

"Cool. And I assume I'll see you early with your 'small' F1 for the Spanish inquisition."

“Ah, but you’ll be expecting me.” She shot back. 

"But who knows what time, eh?"

“Still expecting me.” She retorted, smiling. “Have you eaten?”

"Yeah. 'Last meal' and all that."

“Oh, bugger off. With me you’re not gonna kick the bucket.”

"I hope that's not a promise. Because if it is and I die I'm going to haunt your ass and sue you."

“How can you sue someone if you’re dead?!”

"Ghost lawyers."

“You’re an idiot.” She said, shaking her head. “And I saved you once.”

He glanced down at his lap. "I heard."

“You’re bloody stubborn.”

"So are you by the sounds of it." He murmured.

“Of course.” She said. “Couldn’t have this job otherwise. You’re in safe hands, and an environment a lot better than a chinook.”

"Yeah. Thanks." He murmured, unsure what to say to her. They chatted for a bit longer, then Fao sent Ely home because she must have been starved. 

She was, and left him to rest with the promise she'd be round early the next morning.


	5. Chapter 5

He slept a little uneasily, unable to get comfortable. The next morning he met Ely and her F1 for their pre-op checks and questions and before he knew it they were taking him to theatre. He tried to ignore the nerves in the pit of his stomach, focusing instead on what he knew, Ely taking care of him. He really did trust her. 

Ely smiled at Chris. “Do you want to do the honours?”

Chris looked surprised. "I, uh, yeah, if that's okay with you, Major Blackwood."

"We've all gotta learn somehow. If Ely thinks you're competent then I'm happy."

“I’ll be keeping an eye on you.” She assured him, as they reached the anaesthesia room. “Right, what do you need?”

Chris hesitated. “Uh…”

“An adult cannula.” She supplied, passing him one. She’d made sure everything was ready, and easy to grab. “Check if his vein is up.”

“Yeah, of course.” Chris muttered, angry with himself. Fao flashed him a reassuring smile and offered him his hand. 

“Sometimes my veins can be shit. Sorry.”

Ely shrugged. “We’ll just slap your hand a little.” She said. “Chris, can you see his vein? Give it a couple of slaps, they’ll bring it up. I’ll squeeze his arm for you.” She finished, slipping past him so she was standing at Fao’s head. Her fingers circled his arm, just under his elbow, and she squeezed. 

Chris could see it now, and he nodded. “Yeah. I can see it.” 

Fao looked over at Ely. “Normally it’s you who likes slapping me.”

“I know how much you like it.” She shot back, grinning. “Right, Chris, put it in, or Fao will start getting ideas.”

Chris chewed his lip and carefully inserted the cannula. When it was done, Fao flashed him another smile. 

“So, where did you go to uni?”

“Edinburgh.” He replied, as Ely passed him the first of the drugs. 

“Oh, really? I went to Edinburgh.” Fao said.

“Yeah, about fifty years ago.” Ely teased, watching Chris carefully as he started to inject the drug. 

“Shut up, I’m not that old.” Fao shot back. “What are you doing now, Chris?”

“Uh, this. And a weekend job.” He said, as Ely took the empty syringe and passed another over. Alice was putting the mask over Fao’s face.

Fao hummed, settling back against his bed. He was still nervous, of course, but breathed deep and tried to slow his heartrate down. Everyone would be able to see, which was a little embarrassing. Chris took the syringe from Ely a little nervously. This was the proper stuff, and he was terrified of doing it wrong. He looked over at Ely, chewing his lip.

“Go on. You’re doing great.”

“Okay.” He murmured, carefully slipping the syringe in and slowly injecting it. “O-okay Major, you’ll feel it start to work in a minute, and you’ll fall asleep nice and slowly.” He said, echoing what Ely had said earlier that morning and yesterday, too.

Ely smiled, reaching up to pull some of Fao’s hair out of the way. 

Fao could feel the drug working again, and he felt heavy and strange. It was such an odd feeling, but he just kept breathing deep, trying to relax. A moment later, he was out.

Chris beamed. “I did it!”

Ely grinned. “You did! It’s satisfying, isn’t it?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Uh, are you gonna intubate or am I allowed to do it?”

"Do you know how to do it?”

Chris nodded. “I read up about it last night.”

"Go on, then." She invited.

“Uh, I need a Nasotracheal intubation kit?” He asked hesitantly.

She passed it over. "Here you go. Show me how it's done.”

He took it from her and carefully set about intubating, talking it through as he did it. When he was happy, he looked over at Ely. “Done.”

She smiled. "Well done. Let's get him through.”

He smiled back. “Thank you so much for letting me do that.”

"You're welcome. We all start somewhere and being hands on is the best way to learn." She replied. "And you get to sit down with me now, too.”

That made him laugh. “Yeah. I should thank Major Blackwood when he wakes up, too.”

"I'd leave it until tomorrow. He's awful when he comes around, he probably won't remember." She said. "He was sick last time, so I wouldn't get too close to him.”

“Maybe when he’s back on the ward, then.” Chris said with a small smile. “Is his dose of antiemetics higher this time?”

She nodded. "Yeah. I might double up with something else for him, later. There's nothing worse than puking when you're half asleep.”

He nodded. “And I guess you don’t want to ruin the delicate jaw stuff too.”

She hummed. "Yeah, that too. Do you know exactly what they're doing?”

“Uh, no. I didn’t get a chance to read that much into the case.”

She nodded as they settled down, now. "Well, we're about to go through it. Listen carefully." She said, looking over at the team. "Have you all hugged without me?”

The surgeon looked over at the two of them. “No, we were just waiting for you.”

"Oh, good. Let's get on with it, I don't want him under longer than he has to be - he's an ass.”

Chris snorted, though tried to hide it, ducking his head. The surgeon talked through the surgery with the whole team, including associated risks and complications. Once she’d done that, she turned to Ely.

“Have you got any specific concerns?”

"Just that he's a smoker. Other than that, no.”

“Okay, great. Are you happy for us to start?”

"Very happy.”

“Wonderful. Let’s get started, then.”

His operation went well - there were no complications, though (as before) she was annoyed by his blood pressure. She spoke to Chris throughout, explaining everything to him, and even got him to join in once or twice with the banter. And, finally, it was done, and they were left in recovery with him.

Fao felt marginally better this time. He felt a little nauseous but not horrendously so. He sighed, shifting a little, warm and comfortable under the blankets.

Ely smiled softly. "Hey, Fao. You back with us?”

“Mmmm.” He managed to get out.

"Wonderful. Go back to sleep.”

“M’kay.” He mumbled, settling back down. He didn’t feel sore, though his jaw felt tight, and the nausea was beginning to fade. He drifted off easily. 

He was doing a lot better this time. Content, Ely settled back down to keep an eye on him.

Fao didn’t really wake up again until he was back on the ward, and even then he was in and out of consciousness. Though the pain was started to creep in and he tried to ignore it. Asking someone for painkillers was just too much effort.

She went to see him on her break, though she knew he was mostly out of it. But it would be good for him, if he woke up and saw someone he knew.

He woke not long after she sat down, and he shifted to look at her, blinking his eyes open. “Hey.”

"Hey," she replied, "you look like shit.”

He coughed. “Thanks.”

"Just telling the truth.”

He huffed, rolling his eyes. “So kind.” He mumbled, breaking off to cough again.

"Do you want a sip of water?”

He shook his head, eventually stopping. “‘m fine.”

"Okay. How are you pain wise?”

“Not bad.” He mumbled.

"Do you want some more meds?”

“Yeah.” He said softly. “Please.”

She hummed, and stood up to check his drugs chart. He was due anyway, so she glanced at him. "I'll be a moment, okay?”

“m’kay.”

She wasn't long, and carefully injected the medication through his cannula. "There. Just give it a little chance to work.”

“Thanks. Imma sleep again now.” He said softly.

"That's okay. Let one of the sisters know if you need anything, yeah?"

"Yeah."

She smiled, though she wasn't sure if he could see it. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah. See you tomorrow."

Fao slept uneasily that night, after a thoroughly disgusting meal, though when he woke the next morning he felt better. He sat reading the news on his phone, reading glasses perched on his nose (he'd finally gotten hold of his pair). 

Chris came over that morning, visibly nervous - who wouldn't be, if they were approaching a Major from the army? He offered a small smile, and thought it best to be polite.

"Uh, good morning, Major Blackwood."

"Oh, hi Chris." Fao said, attempting a smile. "How are you?"

"I'm good. How are you doing?"

"Not bad, all things considered." He murmured.

Chris nodded, hands clutched together nervously. "I just wanted to say thank you."

"Oh, that's not a problem." Fao said, putting his phone down and taking his glasses off. "We've all got to learn somehow."

"It was just really nice of you."

"Well, you're very welcome. Truth be told, you were a welcome distraction."

Chris smiled a little at that. "Thank you. Captain Lozier is a good teacher."

"She is." He agreed. "You should be confident - you did well yesterday."

"Thank you." He said, starting to feel like a broken record. "It was really interesting."

"Ely has a very interesting job." Fao agreed. "Have you thought about a specialty?"

Chris shrugged now. "A little. I've always been told I have a head for calculations.”

“Well, you’d do well in anaesthesia then.” Fao said, his lisp creeping in. “But you don’t have to make a decision now.”

"No, I don't. But I like it.”

“Good. Find something you like.” Fao said. “You want to live to work, not work to live, as cliche as that sounds.”

"That's really cliche." Chris said.

“I know.” Fao admitted. “But it’s true.”

"I'll keep that in mind.”

“Do. I’m sure you’ve got loads to do, Second Lieutenant Knight. I won’t keep you any longer.”

Chris grinned. "Yeah. I'm sure someone will come to check on you later.”

“I’m sure they will. I’ll see you around - keep up the good work.”

"I'll try. Thank you again." He said sincerely, before he turned on his heel and left. Ely would murder him if he held her up.

Fao smiled to himself, then turned back to his phone, pinging Ely a quick text. He was honestly bored out of his mind and he’d enjoyed talking to Chris. He’d probably made him late now, though.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a rather detailed description of a suicide attempt. Proceed with caution.

She got the text, and went to see him later. He seemed to be doing well, which was just as well - she was attending the funerals of those who had died in the crash, and she hadn't told him. He'd just be upset that he couldn't attend, and he really didn't need that stress in his life right now. She just told him that she was off for a few days, and would be back soon. Luckily, all the funerals were taking place over the same timeframe.

She cried at every single one, unable to stop herself. The services were beautiful, and respectful. She also drunk perhaps a little too much at the wakes, but nothing outrageous. Then, she went back to work, and sent Fao a text to let him know she was back, though she didn't expect him to answer.

Blondie [06:50]: Back today! :D

Fao had been really bored whilst Ely was away. He didn’t get many visitors - Jake and the others were still in Afghanistan and it wasn’t as if he had any family. So he sat around reading in between bouts of physio and constant doses of painkillers. He had another x-ray to check how the pins they’d put in in Afghanistan were taking hold and how his shoulder fracture was doing. He’d not had the results back yet, but he wasn’t thinking about it. But then he got a phonecall from Matt. He was in the UK and said he’d come to visit Fao as soon as he could - he had funerals to attend. When Fao seemed surprised he dodged around the question mumbling something about family, and Fao knew they’d been for the people lost in the crash. But nobody had told him about them. He’d not even been able to speak to their families - he knew a lot of them as friends and colleagues. He finally managed to get in touch with the families after endless badgering, and they said that they completely understood why he’d not been able to attend and they wished him the best. They also said that it had been nice to see Ely there. He was furious. She’d taken the leave to go to the funerals and not even told him. He saw her text on the morning she returned to work, and completely ignored it. He didn’t want to see her.

She hadn't been expecting a reply early, but by the time her dinner rolled around she had. So, instead, she went to see him - she'd never admit it, but she had missed him. It was strange, seeing him every day and then not seeing him at all.

"Hey." She greeted him with a grin.

He didn’t even look up from the book he was reading on his phone.

Ely frowned, sitting down in the seat next to his bed. “Fao?"

He still didn’t look up. “Enjoy your days off?”

"Yeah. It was nice to have some lazy days." She lied.

“Oh, really?”

"Yeah. Camp beds just aren't the same, are they?" She asked, leaning over. "What are you reading?”

“I wouldn’t know. I’m in this shit bed - I’d give anything for a camp bed.” He muttered. “Was it nice to see Matt?”

Her eyebrows furrowed. "I don't know what you mean.”

“You know exactly what I mean.” He muttered. 

"I'm afraid I don’t."

He huffed, dropping his phone into his lap. “You went to those funerals. I know you did, because Matt told me.”

She sighed. "Yes, I did.”

“And you didn’t think to tell me.”

"I didn't want to upset you.”

“Well done, you managed to avoid that completely.” He snapped sarcastically. 

She crossed her arms over her chest. "Well, I'm sorry. I didn't tell you because I had good intentions.”

“They were friends, Ely. Trusted colleagues. I didn’t even get a chance to send well wishes to their families.”

"I'm sorry about that, I really am, but it's something you absolutely don't need right now." She replied. "And that's my clinical opinion. You need to focus on getting better - then you can send your wishes and explain why. They're not going to mind, you know.”

“Matt put me in contact with them.” He snapped. “So you and your clinical opinion can fuck off.”

"There's no need to be so rude." She replied, trying to keep her cool. "I didn't tell you because I was looking out for you! All you'd have done is moped about all the time, feeling sorry for yourself.”

“I feel sorry for myself anyway! It’s pretty hard not to, when you’re sitting around doing fuck all in hospital all day.”

"And that's not my fault!”

“I know!” He snapped. “But it doesn’t stop me from feeling miserable.”

"Well, ask for help then. Don't get angry with me because I thought I was saving you from extra grief.”

He wished he could fold his arms over his chest. Instead, he just turned his head away from her. “Jus’ go. I’m sure you’re busy.”

"On my dinner, actually." She said, but stood up anyway. "But if you don't want to see me, that's fine.”

“I think it’s best if you go.”

There was no point in arguing. She just nodded. "Okay. Good luck with everything." She said, and left.

He wasn’t sure if it was the aftereffects of the anaesthesia, but once Ely left, Fao found himself crying. He didn’t want to upset her, didn’t want her to leave, but he felt so guilty for not being able to go to those funerals. He wanted to pay his respects to their families, apologise for not being able to do more. He should have been able to save his patients, he was meant to protect them. And now he’d been stupid enough to upset Ely. She probably wouldn’t come back. He wasn’t surprised. He really was a fuck up. 

It would have been best for everyone if he’d died in that stupid helicopter.

He struggled over the next week or so. Struggled with his mood - he'd go from tearful to incredibly snappy in seconds, and he'd already upset two nurses. He didn't sleep well, and when he managed to fall asleep he was haunted by nightmares. Then there was the guilt. It would catch him unawares, completely swallowing him. It was his fault his friends were dead, his own stupid fault for not working quick enough. He'd ruined his friendship with Ely, too. He doubted she'd come back to treat him even if he begged. He would stare down at his hands all day, angry they'd not been skilled enough. He found it satisfying, at first, to dig his nails into the palms of his hands. The pain felt good - like he deserved to feel it. But soon it grew dull and eventually he couldn't feel it. He chewed on his lip until it bled, and when that stopped working he found himself pulling his dressing off slightly to pick at the stitches. The deep, spreading pain helped the most? Especially when he could see the blood on his fingertips. The nurses who came to change his dressing asked all kinds of questions, but he said he'd just been itching and hadn't realised he'd caught it. It was easy to lie. Eventually, he needed more. At night, the ward was a lot quieter. The nurses tended to spend their time in the staff room, to give the ward some peace and quiet to sleep. They were understaffed, too, which made it even quieter. 

He knew they kept all kinds of stationary on the nurses station, and one night, after a couple of nights just watching, he slipped out of bed and slowly limped there. He knew exactly how to untangle himself from the various monitors without setting off alarms - one of the perks of being a doctor - and while it was slow, painful progress he got there and found what he wanted. A pencil sharpener. He slipped it into his hoodie pocket and made his way back to his bed, slipping under the covers and easily reconnecting himself before the nurses were any wiser. 

It was easy to use his fingernail to unscrew the blade and he ditched the little plastic bit in his kit bag by his bed. The blade he kept tucked into his hoodie pocket. When he first used it, he only scored it lightly over his skin - enough to hurt and for it to sluggishly ooze blood. The relief was incredible. He was careful to keep control of the bleeding and keep his hoodie sleeves down. It became an addiction, the cut and the droplets of crimson. 

One night, he was lost in his own head and every cut he made just wasn't enough. It didn't hurt enough, or it didn't bleed enough. He knew exactly where to find his ulnar artery, where it met his wrist joint, and it was easy to slip his bad arm out of his sling and twist it, finding that stupid ECG trace tattooed onto his wrist. It was so stupidly ironic, and he hated it. One hard, deep cut and it was ruined. Trying to used his bad hand to get at the other wrist was hard, the blood making his hands shake and it difficult to grip the little blade. It wasn't as sharp now as it had been, and it took considerable effort to press hard enough to make a cut. But he did, and as it welled scarlet he felt such relief. He was already woozy, and he could feel himself struggling to stay conscious. It'd be better for everyone if he surrendered to the blackness and never came back. It was just like falling asleep as his eyes drifted shut and the blade fell from his hand.


	7. Chapter 7

Ely was awoken in the middle of the night by her phone ringing. Groaning, she rolled over under the duvet, and answered the phone while rubbing a hand over her face.

"'Ello?" She answered, voice thick with sleep.

"Oh my god, thank fuck you picked up." Chris said, the panic causing himself to forget his manners. "I'm so sorry to call you at this time of night, Captain Lozier, b-but I thought there was something you should know."

She frowned, forcing herself to sit up. "Shoot away, then."

"It-it's F-Major Blackwood."

She was wide awake now. "What's wrong with him?"

"H-he made an attempt on his life."

"Oh, for fuck's sake." She muttered, mostly to herself. "Is he okay? You're breaking rules by telling me this, and he has no next of kin."

"The person he stated on his file is deceased and I didn't know who else to call." He said, voice panicky. "I know I shouldn't have said anything but he needs someone and I figure you're the closest thing he has to family or whatever. Please don't report me for doing this but I genuinely didn't know what else to do and..." He trailed off, unable to put any more words together. "Please just come down?"

"I'm not going to report you, Chris. Thank you. I'll come straight down." She had to. She couldn't just leave him - he was her friend. The best friend she'd got out of Afghanistan, and it was time for forget their argument, anyway.

"He's in the ICU. He's not in a good way. We're... Well we're pretty worried about him."

"I bet." She said, getting out of bed. "I'll be twenty minutes. I know he won't hear you, but could you just tell him I'm on my way?"

Chris nodded, though he knew she couldn't see it. "Y-yeah, I will." He said quietly.

"Thanks. See you soon."

"See you." He echoed, then hung up. He put his phone back into his pocket with a trembling hand and slipped into Fao's room to whisper softly that Ely was coming and he was going to be okay.

She was twenty five minutes, though she ran right from the hospital doors and up to the ICU. She'd barely dressed - found a pair of jeans, and a jumper in her wardrobe that probably shouldn't go together, but she didn't really care. And when she got to the ICU, she found what bed he was on by looking at the board, but ended up standing in the doorway to his room and just staring.

She was used to seeing patients with all the wires. It was a common sight, half the time she did most of it herself. It was different - because it was Fao. Biting her lip, she headed over and sat in the lone chair by his bed, eyes settling on the dressings around his wrists. Well, at least she knew what he'd tried to do.

Chris had wandered into Fao's room from the locker room - they'd dismissed him and told him to go home, after having found Fao in the state he'd been in. He saw Ely sat beside Fao's bed and made his way over. 

"Captain Lozier." He murmured.

She looked up; she'd been staring at the monitors, as if by watching she'd magically be able to make him better. "Second Lieutenant Knight."

"They're sending me home." He said, in way of explanation. "But I thought I'd come and see him first."

"I'm sure he'd appreciate it." She replied. "And probably tell us both to stop fussing."

That made him smile a small smile. "Probably. I'm sorry for waking you."

"It's okay. I needed to know."

"I didn't know who else to call." He said. "But my girlfriend's waiting. I'll give you some peace."

"Okay." She said, and paused before she spoke again. "Take care, and look after yourself, yeah?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I will."

"Go on, go get some rest."

"Okay." He said softly, slipping out of the room and heading home with his girlfriend - his hands were still shaking and he didn't trust himself to drive. 

Ely stayed at Fao's bedside, curled up in the chair. She text Chris after half an hour, just to make sure he got home safe. She couldn't sleep, couldn't stop staring at Fao's stats and wishing beyond all hope that he'd be okay.

Fao was touch and go for about a week. They kept him heavily sedated on a ventilator for a good few days, then on a lighter sedation without the ventilation once they knew he could breathe on his own. He was making good progress after that, and they agreed that it was worth decreasing his sedation and seeing how he did when he was awake. If he did well, they'd transfer him to the HDU to free up bed space. Just before lunch on the day they reduced his sedation he came around, coughing and groaning. 

Ely was working, though she kept coming back to Fao - given she'd been his anaesthetist with every recent procedure he'd had done, they'd thought it a good idea to put her on his case. She was partly checking him because it was her job, but mostly because he was her friend and he had to be doing well. She was there when he woke up, making notes.

"Good afternoon." She greeted softly, though her voice was clearly business-like. She didn't know how he'd react to her.

When he finally stopped coughing he forced his eyes open to see Ely, stood at the end of his bed. He didn't remember anything, he couldn't work out what he was doing in a completely different place. He wasn't in any pain, and he still felt heavy and warm. 

"Ely..."

She hummed and put his notes back before squeezing some antibac onto her hands and rubbing it in. "I don't know why you did it, but we're going to get you help."

He had no idea what he'd done. "What happened?" He croaked. 

“You tried to kill yourself.” She said matter of factly. 

He didn't know what to say. He didn't remember it, didn't remember anything past his half hearted attempts at self harm. The pulling of the stitches, the chewing of his lips. Later, the little pencil sharpener. But that had only been little scratches, nothing more. He didn't know what to say so he stayed silent. 

She sighed. “You used a small blade to slit your wrists. Chris found you bleeding one night last week.”

"I... Fuck." He didn't know what else to say.

“Can you tell me where you got it?”

Now that he did remember. But he didn't want to say, didn't want to get intro trouble. He was quiet, closing his eyes again. 

Ely sighed again, but it was best not to push. “That’s okay. You can tell me when you’re ready. We just want to help you.” 

He kept his eyes closed, trying to drift back off to sleep. Ely's voice was cold, angry. She was demanding answers about an event he had no recollection of. He wanted to be warm and sleepy and not worried about Ely being upset with him. It was easier that way, with the blankets warm around him and the soft beep of machines. No harsh voices or bright light. And it was a lot to take in. 

“Go to sleep. I know you’re tired - you’ll feel better soon.”

He whined. He didn't try to speak, just shifted in bed. He was worried Ely was upset with him, worried she'd go away again. 

“I know, I know. Just drift off, I’ll be here when you wake up.”

He slipped back off to sleep, warm, comfortable and pain free. It was easy to sleep, now Ely didn't seem so angry. He hoped she'd be there when he woke again.

When he woke again, the room was empty. He wasn’t surprised. The room was quiet and dark, with the blinds drawn, and he shuffled in bed. The pain was beginning to creep in, the dull ache in his wrists but also his shoulder and his hip. He whined and couldn’t get comfortable. Abandoning the idea of sleep, he stared up at the plain ceiling. It was all he deserved. Ely hated him, and had left him here because she couldn’t stand the sight of him. He didn’t blame her. He was a screw-up and a terrible person and he should have died in that helicopter with everyone else. He couldn’t do anything right, either. He’d not even managed to kill himself, been so stupid that he’d not been able to do the one thing he could do to make it right. He was a waste of space and people would be better off without him.

He wasn’t sure how long he stared up at the ceiling, but it blurred into grey. Yet he continued to stare, chewing on his lip just to taste the blood. 

She'd promised that she'd be there when he woke up, but work was work and she was actually in theatre. But she got away in the end, and headed to go back up and check on him. It took her eyes a moment to get used to the lower light in his little room, but she went over to his bedside and sat in the chair.

"You okay?”

In the time he’d spent staring up at the ceiling, his throat grew tight and his eyes pricked with tears. He was just so useless and worthless and he didn’t know what to do. He felt lost, and empty. He should have died. Why didn’t he die?

So when Ely spoke, he tried to draw in breath and it caught in his throat. He wanted to reply, but his voice failed him. 

She frowned. "You can nod, if you want.”

He shook his head. He really wasn’t alright, but he didn’t know how to put it into words. He didn’t trust his voice.

"That's okay. I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up.”

His lip was bleeding. He liked the taste, liked the sting. He deserved to hurt. “It doesn’t matter.” He said, voice wavering halfway through.

"It does. I'm sorry.”

“I don’t matter.”

She looked at his face, then, worry clearly etched over her features. "You do. You matter so much.”

“I don’t.” He managed to choke out. 

"You do." She stressed.

He struggled to sit up properly, wincing at the pain in his wrists and his ribs. “I’m useless.” He mumbled. “I’m useless and it’s all my fault they died and you hate me because I was so stupid I don’t even know why you’re here. I don’t deserve to be looked after, you shouldn’t have saved me. You should have left me to d-die because they died and I don’t deserve to live.” He rambled, voice cracking and the tears threatening to spill. “Y-you may as w-well jus’ kill me.” He was crying now, big choking sobs that made his ribs ache. 

Ely's heart started to break at the sight of him crying. She got up, leaning over the bed to carefully wrap her arms around him, rubbing a hand over his back.

"You deserve to live, Fao. You deserve a wonderful life. You are such a good man, and amazing soldier and a stunning surgeon. You're so, so far from being useless, and you deserve to be looked after." She murmured. "And I'm going to be here every step of the way, helping you. Promise."

"I can't even f-fucking kill myself. H-how can you f-fuck that up? I'm so fucking stupid, you shouldn't bother with me." He choked out, pressing his face to the bit where her shoulder met her neck.

She continued to rub his back. This was the survivor's guilt talking, not Fao.

"You didn't kill yourself because Chris found you unconscious." She said. If Chris had been even a minute later, it would probably have been too late. "And you're so far from stupid, okay? You're stuck with me, we're friends. There's no way I'm leaving you."

"'m sorry 'm such a fuck up."

"Well, you're not." She murmured. "You're not a fuck up, okay?”

“I feel like one.”

"But you're not," she said, "I know you don't believe it, but one day you will.”

Pressed up against Ely, Fao just let himself cry until his ribs burned and he could barely breathe. It felt good to be held, despite everything.

She continued to hold onto him, gently rocking him to try and help. She wished there was more she could do - but at least he wasn't holding their argument against her.

Eventually, he couldn’t cry anymore, but just let himself be held, breathing in the soft smell of Ely’s perfume. He pulled away, looking up at her. He needed to tell her, needed to answer her question from before. 

“I-I got it f-from the nurse’s st-station."

She reached out, brushing the tears from his face. She nodded slowly, trying to encourage him. "That's okay. What was it from?”

“P-pencil sh-sharpener.”

"Okay. Thank you for telling me." She said.

“‘m sorry.” He said softly. “D-don’t blame t-them.”

"I'm not blaming anyone." She said. "Not even you. We're gonna look after you.”

“‘kay.”

"Do you want me to get you some help?" She asked softly. "For your mental health?”

“Dunno.”

She nodded again. "Okay. But will you let someone know when you want to hurt yourself again?" They'd put it together, now.

“I’ll try.”

"That's all I ask. I was really worried." She admitted.

“Sorry.”

"That's okay, you're forgiven."

He whimpered. "I'm still sorry."

"And you're still forgiven." She said, still rubbing her thumbs over his face.

He didn't know what to say, and found himself chewing his lip again. 

"Hey, you know what?" She asked, slipping a hairtie off of her wrist. "Why don't you use this when you feel really bad?"

"Can't." He said, offering her his wrists, dressed and bandaged. 

She hummed. "We'll find something for you."

He nodded. "Everythin' 'urts."

"I'll get you some pain relief. Promise."

"Thanks. My shoulder is bad."

"I'll look after you." She said, getting up. "Now, I won't be long, okay?"

He nodded. "'kay."

"I'll be right back." She said, disappearing off.

With Ely gone, Fao settled down under his sheets and found his eyes drifting shut. Though he was sore, the tiredness won over and before he knew it he was asleep. 

When Ely came back, she wouldn't help but smile fondly. Carefully, so she didn't wake him, she injected the painkillers, along with some antibiotics.

"Sleep well." She murmured softly.


	8. Chapter 8

He did sleep well, helped by the painkillers, and then the next day they moved him to the HDU. He stayed there for a couple of days under observation and then was released back to his previous ward. He'd been feeling low for a couple of days, in the HDU and then on the ward, but he put it down to exhaustion and didn't say anything. However, one night he slept absolutely terribly, unable to get warm and stop shivering. When the nurse came to check on him in the morning she was concerned, and after taking his temperature and seeing how high it was she immediately spoke to the ward doctor who ordered a set of bloods. They came back with a high white count. Unsurprisingly, he had an infection. He'd been on broad spectrum antibiotics, but obviously they weren't enough to get rid of this infection - they put it down to his incessant picking of his stitches. The fever really took hold after that, and he felt absolutely rotten between the chills and the sweats. 

Ely had heard all about it. She had another few days off, and here she was, still coming to the hospital. She pulled the sleeves of her army issue jumper over her hands and made her way to the ward. At least she could actually sit with Fao now, and he needed the company, too.

She made her way in with a cup of tea in her hands, and sat down in the chair.

"Hey, Wolfie," she greeted, "doin' okay?"

He was still suffering, perpetually cold and shivering. Not to mention the ever-present ache at his hip. But Ely had come to sit with him, on her day off by the looks of things, and he shifted to look at her. "Hey. I've been better." He mumbled. 

"Yeah, I heard. Better than you were, though?"

He shivered again, pulling his sheets up. "A bit."

"Well, that's good."

"Still bloody cold." He mumbled. 

"I know." She soothed. "How's the pain today?"

"Comes and it goes."

She hummed. "You're on the road to recovery. I'd be going crazy."

"I am." He said thickly.

"I could lend you my tablet?" She suggested. "Then you can read."

"It's 'kay. 'm too tired to read right now."

Ely nodded slowly. "Okay. But when you're a bit more alive, you're welcome to it."

"Thanks. Right now I feel like I've been dragged down a motorway."

"It'll get better."

He hummed. "Yeah."

"I have some good books, too. I'm sure you'll like them."

He shivered. "I'm sure I'll find somethin'."

"If you're feeling nerdy I had a sudoku app." She joked.

"Ugh, my brain is fried already."

She laughed. "I reckon you'd be good at them. Or I could teach you."

"I can do them..." He said softly. "Jus' not now."

"Bet you can't do them as good as me."

"Probably not."

"Is there anything you want to do?"

"Jus' sit really. 'm not up to much."

She leaned over, passing him the remote to his bed - she wasn't sure if he knew it was there. "There you go. Just not too high, yeah?"

He rolled his eyes, fiddling with it to sit up better. "I know, I know."

"Someone's gotta look after you."

He huffed, but he was smiling slightly. "That you, then? I don't think this counts as being looked after."

"Oi! I'm your guardian angel."

He was shaking a bit and his mouth was dry. Stupid fever. "Somethin' like that."

"I am. Want another blanket?"

He shook his head. "'m okay."

"Okay. Tell me if you need anything, I'm all yours."

"Luxury." He said with a soft smile. 

"Don't you know it. Can't promise I can sing any lullabies."

"I'm not sure I want to hear them." He teased. 

"Well, that's just rude."

"'m horrid."

"I know that." She said, smiling.

"Piss off."

"No." She retorted. "You'd miss me."

"I really would." He said, reaching out for her. 

She took his hand. “What’s wrong?”

"Jus' I really would miss you."

That made her pause. “You really are ill, aren’t you?”

"Mmmhmm."

“Aww, you’re cute.” She teased. 

"'m not."

“Oh, you are.”

He huffed. "'m not!"

“You are!”

He was silent for a moment, looking down at his lap. "Can I have a hug?" He asked quietly.

Ely nodded. “Of course you can.” She said, getting up to wrap her arms around him. 

He wrapped his good arm around her with a sigh. "Thanks." He mumbled, still pressed against her. He knew he was probably sweaty and horrible and he wouldn't blame her if she pulled away. He was still shaking, too.

“You’re welcome. Cuties need hugs.”

He managed a quiet laugh. "Your jumper is soft."

“Mmm, thank you. It’s my Army one.”

"Yeah. But it's really soft."

“It’s cosy, too.”

"I like it. You look nice in it too. Really nice. Really pretty."

She blushed, and tried to laugh it off. “Thanks, but I haven’t had my beauty sleep.”

"Don' need it."

“Oh, I do.”

"Nah."

“Yeah.” She shot back, smiling. 

He managed another little laugh, trying to stop shaking. 

“You should see me first thing in a morning.”

"I did, once or twice in Afghan."

“And I looked like shit.”

"Not as shit as I look now."

She shrugged. “Maybe.”

"Half of my body is a bruise."

“I know.”

"You're not that bad in the mornin'." He said. "Unless you got hickeys." 

“Are you saying I had hickeys on tour?”

"No but you'd have bruises in the mornin' after a good night, eh?"

She laughed again. “I suppose I would."

"You would with half decent company."

“What makes half decent company, then?”

"Whoever you want." He said with a shiver. 

She laughed again. “I don’t have good choice in men.”

"That's a shame."

“I know.” She said. “They never seem to know where anything is.”

"Give 'em an anatomy textbook."

Ely snorted, shaking her head. “I don’t know anything that would kill the mood more.”

He laughed. "Fair play."

“And I’m a shit teacher.”

"I disagree." He said. "You're great with Chris."

“You’re out of it, you don’t know that.”

"You were good when he put me under."

She shrugged. “He’s good, too.”

"Well, I think you're a good teacher and nothing will change my mind."

She sighed dramatically, slumping in her chair. “Fine.”

He laughed. "You're dumb."

“Oi!”

He managed a shy smile. "You are."

“I wouldn’t call an anaesthetist dumb if I was you.” She said, smiling back. 

"Eh, if you kill me I won't feel a thing."

She rolled her eyes. “I’d never hurt you, anyway. Except with my home cooking.”

"I dread the day." He said with a smile. 

“I need a good teacher, to be honest.”

"Well, I could give you a couple of lessons."

She grinned at him. “When you’re out of here.”

"However long that'll take."

“I’m sure it won’t be long.” She assured him. 

"Feels like I've been here forever."

“I know.” She said. “But you’ll get out before me. Working here is a pain.” She joked. 

"You get paid!"

“I’m still stuck!”

“Yeah, but the money’s good.”

She smiled. “Yeah, it is.”

“So you don’ get to complain.”

“I’ll complain all I want.”

“Piss off.”

“No.” She retorted. “Home is boring.”

“This is boring too.”

“Ah, you’re not boring.”

“Yeah I am.”

It was nice to have her company, he had to admit.


	9. Chapter 9

They spent the day together, until Fao fell asleep and Ely went home. A few days later, his infection cleared up and they got another set of x-rays done - the previous ones didn’t take into account any damaged he’d done to himself during his suicide attempt. And apparently the news wasn’t good. Despite the plate and screws in his hip, the bone just wasn’t coming together. They didn’t have any option other than to replace the joint. 

Ely came to see him, of course, but this time it was business. 

“Are you happy for another general?” She asked. 

“Uh, I don’t really have a choice, do I?”

She raised an eyebrow. “We can actually do it under local, if you want. An epidural.”

“That’s… an idea. Would I have to be sedated?”

She shrugged. “Depends on how you’d behave. Would you prefer it?”

He shook his head. "I'd prefer to be lucid if possible."

“Sorted, then. I’m sure I can get something to distract you with - it’ll be a long surgery.”

“Well, I can talk to you, surely?”

“I’m not sure I’m great entertainment.” She joked. 

"You are."

“Because I look so funny?”

"Because you're nice and you're interesting."

“Oh, thank you.”

"And you're my friend."

She smiled. “And you’re mine.”

"Do you have a date yet?"  
I  
“For your op?” She asked. “This week, I think. There’s been some cancellations.”

"Okay. I guess I'll know when I know."

“Yeah.” She agreed. “I’ll come tell you when I know.”

"Okay. You busy right now?"

Ely shrugged. “Meant to be.”

"Oh, I shouldn't hold you up then." He said softly. 

She paused. “You’re lonely, aren’t you?”

"Yeah." He admitted. "It's not like I've got visitors queuing out the door."

“I’ll come over on my break.”

"You don't have to."

“What if I want to?”

“Then you’re welcome to visit.”

“There we are, then.” She said. “I’ll come see you later. There’s no getting rid of me.”

"M'kay."

"I can think of a few things I can do to help you."

"I can't wait to hear them."

Ely smiled at him. "Right, I best get going. Don't forget to eat."

"If you can call what I get given eating then yeah I won't forget." He grumbled. 

That made her laugh. "It's better than anything I could make for you. And the soups are nice, anyway."

"The soups are all I bloody get." He said. "Go on, go do some work."

"I know, and you hate soup." She said. "But I'm going, I'm going! See you later."

"See you." He murmured in reply, reaching for his glasses and his phone. 

A slot came through pretty quickly for Fao's operation - just a few days later. Ely had already explained to the surgeon that they were doing this under an epidural, as Fao didn't react well to general. There were no issues with that, and Ely went up to collect Fao.

"Hey, Major." She greeted brightly. "Ready?"

He rolled his eyes. "You know you don't have to call me Major."

"I'm being respectful!"

"Well, Fao is plenty respectful." He shot back. "But yeah I'm ready."

"We'll wheel you down, then." She said. "Excited?"

"Excited isn't quite the word I'd use."

"We'll get you up on your feet in a couple of days, though." She pointed out.

"Yeah, that's exciting." He agreed. 

“And then hopefully we can discharge you.”

"Mmm, that's very exciting."

“Freedom.” She joked. 

"No longer shackled to a hospital bed."

She laughed. “Lucky you.”

"Don't complain about having to work."

“I’ll complain all I want.”

"Ah, shut up blondie."

“Fuck off, Wolfie.”

“Can’t.”

“Too bad, then.” She said. “Maybe I won’t give you enough local.”

"I'll sue you for malpractice."

“Nah, you wouldn’t.”

"I would. That, or just smack you."

She wiggles an eyebrow. “I’ve got nothing against that.”

He rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so crude. I’ve got to sit with you for hours.”

“God, hospital has made you boring.” She teased. 

“That’s what happens when you spend weeks somewhere boring. It rubs off on you.”

“Bet you’d like to rub off on some of the nurses.” She joked. 

"Jesus, get your mind out of the gutter, Lozier."

Ely laughed. “See, you’re boring. Celibate, too, I bet.”

“You can fuck right off.” He shot back with a grin. “I was perfectly active thank you very much.”

“Ah, whatever.” She said. 

“I’ll have you know I’ve had nothing but good feedback.”

“How do you know it’s not a lie?” She said, as they reached the theatre. 

“Trust me, I know.”

“What, you’ve fucked yourself?”

“No, but all the people I’ve been with have been very happy.”

She grinned. “You’ll make the nurses happy.”

“They’d be lucky. Shame I’m such a mess, eh?”

She shrugged. “Could be worse. Reckon you can shuffle over? I’m not moving you once you’re numb.”

He laughed. “Yeah, I’m sure I can. I might need a bit of a hand though.”

“I don’t mind helping.” She said, moving around to do so.

He shuffled over using his good arm and his good leg, and with Ely’s help he was safely where he needed to be. “Thanks.”

“Welcome,” she said, turning away, “let’s get this baby out of you, eh?”

He laughed. “Yeah. I’m far too posh to push.”

“Oh, I know that.” She said. “Lean forwards?”

He shuffled to lean forwards better, wincing a little. “That okay?”

“Yeah, Thanks.” She murmured. First came the antiseptic wash and the small drape. Then, she picked up the syringe of local and warned Fao before she injected it, making sure that the whole area was numb. Once it was, she found the correct spot and very carefully inserted the epidural needle. After making sure Fao was okay (he was) she injected a quick test dose and then carefully threaded the catheter through the hollow needle. After that was in place, she slowly injected the full dose of anaesthesia and taped the catheter into the correct position.

"All done."

"You're quick." Fao praised. 

"I hope you're not quick." She shot back.

"Oh, I could go for hours." He retorted, settling down on his back. 

"You say that now." She said, grinning.

"Oh, piss off."

"We've been through this. No."

"Damn." 

"You'd miss me."

"Mmm, not as much as I miss real food."

She rolled her eyes. "You'll survive."

"I might not." He whined. "I'd kill for a steak right now."

"Tough."

"You're cruel. I'm starved."

"You know you can't, not with the state of your mouth."

"I know. It's torture and it bloody hurts."

She shrugged at him, raising an eyebrow. "You've got to cope, for now."

"I know. It'll be worth it in the end."

"It will." She said, moving to sit down. "You ready to give birth, then?"

"Yeah. Fed up of being pregnant, I'm ready to be a mum."

Ely couldn't help but laugh, looking up at the surgeon. Hopefully, they'd start soon. "Do you have any names planned?"

"Oh, it's just such a hard choice." He said with a smile. "But maybe Lucas. I've always liked that name."

She could see his smile, and she smiled back. "Lucas is a nice name."

"Yeah. Luke for short."

"What if you're having a girl?"

"Elisabeth? Or Amelia, like my mum."

"They're both nice." She hummed. "You could combine them."

"Yeah."

"Any other boys names?"

"Uh, not sure." He said with a smile. "I want a girl."

"What about Arthur?"

"Ooh, I like your thinking."

"Talk about a strong name."

"Yeah. King Arthur and all that shit."

"You could even get him a fake sword." She said, grinning.

"Oh how cute."

"I'll have to be involved in your child's life, of course." She said, checking that the drugs were still working.

"Yeah.'cos you knocked me up." He joked with a crooked smile. 

She laughed at that, and the surgeon sent her a somewhat dirty look. "Oh, did I? I thought it was Matt."

"Nah, it was you. I can feel it. Maybe my baby will have your eyes."

"Beautiful blue?"

"Mmm, you do have nice eyes."

"Why thank you." She said. "Don't know why you told me so late, though. This could be my son."

"Well, I wanted to be sure."

"You said you could feel it!"

"Well, now I can."

She huffed. "You're so rude to me."

"Like you don't give as good as you get."

"You know where I learnt it from."

He smiled again. "Yeah."

"Our child is gonna be a nightmare."

"Somethin' like that."

She frowned. "Come on, don't be sad."

"It's really odd." He murmured. 

"What is?"

"This. I can feel, like, pressure."

"I've been told it's weird." She said softly. "Being realistic, one day I'll probably have a cesarean, if I ever settle down and have kids."

"Really?" He said softly. "Why's that?"

 

She paused. "I could have sworn I told you at some point. Endo."

"Oh, I don't think you told me."

She didn't really care, to be honest. She wasn't bothered about talking about it, not any more. "Well, that's what it is. Treated, of course."

He chewed his lip. "How do you manage it?" He asked, then added quickly. "You really don't have to say, if you don't want to."

"Coil, right now."

"Surgery in the past, I assume?"

She hummed. "Yeah."

"Poor you." He said softly, as his surgeon, Henri, looked up. 

"We're going to start taking screws and stuff out, Fao, so it's going to get loud. You shouldn't feel any more than pressure, so let Ely know if you do." 

"Okay." Fao replied, eyes flicking back up to Ely. 

She smiled reassuringly. "You'll be fine."

"Yeah, I know."

"Just let me know if you feel anything. You can hit my arm, if needed."

"I will. I'm good for the moment."

"Good."

"Still weird, though."

"You're weird."

"You're weirder."

"Well, fuck you."

"Oi!"

She laughed again. "Though I suppose I already have, if you're having my baby." She joked.

"Yeah. You better pay me child support."

"You know what I earn. Of course I will."

"Good." He murmured. "I slept so bad last night, will you freak if I try to catnap?"

Ely shook her head. "Not really. Nothing should happen."

"Thought I should warn you before I just closed my eyes." He said with a crooked smile.

"Why, thank you."

"Didn't want you panicking or anything." He said, shutting his eyes. 

"Oh, I won't."

"Good." He murmured.

"Go on, get to sleep. I'll keep an eye on you."

"That doesn't sound creepy at all." He shot back.

"I'm looking after you!"

"Yeah yeah." He mumbled.

"I am!"

He snorted, and attempted to sleep. It wasn't exactly comfortable but he was pretty tired. It would do. He managed to doze off, despite the noise. 

She glanced up at Henri. “Honestly, he’s the worst. He’s actually fallen asleep!”

He laughed. "I'd say he's the best. You don't have to distract him, now."

“Well, I suppose.”

"You've got your work cut out with him. It's not often we have them supposedly 'awake' even under epidural."

“He’s a friend.”

"I can tell."

“Is that a compliment?”

"You two seem close. It's good that he trusts you." He murmured.

Fao slept for about half an hour before he woke again, smiling up at Ely. "Bored yet?"

She shrugged. “No really. This is interesting. I’ll have a closer look before they close.”

"That'll be ages yet, surely? How long did I sleep for?"

“Half an hour. I was just getting used to the peace.”

"Don't be rude."

“I’m telling the truth.”

"Maybe I'll just go back to sleep, then. How far have they got?"

“You’re welcome to. It makes you a pretty good patient.” She said, and leaned over to look. “Uh, pretty far. Nothing major, though, but it shouldn’t be long.”

“Maybe I’ll be a pain, then. Make your life more interesting.”

“You’re already a pain - your blood pressure is horrendous.”

He craned his neck, but couldn’t see. “How bad?”

“90/50 right now.”

"Well, I'm laying down." He murmured. "Has it been much worse than that?"

“A little.”

He hummed. "Well, I feel fine."

“It’s still shit. Are you on medication for it?”

"No. It came up in my army medical but it doesn't give me any issues."

“Mmm, okay.” She murmured. “I’ll just keep complaining.”

"Maybe it'll cause issues in the future and you can stop complaining." He said softly. 

She laughed. “Maybe. Let me know if you feel faint or anything.”

"I will."

“Good.” She said, carefully topping him up. 

He hummed again. "Startin' to get a little woozy, blondie." He murmured. 

“That’s okay. I’ve topped up the drugs, that’s all. Just keep breathing deeply, it should pass.”

He breathed deeply, trying to stop his head spinning.

"It happens sometimes, but everything is fine."

"Mmmhmm."

"You could close your eyes."

He did, sucking in another deep breath. "Sorry." He mumbled. 

"Oh, don't be sorry.”

“Ugh, I’m such a wuss.”

"Eh, so am I.”

He sighed. “Feel so shit.”

"I know." She soothed. "But you'll be better soon. Should I let you in on a secret?”

“Go on then.”

She grinned. "I don't like needles.”

“Really?”

Ely nodded, leaning forwards to check everything was still working. "Yep. Hate them."

"How do you cope?"

"By being in control of them instead."

"Fair enough." He murmured. 

"It's better."

"I guess I'm the same." He murmured. "W-when it comes to surgery."

She hummed. "Yeah. But you're doing brilliant."

"Thanks." He mumbled, opening his eyes again to look up at her. 

"You really are."

"It's hard."

"I know. You're so brave for doing it like this."

"Better than feelin' like shit for days afterwards."

"I suppose it is."

"Since it disagrees with me. I'd rather not be sick everywhere again."

"I agree with that."

He smiled bashfully. "Still feel a bit shit. Is my BP much lower?"

"It's hovering around where it was."

"'kay."

"You're such a doctor." She teased.

“Wanted to know why I felt like shit.” He protested.

"Still a doctor.”

He huffed. “You’re mean.”

"That's what the Army does to you.”

“I disagree.”

She raised her eyebrows at him. “Yeah?"

“‘m not mean.”

"You are when we train.”

“That’s not true, I’m not mean.”

She grinned. "You definitely can be.”

“No. I’m nice and kind.”

"Nah, you're not.”

“I am!”

She laughed again. "Not all the time.”

He rolled his eyes. “Maybe not all the time.”

"But you can be.”

“‘m very nice."

She pouted playfully. "You bullied me because I'm not as fit as you.”

“It wasn’t bullying.” He murmured. Henri started on a tricky bit of the operation, close to the blood supply to the pelvic region. He managed to damage a blood vessel, causing a bleed, and he swore, his scrub nurse immediately passing him gauze to stop it. Fao, still woozy from the extra meds, couldn’t cope. His BP dropped and his eyes rolled into his head as he passed out. 

Ely almost panicked. Yet, somehow, she kept a cool head, and didn't even look up as she immediately gave him medication to bring his BP back up.

"You alright down there?" She asked the surgeon.

He didn’t look up. “Bit of a bleed. It’s under control.”

"Mmm, okay. Fao passed right out.”

“Blimey, his BP really is terrible.”

"I know. He's had some meds, he'll be fine.”

“Is it worth keeping him sedated for the rest? I’ll be about another hour or so.”

"He wanted to be as lucid as possible.”

“I just worry about him coming round from this faint.”

"I know what you mean." She murmured. "I just want him too relaxed and under, you know? He's shit when he comes round.”

“You know him better than I do. Go with your gut.” He murmured, finally sorting the bleed.

Fao came round a few minutes later, groaning. “The fuck happened?”

"You fainted." She replied.

“Sorry.” He mumbled.

She shrugged. "You're fine now." She said softly. The rest of the operation went smoothly, and when it drew to an end Ely got up from her seat.

"I'm just gonna check that it's a good job, okay?”

He bit his lip. “C-can I ask a favour?”

She nodded. “Yeah."

“You’ve got your phone on you - can you take a photo?”

Ely paused, and then grinned. "Of course, you massive nerd. As if you want to see your own insides.”

“Oh, piss off. I wanna see it.”

"Fucking nerd." She said fondly, but took her phone out and took a picture for him, humming in satisfaction. "It's good. Wanna see now?”

“Yeah.”

She sat back down, leaning over to show him the picture on her phone.

He looked up. “Ah, looks nice.”

"Fucking nerd." She teased, locking her phone and putting it back in her pocket. "We'll just wait for them to close and then get you back up to the ward.”

“Text it to me?” He asked softly.

"Fine." She said, though she was clearly joking.

“It’s interesting!” He protested.

"You're a weirdo.”

“Piss off.”

"No." She said, but sent it over anyway. "There, I've sent it.”

“Thanks.”

"You're welcome, nerd.”

“Thanks, blondie.”

"Shut up, Wolfie." She joked. It wasn't long before he was closed up and then they took him back up to the ward. It wasn't long before the epidural catheter was removed and Ely left him with her tablet, to keep him busy while she got back to work.


	10. Chapter 10

Fao was happy to sit and read on Ely’s tablet while she worked, and he was glad to be slowly regaining the feeling in his legs. He still felt a bit woozy, but he was on fluids which were helping. He rested up for a couple of days, then he had his shoulder surgery (unfortunately under general) and he started physiotherapy after that. Two days later, he was approached by someone who looked rather official, who stated that unfortunately Fao was being medically discharged from the Army. Fao was unsurprised. He knew he’d never be as fit as he had been, despite the fact he was expected to recover fully from his injuries. He just wouldn’t be fit enough to serve anymore. He was happy to sort out all of the paperwork (he had some difficulty signing). He’d get a small lump sum, and pension pay because of how long he’d been serving for. They spoke for a bit longer, and once everything was settled they left Fao alone. He scrolled aimlessly through Ely’s tablet, not really sure what to do with himself.

Ely came over on her dinner, frowning at the look on Fao's face. He looked.... lost. So she sat in the chair next to his bed.

"Are you okay?"

He opened his mouth to speak, to tell her he was fine. But it wasn't fine, he wasn't fine. "I...No, I'm not okay."

She nodded. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

His throat tightened and he hesitated. "I, uh, I don't know what to do." He murmured, voice cracking. 

She took his hand, then. "What's happened, Fao?"

"I-I'm out. Medical discharge." He said, trying not to cry. "I've lost everything."

"Oh, Fao." She breathed, getting up to carefully pull him against her chest in a hug. "You haven't lost everything. I know it feels like it now, but you haven't."

Pressed up against her, he couldn’t help but cry. He didn’t know what he’d do from here, didn’t know himself anymore. The army had been his everything - ever since he could remember, it was all he wanted to do with his life. It had been his dream to follow in his father’s footsteps and make a difference. Now, he had nothing.

She held onto him, carefully rocking him a little. "Shhh, it's okay. I know the army was your life, but it'll get better. I promise.”

His sobs got louder, his breath catching in his throat. “I…I don’t know what to do.”

"I know, I know." She murmured. "You'll find something. When your brain isn't full of painkillers you'll see clearer and there'll be something just waiting for you. I know it.”

He whined, still sobbing against Ely’s chest. Her perfume smelled nice, like roses. “M-maybe.”

"There will be. You're such a brilliant surgeon, that's not going to disappear.”

“Y-you’re too k-kind.”

"I'm telling the truth.”

He didn’t know what to say to that, so just wrapped his good arm around her and cried.

She didn't say anything else - to be honest, she didn't know what else she could say. So, instead, she just held him, and hoped he knew she'd be here for him.

They stayed like that for a while, until Fao’s tears stopped. He appreciated Ely being there, he really did. He wasn't sure how he'd have coped without her. Eventually, he pulled away, sniffing and wiping his eyes roughly. "Sorry. You must think I'm so stupid."

She shook her head. "Not at all."

"A grown man crying like a baby."

"There's nothing wrong with crying. Your world has just been tipped upside down.”

“I was expecting it, really.”

"That doesn't matter." She murmured. 

“I suppose.” He said with a sniff.

"I doesn't." She said, reaching around to grab him a tissue. "Here. Blow your nose, honey.”

He did, fisting the tissue up in his hand when he was done. “Sorry. I’m sure you’re busy.”

"I'm on my dinner." She reassured him. "I finished eating and figured I'd come to see you. You'll be discharged soon, I think.”

“Okay. I hope so. Physio has been going well.”

"That's really good. And it'll do you good to be somewhere peaceful.”

“Yeah. Back home.”

"Yeah." She murmured.

“Can’t wait. My own bed will be nice.”

"Better than these shit hospital beds.”

“If you can even call them beds.”

She smiled. "I suppose not. Do you need anything while I'm here?”

He shook his head. “I’m alright. I’ve got your tablet and my phone and stuff.”

“Meds?"

“I’ve had my lunchtime dose."

"Mmm, okay.”

“So yeah, I’m alright.”

After a while, she left, needing to get back to work. Fao spent the next couple of days searching for flats in London. Now he was out of the Army, there was no point in him staying in Birmingham. He’d been planning on selling his flat anyway - it was the flat he’d shared with Alex - but now he didn’t need to look for something near the hospital. London was nice, there were plenty of places for him to potentially find work, and it was closer to his old family home. Between physio, he spent most of the day scrolling through various property listings.

She came back at the end of the day, her bag hanging off of her shoulder.

"I'm going now." She said softly.

He looked up. “Oh, yeah.” He said, passing her her tablet. “Here.”

"Thank you." She murmured, slipping it into her bag. "I haven't heard any more about you getting out. Have you?"

"Unfortunately not, though it can't be long."

"Tomorrow, maybe."

"Maybe."

She smiled softly. "I, uh, best be off. Remember to ask someone if you need anything."

"You know I will. I'm a good patient." He said with a small smile. "Have a nice evening."

"You too." She said, hesitating for a moment before she turned away.

Once she was gone, Fao settled down for the evening with Netflix on his phone, fully expecting to be awake half of the night. It was a regular occurrence nowadays.

When Ely got home, she had something to eat and then settled into bed, the brightness on her tablet turned down. But when she unlocked it, up came a webpage for flats in London. 

London?

It took her a moment, and then she realised. There wasn’t really anything left for Fao in Birmingham, and London would have lots more job opportunities for him once he was better. It did make her pretty sad, though, to think he was going to be leaving. She’d gotten so used to seeing him every day. 

In the morning, she went to see him before she started and to give him the tablet so he had something to do. 

“Morning.”

After a half decent night, Fao was pleased to see Ely the next morning. He took her tablet with a hesitant smile. "Morning. Thanks, Blondie."

“You’re welcome.” She said, and the next words slipped out. “Are you moving to London?”

He froze, looking up slowly to regard Ely. "I, uh, yeah, I've been looking.”

“It wasn’t closed, that’s all.”

"I honestly just need a change of scenery. My old flat is full of memories and London is closer to where I grew up."

She nodded. “Yeah, I understand.”

"So as soon as I'm discharged Matt is taking me down to my old family home, so I'm not in my flat which is up three flights of stairs."

“That’s a good plan.”

"So when I leave it's pretty much goodbye."

If he was discharged today, that was it. She tried not to let her sadness show - she’d gotten so used to seeing him, and he was a good friend. “I guess it is.” She agreed. 

"I'll come and find you before I leave and stuff. Obviously when they let me go I need to ring Matt."

She nodded again. “Of course.”

"But... Thanks for everything."

She shrugged. “It’s okay. Save the thank you for when you’re actually leaving.”

He smiled. "Okay."

“I, uh, best get going."

"Yeah. I'm sure you're busy."

“Yeah. Need to start my shift.”

"See you around." He murmured.

They discharged him the day after, and Fao sent Matt out to buy a decent bottle of wine and a card. He scrawled his greetings on the card, got changed, and waited for Ely. 

She’d managed to get away, after hearing that Fao had been discharged. He wasn’t at his bay (obviously) but she found him in the day room. 

“I heard you’re free.” She said. 

"I am." He said with a grin.

"Aren't you lucky?”

“Very lucky indeed.”

She smiled at him. "Chris wanted to say goodbye too, but he's stuck in theatre with someone else.”

“Oh, that’s a shame. Give him my thanks, anyway.”

"You know I will." She replied. "And I hope London treats you well.”

“Hopefully better than Afghanistan.” He said with a smile.

"I'm sure it will.”

“It’s not hard to beat.” He said, looking up at her, before he stood, carefully. “I, uh, couldn’t get you much, but I wanted to say thank you.” He murmured, picking up the bottle of wine and the card.

She paused, and then took them from him. "Thank you. You really didn't have to.”

“I wanted to.” He said. “You’ve done so much for me, I don’t think I could have done this without you.”

Ely blushed at that, carefully opening the card. She started at it for a moment, and then looked up at him, trying hard not to laugh.

"You've spelt my name wrong!”

Fao blushed. “Oh my god, have I?”

"Yeah. It's E-L-Y, not E-L-L-I-E." She teased. "But it's lovely - thank you.”

“I’m sorry. I guess I just assumed it was like, short for Eleanor or something.”

She laughed. "It's okay - it's Elyana, but no one really calls me that.”

“I guess I’ll make a note of that, then.” He said with a small smile.

Ely nodded. "Yeah. Come here, then, give me a hug before you leave.”

He moved carefully forwards, and wrapped his good arm around her, breathing in her perfume for the last time. “Thank you. Thank you so much.” He murmured.

"You're welcome, Wolfie. And I swear to God if you don't talk to me once a week I'll come down there and drag you out for coffee." She joked, hugging him back.

“I’ll call. Promise.” He said, though his throat was tight. He didn’t want to cry, but saying goodbye was hard.

She swallowed. "Good. Good luck, Wolfie.”

“Thanks, Blondie.”

"Go on, get out of here before someone finds a reason for you to stay." She joked.

He managed a laugh, pulling away from her. “Okay. Wish me luck in a car with Matt for three hours.”

"You'll be fine, silly." She said.

“Can’t be worse than the hours I’ve spent in theatre with you.” He said with a grin. 

"It really can’t."

Matt came over with Fao’s prescription, smiling. “Come on, Fao, let’s get you home.”

Fao nodded. “Yeah, okay. Bye, Blondie.” He said before he left.

"Bye, Wolfie." She said, watching as the door closed behind him.


	11. Chapter 11

Fao stayed in his old house for a good few weeks, while he tried to sell his flat in Birmingham and buy one in London. He found somewhere nice, a ground floor flat in a converted house with a little garden out the back. It was sweet, and didn’t need redecorating. Matt and Jake helped him move his stuff, and after a week or so he was scrolling idly on the facebook when he found someone looking for a place to stay just for a couple of days. Apparently he’d been kicked out by his partner and had nowhere to stay. He sent him a quick message and eventually he moved in. Ollie was nice and smart and kind, and dashingly handsome to boot. They became close friends almost immediately, and it was clear there was more than just that between them. As Fao recovered, he found himself falling into bed with his flatmate more than once. Eventually, though, the spark fizzled out and they were happy just to stay friends. On his way back from a physio appointment, Fao found a little cardboard box by the side of the road, that looked to be moving. Curious, he made Ollie pull over (much to his friend’s dismay) and headed over. In the box, he found five tiny puppies in a right state. Determined to give them a chance, he hauled them off to the vet and got them seen to. They couldn’t have been more than a few weeks old, and needed regular bottle feeding. He left his number and got a call a day later asking if he wanted to help them with the puppies - they just didn’t have the staff to look after them all. He agreed, and took one tiny pup home on a foster agreement, that then turned into adoption. The tiny little puppy that Fao called Arrow gave him a purpose again, a reason to live. It helped his mental health tremendously. Fao eventually landed himself a job at St. George’s, where Ollie worked, and he was happy. His job was different but at it’s base element the same as what he’d done in the army, and he made good friends. 

He met for a one to one with his boss after just under two years of work, to review his progress and discuss targets for the next year. At the end of the meeting, his boss was grumbling about recruitment pressures from management, and asked if he knew of any anaesthetists looking for work. Immediately, he thought of Ely. They’d not talked in 18 months, maybe more, but he knew she’d be perfect. He told his boss he’d get in contact with someone who might be interested, with the promise that she was spectacular. His boss gave him the information for the job, and when he got home that evening he settled down on the sofa with his laptop and sent Ely an email, apologising for coming out of the blue and hoping that she was well. He explained a bit about the job, acknowledged the fact she was probably still happy in the Army, and left it at that. Hopefully she’d reply. 

To say she was surprised by the email was an understatement. She'd just got back from six months in Kenya with Doctors Without Borders - she'd enjoyed working in the Army, but it had taken it's toll and she'd had to get out, but had still wanted to help. The email was already a week old when she saw it.

So, she quickly replied. It would be nice to have a proper job, and she was sure she'd enjoy London. So, she emailed back that she was interested, and before she knew it she had a formal invite for an interview. She dressed smart, and got the train down, feeling somewhat nervous.

As someone interested in management, Fao was invited to sit on the interview panel. It gave him the chance to practice the skills required of a clinical lead (which was where he wanted to be one day) and also he’d be working a lot with whoever they hired, so his input would be invaluable. He got a day off of clinical work (though he still had his pager should an emergency arrive) and dressed smart, though he wasn’t in a tie. He didn’t want to appear too formal (though had secretly tucked one into his bag just in case the rest of the panel were wearing them) and as he took his seat he skimmed over the applicants, heart sinking when he didn’t see Ely listed. Maybe she’d missed the deadline. Which was a shame, because he’d been looking forwards to seeing her again, and even more excited about the possibility of working with her again. 

The interviews went well, and as they drew to an end Fao was feeling heartened. They’d seen some good candidates of the course of the day, with people he could see himself working with. They reached the last candidate on the list, and when he left the head of the interview panel cleared his throat to announce they had an extra candidate, who’d unfortunately been left off of the printed list. Fao almost fell off of his chair when Ely walked in.

The last thing she'd been expecting was Fao sat on the panel. Still, she couldn't help but smile at him, before she shook the hands of everyone.

He grinned at her as he shook her hand, then shrugged and moved around the desk to pull her into a bear hug. “I’ve missed you, Blondie.”

She hugged him back, face against his chest. "Missed you too, Wolfie. You look well.”

He pulled away after a moment. “Thanks. So do you.” He murmured, as the head of the panel cleared his throat. 

“Sorry to interrupt, but shall we get on?”

Fao glanced down, taking his seat. “Yeah, sorry. Old friend.”

She ducked her head, sitting down as well.

Ely looked stunning. Her skin, where it showed where the sleeves of her pretty floral shirt were rolled up, was a gorgeous gold (she’d obviously been somewhere warm) and she looked so well. Her skirt was perfectly cut, her shirt pretty and personal yet formal, and she had a suit jacket draped over her arm that was now hanging on the back of her chair. He couldn’t help but glance up at her every so often as he skimmed over her CV. It was impressive, especially her stint working with Doctors without Borders (which explained the tan). She’d left the army about a year after him. 

She answered the questions with ease, more than happy to go into greater depth where it was needed, and the entire time she kept getting little smiles - and the interviewers were writing everything down, which made her think she wasn't missing the point. Finally, it drew to an end, and she couldn't help but send a smile in Fao's direction. With a few thank yous, she got up and made to leave, feeling pretty good.

As she made to leave, Fao stood to grab the door for her. “Wait in the cafe? I’ll be down in a bit.” He murmured to her.

She paused, and then nodded. "Sure." She replied. "See you there.”

“See you.” He murmured as she left, before he shut the door behind her and headed back into the room to discuss with the rest of the panel.

The cafe was empty, nearly, and she was served quickly. Before long, she was sat down at a table in the corner with a pot of tea, which she left to brew for a little while she checked her emails.

After a quick discussion and an agreement to meet again during the week, Fao headed out of the interview room and down to the cafe. He bought himself a coffee, and found where Ely was sitting easily. 

“Hi.”

She smiled up at him. "Hey. London treating you well, then?”

“Yeah. Never better.”

"You look it.”

“Thank you. You look good yourself.”

She grinned. "Thanks. The African sun is kind.”

“It really is. Doctors without Borders, eh?”

Ely nodded. "Yeah. I fancied something more humanitarian.”

“Cool. I bet that was interesting.”

"Yeah, it was." She agreed. "But I'd like something stable, too.”

“Yeah, of course you would.” He murmured. “It’s great here, it really is.”

"I wasn't expecting to see you on the panel."

He smiled. "I'm wanting to get to clinical lead eventually. My boss thought it a good idea that I sat there for the experience. Plus, I'd be working loads with whoever gets the job, so..."

"I suppose you will." She agreed, pouring out some tea. "Got used to being a civvy?"

"Uh, getting there. Things are a little different."

"I suppose they are," she said, "I find it weird to not be getting on a plane all the time."

"Oh, it's the best."

"Maybe I'll treat myself to a holiday." She joked.

He laughed. “That’d be nice.”

"It would." She agreed. "But what have you been up to, then?”

“Uh, this, mostly. Getting settled in, back on my feet. I got a flatmate, and then a dog.” He said with a smile.

"Oh, aren't you all sorted?" She teased. "I told you everything would work itself out.”

“You were right. My flatmate moved on but I’ve still got the dog."

"You sound so domestic.”

“I guess I am, now.”

She blew her tea, and had a careful sip. It was getting cool enough, now. "I suppose I will be soon, if I get this job.”

“Yeah. I’ve honestly never been better in my life than where I am now.”

"Well, that's high praise for the hospital." She said. "And your hip?”

“Decent. Not perfect, but all things considered it’s good."

Ely nodded. "That's good. Learnt to spell my name yet?”

He laughed, sipping his coffee. “Yeah. Just about."

"The wine was lovely.”

“I’m glad you liked it.”

"I regret not keeping in contact with you, though." She admitted. "Life just got in the way.”

“Same here. I guess it’s just one of those things.”

She nodded. "Yeah. We could probably do better this time.”

He hummed in agreement. “So, are you still living in Birmingham?”

She nodded again. "Yeah, for now.”

“Fair enough.” He said softly, taking another sip of coffee. “Why’d you leave the Army?”

Ely paused for a moment, staring down at her tea. "I was.... sick of it.”

“I can understand that. It takes it’s toll.”

"It really does." She agreed.

“I was worried you’d been injured.” He murmured.

Ely shook her head. "I got out before that happened." It didn't stop the panic attacks, though.

“Good.” He said softly. “Are you heading back up to Birmingham tonight?”

She pressed her lips together. "I was going to, yeah. I came down on the train.”

“Shame. I’m not at work tomorrow, it would have been nice to do something.”

"I haven't bought my train ticket yet." She murmured.

“Did you maybe want to do something?”

Ely shrugged. "If you're not busy, you could show me the sights.”

“We could take the dog out?”

"Sure. I'm sure there's a hotel nearby.”

“Oh, no need. Stay with me, I’ve got a spare room.”

Ely shook her head now. "I couldn't possibly.”

“Why not?” He asked. “I’ll be cheaper than a hotel.”

"I don't want to intrude.”

“You wouldn’t be. I live alone."

She paused, and then nodded. "Okay. I'll have to go shopping though, I don't have anything to wear.”

“Sure, or borrow something of mine?”

She shrugged. "I don't think anything would fit me.”

“We can go buy stuff, then. I finish early today, though I’m on call.”

"That's fine." She said. "It must bring back memories.”

“A bit, yeah. Though I can actually sleep in my own bed.”

She laughed. "A bonus, I suppose.”

“Definitely a bonus.”

"I do miss it, sometimes.”

“Same. I missed it a lot when I first got out.”

"It was fun.”

“It was.”

She finished her tea. "What time are you off of the clock?”

“Five.”

"Just a couple of hours, then." She said softly.

“Yeah. I’ve got some paperwork to do.”

"I won't keep you, then.”

“I’ll finish my coffee.” He murmured. “It’s nice to catch up with you.”

"It really is.”

“When my boss told me about this job I thought about how good it was when we worked together.”

She smiled at him, knowing she was blushing a little bit. "It was really good. We just knew, didn't we?"

"Yeah. We just... Clicked."

"We're good at working together."

"Yeah. It's a shame we didn't get to do it loads."

"Well, maybe I'll get this job and you'll be stuck with me."

He grinned. He knew she'd got the job - she'd been head and shoulders above the other candidates, and Fao had seen her work. It was subject to discussion, but everyone had seemed in agreement before he'd left. "Well, wouldn't that just be terrible?"

"Oh, I know. I'd have to see your face every day again."

"Such hardship for you."

"You're already trying to kidnap me." She joked.

"I offered you a place to stay that was cheaper than a London hotel! I'm nice."

"Oh, so I have to pay you, do I?"

"No. And I'll even throw in dinner on the house."

"Oh, you know how to treat a woman." She joked, leaning forwards to pour the rest of the tea out of the pot.

“I know you’ll appreciate free food. Plus, I’m a pretty good cook.”

"As long as you serve something better than what we used to be served, I'm happy."

“It’ll be ten times better.”

"That better be a promise." Ely said, grinning.

“You know me.”

"I don't know your cooking, though.”

“I’ll have to prove myself, then.”

She sipped her tea. "You will. Though you probably need to get back to work.”

He checked his watch again. “Uh, yeah, I should get back.” He murmured. “Let me give you my address?”

"Yeah, okay. I'm sure I'll figure out how to get there.”

“Uber.” He said with a smile.

"Oh, of course." She said. "C'mon, give it to me then get lost." She joked.

He laughed, and gave her the address. “Right, I’ll see you later. Here’s my number, too. I ended up having to change it when the dog got hold of my phone and dropped it in a puddle in the garden. Wrecked everything.”

"You love him really." She said, pulling out her phone to change his number in her contacts. "Go on, don't let me stop you.”

“I do. He’s my baby.” He said softly, draining his coffee and standing up. “See you around half five?”

“Sure."

“Text me if you need anything, yeah?”

"Of course. Get lost!”


	12. Chapter 12

He headed off to his little office, to sort out the backlog of paperwork he’d got waiting for him. It took time, with his reading glasses perched on the end of his nose and a cup of tea on his desk. It was all very civilised. He finished at five, grabbed his coat and headed home. It didn’t take long to get back, and he jumped in the shower when he got in before changing into something more comfortable and waited for Ely.

Ely, meanwhile, finished her tea and then headed off, getting an Uber and heading up to Oxford Street. She bought some cheap clothes, just to get her through the night and tomorrow, and then realised what time it was. She got another Uber, and arrived at Fao's address roughly half an hour later. The flat looked more like a house to her, and it was quirky, too. Endearing, almost.

She paid for the cab and then headed over to the door, knocking.

Fao answered the door with a smile. “Hi.”

Ely smiled. "Hey. Nice place.”

“Thanks.” He said, as the dog came trotting over, barking his head off.

She jumped a little at the sudden noise, but then offered her hand for the dog to sniff.

Fao laughed. “He’s an actual attention whore.” He said, grabbing the dog’s collar and stepping back to let Ely in the door.

She was glad he hadn't noticed her jumping. Carefully, she slipped through the doorway. "You can let him go, you know.”

“He’ll end up in the street.” Fao said, shutting the door before he let the dog go. “There. He’s free. If he’s annoying just shove him away.”

"Okay." She said, but the dog just came to her, with a big doggy smile. So she greeted him, and glanced up at Fao. "Living room?”

“Just down the hall.” Fao said. “Do you want a drink of something?”

"Uh, water is fine.”

“You sure?”

"I don't fancy being on a loud train while hungover." She said softly, heading down the hall.

“Fair enough.” He murmured. “I’m opening a bottle of wine if you change your mind.” He said, slipping past her into the kitchen to get Ely’s water and the wine for himself.

"I'll let you know. You always were a bad influence." She teased, finding the living room and sitting down on the very comfy looking grey sofa.

“Civillian life has mellowed me out.” He said, heading into the living room and handing her the water.

"You don't know the meaning of mellow." She teased, taking the water. "Thank you.”

“I do! I’m very mellow nowadays.”

"What you are is soft around the middle.”

“Piss off! I’m not allowed to do as much as I used to.”

"Mmm, whatever. You're more on my level now.”

“I’m comfortable.”

"Ah, whatever.”

“I am! My idea of a good night is a glass of wine on the sofa in bed by ten.”

She snorted. "It used to be getting drunk and teaching me to play cards.”

“I know. How the mighty have fallen.”

"So utterly boring.”

“You’re so cruel.” He said, sipping his wine.

"You don't care." She said, slipping her shoes up to fold her legs under her.

“Mmm, I suppose.”

"Or you wouldn't have offered me a room for the night." She paused, and then grinned at him. "Wait, you don't want any favours for this, do you?”

“Oh, god no.” He said with a crooked smile. “Just a friend offering you a place to stay.”

"Oh, thank god.”

“You know I’m not that disgusting. I’m a gentleman.”

"You say that." She replied, sipping her water.

“I am! An officer!”

"That doesn't make you a gentleman!" She replied, the fingers on one hand finding the topmost fastened button of her blouse and unbuttoning it.

"Sandhurst is a British institution."

“Still doesn’t make you a gentleman.”

"Well, I am one. What do you fancy for dinner?"

“Oh, you’re trying to dine me now, without the wine?” She asked, grinning. 

He smacked her on the thigh. "I'm trying to feed you so you don't get grumpy later."

“I’m never grumpy!"

"You are when you've not been fed."

“How dare you liken me to an animal.” She huffed. 

"We're all animals."

“Fuck off.”

"We are! But seriously, what do you want for food?"

She shrugged. “Whatever you can be arsed cooking. I’m easy.”

He rolled his eyes. "Stirfry, then."

“It better be yummy. I’m famished.”

"Of course it will be." He shot back.

“Good, or I’ll leave.”

"Nah you won't."

"Oh, I so will."

He sipped his wine. "If you're starved I'll start cooking in a minute."

She smiled at him. "Please. I was that nervous for my interview that I didn't eat."

"Oh, god, then I'll definitely start cooking." He said, getting up.

"I had breakfast," she said, "but nothing after. I'm wasting away!”

“I’m sure you are.” He murmured, padding into the little kitchen.

"I am!”

“Yeah! I’m sure you are.” He said again, setting his wine down on the counter to get what he needed out of the fridge. “Is chicken okay?”

"Chicken is fine." She replied, as Arrow jumped up next to her and rested his chin on her leg, eyes soulful.

“Good because it’s all I’ve got.” He called.

"Just feed me!"

"How very rude of you!"

"I'm dying!"

"Come in here and watch me, then." He said, starting to chop vegetables.

“You trust me with a knife?” She joked. 

"I said watch, not help."

“How’s that gonna make it quicker?” 

"It won't but it might shut you up."

She pouted, though he couldn't see - she was enjoying stroking Arrow too much. "Never."

"Fine, don't moan then."

"You'd love to hear me moan." She said, scratching Arrow's chin.

“Oh, don’t be gross.”

"Like you're not used to it.”

“Piss off.”

She grinned. "Whatever." She said, and sipped some of her water. "How much longer?”

“As long as it takes.” He shot back.

"And how long is that?”

“I don’t know. Fifteen minutes?”

"Oh, not a lifetime then." She said, undoing her hair. She might as well get comfy.

“No, it’s only stirfry.”

"So you say."

"It really is only stirfry."

"Even more reason to get it right.”

“Oh, shush.”

She was kindly given a kiss from the dog. "I'm right, though.”

“It’ll be what it will be.”

"I'll give you feedback.”

Fao started to cook things, now they were all prepped. It didn’t take long at all, and he served it. “Ely!”

"What, Major?" She called back.

“Food!”

"Oh, thank God!" She said, wriggling out from under the dog and making her way into the kitchen. The flat was full with the aroma of the meal, and she peeked over his shoulder, one hand resting against his back. "It looks great.”

“Thanks. But I’m not a Major anymore.”

"Ah, you're always a Major to me.”

“Whatever.” He said, secretly enjoying the contact of her hand against his back.

"You are. Shame I never got there, though.”

“You weren’t far off.”

"Mmm, no. Captain Lozier does sound good, though.”

“It does.” He murmured.

"C'mon, are you serving up?”

“Yeah.” He said, moving away to serve the food. “There.”

She slipped from behind him, picking up her plate. "Let's sit down, then.”

“Yeah.” He said, grabbing his plate and his wine. “Sure you don’t want a glass of wine with dinner?”

"Maybe a small one.”

“I don’t want to force you but I don’t want you to decline because you want to be polite.”

She smiled. "Go on, then, a small one.”

Fao set his stuff down on the little table, then went to get Ely a glass. He poured her a small one, then set it down in front of her before he sat. “There.”

"Mmm, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

She started to dig into the food, humming when she tasted it. "This is good.”

“See, I told you I was a good cook.”

"You did." She said. "Much better than the shit we used to get served.”

“So much better. Healthier, too.”

"Definitely."

"So, uh, you got a special someone in your life?"

Ely shook her head. "No such luck, you old romantic."

"Oh, shut up. I'm just interested in your life."

“What about you, then?” She asked. 

“No. Still single.”

“Well, ain’t that a shame.”

He laughed. "Yeah. Had a bit of a fling, but nothing since."

"That's more action than me." She said.

He laughed. "That sucks."

"I know. It's so shit."

"Maybe you'll find someone soon."

She nodded, putting her cutlery down so she could sip her wine. "Maybe. Any hot doctors at the hospital?"

He grinned. "Oh, so many."

"I'm sure I can bag one of them."

"Probably. We're all too busy to meet someone outside of work."

She raised her eyebrow. "Is that a hint, Wolfie?"

"Shut up, you know it wasn't." He retorted, taking a mouthful of food.

"I'm currently 'outside of work'." She said, with a grin.

"And I'm currently too busy." He shot back with a crooked smile. 

She huffed. "God, I just wish I knew already. I know it's too early, but..."

He laughed. "The waiting is the worst part."

"It really is. Knowing my luck I'll be fast asleep and miss the call."

"Unlikely."

She laughed. "Very likely, with me. All I've done since getting back from Kenya is sleep."

"Fair enough."

"So it's very likely I'll miss a call because I'm in bed." She joked.

"Set your phone loud."

"I sleep like the dead."

He laughed again. "I don't."

"Habit?" She asked.

"That and I've always been a bit of a light sleeper."

She nodded, finished her plate full. God, she really had been famished. "I'll tell you one thing I do miss about the Army."

"What's that?"

She grinned. "The uniform."

He laughed. "Really? The fatigues or your dress uniform?"

"The fatigues. Have you seen the state of the dress uniform for women?"

"Yeah. The skirt is awful."

"Though I'd fuck a guy in dress uniform, too."

"Really?"

She hummed. "Yeah. Provided it was the right guy, of course."

"Oh, of course." He murmured. 

"I'm not some desperate bimbo." She said, turning to her wine. "Would you fuck a girl in dress uniform?"

"Depends on the girl."

"Of course."

"Or, uh, the guy."

She grinned. "Yeah?"

He glanced down, standing to clear up the plates. "Uh, yeah."

"You're a dark horse."

"I suppose. You don't mind, do you?"

She shrugged. "Why should I care? It's got nothing to do with me, and if you like cock, welcome to the club."

That made him laugh as he rinsed the plates and stuck them in the dishwasher. "Well, I'm glad you think that way."

"It doesn't affect me, and if it makes you happy, then that's that. Everyone deserves to be happy."

"Isn't that cute, eh?"

"Oh, bugger off." She shot back.

"Heartfelt sentiment."

"You're never going to let me live this down, are you?"

"Eh, maybe."

She grinned, and moved back over to the sofa. "You're mean, of course you won't."

"I'm lovely." He said, sitting beside her. "So, tomorrow, did you want to do touristy things or just take the dog over Wimbledon common?"

She shrugged. "Both? If we have time."

"Well you could spend a week doing touristy stuff and if we leave late we could make a day out of the common."

She nodded. "That's fine. I could always come down another time and we could go somewhere."

"Yeah, that'd be nice."

"I have more free time than you." She said, swirling her wine in her glass. "What with being unemployed."

"Yeah, I'm worked off of my feet."

"I'd kill to be busy again."

He laughed. "Maybe you will be."

"Fingers crossed. I saved money from the Army, but I can't live off of that forever."

"Yeah, of course."

"I feel so lazy."

"I feel like you're entitled to it."

She rolled her eyes. "It's boring."

"Nah, I love being lazy."

"I know, you lazy bugger." She replied.

He laughed. "Recovery was great."

"Yeah, once you'd got out of hospital." She shot back, and just as she finished speaking there was a loud bang from upstairs - pans falling out of a cupboard. Ely jumped.

Honestly, Fao jumped too. He'd come a long way, yes, but there were some things that still startled him. But Ely was a lot worse, and Arrow noticed, trotting over and pressing his nose to her thigh. Fao frowned, his heart still pounding. "You alright?"

She took a moment, utterly embarrassed. The pressure of Arrow's nose against her thigh was welcome, and she tried to ignore the shaking of her hand as she stroked over the top of his head.

"A-As fine as many of us are." She replied, hating how her voice shook

"Oh, honey."

She swallowed. "It just shocked me, that's all."

"I know."

"I'm fine." She said. She knew she wasn't - but she wasn't going to ruin this. She didn't need this, not right now.

He wrapped his arm around her. "It's okay not to be."

"I am. Promise."

"Okay."

They both knew she wasn't, she was sure. But she.... wasn't ready for help yet. She'd basically gone straight out with Doctors Without Borders when she'd left the Army, she hadn't had time to come to terms with anything. If she was honest, she was hoping that she'd get this job partly because she'd be too busy to have nightmares.

"I'll let you know if I'm not."

"Good." He said, though didn't pull away from her. 

She hummed, unsure what to say now.

"Did you want to watch a film or something?"

"Yeah, okay."

He reached for the remote, bringing up Netflix and scrolling through. "What do you fancy?"

She bit her lip, suddenly feeling childish. "Uh, Spirit?"

He smiled. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Alright then." He said, picking it. It was such a feel good film. 

"Thanks." She murmured, resting her cheek against his shoulder.

He smiled. "You're warm."

"So are you."

"Perfect for movie watching."

"Yeah." She agreed. It was nice, to have company. And Fao was warm, and comfortable. She'd forgotten about the odd gunshot, and each time she pressed herself against him - once even pushed her face into his chest - and he didn't make a fuss. And despite the bangs, she found herself drifting off.

As they watched the film, Fao found himself playing with Ely's hair. Yet it finished eventually and she didn't raise her head. He could tell that she'd fallen asleep from the regular rhythm of her breathing. He stroked his hand up and down her upper arm. "Ely, sweetie?"

She stirred, blinking slowly. "Yeah?"

"You fell asleep."

"Oh," she murmured, "sorry. Travelling."

"It's okay. I didn't know if you wanted to shower?"

Ely shrugged. "I can shower in the morning."

"Didn't know if you wanted to wash all that travelling grossness off." He murmured. 

“Can’t be bothered.” She admitted, pushing her face against him.

He smiled. She was sweet when she was tired. "Well, I'm going to go have a quick shower then. I'll show you your bedroom first?"

“Okay.” She agreed. 

"Let me get up?"

“Not stopping you.” She mumbled. 

"You're basically on top of me."

“You’re so dramatic.” She got out, forcing herself to stop resting against him. 

He stood up with a fond smile and offered her his hand. "C'mon."

She took it, yawning as she got to her feet. “Thanks.” She said, picking up her bags in her other hand. 

"Did you get yourself some clothes or do you need to borrow a top to sleep in?"

“I got some stuff.”

"Cool." He said, leading her back down the hall to the guest bedroom. "Here. Bathroom's on the left, my bedroom is on the right. Shout me if you need anything."

“Yeah, okay.” She murmured, and turned to him to press a kiss to his cheek. “Thanks.”

He blushed. "You're welcome. I'll shower then let you know when I'm out of the bathroom in case you change your mind about showering."

“Okay.” She said. She already knew she was going to get straight into bed. 

He nodded, smiled and stepped back. "Oh, and shut the door properly unless you want an overly friendly rottweiler paying you a visit at some point."

“I will do.”

"I'll leave you to it, then."

“Yeah. Goodnight.”

"Goodnight, Blondie." He murmured, heading to his room to undress and grab his pyjamas before he headed to shower. When he was done, he quickly told Ely the bathroom was free if she wanted it, then headed to his own bed to read for a while before he slept.


	13. Chapter 13

She wasn’t awake when he got out of the shower, having put her pyjamas on and gotten straight into bed. To begin with, her sleep was dreamless, peaceful. But before long, that changed.

_Red._

_Red and brown were the colours that dominated the landscape. Sand everywhere, the tan of the fatigues, the dull beige of the buildings. The red of the sun as it set, the gushing crimson of fresh blood. Sometimes, even the sky matched._

_Today, she couldn’t see the sky. Red splashed over her uniform, the drying blood of comrades - of boys and girls, in their first tour or their tenth. Wind whipped sand into her eyes. She ducked, trying to treat who she could, but barely able to hear anything over the wind and the shouting. She didn’t know where the enemy was._

_The only thing that mattered were her patients._

_She fell to her knees, her body weight pushing her into the sand. It was Sam on the ground, SAM with his screaming and the pool of blood. She tried to calm him, tried to treat him. Her limbs were so, so heavy._

_Gunfire broke through the shouting. She stood, foolishly._

_“Lozier, get down!” Came a shout. Burning pain was everywhere, her legs, her hands._

Ely jolted awake, staring up at the ceiling as she tried desperately to breathe. Her heart felt like it was going to burst free of her rib cage. She could taste salt, and realised she was crying.

The house that served as Fao's flat was old and the walls were pretty thin. And the bedroom where Ely was sleeping shared a wall with Fao's own bedroom. He'd given up and gone to sleep after only about forty five minutes of reading, unable to keep his eyes open. He slept pretty soundly, until he was disturbed by the dog getting off of the bed with a huff and padding out of the room. He didn't think anything of it - Arrow was probably just too hot, or thirsty, and he was about to settle down and go back to sleep when he heard muffled sobs that got louder as Arrow pushed the door open to the guest room. Hesitating, Fao wasn't sure what to do. He sat up in bed, crossing his legs, and let Arrow see to Ely before he went and barged in on her.

The black and tan dog pushed the door open easily with his nose - the door hadn't fully closed - and he hopped up onto the bed next to Ely, sniffing over her and licking the tears from her face.

She tried to hide her face from the dog, curling up in a ball with her face hidden by her arms, but the dog followed her and then laid down. He was warm, and soft, and so very real. She curled her fingers into his fur, breathing deep. Her dream wasn’t real. She had to remember that.

Fao could still hear her crying. He couldn't leave her like that, able to hear her and just ignoring it. So he slipped out of bed and quietly padded into the kitchen, filling a glass with some water and picking the tissues up from the living room. Without a word, he slipped into the guest bedroom and set them down on the bedside table closest to her. Arrow looked up at him and Fao just nodded. He was doing his job just great. With that, he left the room and left the door open a crack, so the soft light from the hall would help to ground her. After that, he headed back to his empty bed and settled down again.

She didn’t touch the water for a long time, too busy getting herself under control. Arrow helped a great deal, just by being there. Eventually, she wiped her eyes, blew her nose and had a couple of sips, utterly ashamed that Fao had seen her like that. But she managed to go to sleep again, and this time it stayed peaceful.

In the morning, she woke up with a banging headache, and immediately downed the rest of the glass before she ventured out into the living room.

Fao hadn't woken much earlier, and was just starting to cook breakfast, the radio a low him in the background. He assumed arrow would be up soon at the very least, even if Ely slept for longer. She'd come out when she was ready.

She could hear him in the kitchen, so she went in, setting her used glass in the sink.

“Uh, good morning.” She greeted.

He looked up from frying the sausages. "Morning. Full English?"

“Uh, yeah. That’d be great.”

"The best thing to start a morning." He murmured. "Tea?"

“Yes please.”

He turned away from the cooking sausages to boil the kettle, grabbing two mugs. "Milk, sugar? I never made you tea on tour."

“Two sugars, a splash of milk.” She murmured. “Do you want any help?”

"No, I'm okay. You just chill."

“Okay.”

He made the tea, then handed her the steaming mug. "There you go."

“Thank you.” God, she needed this after the night she’d had.

He hummed, then carried on cooking. He needed to use all of this up anyway, so it was a good job Ely was here.

She took her drink back into the living room, unsure whether to thank Fao for last night. She didn’t really want to bring it up, but she didn’t want to be rude either.

Cooking took a while, but eventually it was done. "Ely, breakfast's done!" He called.

She headed back into the kitchen, picking up her plate. “Thank you.”

"You're welcome." He said. "Hope it's okay for you."

“It looks great.” She murmured. “And, uh, thanks for the tissues and water.”

"Oh, no worries. Did Arrow take care of you?"

She nodded as they sat down. “Yeah. He really helped.”

"Glad to hear it."

“I might have to steal him.” She joked.

"He's really great."

"He is.”

“I’ve had him since he was a little puppy. Bottlefed him and everything.”

She couldn't help but smile at that. "So you really are a softie.”

“Yeah, I know.”

"It's cute.”

“I suppose it is cute.”

Ely smiled. "Big bad soldier getting up in the middle of the night to bottlefeed a little puppy? It's adorable.”

“Oh, piss off. I wasn’t a big bad soldier.”

"Yeah, you were. Muscly and hairy, like a gorilla.”

“I shaved a lot, actually.”

"Still a gorilla.”

“Oh, shush.”

She grinned, cutting up her toast. "You were!”

“I was a wolf.”

That made Ely roll her eyes. "You're so bloody cheesy.”

“I was! It’s my nickname for a reason!”

"I know!" She retorted. "But it's still cheesy.”

He rolled his eyes. “Alright.”

She paused. "Why, exactly, did you get your nickname?”

He glanced down. “It’s actually kind of embarrassing.”

She looked up, smiling. "Tell me?”

“Well, uh, my name’s Irish gaelic.”

Ely shrugged. “So?"

“One of the guys got hold of it at Sandhurst and found out what it means - Little Wolf.”

That made her grin and she put her knife and fork down. “Really?"

“Yeah.” He mumbled. “I knew I shouldn’t have told you!”

"It's better than what my name means." She said.

“Go on then.”

“Light."

“That’s cute.”

She slumped in her chair. "It's not! It's so cliche!”

“It’s sweet.”

"No, it's not."

"Yeah, it is."

She pouted. "I'll let you believe that, then.”

“I will."

She reached for her tea, having a careful sip. "Sorry for falling asleep on you last night.”

“Oh, that’s alright.”

"You were really nice about it.”

“We’ve all been there.”

She hummed. “Yeah."

“And travelling is exhausting."

Ely nodded. "Yeah. Even if it's just a train.”

“Yeah. It’s a long way.”

"Yeah, it is."

"You're allowed to be tired." He murmured. "I figure we should get away from the hassle of it all and walk the dog on the common? It'll be nice and quiet."

She smiled at him. "Yeah, you suggested that last night. It'll be nice."

"Better than all the touristy shit. It'll be busy."

"It will. I'm sure I can see all that another time."

"Yeah." He was conscious of her nightmare last night, and how tense he'd got in busy public spaces when he'd just come back. The common would be quiet and peaceful.

"Though I'll still have you to show me it all?"

"Of course."

"There we are, then."

"Yeah. And Arrow will appreciate the run."

"I bet." She said. "He looks like he's full of energy."

"He is. In the prime of life."

"Not like you, then." She teased.

"I know. I'm basically a grandpa with a metal hip."

Ely laughed. "Yeah, you are. Old to boot."

"I'm only two years older than you."

"Doesn't mean you're not old."

"I'm really not that old."

She drained the rest of her tea. "I know. Can I go shower?"

"Yeah, of course. There's a towel and stuff in the guest room."

Ely got up from her seat. "I'll go sort my plate, then, and get in the shower. Do you mind if I use your stuff?"

"Oh, I'll do the plates," He said, "but yeah, you can use my stuff."

"You sure? I don't mind pulling my weight."

"It's only a plate, it's fine."

"Okay." She said. "I'll let you know when I'm out."

"Yeah, no rush." He said, finishing his tea and gathering the plates to sort them out and tidy the kitchen.

"Don't say that, I'll use all your hot water!”

“I don’t need it, I showered last night!”

"I'll stop you from doing your washing!" She shouted back, disappearing into the bathroom.

Fao tidied the kitchen and headed to his bedroom to get dressed. He pulled on a pair of dark jeans and his old khaki Army jumper, not bothering to wait for Ely to finish in the bathroom to shave. He didn’t need it, not really. He’d shave tomorrow before work. When he was done, he headed out into the kitchen to feed the dog, then sat on the sofa scrolling through Facebook.

She didn't see him when she came out of the bathroom, so she assumed he was in his bedroom. She headed to the guest room, and pulled the tags off of the clothes she'd bought before pulling them on. She didn't have her makeup with her, but she figured it didn't matter - she'd not bothered in Afghanistan, after all. It wasn't the end of the world.

"I'm ready." She said softly, as she came back into the living room.

“Cool. Have you got shoes to wear to walk the dog?”

She nodded. "Yeah. I got some cheap boots.”

“Good.” He murmured. “It might be a bit muddy.”

"Well, I'm sure you'll look after me.”

“Of course I will.”

She grinned. "Come on, then, show me.”

He headed to the door, whistling for the dog. He came trotting over, jaws parted in a doggy grin. Fao reached for his lead and his check chain where they hung by the door, and Arrow obediently sat to let Fao slip the chain over his head and clip the lead on. Then, he held out the lead and the dog delicately took it into his mouth to wait for Fao to get his own boots on.

Ely couldn't help but smile at the dog. "He's so well trained.”

Fao looked up from tying his laces. “I know, he’s such a sweetie.”

"Are those your army boots?”

“Mmmhmm. Great for the muddier paths.”

"God, I wish I'd known I was going to end up staying over.”

“We’ll avoid the mud.”

"Such a gentleman.”

“Maybe I’ll just carry you over any muddy patches.”

She laughed. “Maybe."

“Like a proper gentleman.” He said with a smile, finishing tying his shoes. “Ready to go?”

"Yeah, I was waiting for you.”

“Alright, Miss Impatient.” He said, shrugging on his coat and taking the lead from Arrow.

"You know I am.”

He checked his pockets, grabbed his keys off of the side and headed out of the door, waiting for Ely to follow him before he shut and locked the door.

She was happy to just follow him - she obviously didn't know where she was going, and she assumed that Fao would know which way to go to avoid the worst of the mud.

“We’ll take the car to the common, otherwise it’s a forty minute walk just to get there.”

“Okay."

“It’s less than ten minutes in the car.”

"Good job you know the way, then."

"I've been coming here since Arrow was old enough and I was physically able. Let's hope I know the way."

"Is your hip good, then?"

"Like most things I have good days and bad days. It'll ache later because it's cold out."

"Make sure you take care of yourself." She said softly.

"Yeah, I do. As I said, it's not bad, all things considered."

"Good. Are we getting in the car?"

He rolled his eyes, unlocking it. "Yeah, go on." He said, opening the boot to let the dog in.

She climbed into the passenger seat, grinning. "Nice car, by the way."

Arrow hopped up into the boot and Fao slipped his chain off before he shut it. "This is the 'dog friendly' car."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He replied, getting into the drivers side and starting the engine.

"What's the other one?"

"Ferrari 458."

"God, you fucking posh twat."

"Oh, fuck off, it was a treat for passing out of Sandhurst."

"A treat?" She asked. "You know what I got? A congrats card!"

"I bought it for myself."

“Lucky you. Bet it cost a bomb.”

"Yeah, but worth every penny."

“Of course.”

"It's my pride and joy."

“Not Arrow?” She asked.

"After Arrow."

“Good, because he’s cuter.”

"He's adorable." He agreed, backing out of where he'd parked and heading towards the common. It was a short drive.

“He really is.”

"He knows it too."

“Of course. He’s smart.”

"Very smart. Bloody quick learner."

“Well, that’s what you want, isn’t it?”

"Yeah, except he learns bad habits too."

She raised an eyebrow. “Like what?”

"Like not walking to heel or stealing my shoes."

“Stealing shoes is cute!”

"Not when he chews them too."

“Well, you never said that.” She retorted playfully.

“Oh, shush.”

"You didn’t!"

“Don’t be pedantic."

Ely rolled her eyes. "You know my nature. Are we nearly there?”

“Yeah, five minutes or so.”

"Good. I want to get lost in the woods.”

“Surely you don’t want to get lost."

She laughed. "Not actually lost. Just.... lost from the modern world for an hour or two.”

“I know what you mean.” He murmured. Not much later, they arrived at the common and Fao parked, killing the engine and hopping out of the car to retrieve Arrow from the back.

Ely got out of the car, pushing her phone into her back pocket and leaning on the vehicle as she waited, arms folded across her chest.

Once Arrow was out of the boot with his lead clipped on, he rushed over to Ely, jaws parted. If he had a tail, it’d be wagging a mile a minute. Fao smiled.

Ely smiled too, reaching down to stroke him. "Are you ready, then?”

“Yeah.” He murmured, turning the dog away to start their walk. He’d need to stay on the lead whilst they got out of the carpark, but Fao would let him off as soon as he could.

She moved, then, to walk alongside him. "Do you come here often?”

“Yeah. All the time, pretty much.”

"It's nice. Peaceful.”

“It’s lovely.” He murmured.

"Better than busy streets.”

“So much better.” He agreed.

"It's quiet.”

“Nothing but the birds and the wind in the leaves.”

"Yeah. It feels like a different world.”

“It’s so nice.” He murmured. They got far enough away from the carpark, and Fao told Arrow to sit before he slipped his lead and chain off. On Fao’s nod, he turned around and raced off across the common.

Ely couldn't help but grin. "I bet he knows his way around.”

“Yeah. He’ll come back with a massive stick in a minute.”

"What, like branch sized?"

"Probably. Or he's found a massive muddy puddle."

"I'm not bathing him, then." She said, with a grin.

"Yeah, that's my job."

"And I'll actually have to head home today."

"Yeah. I'm at work tomorrow."

"Not too much time off, then?"

"No, the rota is kind of choppy."

"At least you're kept busy." She said softly.

"I don't mind it."

"I suppose not." She said, glancing at him. "You thrive off of action.”

“So do you.”

Ely glanced at him again, and then nodded. "Yeah, I do.”

“But being lazy is good too.”

"Not every day.”

“No, not every day.”

"I might have to go for a run tomorrow, to have something to do." She joked.

He laughed. “Lucky you.”

"I might as well keep fit."

"Might as well."

Arrow came running back, with a big stick just like Fao had said he would. Ely couldn't help but laugh at the sight of him, and distracted, she stumbled over the uneven ground.

Laughing, Fao noticed Ely's stumble and reached out for her arm to steady her. "Careful."

She blushed, and found her hand in his own. "The ground..." She murmured.

“Not looking where you’re going, eh?”

"Something like that.”

“Idiot.” He teased, as Arrow stopped in front of him with the stick, and dropped it at his feet. Fao picked it up and lobbed it across the common. Arrow went rushing after it, ears flopping as he ran.

"Like him, I suppose." She joked.

“He’s loving life.”

"At least someone is.”

“I am.” He said softly. “Aren’t you?”

She nodded, squeezing his fingers without thinking. "Yeah. Especially this last day.”

He smiled. “Good. I know being out of the Army is hard.”

She bit her lip. "It's harder than I ever thought it would be.”

“I know.”

"There's a reason I went straight out again.”

“Yeah. I didn’t really have that option.”

She nodded. "I know.”

“But I think in a way that helped?”

"Yeah, I can understand that.”

“I didn’t have a choice.”

"No, but I can understand how it helped." She said.

“I just had to get on with life.”

Ely nodded. "I know. It's what I've got to do now. I’m...."

“What is it?” He asked softly.

"I'm sorry that I woke you last night.”

“Honestly, it’s fine.”

She shrugged. "It's not often it happens." She lied.

“It doesn’t matter. I was awful like that when I came back.”

"Okay. I'm still sorry, though.”

“Well, then I accept your apology.” He murmured, as Arrow came running back with his stick. Fao picked it up and offered it to Ely. “You wanna throw it?”

"Stand back." She warned, forcing herself to smile.

He laughed. “Go on then.”

She took the stick, and threw it as far as she could. Arrow went after it like a shot, and now her smile was genuine.

“There you go.” He said with a grin.

"Not too shabby." She agreed.

“Not at all.”

"And I didn't take your eye out.”

“Thank god.”

She kept smiling. "If it's not too much hassle, would you drop me off at the train station?”

“Yeah, of course.”

"I'll have to check train times, but I'm sure it'll be fine.”

“Yeah, there’ll be loads of trains.”

"And then it's back to my lonely flat to await my fate.”

“You’ll know by the end of the week either way.”

"You only know that because you were on the panel." She shot back.

“Well, it’s not unhelpful advice.”

"No. I can't even beg you to tell me, because I know you won’t."

“Honestly, the decision’s not even been made yet.”

"You say that.”

“I’m serious. I’ve got a meeting about it tomorrow.”

She pouted playfully. "You'll have to tell me about it, then.”

“Hmm, maybe.”

"I'll just nag you.”

“You’ll know in good time.”

"It'll feel like forever." She complained.

“I know, I know.”

"I just want to get on with stuff, y’know?"

“Yeah, I was the same. As soon as I was back on my feet I wanted to be doing stuff.”

"I honestly get so bored.”

“Mmm, same.”

"At least I've got you again.”

“That’s true. I’m simply perfection.”

Ely laughed. “Keep telling yourself that!”

“It’s the truth.” He said, grinning.

“No, it’s not!”

“It is!”

“It’s not!”

"Don't lie to yourself."

“I’m not.” She said.

"You are."

She rolled her eyes. “Definitely not.”

"My cooking was pretty damn perfect last night."

“That doesn’t mean you are.”

"It does."

“It doesn’t.”

"You're just rude."

Ely looked at him again, realising she was still holding his hand. She wasn’t inclined to let go. “You know that already.”

"I do."

“And you’re used to it.”

"Yeah, I am."

“Poor you, putting up with me. You must love me to have sent me that email.”

"Well my boss was whining about management needing to hire someone and she asked me if I knew anyone. I just immediately thought of you."

“Oh, how sweet.”

"How could I forget you?"

“Ah, I’m too amazing to be forgotten. And I told you my darkest secret.”

"You did. That's almost as crazy as the fact I don't like hospitals."

She grinned. “It really is. Though hospitals are shit.”

"When you're not busy, yeah."

“When you’re a patient.”

"Exactly." He murmured.

“I know the feeling all too well.”

"It's horrid. The ICU is good for napping though."

She smiled. “I wouldn’t know."

"I hope you never know."

“So do I. You okay now?”

"Ish."

“If you’re better than you were, then that’s good.”

"Yeah. I'm a lot better than I was. But I still have bad days."

“I know I do.”

"I spent a lot of time in therapy and on some medication."

“If it’s helped, though.” She replied quietly. She wasn’t sure how she felt about getting help.

"It helped so much. My therapist was amazing."

“I’m sure.” Ely said. “I was worried about you, you know.”

He looked over at her. "I've not cut in a year." He said proudly.

“Oh, well done!”

"Sometimes I feel like I want to but I know how to distract myself."

“That’s really good.” She said, smiling.

"And I got my tattoos retouched."

“I noticed.” They looked newer than they used to, and she could barely see the scars.

"It helped me stop."

“That’s good.”

"Plus it looks better."

She nodded. “Yeah, it does. Have you gotten any more since I saw you?"

He hummed, thinking about the dates. "Uh, yeah. I've got one on my ankle."

“That’s cool. It’s going to sound stupid, but I’d never be brave enough.”

"Oh, it's not that scary."

“Needles, remember?”

"You can't even see them."

She shrugged. “Still not brave enough.”

He laughed. “Maybe if you get this job I’ll drag you down to a tattoo parlour.”

“I’ll have to watch you first.” She pointed out.

“Yeah, okay.”

“Don’t throw me in the deep end, yeah?”

“You could get a little one.”

“I’d have no idea what to get.”

“A flower?”

She shrugged. “Maybe.”

“You could get a really colourful one.”

“Yeah, I could.”

“It’d be nice.”

She nodded, listening to the birds singing above them. "Yeah, it would.”

“They don’t have to be all black and white like mine.”

She looked at him, with a soft smile. "Black and white are nice. Classy.”

“Colour is nice too."

"Yeah. But I like to think I'm classy.”

“You are classy.”

"Why, thank you.”

“A proper distinguished officer of the British Army.”

"Oh, aren't you sweet?”

“I’m the sweetest.”

"You really are." She said softly.

“Sweeter than sugar.”

"Gonna give me a cavity.”

He laughed. “Worth it though.”

"I suppose so.”

“Definitely!”

"Pull some strings and get me this job and then we'll talk." She shot back.

“I have no strings to pull!”

"I don't believe you!”

“I’ve been working this job for like 18 months. I don’t have that sort of influence.”

"Oh, you always have influence.”

“Piss off.”

"No. You're so charismatic!”

“Yeah, it’s such a burden.”

"Stop being sarcastic.”

“It’s just so difficult.”

"Stop it." She joked.

“Never.”

"You're awful." She complained.

“And yet you still love me.”

She looked at his face, nudging his shoulder with her own. "Oh, do I?”

“You totally do.”

"Nah, I don’t."

“You do. You’re walking my dog with me in the freezing cold.”

"Maybe I just wanted exercise." She reasoned.

“Rude."

"Well, I really do need something to do.”

“I suppose you do.”

"And exercise is good." She said.

“It is.”


	14. Chapter 14

They finished their walk not much later - and Ely didn't let go of Fao's hand the entire time. It was comfortable, and the contact was nice. She laughed at Arrow with him, and they eventually climbed into her car, nipping back to Fao's flat to drop the dog off and collect Ely's stuff. Then, he took her to the train station, where she gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek before she went to buy her ticket. It was strange, getting on a train and suddenly not having company. But she couldn't say she wasn't glad too, because she'd be worried they'd start talking about her mental health.

She got home a little late, and stopped at a takeaway. Then, she headed to bed, and began her wait for news.

It was odd, without Ely. Fao had enjoyed sharing his flat again, and being with Ely had bought back some really good memories about serving. His flat was quiet, save for the dog, and while he liked the peace it was odd not to have her around. When she was gone, he checked through his emails, sorted out his psychiatrist appointment and had an early night after a lovely long shower. 

The next morning, he woke at the stupidly early time he needed to and headed into work. He was scheduled on elective orthopaedics all day with a short list to ensure he was able to attend the meeting discussing the interviews, and the result of that meeting was a resounding yes to hiring Ely. They even allowed him to ring her and deliver the news, as he knew her, and he was so excited to do it. But he could have fun with it, too.

He slipped back into his office after the meeting, before he needed to go and check up on the patients he'd seen that morning, and reached for the phone on his desk, dialling Ely's number. 

She almost jumped out of her skin when her phone started to ring. For a moment, she stared at the numbers on the screen before answering. 

“Hello?” She asked, putting on her phone voice. 

As the phone rang, Fao took a deep breath and channelled his sixth form maths teacher. Posh but utterly lovely. 

"Ah, Hello, is that Elyana Lozier?"

“Speaking.”

"Wonderful. I'm one of the board members at St George's Hospital and I'm calling in regards to the job you interviewed for."

She nodded to herself, heart beating hard in her chest. “Yes?”

"I'm sorry to tell you that, in this instance, the board have decided to offer another candidate the position."

She paused, chewing her bottom lip. Her heart sunk, but it didn’t feel right. 

“..... Wolfie?”

Ah, shit, she'd made him. But he wasn't about to give up that easily. "I'm sorry I have no idea who you're talking about." He replied, but his voice broke a little.

Her teeth sunk into her lip. “Yeah, you do. Stop pulling my leg.”

He couldn't help it, the laughter just took over. He had a proper little giggle over it, before he got his breath back. "Alright, alright. Sorry Blondie. You got me."

“I hate you,” she told him, “honestly. What have you really rung for?”  
"I genuinely rang about the job. You got it."

“I.... I what?”

"You got the job."

“Really?”

"Really. Swear on my life I'm not pulling your leg this time."

“That’s.... fucking hell.”

"Language, Lozier. Don't make me change my mind." He teased. 

“You wouldn’t dare.” She shot back. “Uh, let me get some paper. I take it you’ve got some details for me?”

"Yeah, I'll talk you through them now and then there'll be an email to confirm everything."

"Yeah, of course." She said, finding her notebook and a pen. "Right, fire away."

He talked her through all of the information she had, including the start date and pay as well as the overtime rate. The official contract hadn't been fully drawn up yet but he talked her through all of that, with the likely hours and rota. When he was done, he grinned, leaning back in his chair. "Any questions?"

"No, I don't think so." She replied.

"You'll get an email with the contract in which you'll need to sign and send back if you're happy with everything there." He told her. "And start looking for a place in London."

"Yeah, there's that. Can't be homeless now, can I?" She asked, smiling to herself. It didn't feel real.

"You can't." He agreed. 

"I'll find somewhere. Shouldn't you be working?"

"This is working."

"What, chatting to me?"

"Well, ringing you was. The chat is tenuous."

"Well, I'll let you know when I find somewhere?"

"Yeah, sure. Or ring me tonight if you want a proper chat."

"Sounds good." She replied softly. "See you soon."

"See you soon." He echoed. 

Ely hung up after that, and couldn't help but have a little dance - she'd got the job! No more Birmingham, no more sitting around her little flat. She could go down to London now, and start a new life.

Once he was off the phone, Fao headed to the wards to check up on the patients he'd seen in theatre that morning. Most of them would be fairly lucid by now. 

That evening, when she was sure Fao would be off the clock and at home, she sent him a text. 

Blondie [20:18]: who knew finding a flat would be so hard?!

Wolfie [20:20]: oh no :( are you struggling?

Blondie [20:21]: a little! I only want a little place 

Wolfie [20:21]: nice places are so hard to find :(

Blondie [20:22] they are! I’ve got a bit of time to find one though

Wolfie [20:22]: yeah you have. Why don't you stay with me while you look? That'd give you more time to find the right place xx

She rung him, then. He was obviously free. It took a few moments for him to pick up, and when he did she spoke. 

“Are you sure?”

He laughed. "Hello to you to." He teased. "But yeah, I'm sure."

“I won’t be intruding or anything?”

"Not at all. You know I live alone."

She hummed. “Then yeah, I will. I’ll put towards rent or anything, too.”

"You can put towards groceries each week and every month we'll split the utility bills?"

“Yeah, that’s fine. It’s the least I could do.”

"I bought the flat outright so there's no rent or anything, just the running costs and food."

“Then I’ll definitely help. I’m a beast to live with, though.” She joked. 

"I'm sure I'll survive." He shot back. "Oh and the other requirement is that you walk the dog on your days off."

She shrugged, though he couldn’t see. “That’s fine. I could do with the exercise.”

"He's a good running partner too, actually."

“I’m not, though.” Ely said. 

"You're not so bad."

“No, but I’m not great.” She replied. “But I’m sure I’ll get better.”

"You will if you practice."

“Of course.”

"That's how the world works. When do you want to come down?"

She paused. “Uh, beginning of the week?”

"Yeah, that works for me. You got loads of stuff?"

She laughed. “Yeah.”

"I'm being nagged to take time off. I can help you move some of it with the big car?"

“Yeah, if you wanna drive up here.”

“I don’t mind. Let me see about getting leave?”

She hummed. “Yeah, that’s fine. It’s okay if not, I’ll get a van.”

“Yeah. Either way.”

“I’ll get down. Do you have a spare key?”

"Yeah, but I'll get you another one cut."

“Thanks.” She said. “Did you have a good day?”

"Yeah, not bad. Elective orthopaedics, so not hard."

“Boring, you mean.” She said, turning down the volume on the tv. “God, I can’t wait to start.”

"It wasn't boring, just not tricky. I had meetings so needed to be available."

“Boring.” She asserted, smiling softly to herself. 

"Your job is more boring." He teased, kicking his feet up on the coffee table. 

“My job is important.” She retorted. 

"Didn't say it wasn't important. I said it was boring."

“I get paid to sit down.” She shot back. 

"You get paid to play with drugs and stare at numbers. Boring."

She laughed. "You think playing with drugs is boring?"

"It is when you're not taking them."

"Oh, you druggie." She teased.

"Well, what can I say? Uni was a lot of fun."

"You're such a bad person."

"I'm not!"

"Go on, what did you take?"

"Uh, mostly weed if I'm honest. But ecstasy once or twice."

"Honestly, Fao.”

“What?! I enjoyed myself.”

“Ecstasy?"

“Oh, shut up.”

"Part of me isn't even surprised." She said, switching which hand she was holding her phone with.

“It was third year. I was bored.”

"You should have been studying!”

“I did study, mostly.”

She laughed again. "Whatever. Shag lots of girls, too?”

“Not just girls.”

"Lucky you."

“I shared my bed with whoever was interested.”

"Lots of action, then.”

“Yeah. Until I realised I was demisexual."

"And that brought that to a halt?”

“Yeah. I started dating instead.”

"Oh, you're so proper." She teased.

“Shut up.”

"No. You are.”


	15. Chapter 15

He managed to get the leave, and headed up to Birmingham to help Ely move her stuff down. A lot of it that she wanted to keep she didn’t need in his flat, so he took it down to his house in Surrey to keep it until she found somewhere else to live. Now, she’d been living with him for over a week, and she was due to start work the next morning. After a nice meal together, they were sat on the sofa watching tv.

Ely curled her legs up under her, biting her lip. The nerves were really setting in now.

"Do you have anything strong I could drink?" She asked. Maybe that would help settle her.

He hummed, looking over at her. “Uh, I’ve got some whiskey and probably some gin. What’s up?”

She shrugged. "I'm nervous." She admitted.

“Well, I can get you something to drink.”

"I can easily go get it myself." She offered. If he just told her where it was.

“Nah, it’s okay.” He murmured, standing up with a groan. “Whiskey or gin?”

"Uh, gin, please, if you have some tonic.”

“I might do. If not, lemonade?”

She nodded. "Yeah. Not too much gin, though.”

He grinned. “Alright then.”

"Thank you.”

He padded to the kitchen, making Ely her drink and pouring himself a whiskey, too. He returned after a few minutes to find the dog had stolen his spot on the sofa. With a laugh, he passed Ely her drink before squishing in between her and the dog.

"Don't sit on me!" She exclaimed playfully.

“Tough. Arrow’s comfy.”

She sipped her drink, and then rested her head against his shoulder. "I was too.”

He smiled softly. “Well now I am too.”

"I suppose that'll do. You nearly squished me with your fat ass, though.”

“My ass is not fat.”

"It is when you're nearly on me.”

“It’s comfy. We should huddle together to combat the cold.”

"Is that your excuse to leave the heating low?”

“No, that’s because I’m a tight arse.”

"No you're not." She said. "But God, I really am nervous.”

“Why? You’ve got this down, Ely. You’re amazing at your job.” 

"I don't know. A new place, I guess." She murmured. "It sounds silly, but it's a little scary.”

“I know what you mean. But you’ll fit right in.”

"What if I don’t?"

“Trust me, you will.”

"Yeah, but what if I don't? What if I get lost? What if my team don't listen to me?"

"Come on, Ely. You were a fucking captain in the Army, you can gain respect from a team in seconds. Plus, if they don't listen to you then they're bloody idiots. Everyone knows you're the most important person in that room."

“Sorry.” She murmured. “I know I worry too much.”

"I can understand why you're nervous." He murmured. 

“I’m essentially just throwing myself into the deep end.”

"Is there ever a shallow end in medicine? Honestly, St George's is like a holiday compared to Afghanistan."

“I’ve been out of the loop for a while, though.”

"The fundamental medicine hasn't changed, love. You'll be just fine."

“I know.” She murmured. God, she was stupid. She had nothing to worry about. 

"And you'll have me around."

"Oh, God help me." She joked.

"Oh, piss off."

"I'm sure you'll make my job enjoyable."

"Of course I will."

She smiled, shuffling to look after him. "I want to have fun."

"I'm great fun. So are most of the staff."

"I know you are."

"You'll really fit in."

She closed her eyes again, settling back against him. "I really hope so."

"Everyone is excited to meet you. I heard rumours of cake."

She paused, and looked back up at him. "How can they greet me with cake when they don't even know me?"

"Because they've known me for eighteen months and I've told them loads about you?"

She blushed, but smiled at him. "What? What have you told them?”

“Only the good things.”

"Come on, what?”

“How good you are at your job.”

"You haven't told them about me knocking you out, have you?”

“Uh, yeah. Well, a couple of them. I told my old housemate.”

She sighed dramatically, sipping her drink. "Will I get to meet him?”

“Yeah. You’ll probably work with him."

"I'd much rather work with you.”

“I know, but I can’t have you all to myself, can I?”

She shrugged. "Well, I live with you."

"True. But I've got to share you at work. Besides, Ollie's a very good doctor."

"No one is better than you, though."

"Oh, you flatter me."

She grinned. "You're pretty damn good."

"I like to think I am."

"You are."

"Thanks. Let's hope you never need me, eh?"

She smiled. "No chance of that, I'm sensible."

He shrugged. "Well, that depends."

"Are you saying you want me hurt?"

"No I'm saying you're not always sensible."

"How so?"

"For starters you were in the Army."

She laughed, leaning forwards to put her glass down. "I'd say that's sensible."

They chatted for a while longer and finished their drinks before heading to bed. They'd fallen into a sort of casual domesticity. The two of them brushed their teeth together in front of the mirror, Fao humming to himself. Eventually, they parted ways to their own rooms and Fao settled down to sleep with the dog curled up on the foot of his bed. He was looking forwards to working with Ely again tomorrow. 

Ely woke up with an immediate feeling of dread, and to her stomach rolling. With a groan, she stumbled to the bathroom, hoping that Fao wasn't already up yet. Luckily, he wasn't, and she fell to her knees in front of the toilet.

Fao was very much still asleep, enjoying his last moments in the warmth of his bed before he had to get up. But he stirred when Arrow got up, woken by the sound of Ely running to the loo. He tried to settled back down in bed after a groan when he saw the time. He heard her vomit and frowned. They'd both eaten the same thing the night before and he was absolutely fine. Maybe she was just nervous. 

When she'd finished, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, and then turned the tap on so she could wash her mouth. Her stomach still felt awful, but she couldn't spend all morning kneeling in front of the toilet. Aware she'd probably woken Fao, she got in the shower and tried to be as quick as possible.

He was about to get up, but he heard the shower running and closed his eyes again, dozing off. He really loved his bed. 

She wasn't long in the shower, and began to head back to her room, wrapped in a towel. But she paused, knocking on his bedroom door.

"Fao?" She said quietly, in case he was asleep. "I'm done in there."

He stirred, groaning again. "Thanks. You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." She lied. "Just thought I'd let you know that you can get in the shower, if you want."

"Thanks." He repeated, rolling onto his back. 

"Okay. See you in a few minutes."

"See you." He agreed, yawning. 

She left him, then, heading to her own room to give him some peace. He was going to need it, putting up with her all day.

After a few moments, he dragged himself out of bed and into the shower. He didn't take long, then headed to his room to get dressed. He pulled on a t-shirt and jeans with a comfy hoodie, padding into the kitchen to make breakfast. 

Ely still felt sick once she was dressed. But she knew she needed to eat, so she made her way into the kitchen, grabbing a glass first - she swore she could still taste what she'd brought up.

"What do you want to eat?" Fao asked, sticking his bread in the toaster. 

She didn’t really want anything. But she’d have hardly any time. “Uh, just toast, I think.”

He hummed, and stuck some bread in for her, too. "You sure you're okay?"

“Yeah. It’s just the nerves.”

"Seriously, you'll do great."

“You keep saying that. I wish I could control it.”

"You have the most control in that room, Ely. It'll be what you make it out to be."

She shook her head. “I meant my nerves.”

"Oh. Rescue remedy?"

She shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t wanna get drugged up.”

"It's literally herbs. It's just meant to soothe you, it's not going to drug you up."

She shrugged again. “You know what I mean.”

"I keep some in the bathroom cupboard." He murmured.

“You don’t even get nervous.” She said, but nodded. She’d grab it before they left.

He shrugged. "Maybe it wasn't mine to start off with."

“I suppose. Thanks, though.”

"No problem. Gotta have you at your best, eh?"

“Yeah.” She agreed. 

"If it helps it helps."

“Yeah, I suppose.” She murmured. 

"And once you get through the first day you'll be fine."

“I know. It’s just first day jitters.”

"Yeah, I know."

“I’m sure I’ll be fine once I’m doing something.”

"I know you will be."

She took a deep breath. “Is that toast nearly done?”

"Nearly, yeah."

She didn’t really want it, but she needed to settle herself. “Okay.”

"Do you want just butter on it?"

“Uh, just a little.”

He nodded, and when the toast popped he buttered his, then Ely's, and passed her the plate. "There. Eat as much as you can."

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He said, sipping his tea.

She nibbled on it more than anything, just wishing she could control her nerves. It was so stupid - she was so stupid. 

Fao checked the time on his phone. “We should go soon.”

“Yeah, okay.” She said. She didn’t really want any more toast. “I’ll just go do my teeth.”

"I'll do mine when you're done." He murmured.

"Okay. I won't be long." She said, leaving her mostly uneaten toast on the side as she headed back to do her teeth.

Fao shook his head as he tidied the kitchen, finishing his own toast and then half of Ely's before throwing it away. It wasn't worth it going completely to waste. He downed his meds with a sip of tea and checked his emails while he waited for Ely to finish in the bathroom. 

She wasn't too long, and came out after only a couple of minutes. "Ready?"

"Just need to do my teeth." He murmured, heading into the bathroom. He didn't take long and he emerged a little later, grabbing his shoes and sitting to put them on. "Right, let's go. Got everything you need?"

She'd slipped some pumps on, and nodded. "Yeah."

"Cool." He murmured, grabbing his keys and his bag. 

"Let's go."

"Let's." He agreed.

Chewing on her lip, Ely unlocked the front door and headed out. This was it, now.

Fao followed her out of the door and unlocked his car, holding the door for her before getting in himself. The drive to work was short and once they'd parked they headed into the hospital. 

Ely was still chewing her lip. This felt rather like her first day of placement - except she knew what she was doing. The only problem was she didn't know where anything was, or who she'd be working with. Fingers crossed, they'd accepted her authority.

Fao glanced over at her. "You'll do great. I'll show you the locker room and the staff room and then I think the clinical lead wants to have a word."

"Yeah, I expect so."

"They'll walk you through everything related to anaesthesia, I think."

"Yeah. It'd be nice to know where everything is."

"Yeah. All the stuff I don't know."

She smiled. "Yeah."

"Because I know nothing."

"You're not Jon Snow." She joked.

"You don't know that!"

She managed a laugh. "Of course I do!"

"I might be."

"I know you're not. You're Major Blackwood."

"Not anymore."

"Well, you can still use it."

"Yeah, but I'm not a Major anymore. Not really."

She shrugged. "I'm sure you still act like one. All that taking control."

"No. Not really."

"I don't believe that."

"You should."

Ely shook her head. "You're in charge in there."

"Well, yeah. Not as much as you, though."

"We're in charge of different things."

"Your word is law."

She smiled. "I'm not the queen.”

“You pretty much are, in theatre.”

"You should get me a crown, then.”

He laughed. “Maybe I will.”

"Then I might believe you.”

“You should.”

“Whatever."

He grinned. “Rude.”

She grinned back. “You know I am.”

“So bloody rude.”

They reached the locker room, and Fao pushed the door open. “Locker room. Pretty self explanatory.”

“Yeah. Is it any locker, or….?”

“Any one that’s not claimed.”

She nodded. “Easy enough.”

"There's one near me."

“I’ll have that one, then.” She said, moving that way. 

“So you can bother me all the time.” He teased with a grin, dumping his stuff and grabbing a set of scrubs from the rack.

"Of course." She replied, setting her bag down. "Chuck me some?”

“What size do you wear?”

"Small top, extra small bottoms.”

He laughed. “You’re so tiny.”

“Oi!"

“You are! Petite.”

"Well, that's not a bad thing," she said, as she pulled her top over her head, "good things come in small packages.”

“What about me, then?” He shot back with a grin, passing her her own scrubs and setting his down on the bench to pull his t-shirt off.

"Your bulk is from working out.”

“But does that diminish my goodness?”

"Mmm, I don't know." She replied, pulling her scrub top on.

“Wow, rude."

"So far you haven't been awful.”

“You’re literally living in my flat rent-free. I’d say that’s pretty lovely of me.”

"You've also known me for yonks.”

“Not that long.”

"It's still years.”

“Yeah, I suppose it is.” He murmured, pulling his own top on and then stripping off his jeans.

"Poor me." She joked, turning her back to him as she too took her jeans off.

"Oi! I'm a gift and you know it."

"I don't know about that."

"I am!"

"You'll have to prove it."

"Maybe I'll get you a gift."

Ely smiled, pulling on the scrub trousers. It felt surreal, to be wearing them again. "A gift to prove you're a gift?"

"Exactly." Fao said, fiddling with the waistband of his boxers before he pulled his scrub trousers on. "And who can turn down a gift, eh?"

"I know I can't."

"I know you can't either."

"Bloody know it all."

He grinned, draping his stethoscope around his neck. "Right, you good? I'll show you to the clinical lead?"

Her teeth found her lip again, but she wasn't sure it was completely nerves. "Yeah, go on then."

He nudged her with his shoulder. "You'll be fine."

"I know, I know."

"So get out there and do your stuff."

"Yeah. I'll be fine once there's some action."

"There's plenty of that to go around."

"Serve me up a plate, then." She said, managing to send a smile his way.

He laughed, as they reached the clinical lead's office. "Here you go. See you around, Blondie."

“See you around, Wolfie.” She replied, and took a deep breath before she knocked.


	16. Chapter 16

He didn't see her again until he walked into theatre with a patient who had multiple severe stab wounds. His 'partner' was already in police custody, so it was imperative they saved him but have him the best possible chance of recovering so he could give a statement to the police as soon as possible. Cases like this really got under Fao's skin - they were close to home. He had to do right by the victim here. His injury had been the turning point in his life. Maybe the same could be said for this person, too. 

Ely already had the poor lad under, and ready to go. The action, the rush, had set her blood alight. She felt in her element once again, she knew what she was doing. It felt truly great, and she grinned in greeting to Fao. 

“Ready?”

"Mmm, ready. Let's give this poor kid a second chance."

She hummed. “See you in there, Major.”

He rolled his eyes. "Still not a Major."

“Shut up!”

"Never." He shot back. It didn't take long before everything got started, and Fao found his teeth worrying his bottom lip under his mask. Cases like this made his blood boil.

With the patient safely under, some of the adrenaline had died off for Ely. Rather suddenly, she was hit by the fact that she had to get this right. For one, the patient needed to survive. But she had to do well, had to control this. She’d lost so much control lately, this was her way back in. And, focused as she was, as well as still unsure around her new team, she was quiet. 

Fao too was quiet, which probably didn't help Ely open up to the team around her. Clare beside him was chatting to one of the circulating nurses, but he was too focused on this kid. He couldn't have been more than about 20, still young. Fao saw a lot of himself in him. So he simply kept his head down and worked hard, speaking only really to ask for something or to answer a question. Once or twice, he glanced over at Ely. She seemed to be doing great, which was nice to see. 

Being in control was easy. Sure, the poor lad had all sorts going on, but keeping him under was going well. She almost wished she had an F1 again, to teach. Like this, she felt cut off from the rest. She was new, and she was sure only Fao was bothered. 

There was so much damage, so much blood. The kid's blood pressure was worryingly low and Fao knew he needed to stop the bleed and bring it up before things went south. He just had to identify where the bleeding was coming from. When he finally found it, Clare passed him what he needed to suture with, raising an eyebrow at how his hands shook as he took it from her. It wasn't an easy fix, and he swore a lot as he struggled to suture it. When it was done, the boy's blood pressure began to move towards normal, which told Fao he was on the right track. 

Ely stayed mostly quiet, muttering under her breath. She’d have liked to speak with Fao, to have the banter they’d always had, but she didn’t want to break the silence and he looked worried. He was never worried. 

Fao knew he just had to do his job and then sit down with some tea. But today his job was proving harder than he'd anticipated and he felt stupid. He knew Clare was worried about him but she wouldn't say anything in front of the rest of the team. He appreciated it, he really did. In the midst of it all, he shot Ely a look, and she reminded him of what they'd achieved over in Afghanistan. He took a deep breath and refocused himself. He could do this, he knew he could. 

She didn't see his look - she'd turned back to check the stats and that everything was working. Everything was fine, the patient was safe. His BP was rising to normal, and they surely wouldn't be here for much longer.

They weren't there for much longer. The kid would be okay, he'd be able to move on with his life. On leaving theatre, Fao felt lighter. He headed straight to the break room, ignoring the shake in his hands. He made himself tea, kicking off his shoes and curling up on the sofa cradling his mug. 

Ely arrived a little later, after making sure the lad was still okay, and leaving him with some nurses with orders to page her if she was needed for anything. She didn't think she would be, and she too made tea (after looking around a while to find everything) and then sat next to Fao.

"You okay?" She murmured.

He looked over at her. "Yeah, fine. You?"

"Yeah. You just look a bit shook up."

"Nah. Jus' worried about the kid." He lied. 

"Me too. But I'm sure he'll be fine."

"Yeah, I know." He said softly. "It pisses me off at how much people can get away with. Poor kid."

"It's really unfair." She replied. "But he's in the best place."

"It's just fucking stupid." He muttered. "I bet the other guy will get away scot free."

Ely shook her head. "He won't. I think someone said he'd been arrested."

"Doesn't mean he's been convicted."

"I'm sure he will be.”

He shrugged. “Maybe.”

"There's no way he can get away with this now, Fao." She said softly. "Look at me? Something's wrong with you.”

“I’m fine. Honestly.” He said, avoiding her gaze.

"We can talk about it later, if you want." She said, blowing her tea. "Don't forget your tea.”

He sipped it hesitantly. “Cases like that just get me so angry.”

"I can tell. You weren't who I was used to in theatre.”

“Sorry. I just wanted to get the job done.”

She shrugged. "It's fine, don't apologise. Just an observation.”

“You were quiet too. Are you settling in okay?” He asked, though he was still staring at the mug of tea in his hands.

She nodded now. "Yeah. First days are always awkward.”

“Yeah, they are.”

"I'm sure I'll be fine."

"You will be." He said, shifting in his seat. He needed a proper drink, not tea. 

"Might need a bath tonight, though."

"That's a good shout."

She smiled. "Not used to all this hard work."

"Lazy." He teased weakly. 

"You can't call me lazy!" She protested, deciding not to comment on his tone. She'd ask him about it later, when they were home.

"I can."

"You're me-" she was cut off by someone at the kitchenette dropping a mug. The smash, in her mind, sounded like a gunshot, and she jumped violently.

Fao jumped, as anyone would at a sudden noise, but it was Ely that worried him. She'd practically jumped out of her skin, and he set his tea down to reach out for her. "Ely, sweetie?"

She chewed on the inside of her cheek, knuckles white around her mug. "I'm fine." She lied quickly.

"You're not."

"I am," she replied, somewhat annoyed that he was pressing, "it just shocked me a little."

"Ely, honey, you jumped out of your skin."

"Anyone would have. You jumped." She reasoned.

"Not as bad as you." He pointed out. 

She forced herself to loosen her grip on her mug, and tried to control the shaking of her hands. It worked, mostly. "Your point is?"

"I just want to know if you're okay."

"I told you, I'm fine." She said, raising her chin to look at him.

He raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. I was just so focused on you that it shocked me a little more."

"Really?"

"Yes." She said, her voice a little hard.

He reached for his tea, humming to himself. "If you say so."

"I do."

He sipped from his mug, knowing she was lying through her teeth. He recognised it because he'd been exactly the same. 

Ely glanced at him. "You don't believe me."

"What I believe doesn't matter."

"Don't pull a face, then."

"I'm not pulling a face, I'm just drinking my tea."

"You pulled a face at me."

"I didn't!"

She huffed, wishing they were at home. Where no one could see them, where she could properly speak.

He finished his tea, standing up. "I should get back to work."

Just like that, tears sprung to her eyes and she hated herself - she was such a baby. "Okay." She said, voice shaking.

He hesitated, hearing the wobble in her voice. He was about to turn around, to comfort her like all the times she'd comforted him. But then his pager went and he pulled it out of his pocket. It was urgent. "I... Fuck. Sorry."

She swallowed. She wasn't going to cry, not here, not on her first day. Not in front of Fao.

"It's okay. Go."

He really didn't want to leave her, but he had to. He had a job to do. "I'll talk to you later." He murmured, before he left. 

She didn't see him again until the afternoon, with another surgery. But she was focused on her job, and didn't speak throughout the operation. It was hours later, when they finished, that she finally did say something.

"Good day?" She asked quietly, as she changed out of her scrubs.

Fao stripped off his scrub top and looked over at her. "Not bad. Busy."

"Yeah." She agreed. She felt like her entire body was aching. "But busy is good."

"It is."

"It feels good to be working again. Helping."

"Keeps the mind busy too."

"Yeah. I'm pretty tired."

"So am I." He was aching, too.

She glanced at him. "Though you're used to it, I suppose."

"Still tiring."

She nodded, turning away from him to grab her clothes out of her locker. "Yeah."

Fao grabbed his own t-shirt from his locker, pulling it on before shrugging his hoodie over the top. After that, he stripped off his trousers and pulled on his jeans. "And my feet are killing me."

"I know what that's like. I feel like I can't walk."

"The cold doesn't help my joints, either."

"No, you old man," she said, "but it'll be summer soon."

"Yeah, it will be."

"And then you'll be complaining that it's too warm."

"Probably, yeah."

Now that her clothes were on, she picked up her bag. "Ready?"

Once he'd sorted his stuff out, he hummed. "Yeah."

"Come on, then, before I fall asleep here."

He laughed, shouldering his bag as he headed out of the room. "You're so dramatic."

"I'm telling the truth. I'm exhausted."

"Well, come on then."

"If you look, I'm right behind you." She retorted.

He laughed again, as they headed out of the hospital. He hadn't parked far away and eventually they were in the car, heading home. 

The sudden quiet was... strange. It was too quiet, too peaceful. Unbidden, her leg began to bounce nervously, hands clasped tightly together. 

Fao shot her a glance as he drove. "You okay?"

"Yeah."

"Sure? You look... On edge."

A muscle jumped in her jaw. "Well, I'm not." She snapped.

"Okay, don't bite my head off."

And the tears were back. She couldn't stop them - she wished she could. She wished she wasn't like this, wished she could control her emotions like she could control anaesthesia. Angrily, she wiped her nose on the back of her hand, her throat tight.

Fao softened, then. "Oh, sweetheart. It's okay. I know it's been a long day."

She sniffed, swallowing thickly. She didn't know what to say, didn't know what to do.

He reached out to rest his free hand on her thigh. "Don't cry. You're alright."

She wasn't. She wasn't alright, not in that moment. And deep down, she knew she wasn't, but she wouldn't even admit that to herself. Her face screwed up and the tears began to fall, her shoulders shaking with sobs.

It broke Fao's heart to hear Ely sobbing like that. She'd always been strong and funny and tough when he'd known her - she'd been his rock when he had been in hospital. Now he was watching her crumble. They weren't long from home, about five minutes or so, and Fao was torn between pulling over or pushing on. In the end, he pushed on, knowing she'd be more comfortable at home than she would be at the side of the road. He just wanted to help her. Like she'd helped him before. 

When they pulled up in the drive, Ely found herself fighting the urge to bolt straight into the house. Part of her didn't want to move, wanted to stay in the car. But the urge to run was stronger, and as soon as the car rolled to a halt she was out, fumbling with the key to get in before she stumbled into the hallway and sunk to the floor next to the wall, pushing Arrow away even though she was blinded by her tears.

By the time Fao had properly parked the car and everything, Ely was gone. He took his time getting out of the car (the cold really did play havoc with his hip) and when he got in he found her on the floor, crying her eyes out. "Oh, sweetheart. C'mon." He murmured, bending to gather her in his arms and carry her to her room. He knew she'd be more comfortable there. 

She pressed against him, knowing he was real. “‘M sorry.”

He settled her on her bed, murmuring softly to her. "Shh, sweetheart, it's alright. It's okay to cry."

She didn’t let go of him, clinging to his hoodie. “No it’s not. Got nothin’ to cry over.”

"That doesn't matter." He reassured, bringing his hands up to cup her face, thumbs brushing her tears away. "How about I run you a bath and get you some food ready? Would that help?"

She sniffed again. “Y-yeah.”

"Then we'll settle down and have an early night." He soothed. "Are you okay if I go and run this bath?"

“O-okay.” She replied, forcing herself to let his hoodie go. 

Fao shrugged his hoodie off and handed it to her. "There. Promise I won't be long."

She scrunched it up in her hands and held it close, wishing beyond anything she could just stop crying. But she couldn’t, the tears just kept coming. 

Fao sent her a soft smile, then headed down the hall to run her bath. He made sure it was lovely and warm, with plenty of bubble bath in it. When it was done, he slipped carefully into her bedroom again. "Bath's ready for you."

“Okay. Thanks.” She got out, forcing herself to sit up as she wiped her eyes. Her fingers came away black, from her running makeup. 

"And while you're in the bath I'll make dinner. Is there anything you fancy?"

Ely shook her head. “‘M happy with whatever.”

He hummed. "Okay. I'll throw something together. You have a nice bath and wash your face and I'll call you when I've made food, yeah?"

“Yeah.” She agreed, forcing herself to get to her feet. God, she ached something terrible. 

"You'll feel a hundred times better when you get out. Promise."

“Yeah. See you soon.” She said quietly, heading to the bathroom. When she got into the water, it was hot and soothing, and she forced herself to wash before she laid back and closed her eyes. 

With Ely in the bath, Fao set about making dinner. He was stuck with what to make - he didn't really know what would make Ely feel better - but in the end he decided to go with what Ollie had always cooked for him when he'd been like this. Macaroni cheese. He made sure it was really cheesy with liberal amounts of sauce, then when it was done he headed to the bathroom, knocking on the door. "Ely, food's ready."

She’d dozed off, the heat of the bath and her exhaustion combining. Groaning, she rubbed her eyes. “Okay. I forgot pyjamas....”

"Oh, that's okay. Are there some in your bedroom I can grab?"

“Yeah. In the drawers.”

"Fleecy ones?"

“Yeah, please.”

"No problem." He said, heading to her room to find a pair of nice fleecy pyjamas. When he returned, he wasn't sure what to do. "Do you want me to leave them out here or bring them in?"

“You can come in.”

Hesitantly, he slipped into the bathroom and set the pyjamas down on the closed toilet seat. "There you go. Whenever you're ready."

“Thank you.” She was grateful that he’d knocked on the door and woken her, or she’d have probably slept through the night.

He smiled and left the room, sorting out drinks for dinner. He set out a nice glass of water for her, and decided on squash for himself. He was shattered too, and couldn't wait to crawl into bed. 

She was out not much later, pulling her sleeves over her hands. Whatever he’d made, the smell was amazing, and she noted the set table. He really was so thoughtful. 

He could hear Ely moving around, and served the food. He carried the plates to the table, setting them down. He flashed her a smile. "If there's too much just leave it."

"Okay. Thank you." There was nothing better than mac and cheese, though she had to admit that even after the long day she wasn't too hungry.

"I made way too much anyway."

"Of course." He'd made too much every night so far.

"So just eat what you can."

"Yeah, I will.”

“Good.” He said with a smile, sitting down to eat.

To be honest, Ely mostly picked at her food. She ate what she could, and then pushed the bowl away, chewing on the inside of her lip. She felt like she'd not appreciated, that she'd wasted his time and effort.

Fao hummed. “Are you done, sweetie?”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“That’s okay.”

“I guess I’m just not that hungry.” She said, trying to explain. He deserved an explanation. 

"Yeah. I understand. It's alright."

It wasn’t, not really. But she felt like shit and Fao was being kind. She just nodded, and sipped her water. 

He continued to eat, then had a bit of Ely's too. She was still so quiet, and he was worried about her. When he was done, he cleared the table, then rested a hand on her shoulder. "Shall we go sit on the sofa for a bit?”

She looked up at him. “Yeah. That’d be nice.”

“We can cuddle a bit?”

“Yeah.”

He smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “C’mon then.”

She got up from the chair, feeling stiff, and all but shuffled over to the sofa, where she sat down heavily. 

Fao settled on the other side of the sofa. “I bet your feet are aching. Come here.” He said, patting lap.

She frowned for a moment, and then shuffled so her back from agains the sofa arm. Carefully, she swung her feet into his lap.

He smiled. "Don't say I never treat you."

"I can't now." She agreed quietly. "You're looking after me." She couldn't fathom why he was.

Gently, he rubbed her feet, working into the parts he knew would be sore. He wanted to make her feel special. 

She was quiet for a second. "That's really good."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. They really hurt."

"I bet they do."

"But you're making them better."

"Well, it is my job."

She managed to smile back at him. "Yeah. You're good with your fingers."

He laughed. "I'll take that as a compliment."

Ely slipped down on the sofa, so she was laying down. "But this is really nice."

"I'm glad you like it."

"Sorry for crying."

"It's okay."

She shrugged. "I'm still sorry. I didn't cry in Africa."

"And? That doesn't mean anything."

She was quiet, stifling a noise as he got a good spot. "I'm a baby for crying. There was nothing to cry over.”

His hands stilled. “By that logic, that makes me a baby for crying in hospital? We’ve both been through a lot, Ely. Crying is just a natural response.”

"You were in pain.”

“There’s no shame in crying after a tough day, sweetie.”

"It wasn't even tough." Child's play, compared to the Army.

"Anything's tough if you're nervous and you haven't had much sleep. Plus you've not been working for ages, you're not used to those kinds of shifts."

Ely shrugged again. “Okay."

He started to rub her feet again. “You’ve got nothing to be ashamed about.” He murmured. “After my second jaw op I cried because I dropped my phone. Sometimes you don’t need a real reason.”

"I suppose.”

“Things will get easier. Promise.”

"I hope so.”

“I know so."

Ely just nodded, unsure what to say to that. All afternoon, after the mug had been smashed, she'd felt on edge, and out of sorts. Paranoid. Now she was home, and all she wanted to do was sleep.

Fao knew what he was doing wouldn’t fix Ely, it wouldn’t even get close. She needed to speak to a professional and work through whatever was in her head in a safe space with someone she trusted. But he hoped he was helping, hoped she’d feel slightly better for all of his spoiling and fussing. Arrow, from where he’d been hiding presumably on Fao’s bed now came padding into the living room and stopped to sit in from of Ely, sniffing her gently. The dog always had a way of knowing when someone was feeling rough.

She couldn't see past Arrow, but she didn't really mind all that much. She leaned forwards, wrapping her arms around his middle, and pressed her nose into his fur.

"Thank you," she murmured, "for everything.”

“You talking to me or the dog?” Fao teased with a soft smile.

"Both. Mostly you.”

“You want a proper cuddle with someone less hairy?” He asked.  
`  
She lifted her head to look around the dog. "Go on then.”

“Come here.”

She carefully got the dog out of the way, and her feet off of Fao's lap before cuddling up next to him.

Fao wrapped his arms around her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m proud of you for today."

There wasn't anything to be proud about. She turned her head, so she could hide her face against him.

“I am.” He repeated. “You did so well, doing a full on day like that, first day in a new job and everything.”

"I suppose.”

“It’s tough.”

"Yeah. I'm really tired.”

Fao checked the time on his phone. It was fairly late. “Do you want to go to bed?”

"I don't want to be alone." She admitted quietly.

“You can share with me?” He offered.

"If you don't mind.”

“Not at all.”

She nodded. “Okay."

“I’m sure you’re more polite when sharing a bed than Arrow is, at any rate.”

She couldn't help the smile, then, though her eyes were shut and she was definitely drowsy. "Something like that.”

“So long as you promise not to lick my face in the morning.”

"Mmm, can't promise that." She mumbled, slipping down so she could rest her head in his lap.

“Well, that’s just rude.” He replied, reaching down to play with her hair, as it spilled into his lap.

"Depends how I feel.”

“I’ll have to hope you’re not in the licking mood, then.”

“Yeah."

“You gonna fall asleep on me, a stór?”

"'M sleepy." She replied.

“Bed, then?”

"Don't wanna move.”

He chuckled, slipping out from under her. “Well, I’m beat too.” He murmured, bending to gather her up in his arms.

"You're so warm and strong.”

“Why thank you.”

"It's really nice.”

“I’m glad you think so.”

"Don't think I could carry you.”

“You could try.”

She smiled, turning her head to his chest. The smell of his aftershave was thick there, and she breathed deeply. "I'd fall over.”

“Probably.”

"'M not strong.”

“Not physically.”

"Not at all.”

“Don’t put yourself down, missy.”

She closed her eyes. "Are we in your room yet?"

"Just about." He said, managing to push the door open with his foot. 

"Bet your bed's really comfy."

"It's the same as yours."

"Bet it's better."

"Well, I wouldn't know."

She pushed her face against him again. He smelt so good. "Guess not."

He set her down on his bed gently. "You get comfy. I just need to change and get ready for bed."

"Okay. Don't be long."

"I won't be." He said, reaching under his pillow to grab his pyjamas and heading out of the room to change, brush his teeth and send the dog out for a wee before bed. Once he was done, he headed back to his bedroom. 

While he was gone, Ely got into his bed, wrapping herself in as much duvet as possible. It was nice, and it made her feel like he was still here - a comforting sort of heaviness, and it had traces of his aftershave and washing powder. It was lovely, and she found her eyes shutting.

When he slipped back into his room, Fao could see Ely's eyes were closed. He assumed she was asleep or almost there. He managed to pry some duvet away from her, slipped under it and made sure his alarm was set before he plugged his phone in and set it down on the bedside table. Moments after he'd settled the dog joined them, curling up on the end of the bed by Fao's feet. It just felt right. 

When the mattress dipped, Ely rolled over towards him, cuddling up to his side.

"You came back."

"Of course I came back, idiot." He said fondly. 

"I like your bed."

"Is that because I'm in it?"

"Yeah."

"Thought so."

"You're great."

"I suppose I am pretty great."

She smiled against him, hand flattening against his abs. "Cocky."

"Like you care."

"I don't."

He smiled. "Good."

"You're so nice. Letting me live here and looking after me."

"Well, it's the least I could do."

"You didn't owe me anything."

"You helped me so much in hospital. To be honest, you saved my life."

She looked up at him. "It was Chris that found you."

"Not just that." He murmured. "In Afghan..."

“That wasn’t just me.”

"I know it was you who did cpr."

“How do you know that?” She asked. 

"Someone told me back in Bastion."

“Oh.” She said quietly. “Well, I wasn’t gonna lose you.”

"So I owe you my life. Right now a flat and food is as close as I'm going to get."

“Maybe I’ll just throw myself in front of a bus so you can return the favour.”

"I never want to have to return the favour." He said, playing with her hair. "So please don't throw yourself in front of any buses."

“Okay.”

"No brushes with death if it can be avoided. They're not as exciting as exciting as they sound."

“I’ll stay safe.”

"Please. It doesn't get any better the second time, I can assure you."

“Second time?”

"Yeah. You didn't know?"

“I don’t think so. When was it?” She asked. 

“When I was in college. I thought you might have seen it on my notes.”

She shook her head. “I can’t remember.”

"Doesn't matter."

“I’m sorry you’ve had it twice.”

"Sometimes that's how life goes."

She hummed, pushing her head into his hand. “Yeah.”

He smiled. "And I'm alright now, thanks to you."

“Good. You look really well.”

“Thank you. It’s been a long road.”

"Yeah." At least she wasn't injured. Things would be so much harder if she was.

“But worth it. I’m happy with my life now.”

She hummed again, closing her eyes. "I hope I can be happy.”

“I know you will be.”

"I don't feel it now." She admitted.

“You won’t feel it now, but one day you’ll wake up and realise this is exactly where you want to be.”

"You sound so wise.”

“I’ve been where you are, honey.”

"You still sound so wise." She said softly.

“I guess wisdom comes from experience.”

She pressed closer - soon, she'd be on top of him. “Yeah."

“And I’ve got plenty of that.”

"I suppose you do.”

“You’ll be okay.”

"Yeah. I've got you.”

“You have. You’ll always have me.”

She forced herself to open her eyes and look up at him, lips parted in surprise. "I hope so. You're my best friend.”

“And you’re mine.” He murmured.

"Well, I'm in your home.”

He laughed softly. “You are.”

"Now I've started I should probably start looking for my own place," she murmured, voice thick, "but I don't wanna leave.”

“You don’t have to look yet.” He said softly. “I like having you around.”

"I like it here.”

“Good.” He said softly. “But I think you should sleep now.”

She nodded. "Yeah. You should too.”

“I will. Goodnight sweetie.”

"Goodnight." She replied, settling down against him. It was crazy, how safe and valued she felt, and it was only moments before she drifted off.


	17. Chapter 17

It took Fao a little longer to fall asleep, but eventually he did, listening to Ely’s soft breathing as she slept. When his alarm went off the next morning, he groaned, but opened his eyes to see Ely curled up on his chest, still sleeping soundly. He smiled. He was glad she’d managed to settle.

She stirred a moment later, looking up at him.

"Morning." She greeted, voice soft.

“Good morning, you. Did you sleep okay?”

Ely nodded. "Yeah. No nightmares or anything.”

“Well, that’s good.”

"Yeah," she said, "do you wanna go shower first?"

"Yeah, if you want to stay in bed for a bit."

"I don't mind going first."

"I'll go. You need a bit more of a lie in than me." He said, untangling himself from her. 

"Okay. I'll try not to fall back asleep."

"I'll come back in when I'm done."

"Okay."

"Wake you up if you fall asleep." He said with a grin. 

"Okay." She said again, pulling the duvet up.

He laughed. "See you in a bit."

"Go on, you smell.”

“Piss off.”

She snuggled deeper under the duvet. “No."

“Rude.”

"You need to piss off to shower.”

“I suppose I do.” He murmured. “Don’t sleep too deeply.”

"I won't."

He headed out of the bathroom to shower, washing his hair. They both headed into work, and had a fairly normal, if busy, day. The days went by much like that, with either them both at work or one of them in. Occasionally they had days off together, and mostly they spent them watching tv or walking the dog. Now Fao found himself checking her rota as well as his, and it was late one evening whilst she was showering that he found himself making her lunch for the next day, when she was in and he wasn’t. She had other stuff to do, and he didn’t so decided it’d make life easy for her if he made her lunch and stuck it in the fridge. He grabbed a couple of post-its from the side in the living room and scrawled her a quick note that he stuck to the bag, with the name and number of his old councillor, along with the message ‘If you want someone to talk to’. He then put it on the shelf in the fridge in plain sight, and stuck a note to the front of the fridge telling her that’s where her lunch was. With a contented smile, he headed back to the living room and flopped down on the sofa.

As the days went on, Ely got more and more used to the work. Before long, the twelve hour shifts weren't bothering her any more, though some days were harder than others. She still had the nightmares, sometimes had to pause when a case came up that reminded her of things in the army. She found herself avoiding talking about the bad things that had happened out there, even to Fao. A couple of times, she snapped at Fao - and others - for no reason.

But she'd settled into Fao's flat, she was enjoying living with him. She liked it most when she worked with him, but she'd got to know everyone she worked with, too. It was nice, even if she did get the taxi to work when Fao wasn't in.

Once she was in some cosy pyjamas, and her damp hair was dried, she headed into the living room and sat with Fao for the night, until she fell asleep on him. He ushered her to bed, then, and in the morning she found her lunch in the fridge, all ready to go. She paused at the note on the front, and then took it off and put it in the bin. She was fine. 

Except she got sent home just after dinnertime, still shaking from a panic attack. She sat in the back of a taxi, chewing her lip and wishing she could come up with some lie to tell Fao. If he knew the truth, he'd make her talk to someone, and she didn't want to.

Fao had woken when Ely left for work, hearing her moving around the flat. But he wasn’t bothered, and simply rolled over onto his front and fell asleep again. He slept until about 11, having worked a long shift for most of the week. He got up after that, made himself brunch, and headed out with the dog. When he got in, he was surprised to find the door unlocked. 

“Ely?” He called hesitantly.

She was surprised when he wasn't home, but Arrow didn't come to greet her, so she assumed he was out. And it gave her chance to come up with an excuse. So, curled up on the sofa, she called back to him.

“Yeah?"

He frowned, unclipping Arrow’s lead and letting him trot off to greet Ely. “You’re home early. Everything okay?”

She nodded, stroking her hand over the dog's head. "Yeah. They messed up the rota.”

“Oh.” He said softly, hanging his coat up and taking his boots off before he padded into the living room. “You’ve been in for hours.”

She shrugged. "Half an hour. I went for a walk.”

“You went for a walk at half seven until two?”

"Yeah. Sat in nature."

He folded his arms over his chest. "I don't believe you."

"Don't know why not. There's nothing wrong with me doing that."

"Why didn't you call? I would have picked you up."

She looked at him. "I don't mind getting a taxi. Besides, you needed your rest. And I'm capable of getting the tube."

"Fine. Why aren't you all muddy?"

"I went to Regent's Park, and stayed on the path." God, couldn't he leave her alone and stop asking her all these questions?

"Right, fine." He murmured, still unconvinced. He knew the rota was right. 

"Unless you don't like the idea of that?" She said, tone hard. "Don't like the idea of me wandering around London on my own?"

"Well, quite honestly I'm not fond the idea."

"Yeah, well, I'm a grown woman who's perfectly capable. London isn't Afghanistan."

"It's not London I'm worried about. It's you."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm fine."

"You're really not."

"So I cried the other day. Big deal." She shot back. "I'm a doctor, if I thought I was unwell I'd do something about it."

"Don't think I don't hear the nightmares, or I don't notice how you pretty much jump out of your skin when you hear something being dropped. You snap at people for no reason, and you hate it when I talk about Afghanistan."

"You're looking for things that aren't there."

"I'm noticing things that are clear as day."

She huffed. "You're not."

"I am. I hear you up virtually every night. Stop fucking pretending everything is fine when it's clearly not."

There was no need for him to be in her face, for him to be swearing and shouting and accusing her. She shrunk away from him as everything became too loud, too busy, and her head began to spin.

He froze. God, he was such an idiot. She'd clearly been on edge, and now he'd pushed her to a panic attack. That was probably why she'd been sent home - there was no way she'd gone to regent's park. He forced himself to move, sitting down next to her. "Ely, sweetie? Can you hear me?"

She swallowed thickly, shaking as she cried. She could hear him, only just see him through the tears, but she shrunk back from him even more, drawing her knees to her chest. She didn't want to be touched - she wanted to be as small as possible as she tried desperately to breathe. But she couldn't, she couldn't breathe, her breath was coming short and fast and she wasn't getting any oxygen. She was doomed doomed doomed.

God, she was a mess. "Ely, honey. It's okay, you're okay." He soothed. "You've just got to breathe, yeah? I know you can do it." His voice was soft, as though he was talking to an injured animal.

She reached out then, desperate for something to ground her. Her fingers brushed his arm, then down towards his hand, which she gripped tightly.

"You're okay, yeah? I've got you." He murmured. "Nothing bad is gonna happen because I've got you."

She sniffed, wiping her nose on the back of her hand. It was getting a little easier to breathe, but she still squeezed his fingers, unwilling to let go - as if he was the only thing keeping her sane.

"Can you breathe nice and slow for me?" He asked softly. 

She whimpered, then, and turned towards him to hide her face against him. "'M tryin'."

"Breathe with me, can you do that?" He said, taking nice even breaths.

“Tryin’.” She repeated, able to taste salt. It was getting easier, though.

He pressed her hand to his chest. "See. Breathe with me."

She sniffed, but tried to copy him. Within a few moments, she was breathing normally, albeit still shaking. 

“There you go, honey. Nice and slowly.”

She bit her lip, avoiding his gaze. He'd know, now. He'd work it all out and he'd force her to get help. She didn't want help, she wasn't ill.

“You’re okay, yeah?” He murmured, kissing the top of her head.

She was. She was okay.

"Yeah," she answered, "I'm okay.”

“Let me make you a nice cup of sweet tea?”

"Yeah, okay.”

“You just keep thinking about breathing, yeah?”

Ely nodded. “Yeah."

He slipped out from under her and headed to the kitchen, made a cup of tea for both of them, and then padded back into the living room, passing her her mug. “There. How you holding up?”

She took it, cupping it in her hands. "Okay, I guess."

"Well, I'm available for hugs now." He said, settling down next to her on the sofa. 

She immediately put the tea down and curled up against him. "I guess you know why I'm home now."

"I think I can guess, yeah. Sorry I started another one."

"You didn't know," she said softly, "but I don't need any help." This was good enough.

He nodded. "Okay. If that's your decision I understand."

"It's just a couple of bad days. I'm not normally like this."

"Mmmhmm. It's okay." He murmured. He knew forcing her wouldn't get them anywhere. She needed to come to her own realisation.

"But thank you for looking after me. You're like my own knight."

"Except I've got a dog instead of a white charger."

She smiled. "Yeah. He's great."

"I'm gonna struggle to ride him into battle, though."

"Too fat." She joked weakly.

"Oi! Rude, Missy."

“Well, he’s not that strong. And you’re all muscle.”

"No fat on me, thanks very much."

“Yeah, but muscle still weighs something.”

"Yeah, I know."

“He might be able to drag you.”

"That's what the breed was bred for. Pulling things."

“He could definitely pull you, then."

"Probably:" He murmured. 

She was quiet for a moment, before she decided he wouldn’t care - she climbed into his lap, wrapping her legs around his waist. 

He chuckled. "Hello, you."

“Wanna be closer.” She murmured, as if that explained everything. 

He smiled, and carefully set his tea down to theb wrap his arms around her. "Close enough, a stór?"

She wrapped her arms around him in a hug, though she couldn’t hide against him now because she was higher than him. “Yeah.”

"Good."

“And you’re warm.”

"I'm surprised I'm not cold."

She shrugged. “Walking keeps you warm. Your hands are probably cold.”

"Probably, yeah." He murmured. "What do you wanna eat this evening?"

“I don’t know.” Anything was fine with her. 

"Come on, I want to treat you."

“You’re always treating me when I feel like shit. This is good enough.”

"But if you had to pick. What would make you feel better?"

Ely was quiet for a moment or two, thinking. “Cottage pie.”

“I can do cottage pie.” He murmured.

"Or shepherd's pie.”

“I think I’ve got beef, not lamb.” He said. “There’s something in the freezer."

She nodded, and her fingers slid absently up into his hair at the base of his skull. "You have everythin' in the freezer.”

“I’m prepared.” He murmured. “You wanna take my hair down?”

"It's nice up. It's really soft.”

“Why, thank you.”

"Can't believe its so long.”

“Why? Hair grows.”

"I'm used to you having just about none.”

“I had some! It was as long as I was allowed.”

She shrugged. "It's still long. I like it.”

“I’m glad you do.”

"It's almost longer than mine.”

“I reckon it is.” He said, smiling. 

"Can you plait it now?”

“Mine? Yeah, easy.”

"I'm all fingers and thumbs." She murmured.

“Do you want me to plait yours?”

"Later, maybe. I like sitting like this.”

“Okay.” He said softly. 

"It's comfy.”

“I’m glad to know I’m a comfortable seat.”

She blushed a little. "You really are. Better than the sofa.”

“I spent a lot of money on that sofa!” He protested.

"You're still comfier.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

She smiled at him. “It is one.”

"Good."

“You’re great.”

"Thanks, love."

“You are.” She said, her blush deepening at the endearment. 

"So are you." He told her. "Shall I go and get that mince out of the freezer, then?"

"I suppose." She said, but she didn't move. She felt safe like this.

"Hold onto me properly and you won't have to get off." He murmured.

"Won't I be in the way?"

"I've got one hand. All I need to do is defrost the mince." He said, carefully getting to his feet, wrapping his arm properly around her. 

She hummed, wrapping her legs properly around his waist and locking them at the ankles. "If you wanna."

"I need to, unless you wanna eat frozen mince."

"You could have just told me to get off."

"You're nice to cuddle."

"You like it that much that you refuse to put me down?"

"Yeah. And you're not heavy."

"I'm not light, though." She replied.

"Eh, fairly light."

“If you say so.”

"I do say so."

She tucked herself under his chin, breathing deeply against his skin. "I'll believe you."


	18. Chapter 18

She had good days, after that. Her nights were still plagued my nightmares a few times a week, and sometimes she still snapped and was generally unfair to people, but she always apologised for her behaviour. Life with Fao was nice, an easy sort of domesticity, and the time started to flash by, between shifts and good food and the odd bottle of wine shared between them.

Eventually, February rolled around. She'd become good friends with Fao's old flatmate, Ollie, and it was to him she turned in late January, asking him when Fao's birthday was. She was sure it was February, and she was right - so she bought his presents online, staying up even though she was absolutely knackered to find the perfect ones. In the end, she got him two things - one, a vinyl record of Chopin's Noctures, and the second was decidedly more expensive.

A driving experience at Silverstone, Ferrari vs Aston Martin. She felt it was very him - fast, furious, dangerous. Something for a thrill-seeker, to get the blood pumping and the adrenaline flowing. She hoped he'd like it.

Fao really enjoyed living with Ely. They'd fallen into a domesticity, some days they both worked, other days one of them was off. The days they were both off were the best, lie ins followed by lazy brunches and, if they were off on Sundays, a proper roast. Fao tried to cook whenever he could, but he taught Ely too, and they'd often share a bottle of wine with dinner and then on the sofa afterwards, too. Her mental health had seemingly gotten better, though Fao knew it wouldn't last. It never did. They had a quiet Christmas together - Fao didn't have any family to spend it with, and Ely went to her mum's on Boxing Day while Fao worked. Eventually, after a tough January at work, February rolled around. Fao's birthday loomed, though he'd not told Ely. He didn't really know why, but he just didn't want the fuss. He'd booked the day off, though only because Alex's brother said he wanted to come get coffee with him and give him the present his parents had bought him. So he got up that morning after a nice long lay in, padding to the kitchen to get coffee. 

Ely woke early - she'd set an alarm, after making sure they were both off for his birthday - and waited until she heard Fao moving about. He had a habit of being up before her, just about every day they weren't working. Quietly, she padded around her room, finding the card and the wrapped present, which she'd hidden in different places, just in case.

Then she cracked open her door, and walked as quietly as she could into the kitchen, where she found Fao with his back to her.

"Happy birthday to you," she sung, badly, "though you make us all spew, get plastered you bastard, happy birthday to you!"

Fao paused as he made his coffee. "Oh my god, I hate you so much. Do I not even get the proper version?" He asked, turning to face her. 

She grinned, shaking her head. "No. That's the best one!"

He rolled his eyes. "How did you know, anyway?"

"I'm smart!"

"Not that smart."

"Oi!" She exclaimed. "Do you want your present or not?"

"You bought me a present?"

"What do you think is in my hand, other than a card?"

He'd not looked, really. "Oh, you didn't have to get me anything."

"I wanted to." She replied, and passed him the present first. She'd always done cards first, but his other present was hidden in it, and she wanted him to have that one last.

"Well, I suppose I can't argue with that." He murmured, taking the present from her. It was large, and weighty, and he frowned before he unwrapped it. A vinyl of Chopin. Specifically, his nocturnes, played by one of his favourite pianists. "Ely, this is..."

"I thought you'd like it."

"It's perfect."

She smiled, and then offered him the card. "Don't forget this."

He took the card now, setting the record down on the kitchen counter. "Oh, of course. Thanks." He murmured, opening it. On the front was a cute message that made him smile, and then as he opened it he almost dropped a bit of paper that had been tucked inside it. It was a little printout for a driving experience - Ferrari Vs Aston Martin at Silverstone. He didn't want to think how much that had cost her.

"Fucking hell, Ely."

Her smile grew to a cheshire grin. "I saw it and thought of you."

"That's insane, you crazy idiot." He teased, grinning. "God, you've really spoilt me."

"Well, you're an insane petrolhead, so it fits."

"I'm not insane." He protested. "But come here, I need to hug you."

She stepped closer, wrapping her arms around his middle in a hug. "Happy birthday, Wolfie."

He hugged her back, holding her tight. "Thanks, Blondie."

"You deserve to be spoilt."

"Not to this level."

"Definitely to this level, you dork." She replied, pulling back to look up at his face. "You deserve the world."

"You're too bloody cute." He replied. "Can I make my morning coffee now?"

"No, because I'm going to make it for you. Go sit down, birthday boy."

"Can I go have a smoke?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I'm not gonna stop you from doing it."

"And it's not like you can do it for me." He murmured, heading out of the kitchen to the little garden after grabbing his cigarettes and his lighter. 

"No, I can't." She agreed, watching him go before she moved to make him a coffee, and a cup of tea for herself. When it was done, she ventured outside to him. "Do you trust me enough to cook you breakfast, or is that a step too far?"

He hummed, though turned away from her after he took his mug. "Oh, I don't know. I think I can trust you with some light supervision."

"You sure? I don't want to go burning everything down."

"That's what the light supervision is for." He replied. 

"Mmm, I suppose. What do you want?"

"Whatever you want to make."

She rolled her eyes. "It's your birthday breakfast. Come on, tell me."

"Well, there's bacon and eggs. I'm sure you're capable of that, with some toast."

She smiled. "Yeah, I should be. Want it now, or want to wait a bit?"

"Uh, now's good."

"I'll go do it, then." She said, and turned away to head back inside.

"I'll be in in a minute." He called. 

"Okay!"

He took his time with his cigarette, then padded inside, shutting the door behind him. He wandered into the kitchen and hopped up onto one of the counters, watching Ely cook whilst he cradled his mug of coffee in his hands. 

"Do you have to make me feel any smaller?" She teased, glancing up at him as she laid the bacon out.

"I'm only sat!" He protested. 

“On the counter. I’m short!”

"So am I. Suck it up." He shot back with a smile. 

“You’re taller than me. I fit under your chin.”

"Only just!" He protested. "Carry on cooking, I'm hungry."

“God, you’re demanding.”

"I've earned it."

She glanced up at him, once she'd put the bacon under the grill. "I suppose you have."

"It's my birthday I can be as demanding as I want."

"That's not the same as earning it." She replied, popping the toast in the toaster.

"I'd say it is."

"It's not." She shot back, grabbing some eggs from the fridge. "How many eggs do you want, two?"

"I've survived another year, I can be demanding if I want." He told her, sipping his coffee. "Yeah, two is good."

She grabbed three - two for him, one for her - and put them on the side while she looked for a pan. "Honestly, after those amazing presents?"

"I've still survived another year."

"Some of it with me, too." She joked.

"Exactly."

"I want to see you drive those cars, though."

"You will. I have no doubt."

“You’ll have to book the day,” she said, “just let me know when.”

"Yeah. I've still got loads of leave left."

“Me too.” She murmured, cracking the eggs into the pan. 

"We'll pick a date together?"

She smiled at him. “If you want. It’s your present.”

"It was your money."

“For your present.”

"Well, we need to go together. So we'll pick the date together."

She hummed. “Okay. After breakfast?”

"Yeah. Then I, uh, I've gotta go out for a bit."

Ely looked up, and shrugged. “That’s fine. I don’t mind.”

"I won't be hours."

“It’s okay, Fao.” She said. “Could you pass me a couple of plates?”

"Mmmhmm." He hummed, hopping off of the counter with a wince and grabbing the plates. 

“You okay?”

"Yeah, fine."

“If you say so.”

"100% okay."

“Okay.” She said, playing the food up. 

"Have you got any other plans for today, since you surprised me with presents?"

Ely shook her head. “No. I’ll take Arrow out for you?”

"Yeah, or we could go together? I won't be late back."

She nodded. “Okay. As long as your back for five, I’m happy.”

"Oh, back for five, eh?" He said with a grin. "So you have got something planned."

“I have not!” She replied. “Even if it’s your birthday, I don’t want to be alone all day.”

“Hmm, is that so?”

“Yes.” She said firmly. 

“Well, I’ll be back earlier than five to spend time with you.”

She smiled at him, offering him his plate. "That's very nice of you.”

“I’m lovely.” He replied, taking his food and sitting at the table.

"I suppose you are. We could open a bottle of wine.”

“We could.”

She sat down opposite him. "Or champagne.”

“If we’ve got any."

"I'm sure we do.”

“Maybe somewhere.”

She sipped her tea. "Later, though. It's too early for champagne.”

“It’s never too early for Champagne, but I’ve got to drive later so I agree with you for now.”

That made her laugh. "If you say so.”

“I do say so.”

"You're so certain." She teased.

“That’s because I’m an arrogant surgeon.” He said with a grin, sipping his coffee.

"I knew it had something to do with that." She shot back.

“Of course it does.”

"Arrogant arsehole.”

“Like you’re any different.” He retorted.

"Mmm, I suppose not," she replied, "but we're two peas in a pod.”

“We are."

"Except I don't think I'd be any good on that track day." She joked.

“Well, you don’t really drive.”

"I don't." She agreed. "I should probably look into getting a car.”

“Yeah, that might be an idea. I’m happy to put you on the insurance for the Range Rover whilst you look, if you want?”

Ely nodded. "Yeah, if you want to.”

“Makes it easier, if you ever need to get anywhere outside of London.”

She smiled at him. "That it does.”

“Like seeing your Mum or something.”

"Yeah," she agreed, "oh! She sent you a card.”

“Oh, she did?”

"Yeah." She said, getting up and going to get it from in front of the tv. “Here."

He opened it, smiling at the nice message inside. “You know, I think I should actually meet your mum. She’s always sending me things but I don’t really know her."

"That's because I don't shut up about you.”

“Still. I think I should actually meet her. What about a Sunday roast one week?”

"Sure. She'd love to have someone else cooking.”

“We’ll see when we’re next off together, then.”

"Sounds good." She agreed, finishing her breakfast and then her tea.

Once he’d finished, Fao stood up. “Thanks for breakfast. Is it okay if I go shower before I go out?”

“Sure."

“Thanks. And thanks again for the presents.” He said, pressing a kiss to her cheek before he headed to the bathroom to shower.

She blushed, and because she was a little shocked she didn't get the chance to say anything before he disappeared. She got up once he was in the bathroom, and sorted out the plates before wiping down the kitchen.

Fao showered, humming to himself, then got dressed in jeans and a comfy jumper. He sorted his hair, sat and played with the dog for a bit, then headed out. The place he'd agreed to meet Mark was outside of London, so he grabbed up his car keys and said goodbye to Ely, asking her to thank her mum for the card (and the ten pound note he'd found inside). 

Chatting with Mark was nice, and they laughed over the stupid stuff they'd done at family gatherings. Between tours all three of them needed to let off steam and it often came out at Christmases and Birthdays. There had been some hilariously drunk moments. After a good trip down memory lane Mark gave Fao his present and card and then the card from his parents. Both were lovely and Fao thanked him whilst making a mental note to call them. Eventually, he said goodbye and called them in the car on his way to Alex's grave. There, he had a cigarette whilst leaning against the headstone, explaining to his former girlfriend how he hadn't bought flowers because he knew she would have chewed him out about buying stupid stuff on his birthday. Once he'd taken his time there he headed back home, feeling a little bittersweet. He was looking forwards to seeing Ely, though. 

She'd just been out with Arrow when she heard the car in the drive. Grinning, she glanced at the time - any later, and they'd be running late. She waited until he got in, leaning on the wall in the hallway.

"I know we said a bottle of wine, but what about going out for drinks?"

He hadn't been expecting her to be waiting in the hall, but as he put his keys down and shrugged off his coat he grinned. "Drinks, eh?"

"Yeah. Ollie and Jacob want to come, and it is your birthday." She reasoned. "Why should we stay in on your special day?"

"Well, I'm certainly down for drinks."

"Do you wanna get changed or anything?"

"Yeah, I'll throw a shirt on instead of this jumper. When are we going?"

She shrugged. "Half an hour? Ollie's picked out a nice bar.”

“Bit early for drinks, surely?”

"You wanted champagne at breakfast!”

“There’s champagne and then there’s drinks.”

"If you choose to get absolutely pissed, that's your prerogative.”

“I’m not going to get pissed. You underestimate me.”

She grinned. "Alright then. Go get changed.”

He laughed. “Okay then. You changing too?”

"I will be. Can't go out dressed in my scruffs, can I?”

“I suppose not.” He said with a crooked smile.

She grinned back. "Go on, get changed!" She said, turning around herself to head to her room.

“Alright, alright, I’m going!” He said, heading into his room to change.

"Don't be too long!”

“I should say the same to you!”

"I'm quicker than you!" She called back through the wall as she stripped off. She wasn't long at all, quickly freshening up her makeup, before she got her dress on and then her shoes, and headed out to sit in the living room and wait.

In his room, Fao changed his more comfortable jeans and a jumper to a tighter black pair and a pale blue shirt. He did his hair properly and when he was ready, headed out into the living room to see Ely already sat on the sofa, in a stunning dress. It was bright, casual yet still absolutely gorgeous. He stopped dead, chewing his lip before he came to his sense. 

“Uh, ready to go?”

She tucked some hair behind her ear. "Yeah, just waiting for you. I ordered an Uber.”

“Cool.” He murmured. “You look nice.”

She stood up, wishing she could stop her blush. "Thanks. You scrub up well."

"Why thank you."

“Come on, its nearly here.”

"Okay, let me grab my wallet and feed the dog." He said, heading into the kitchen, Arrow following him eagerly. 

“You’re so slow!” She teased. 

"You know full well I'm a grandpa with a metal hip! Be nice!" He called back. 

“Didn’t know you had kids!”

"You know what I meant." He replied, feeding Arrow and giving the dog a pat before he heading back into the living room, pocketing his wallet. 

“Sure you can fit that wallet in those jeans?” She asked, grinning at him. 

He laughed. "Just about. It's worth it for the fashion."

“I mean, there’s a lot there.”

"In my wallet or in my jeans?" He said with a smirk. 

“Your jeans.” She replied. “Can’t bloody miss it."

"That's the idea, gorgeous." He said with a wink. 

She snorted, but she knew she was blushing. “Piss off, I live with you.”

"Makes no difference to me." He said, seeing her blush. He was getting to her. "Your dress isn't exactly any more modest."

“Oi!” She replied, unlocking the door. “My tits aren’t hanging out, you know.”

"Nor is my cock."

“Might as well be.”

"It is well contained, thank you very much."

“Only because it can’t move anywhere, your jeans are that tight.” She shot back. “C’mon, get in the Uber.”

"I'm going! Lock the door behind you."

“Waiting for you to get out of it.”

He rolled his eyes and headed out to the Uber, waiting for Ely to lock the door before he got in. 

She locked it and headed over. “Get in, Wolfie!”

"Don't bully me!" He protested, but got in, waiting for her. 

“Good lad.” She teased, getting in next to him. God, she couldn’t wait to see his face. 

He raised an eyebrow. "Do I look like a dog to you?"

“Your nickname is Wolfie.”

"Doesn't make me a dog." He shot back. "How long will it take to get there?"

“About ten minutes. Ollie and Jacob are there already.”

"Cool." He murmured. "Get up to anything interesting whilst I was gone?"

She shook her head. “No. Arrow liked dragging me through puddles, though.”

"He loves a good puddle."

“He just likes it wet.”

"He's terrible at the beach."

She smiled. “But he has fun. We’ll have to go sometime.”

"Yeah, when we get some warmer weather in the summer."

“Yeah. It’ll be nice.”

"Really nice."

“It’d be nice to get away somewhere for a few days.” She murmured. 

"Well, there's my old house."

“Yeah. We could go there."

"It'd be really nice to stay there for a couple of days." He agreed. "There's a pool and everything for when it's properly sunny." 

Eventually, though, they arrived at their destination. But when Fao stepped out after Ely it wasn't what he was expecting at all. It was a restaurant, one he'd been wanting to go to for ages but he'd not managed to get the time off when they had openings. It was perfect. "Ely! You're fucking crazy." He told her, though he was grinning. 

She grinned back at him. “Maybe I was planning something.”

"How the fuck did you get a table?!"

“I’m persuasive.” She said, taking his hand. “Ollie and Jacob really are inside.”

"Then we best meet them there, then." He said, liking his hand in hers. 

She all but dragged him inside, and quickly found their friends. Ollie greeted Fao with a hug, and slipped a party hat onto his head.

“Happy birthday, mate.”

Fao grinned, hugging his friend back. "Thanks, Valentine." He murmured. "Not sure how I feel about the hat, though."

“Tough, it’s your birthday.” He said, as Jacob embraced him. 

He rolled his eyes, letting himself be pulled in for a hug by Ollie's bear of a boyfriend. When he was released, he took his seat, looking around the table. "I suppose the two of you helped organise this, then?"

“Of course.” Ollie said. “Though it was Ely’s idea.”

She blushed. “Think of it as a thank you, too.”

"If anything, I should still be thanking you, Blondie." He shot back. "But you're all too sweet. This is amazing."

“You’re not paying for anything, either.”

He pouted. "First round of drinks? Please?"

“Absolutely not.”

"God you're mean."

“We’re treating you on your birthday.” She shot back. 

He huffed, but was secretly glad they were treating him, giving him a night to just relax and laugh with his friends. The money didn't matter, the attention did. 

“You can have whatever you want, we’ve agreed to split your bill between us.”

Fao smiled softly, eyes skimming over the menu. He really appreciated them doing this for him. 

Ely nudged him with her shoulder. “Not gonna cry, are you?” She teased. 

"No!" He said indignantly. "I'm looking at the menu. What are we doing for drinks?"

“Whatever you want.” She said, taking a menu herself. 

"Should I get a bottle of wine for the whole table, then?"

Ely hummed. “Yeah, you could do.”

"Will everyone drink red or shall I get a bottle of red and one of white?" He asked. 

“I’m happy with red.” She said, and Ollie and Jacob both agreed. 

He hummed, and moved to the wine list. He picked out a nice sounding red that wouldn't bankrupt his friends and when he caught the attention of a waiter he ordered that and a jug of water. Then, he turned his attention back to the actual menu.

“Bet you’re getting steak.” Ely teased. 

"I'm actually considering the pork." He shot back. "You can't be mean to me on my birthday."

“I’m not! But don’t you want a starter?”

"I do. But you were talking mains."

She smiled. “I suppose.”

"What are you thinking of having, then?"

“For a starter?” She asked. “Cheese fondue.”

"Ooh, very nice."

“Might even share, if you’re lucky.”

"Oh, aren't you kind."

“It’s your special day.”

“I suppose it is.”

Ollie fake gagged across from them. "You're both gross.”

“We’re literally just having a conversation, Valentine.”

"You're being cute." He shot back.

“And? We’re adorable."

Ollie looked like he was going to say something else, when a waitress came over.

"Just wondered if you were ready to order your starters?”

Fao smiled. “Uh, yeah, I think everyone’s ready.” He said, glancing round the table.

Ely nodded. "Yeah," she said, "could I have the cheese fondue, please?”

The rest of them ordered, and then after a few minutes their drinks arrived. Fao tried the wine, then it was poured for the whole table. He sipped it thoughtfully as they sat, waiting for their food.

Ely couldn’t help but feel nervous as he tried the wine, though she had no reason to feel so. But the chat was easy, and their starters came quickly. She turned to Fao has she ripped up the bread. 

“Wanna try?”

"Yeah, sure."

She grinned, offering him a piece of bread as she dipped another piece in the cheese. When she ate it, she couldn't help but moan, it was that good.

Fao laughed. "You're such a whore." He teased, but dipped the bread in the cheese and tried it. It was pretty good, and he grinned. 

"Fuck off, it's nice!"

"You don't have to moan like a porn star."

"I didn't!"

Ollie snorted. "You did."

She huffed. "You're all so mean to me."

Jacob laughed. "We love you really."

"I hope so.”

“Mmm, we do.” Fao replied, eating his own starter.

She glanced at Fao. "Is your starter nice?”

“Yeah. Really good.”

 

"I'm glad." It was nice here. She almost felt out of place.

He smiled. “I wouldn’t have ordered it if I didn’t think I’d like it.”

"That doesn't mean it always ends well." She replied, sipping her wine. He'd chosen good stuff. They all chose good stuff, in the end - there was plenty of trying each other's meals, and Ely had a sip of Fao's boozy coffee at the end, after their desserts (she didn't like it).

Then, they made their way to a bar, just for a couple of drinks. None of them were the type, now, to be drinking all night. But they wanted to celebrate Fao's birthday in style, and that was how they ended up in a high-end bar, sat in a corner on two dark leather sofas.

"Enjoying your birthday, then?" Ely asked, as she lifted her drink - a bellini - to her lips.

Fao smiled, leaning back on the sofa. “Mmm, yeah. Very much so.”

"Good. It was hard to keep everything secret.”

“Well, you did a good job.” Fao murmured, picking up his drink and taking a sip. “I really appreciate it.”

"We had a secret chat and everything.”

“Did you now?”

"Mmm, yeah. We had to plan without you finding out.”

“You certainly achieved that.”

She smiled at him, and she knew Ollie and Jacob were rolling their eyes at them. "And you still have your experience to come.”

“I do. I can’t wait.”

"You'll look good behind the wheel.”

“You know I like my driving.”

"I do." She agreed, finding herself resting against him.

He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her closer. “And you get to watch.”

"Yeah, I do. It was my money, after all." She joked.

“If you wanted to do it you could have.” He shot back.

"Ah, but I'd be shit.”

“You’d learn.” He said, sipping his whiskey.

She shrugged. "Maybe." Was all she said, chewing her lip.

“Mmm, you would.”

"Maybe with you to teach me.”

“I’d have to see you drive before I let you in my nice car, though.”

"Of course. I might be shit.”

“i doubt you would be, but I’d rather you didn’t write off my car. I don’t think I could afford another."

"Well, there's that." She agreed, finishing her drink.

Fao looked down at her. “You finished that quickly.”

"We're celebrating.”

“I suppose we are.”

She didn't pull away from him. "Well, I'm gonna go buy another. Want anything?"

"Yeah, I'll have another whiskey."

"Mmm, be right back." She said softly, pressing a kiss to his cheek before she disappeared. With her gone to the bar, Ollie leaned over, Jacob echoing him.

"For God's sake, Fao, have you fucked her yet?"

"Jesus, guys! No, I haven't!"

"You're so obvious about it!"

"We're jus' comfortable with each other."

Jacob rolled his eyes. "You're glued at the hip. Go for it."

"I can't!" He whined. "It'd be too weird for the both of us."

"She was basically in your lap. You can definitely go there."

"She'd probably find it odd."

"Loads of people are friends before they get together." Jacob reasoned.

"Nah, it's not that." Fao murmured, finishing his drink. 

Ollie sighed dramatically, glancing to make sure she wasn’t coming back yet. “Then what?”

"She treated me when I got out of the Army. It's probably too weird for her to think about dating or fucking or whatever. It's one thing to be friends but another to be together."

“She wants you.” Ollie said simply. “You’ll never know if you don’t try.”

"You're such a pussy, Ollie. Quoting romantic shit." Fao grumbled. 

“Just bloody snog her already. You can even blame it on the drink.”

He shook his head. "The timing's not right. And I don't want to ruin tonight."

“Your choice.” He replied, just as Ely appeared, weaving through the tables with two drinks. 

Fao looked up at her smiling. "Mmm, thanks."

She passed it to him, and sat back next to him, resting against him again. “There.”

He sipped it, humming to himself. "Was it busy?"

“A little,” she said, “why? Did you miss me?”

"You bet I did."

“Aww, you’re cute.”

"I know." He said simply. 

“Adorable.”

He grinned. "That's why you love me."

“I suppose.” 

"You know it is."

“I can’t say no.”

He grinned. "I knew it."

She smiled back. “You pretend you know everything.”

“No, I do know everything.”

"No, you don't." She shot back.

“Yeah, I do.”

"No you don't."

"I never lie."

“You do.” She insisted. 

They all headed home a couple of drinks later, definitely drunk but having had a good time. Ely somehow stumbled to her bed, and she was sure Fao managed just fine, too.


	19. Chapter 19

Sleep was fitful, and Ely woke feeling like shit. Pulling her dressing gown on in an attempt to feel better, she padded out of the bedroom, utterly parched. 

Fao slept relatively well, for him. He often slept deeper if he'd been drinking. When he woke, he felt rather drained and a bit shit, really. Forcing himself out of bed late that morning, he reached for his cigarettes and his lighter. He smoked outside in the little garden, watching the dog sniff around. 

She could see him out there, see the smoke curling up. She couldn’t help but watch him as she filled a glass with water and sipped it slowly. God, it was nice. When she’d had her fill, she ventured outside, and just pushed herself against him in a hug. 

She was loud enough in her movements not to surprise him, and he wrapped an arm around her as she hugged him. "Hey, you. How you doin'?"

“Feel like utter shit.” She replied, slotting under his chin. 

He chuckled. "'m not surprised."

“Might’ve been your birthday but don’t let me drink like that.” She complained. 

"You had fun!" He protested, raising his cigarette to his lips. 

“Yeah, but the morning after isn’t.” She said, pressing closer to him. 

"You're just a lightweight."

“Fuck off.”

"It's true."

“Stop bullying me.” She whined. 

"Never."

She closed her eyes. “You nearly done with that?”

"Halfway." He murmured.

She hummed. “Guess I’m staying out here with you for a little while, then.”

"You can go inside if you want. You don't have to come out here and deal with my second hand smoke."

“I like cuddling you,” she said, “besides, it’s hot.”

"Oh, is it?"

“Mmm, yeah.”

"Well, I'm flattered."

“You’re very attractive.”

"Well, I try. But smoking is a terrible habit."

She huffed a laugh, tilting her head to look up at him. "I suppose it is."

"You know it is."

"But you do look so hot."

"Ollie always used to say the same."

She smiled, running her fingers over his back. "He told the truth, then."

He shuddered. "Yeah. What do you want for breakfast?"

"Somethin' greasy."

He laughed. "Bacon sandwich?"

"You know the way to my heart."

"I do."

She pressed a kiss to his chest. "It's great.”

He hummed. He was almost done with his cigarette now.

"Aren't you cold?" Ely asked.

“Not really.”

"It's bloody February.”

“It’s not too cold.”

"Because you're Irish." She teased.

“That’s true."

"Are you done yet?”

“Mmmhmm.” He murmured, stubbing out the butt in his little ashtray.

"Can we go back inside and get warm?”

“Yeah, c’mon.”

She stepped back, letting her arms fall from him, but took his hand and began to pull him towards the door.

He laughed, heading inside and whistling for the dog who came trotting over. When Arrow was inside, he shut the door and headed to flick the kettle on. “Tea?”

"Oh, yes please.”

He smiled, grabbing a couple of mugs out of the cupboard and left the kettle to boil. He leaned against the kitchen counter, flicking on the radio.

Ely stepped closer again, so she could wrap her arms back around him.

He smiled. “You’re cuddly this morning.”

"I'm hungover, I need affection.”

“Of course you do.”

"And you're the best.”

“Oh, am I?”

"Yeah." She said, looking up at him. "The very best.”

“You flatter me.” He said softly, looking down at her.

"Well, flattery gets you everywhere.”

“It does.” He replied, brushing some hair out of her face. God, she was pretty in the soft morning light. He bit his lip, heart pounding in his chest.

A faint blush warmed her cheeks and she looked up at him, lips slightly parted. "Especially with you.”

In that moment, he knew he had to kiss her or he’d regret it for the rest of his life. Slightly hesitantly, he cupped her face, thumbs brushing over her lips before he kissed her. 

She sighed against him, utterly content, and raised her arms around him so she could grab his shirt right behind his shoulder blades as she kissed him back.

When she kissed him back he was so, so relieved. For a moment he'd worried it had all been a huge mistake and she was going to push him away and freak out. But she didn't. She grabbed hold of his shirt and kissed him back. He made a soft noise, hands slipping up to tangle in her hair. 

She moaned against him then, digging her nails in and breathing hard. His lips felt so good against her own - they felt right. It was like fireworks and coming home all at once, and she couldn't get enough.

Eventually, he had to pull away, breathing heavily. "Wow."

Her blush deepened. "Wow yourself.”

“I was worried I was taking a risk, there.”

"Good job it paid off," she replied, letting her hands fall back down to his waist, "that was really good.”

“Glad you think so.” He murmured. “God, I probably smell like cigarette smoke. Sorry.”

She shrugged. "I like it, to be honest.”

“You do?”

"Yeah. It's manly.”

He snorted. “It’s terrible.”

"Well, it's not too bad." She said, aware that the kettle had stopped boiling. She wasn't sure how long ago. "But you're manly.”

“I suppose I am. And I only really smoke two a day, three if I’m stressed at work.”

"That's not too bad.”

“I know I shouldn’t.”

"Still your choice." She said - she assumed it was a coping mechanism.

“Yeah. It’s a bit of a crutch I suppose.”

She smiled at him. "Then I won't argue with you over it.”

“I know you hate smokers because it makes your job harder.”

Ely shrugged again. "Well, I won't be operating on you. Besides, we just kissed - I hardly hate you.”

He laughed. “That’s true."

"I like you probably more than I should."

He smiled. "Same here. I'm so glad you took this job."

"I am too.”

“Makes the commute nicer too.”

"What, because you get to talk to me?”

“Yeah. Better than a lonely drive at half six in the morning.”

She smiled, tracing her fingers over his skin again. "Yeah, it is.”

He smiled back, pressing a quick kiss to the tip of her nose. “Let’s make this tea."

"But what if I just want your affection?”

“I want tea, though.”

"Oh, I'm not good enough for you?”

“You’re plenty good enough but this hangover is killing me.”

She let out a little laugh, and stepped away from him. "Okay, you can make tea.”

He had to reboil the kettle - they’d been rather distracted - but he made them both tea and handed her a mug with a smile. “There.”

She held it cupped in her hands. "Thank you.”

He paused. “I really don’t know if I can be arsed to cook. Shall we go out for brunch?”

A smile bloomed on her face, and she nodded. "Yeah. That'd be nice.”

“Continue my birthday celebrations.”

"Oh, that's what we're doing?”

“Well, sort of."

"Does that mean I'm paying?”

“No, I’ll pay. After all, I’m the reason we’re both so hungover.”

She stepped close again to kiss his cheek. "How nice.”

He grinned. “I’m lovely. Shall we go and sit on the sofa for a bit?”

"Or we could go back to bed." She suggested.

“Mmm, I like the sound of that.”

She blushed again. "Not to do anything," she got out, "just cuddle, or something.”

“Oh, yeah! I just meant cuddle, honestly. No pressure for anything.” 

Ely nodded. "Yeah, of course. I know you wouldn't push.”

“We can take our time.”

"That'd be really nice.”

“I don’t want to rush into anything at all.”

She hummed. "We can go slow. We have loads of time.”

“We do. All the time in the world.”

"Uh, bed, then?”

“Yeah.” He said, snapping his fingers for Arrow. The dog padded over, and followed them into his bedroom.

It felt a little strange, to be getting in his bed now that they'd kissed. But the duvet was cosy, and she curled up underneath it, after placing her mug on the bedside drawers.

He smiled, setting down his own mug and curling up next to her. "Better now?"

"Yeah. I was gonna turn to an ice cube out there."

"Mmm, you are cold."

She pressed her cold hands to his skin. "Bad circulation."

He yelped. "Jesus!"

"Don't be a baby!"

"Your hands are fucking cold!"

She shuffled closer, letting her toes brush his shins. "Cuddle me, then. Warm me up."

He wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head. "Mmm, I'll keep you warm."

"Like my own hot water bottle?"

"Yeah."

"I feel spoilt." She murmured, letting her cheek rest against his skin.

"You should."

"If this is what you're like normally, what are you gonna be like on my birthday?"

"Insufferable."

"Am I gonna complain?"

"No, because it'll be good."

She smiled. "So it's gonna be like you're my nurse, or something?"

"If that's what you want. I could wear a cute little uniform."

"Or you could be my servant."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah." She murmured. "Waiting on me hand and foot."

"I can definitely do that."

“You’d do it anyway.”

"I would."

“Always looking after me when I need it."

"Well, you looked after me. If it wasn't for you I'd be dead in the desert."

She shrugged. “That was doing my job.”

"Still."

“You look after me all the time when I’m having bad days and you don’t get paid for it.”

"So you're telling me you only saved my life for the paycheck?"

She shrugged, but she was smiling against him. “Maybe.”

"You heartless bitch." He teased. "I should throw you out of my bed."

“I’m not heartless any more.” She replied, looking up at him. “Promise.”

"I hope you spent that paycheck on something nice."

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

They spent the morning in bed, went out for brunch eventually and spent the rest of the day being thoroughly lazy. It was nice, actually, and they could sort of come to terms with what their relationship was now. But eventually, after a couple of days they had to work. The early mornings were a bitch, but now they'd gotten closer it made the morning routines a bit easier and a bit less awkward. When they got to work the both of them were pretty busy from the start of their shift and didn't really see eachother much. But eventually they did, on a paediatric trauma case.


	20. Chapter 20

Ely hated paediatric trauma cases. Children were too fragile, too quick to plummet, and often harder to sort out than adults. She much preferred more boring operations for children - Boring was good. Exciting cases, while good for a challenge, were awful. And yet she found herself at the little girl’s side. 

“There, Eden, that should start working soon.” She soothed as she gave her some pain relief. “Your mummy and daddy will be here soon, I promise. You’re being so brave.”

Typically, the page had come through on his break, so by the time Fao arrived down in A&E he was breathing heavily and rather sore from the run down the stairs. He found the team leader and got given a quick handover from him - open fracture to the right tibia and possible abdominal internal bleeding. They were just about to go up to CT and Fao agreed to follow them up. Where possible, he preferred to see CT images first hand. Once they were there and the girl was being settled into the scanner, he glanced over at Ely, moving to wait with her. 

"Hey stranger."

She glanced at him, chewing on her lip. “Hey.”

"I've not seen you all day."

“I know. Work gets in the way.”

"It really does."

Ely was silent for a second, watching. Eden was doing well. “Got a game plan?”

"Yeah, though everything will probably change when I get into theatre."

“When we get into theatre.” She corrected. 

"Yeah, sorry."

“You need someone experienced on this case.”

"I do."

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Have you had someone ring about for a bed?”

"Yeah. I've not had a response yet."

She huffed. “Go chase it.”

"I will. I'll go up and chase it myself after I've seen this scan."

She rolled her eyes. “Fine.”

"I need to see this."

She knew that. But everyone was just pressing her buttons today, even him. “I suppose.”

"You know I do."

She refused to look at him. “How’s it looking, then?”

"Not great." He murmured. "She's definitely bleeding from somewhere. What was her breathing like?"

“Hard to tell between the crying and the screaming for her mum. Definitely laboured.”

"Could be a pulmonary laceration." He mused. "Hard to tell on here."

“I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough.”

"Yeah, when I get her into theatre. I just want to see this fracture then I'll chase the ICU."

She looked over at him. "She's not bad enough for PICU."

"Yeah, I agree."

"So why bother chasing them for a bed? There'll be some kid somewhere that needs it."

"If this goes south, she'll need an ICU bed. I just want to see if there's the possibility of one if she needs it." He replied. "I'll check for other bedspace whilst I'm there."

Ely highly doubted that she'd need a ICU bed. But she knew that Fao was right, really. It was better to have a back up, even if she wasn't going to agree with him.

Her silence just told him she didn't agree. But he knew what he was doing and if it was a bad pulmonary laceration she'd need extra support than the ward could give her. He wasn't in the mood to argue. The fracture looked simple enough, and as soon as he'd seen what he needed to see he headed up to sort out a bed.

Eden's scan was finished a few minutes after Fao left. Ely went to soothe her, making sure she was still in no pain. As far as she knew, her parents had been told, and were aware that she'd need surgery. She explained to the little girl that she was going to be having a special sleep, and then they wheeled her up to theatre. She was surprisingly calm as she was put under.

The ICU didn't have any bedspace, but said if he needed something when he got out of theatre they'd sort something out. The peads ward had space, but weren't sure if they'd be able to give her the support she needed. But she couldn't wait for this surgery, not with her internal bleeding. 

He arrived back at theatre breathing heavily from the stairs, and scrubbed in carefully but quickly and then headed into theatre. Once everything was in place, he looked over at Ely. 

"Happy for me to start?"

"Now that you're finally here." She replied.

"You know where I was. I was as quick as I could be."

She turned away from him, instead checking stats. "Get on with it, then."

"I'm planning on it. Just checking you were happy." He replied tensely. 

Oh, she was far from happy. She knew she'd woken up in a foul mood this morning, and she shouldn't be taking it out on Fao, but she couldn't help it. Wisely, she stayed silent again.

He started, keeping quiet and focused as he worked. He had a lot to do and he was almost flying blind. He just wanted to get her fixed and get her on the road to recovery. Hopefully her parents would be here soon. She needed them.

"So, have you sorted a bed?"

"Yeah, pretty much." He murmured.

"PICU?"

"No, but they'll find something if we need it."

"And if they can't find something?" She asked. "Am I going to be sat in recovery with her for hours upon hours?"

"Then I'll sort something."

"Good. If I'm stuck down here I'm out of action."

"I know. And I can't leave until you can so of course I'm going to sort something out."

She rolled her eyes. He just had to act like he was the most important person in the room, didn't he? Like he always knew best. God, it was annoying her. He was so bloody arrogant.

"Well, you better." She said.

"I will."

"I'll hold you to that."

"Good."

She muttered something under her breath, turning away again.

“What was that?” He asked. “I didn’t quite catch it.” She was acting very strange. 

"Nothing you need to know about.”

“I’d say I need to know about anything relating to my patient.”

"I said it's nothing you need to know about." She snapped.

“Ely, what is it?”

Her lips curled under her mask. "I said, it's nothing.”

“Fine.” He muttered. “Let’s hope it’s not important, then.” Clare shot him a confused look, and he shrugged.

It was nothing to do with the patient, and all to do with him. God, she could do with a good strong drink. Instead, she was stuck here, with him.

He just carried on with what he was doing. Not only did she have a nasty pulmonary laceration, but he suspected a badly damaged spleen. It was long, tiring work. 

“This pulmonary laceration is nasty. How’s her oxygen saturation?”

"It's doing okay, all things considered. She's on high flow.”

“Okay. Keep me updated?”

"I know how to do my job.”

“I don’t doubt that. I just want to know how she’s doing.”

"Just do your job and I'll do mine.”

“Noted.” He murmured, continuing to fix the pulmonary laceration. Then, he moved down to the spleen, though he was struggling a bit. God, he didn’t want to ask Ely for anything, but he was going to have to. 

“Uh, Dr Lozier?”

"Yes, Dr Blackwood?”

“I’m struggling to sort this spleen out - would it be possible for her to have another dose of paralytics? Not sure what you’re using.”

She paused, and then spoke, the words bursting out of her mouth. "What is it with you surgeons? You're all so fucking arrogant!”

“I-I’m just asking for something to aid me clinically. I’m sorry.”

Her jaw clenched. "Oh, don't go acting like a baby. You were a fucking major in the army, you can handle me.”

“I don’t understand why this has become an issue. She’s getting tense, I’m asking for more muscle relaxants, you’ve just bitten my head off. I can’t work on a tense patient, especially when she’s so small. Do you want me to sort this bleeding out? I can’t clamp the vein properly.”

"Look, there you go again. You've got to be in control all the time, haven't you? Got to tell everyone what to fucking do.”

“I’m the lead on this procedure. If you want to take over, be my guest.”

She huffed. "You're always the bloody lead. Half the time you make bad decisions.”

“I’m a consultant, I’m not sure why you’re so surprised.” He replied. “Are you really going to question my decisions? Here and now?”

"Yes, I am. That's also my job.”

“Go on then, what have I done wrong, in your oh so humble opinion.”

"You lost a lot of patients in the army," she said, "by making silly mistakes. And now you're banging on about ICU, and haven't got anything sorted before you've opened this poor girl up.”

His hands stilled and he looked over at her, eyes stone cold. “Don’t do this.”

"Oh, I'm doing this. How many did you lose, eh? Were you on her case?”

“Get out.” He growled. “Get out right now or so help me God I will call security and have you thrown out. Someone page the on call anaesthetist, please?”

“Already done.” One of the circulating nurses replied.

Ely was on her feet immediately, staring back at him. She didn't say a word as she strode out of the room, head held high. They could think whatever they wanted, she didn't care. As soon as she was out, she ripped off her mask and the theatre gown, sparing a glance at the time. By the time she got to the locker room, she'd be off the clock. So that's what she did - she went to the locker room and started getting changed. She took the car keys out of Fao's jacket pocket, and left.

The surgery took a long time. Ely’s outburst frustrated Fao so much he ended up taking five minutes or so outside just to catch his breath. When he came back in he was completely focused, and finished as soon as he could. He was happy with the result, though she was struggling with her breathing and her oxygen saturation wasn't great, so she ended up in the HDU. Feeling a little knackered, he headed to the locker room to change. When he got there, his locker was open and his jacket was rumpled. Frowning, he changed quickly. But he couldn't find his car keys. She'd fucking taken his car keys, he was sure. Furious, he stormed out of work to the car park. When he reached his parking space it was vacant. He'd have to walk home - Ollie had already gone. It took him almost forty minutes to get home and he was in agony when he finally got in. His house keys were on his car keys and he banged on the door. 

"Ely!"

She answered it after a moment, putting her glass of wine down. She just wished he'd fucked off elsewhere for once and left her alone. But she unlocked it without a word and walked away - she'd get her wine and go to her room, out of his way.

He opened the door, slamming it behind him. "Dont walk away from me."

"You don't control me."

"I'm not letting this go. What the fuck was that outburst today?!"

"Why does it matter?"

"Why does it matter?" He echoed. "You completely undermined me."

She rolled her eyes, picking up her glass. "You've said before, I'm the most important person in that room. You couldn't do your job without me."

"I know that! But you still undermined me! I made a perfectly valid request and you flipped out at me!"

"Because you're convinced that you own the place! You're always so arrogant and you have to be in control of everyone and everything!"

"I don't understand why you're surprised." He muttered. "You know I have issues with control! Don't forget I staked my reputation on you getting this job. If you act like this I'm in trouble."

"Oh, boo hoo!" She exclaimed. "It was just an argument, it's not the end of the world!"

"I had to fucking kick you out of theatre."

"Because you acted like a baby when I brought up the past."

"I'm not fucking having this conversation with you. How dare you bring up the people I've lost, my girlfriend. You know we lose people in this job, especially with our specialty."

"Fuck off, then." She said, starting towards the hall.

"I can't fucking believe you."

"Well, you best start!" She shouted over her shoulder. "You should be able to handle someone pointing out your flaws!"

"There's flaws and then there's having a dig at me for my dead girlfriend."

"What are you going to do about it, then?" She asked, spinning around. "Gonna kick me out?”

“No! But you’re completely fucking out of control. What is wrong with you?!”

"There's nothing wrong with me!”

“Oh, really?!”

"Yes!" She screeched. "It's not my fault everyone's been pressing my buttons, is it?”

“No, I don’t suppose it is, but I’ve known you for long enough now that I know this isn’t you.”

There were angry tears in her eyes. "I'm not the same person from when we met. You know that.”

“I’m not either! None of us are.”

"Then you'd think you'd be more understanding!”

“I admit I have a problem! You just leave it to stew and then shit like this happens!”

Her hand was so tight on the glass she was almost scared she was going to break it. "I don't have a problem!”

“You clearly do! What’s this, eh?”

"An argument!" She retorted. "All couples have arguments!”

“An argument because of something that happened at work. Something stupid. A fucking clinical issue that was completely fucking unreasonable.”

"Well then, maybe we shouldn't work together!" She replied. "Maybe I should just quit and find something else!”

“Don’t you fucking dare. I got you this job and you’ll damn well keep it.” He growled. “And maybe we shouldn’t work together. Not to mention the fact you took my fucking car.”

"Well, how else was I supposed to get home?”

“Wait for me? How do you think I got home?!”

"I don't care!”

“Wow, nice. Glad to know how you feel.”

"Well, you made it home, didn't you? It's not the end of the world.”

“I had to fucking walk.”

"Oh, boo hoo, you got some exercise.”

“Forty fucking minutes after a 13 hour shift.”

"Well, go to bed or something, don't complain at me.”

“Why shouldn’t I? You’re the one who took my fucking car.”

"God, can't you just leave me alone?" She asked.

“No!” He was really starting to ache now. 

"Why not?" She asked, stepping back. "Surely after a long day you don't want to be having a go at me.”

“Because I’m worried! The woman standing in front of me is not the woman I kissed.”

"We all have bad days. I'm off to bed.”

“That’s not what I mean."

"We can talk in the morning. I'm off to bed." She repeated.

“Fine. Ignore it. See what happens. You know what happened to me.”

“I do. But we can still talk in the morning, if you’re not going to have another go at me.”

He just huffed, turning away. He was hungry and he wanted to go to bed. 

With him not arguing back, she turned away and headed to her bedroom. She slept in it about half the time now, and it was her sanctuary. But she couldn't deny once she'd settled down, wine finished, that she missed laying in the same bed as him. Yet, she didn't want to be in the same space as him, she just wanted to sleep.

Happy the fight had drained from Ely, Fao slipped into the kitchen and had some toast, hungry but not wanting to cook. When he was finished, he downed some painkillers - he’d noticed he’d been needing them more and more, now - and got ready for bed. Curled up under the duvet with the dog, guilt settled heavy on his chest. He hadn’t meant to upset her like that, he was just worried. Worried she’d do something stupid, or mess up at work.


	21. Chapter 21

Ely spent the entire night awake. She tossed and turned under the duvet, unable to get even the slightest bit comfy. She couldn't settle, not with the argument racing through her mind. She felt so bad for talking to Fao like that, felt bad for everything. But she also felt numb, in a way, and as the minutes turned into hours, she knew she needed to feel something. So she started to scratch at her left arm, watching as the skin turned red and eventually broke. It wasn't enough. When the bleeding stopped she scratched again, making herself bleed over and over. It started to help.

She felt like she was going loopy from the lack of sleep when the alarm she'd set on her phone went off at half past five. There was no way she could go to work like this, she'd make mistakes and probably cost people their lives. She managed to ring and call in sick, and then laid back down. She just wished she could sleep.

Fao slept relatively well, all things considered. He tossed and turned a bit, woke up a few times, but got his usual five hours. When he woke, he stayed sprawled out in bed, scrolling through Facebook on his phone whilst patting the dog, playing with his soft silky ears.

She couldn't hack it - she couldn't just lay in bed. She'd done it enough, and still hadn't slept. Feeling rather shitty, she ended up outside of Fao's door, arms wrapped around herself before she forced herself to knock.

He heard a knock at his door and knew it must be Ely. Biting his lip, he set his phone down on his bedside table. Arrow raised his head, ears pricked. 

"Yeah, sweetie?"

She pushed the door open, but hung back in the doorway, chewing on her lip as she looked at him. She was intruding, she knew she was. She should have just left him alone, but it was too late now.

"I'm sorry." She got out quietly, the words catching in her throat. She hoped he could hear her - she didn't want to have to say it twice.

He could barely hear her, but he got the idea. "It's okay, my dove. Come in, come sit down." He murmured, patting the bed. 

She paused, as if steeling herself to do as he invited, but move she did, crawling into the bed and cuddling up against him, as close as she could get.

"I need help, don't I?"

He hummed, wrapping his arm around her. To hear her finally admit that she needed help was incredible. She'd gotten over the hardest part. 

"Yeah, you do. But it's okay, we'll get you help."

"I feel really bad for what I said to you. I was such a cow and you were right to throw me out of theatre." She whispered.

"Shhhh. I accept your apology, you're forgiven. It doesn't matter now."

Her bottom lip trembled. "I don't deserve you."

"You deserve the world."

"I don't." She replied, pressing her face against him.

"Yes you do."

She didn't want to argue, so she just closed her eyes. "How long have you known that I needed help?"

"Ever since you stayed over after your interview."

"Oh. I was that bad?" That obvious?

"I saw myself in you."

"I hope it didn't hurt you."

He shook his head. "No. I just want you to get help."

"Okay. I think I want help."

"I'll get you some."

She hummed, raising a hand to wipe her nose. "Thank you."

"It's nothing." He murmured. "I can give someone a ring later, if you want?"

“Yeah, please.”

"I know some really great people. They're experienced with soldiers, yeah?"

She nodded. “Yeah. I can’t thank you enough.”

"I want my Ely back on her feet."

She blushed at his words. “I don’t feel like myself.”

"We'll get you back to yourself."

“I hope so.”

"I know so."

“It worked for you.” She said. 

“It did. And it’ll work for you too. But you gotta commit to it, yeah? It takes effort on your part.”

She nodded. “I will. I promise I will.”

"Good." He said, kissing the top of her head. "I'm sorry about last night. I was rude too."

She swallowed. “I think I needed it. And I’m sorry I brought up Alex, that was really uncalled for.”

"Yeah, it was." He murmured. "But I know you didn't really mean what you said. I sure as hell hope you didn't."

“I really didn’t. I don’t know what came over me.”

"Good." He murmured. "I was on her case, you know."

“I’m really really sorry. It must have torn you apart.”

"In a way, it helps. I know I did everything I could."

She nodded. "Yeah, I guess.”

“Still sucks, though.”

"Yeah, I imagine it does." The closest she came to that was the death of her father.

“I miss her. But it was years ago, and I’m moving on. I have you.”

"You do. I'm hoping to stick around for a while.”

“Good. Can’t have you goin’ anywhere.”

She tilted her head and managed a little smile in his direction. "You're stuck with me.”

“Yeah. Good.”

"Especially today.”

“I wouldn’t want anything else.” He murmured, then paused. “Weren’t you meant to go into work today?”

"Yeah. I didn't feel up to it, so I called in sick." She replied quietly.

“I would have told you to do the same, anyway.” He told her. “Your job is too crucial for you to be going in like this.”

"I didn't sleep." She admitted.

He pressed another kiss to the top of her head. “I’m not surprised.”

"I just couldn't settle.”

“Yeah. I’ve been there.”

"So here I am.”

“I’ve got you.”

"I know." She said, trying to press closer. "You're always there for me.”

“I try to be.”

"You are. You're my rock.”

He just kissed her again, not sure what else to say. When they got up, he made her tea and some breakfast. They had a slow, lazy day together, soft touches and murmured words. He took care of her, trying to show her how much she was loved. He rang his psychiatrist about seeing her and he agreed to see her the next week, his earliest appointment slot. It came around quick enough, between long shifts and lazy evenings. Fao offered to drive her, and reassured her he’d pay for everything.

Sat in the car, Ely clasped her hands together, and tried to stop her leg from bouncing.

"I'm nervous." She said quietly.

“There’s nothing to be nervous about, sweetheart.”

"I know." She said. "But I still am.”

“All he’s gonna do is ask a load of questions. I can sit in with you, if you want?”

She nodded. "Yeah. I want you there.”

“Then I’ll be there.”

"Thank you.”

“And I promise, he understands.”

She nodded again. "Yeah, I know. If he helped you he can help me.”

“He used to serve.”

"That's helpful.”

“Yeah. He knows what it’s like. Not Afghan, but the Army.”

She swallowed, forcing herself to stop her leg from bouncing. It was hard. "That's close enough.”

“Yeah. He’s great.”

"You don't have to pay for it all, though.”

“I want to. At least this first bit, yeah?”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Saves you having to worry.”

She hummed. “Yeah. Just let me pay for some, too.”

"Once everything is sorted and there's no surprises."

“Yeah.”

They reached the carpark and Fao found a space, parking up and checking his watch. "Here with time to spare. Shall we?"

“Yeah. Let’s give it s go.” She agreed. 

"It'll be completely relaxed. And I'll hold your hand the whole time."

“Okay. I’d like that.”

He smiled. "Good." He got out of the car, then headed over to her side to open the door and offer her his hand. 

"You're such a gentleman." She said softly, taking his hand and getting out of the car.

"Mmm, I know."

"Don't be cocky." She said, trying to tease.

He pouted playfully. "Don't you like it when I'm cocky?"

"Sometimes."

"Oh, I'm wounded."

She smiled. It felt a little strange. “That’s not a no, you know.”

"It's almost a no."

“No it’s not.”

“It so is.”

“It’s a sometimes.”

He smiled, kissing her cheek. "I'll take sometimes."

“Don’t complain, then.” She replied, blushing faintly. 

They entered the building, and Fao signed them in before they took a seat, his hand on her knee.

God, she wanted to lean against him, use his body as a shield. But she didn’t dare - they were in public. Instead, she tried not to let her feet tap. 

His thumb rubbed over her thigh, the soft material of her jeans. “It’s gonna be okay.” He murmured.

“Yeah.” She agreed. 

"You can do it."

“Yeah, I can.” She agreed. “I’m a ex army captain, I can do this.”

"You so can."

“And I have my rock with me.”

"You do."

She didn’t think he realised how much he meant to her - that her world revolves around him. He was everything to her, and she was so so grateful that he was there for her. “You won’t ever leave me, will you?”

"I wouldn't dream of it. You're my everything."

“You’re mine too.”

He pressed a kiss to her cheek, just as they called her name. "Come on honey, let's go."

She nodded, forcing her body to move as she stood. "Yeah. I can do it."

"Just gotta answer some questions as truthfully as you can. Easy peasy." He said, taking her hand as they walked in. After a quick greeting and Fao's explanation that Ely would rather he stayed, they got started. 

"So, Ely, let's start easy. Why is it that you've come to see me today?"

She swallowed. "I've had some.... problems. Nightmares, flashbacks, snapping at Fao and my colleagues."

He nodded. "Okay. What is it that you do for a living?"

"I work in trauma - I'm an anaesthetist. I used to be a captain in the army."

He hummed. "Right - I bet that's challenging."

“Yeah. I, uh, got kicked out of theatre last week.” She admitted. 

He tilted his head. "And why was that?"

“I.... was being unreasonable. I undermined the clinical lead.”

“Okay. Have you ever seen a psychiatrist or had any counselling/therapy of any sort before?”

Ely shook her head. “No."

“That’s okay. Have you ever taken any form of antidepressant?”

She shook her head again. “No."

“Apart from your nightmares, how’s your sleep?”

Ely paused. "Sometimes I can't sleep.”

“On average how much sleep would you say you get a night?”

"Uh, four, five hours?" She woke up pretty often.

“How’s your appetite?”  
She glanced at Fao. "I'm not generally that hungry.”

“Alright, have you lost any weight as a result?”

She bit her lip. "Yeah, a little.”

“How much is a little?”

"A stone." She admitted. Fao didn't even know that. "A dress size.”

“In about how long?” He asked. Fao looked a little shocked, but didn’t say anything, rubbing his thumb over her thigh.

"Two months, I think.”

“Okay. Not really dramatically, then? You’ve not dropped lots in two or three weeks?”

She shook her head. "No, I don't think so.”

“Okay, that’s alright. Apart from the snappiness you mentioned, have you noticed any other mood changes? Are you overly emotional?”

"Uh, yeah.”

“How’s your motivation to work?”

"It's there, but it's really hard sometimes." She murmured. "It's hard to get it done.”

“Low energy levels?”

“Yeah."

“Do you ever feel worthless or hopeless?”

"Yeah, sometimes.”

“Can you see a future for yourself? Do you still get joy out of life?”

"At points." She said. "There are good days when I think everything is fine." She'd been normal on Fao's birthday.

“Have you ever had suicidal thoughts or made an attempt on your life?”

Ely shook her head. “No."

“Okay. Are you taking any form of medication?”

"I'm on birth control.”

“Do you drink or do drugs?”

"I don't mind a drink, but I don't binge and I don't do drugs.”

“Tell me a bit about your family and upbringing. Where were you born, where did you go to school etcetera?”

“Uh, I was born in Surrey. I grew up there, and went to St. Mary’s. Uh, I went to college there but I went to uni in Cambridge. My dad died while I was studying, and then I joined the army.” Her life wasn’t that interesting. 

“How old were you when you lost your dad?”

“Eighteen.”

"That must have been tough."

“Yeah, it was. It was cardiac arrest.”

"Very sudden, I presume. Did your mother ever remarry?"

“No, she didn’t.”

"Aside from the loss of your father, do you have any other negative family memories or are your memories positive as a whole?"

“Positive, really.”

"Glad to hear it. Romantic relationships?"

“All been fine. A couple through school to uni, but no one really until Fao.”

Fao smiled, and pressed a quick kiss to her cheek. 

"Can we talk about the Army, now?"

She froze for a second. “Uh, yeah.”

"It's nothing scary, nothing designed to trick you. Just a few questions like we've been doing."

“Okay.”

"How long did you serve for?"

“A couple of years.”

“Can you give me a more accurate number?”

She was quiet while she thought. “Uh, eight years, I think? I was mostly in Birmingham but I did three six week long tours in Afghanistan.”

"Just Afghanistan?"

“Yeah.”

"And how was that?"

“It was.... it was great. I loved being out there, but after the third time I couldn’t do it any more.”

"Can you tell me why?"

“It was just.... too much. I couldn’t take being out there any more.”

"These nightmares and flashbacks you mentioned, are they related to your tours of Afghanistan?"

“Yeah. I jump at loud noises, too.” She said. 

He asked a few more questions, then set his pen down. "Okay, Ely. From your history and what you've told me, I think what you're suffering from is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder."

“Oh, okay.”

Fao squeezed her thigh. "Hey, it's okay."

“I know,” she replied, placing her hand over his, “I know.”

The psychiatrist explained some things about PTSD and tried to get Ely to understand. Then, they talked about treatments.

"So, there are a couple of different treatments we can try."

“Okay.” She just wanted the help. 

"So, there's Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which is sort of what you think about when someone talks about therapy, medication, or a combination of the two."

She nodded. “Okay. What’s the other one?”

"The medication?"

“Yeah.”

"We often recommend the therapy first, then combine it with the medication if it doesn't seem to be helping."

She nodded. "Okay. That sounds good."

"So I'll refer you to a therapist who specialises in PTSD in ex service personnel and we'll go from there."

Ely nodded again. "Okay."

"I'll give you a couple of names, actually." He said. "You can chat with all of them and see who you think fits you best. It's important to have a good relationship with your therapist." He said, writing down a few names and passing the paper to Ely. "Once you've made an appointment to see them, keep going with the sessions and come back to see me after about 4 sessions."

"Okay, I will do."

"I know Fao will keep you on the straight and narrow." He said with a smile. "Hope you get on alright with the people I've recommended, but if not get in contact with me and I can recommend you some more. All the best."

"Thank you so much." She replied, managing a smile back.

"You're more than welcome. See you soon."

She stood up then, taking Fao's hand in her own. "Yeah, see you soon. Goodbye."

Fao smiled, said his goodbyes and headed out with Ely. "See, that was okay, wasn't it?"

She hummed. "Yeah. It's nice to know what's wrong with me, too."

"Yeah. You got a diagnosis now."

"This is where I start getting better.”

“It is.”

She found herself squeezing his hand. "I'm looking forwards to it. I know I won't ever be the same as before, but…"

“Yeah. You’ll be better. Able to deal with it all.”

"Like you." She said softly.

“Yeah. Most of the time. But sometimes I need help too and that’s okay.”

"Yeah, it is. I'll be there for you.”

“And I’ll be there for you.”

"You always are." She praised.

"Yeah. Let's get you home."

She hummed in agreement, and leaned against him a little as they walked.

"I'm really proud of you." 

"Thank you." She said softly.

"It takes guts to do that."

She looked down at the floor, and was quiet for a few moments. "I don't think I would have done it if I didn't have you. I don't think I'd have ever admitted I had a problem."

"That's okay. You have me."

"I always want to have you."

"You will. Always."

Ely blushed. "I'd really like that."

"You can't get rid of me."

"What, like a bad smell?"

"Like a loyal pet!"

She laughed. "I suppose so. You'd look funny in a collar.”

He wrinkled his nose. “Ew, no."

"I never said you'd look good. Just funny.”

“I suppose it would be kinda funny.”

She nudged him with her shoulder. "It would.”

“Some kind of weird fetish.”

She bit her lip. "So you wouldn't like me in a collar?”

“Maybe I would. Not really thought about it.”

She nodded, somewhat absently. "When we get to that point."


	22. Chapter 22

She was diligent in attending her therapy sessions. Ely went every single week, and gradually she started on the road to recovery. It wasn't linear, but she made progress, little by little, week by week, and they started to flash by, between working and spending her days off either with Fao or with Arrow. March disappeared in the blink of an eye, as did most of April, until her birthday dawned.

She woke up in Fao's bed, having fallen asleep cuddled up next to him. But when she came to, she noticed that he wasn't there, and the patch of mattress where he'd been was barely warm.

Fao had woken early on Ely’s birthday, and as much as he wanted to stay cuddled up with her head on his chest, he had plans. So he slipped out of bed, and started to make breakfast for the both of them. When it was done, he set both plates and both mugs of tea on a tray and carried it into the bedroom, setting it down on the side.

“Ely, sweetie? I made breakfast.”

She lifted her head when the hinges creaked in the door, and just started at the tray, laden with food. She was clearly shocked, her lips parted.

"You didn't have to." She replied, forcing herself to look at his face and away from the food.

He smiled. "I wanted to."

She smiled back. "It looks great."

"I hope it tastes just as good." He murmured, passing it to her. 

"You made it, I'm sure it will." She replied, taking the tray from him and carefully balancing it in her lap. He'd made her blueberry pancakes, her favourite.

“You’re too sweet.” He murmured. “Happy Birthday, gorgeous.”

She patted the mattress. "Thank you. Come sit down, before I eat yours too.”

He laughed, and settled down next to her. He took a sip of his tea. “Eat, then I’ve got some presents for you.”

She obediently picked up her knife and fork, cutting into the pancakes and starting to eat. They smelt amazing, and tasted even better. Her appetite had been slowly returning, and she had soon finished, clearing the plate. It was then that she kissed his cheek before picking up her tea.

"Thank you," she said, "that was delicious.”

He smiled, still eating his own food - he often ate quickly but not in the mornings. He always struggled to eat in the mornings. He swallowed his blood pressure medication with a sip of tea, and glanced over at her. “You’re welcome.”

"You always make the best food.”

“I try.”

She smiled. "What are my presents?”

“Mmm, let me finish.”

Ely pouted playfully. "Do I have to?”

“Yeah, you do.”

She sighed dramatically, sipping on her tea. "You shouldn't make a lady wait on her birthday.”

He grinned. “Who says you’re a lady, eh?”

"I do!”

He laughed, finishing his food. “Right, presents.”

"Please."

He stood up with a groan, heading over to where he'd stashed her presents and card. He handed them over, settling down beside her. "Here."

She put them all in her lap, and picked up the card first. It was a cute card, and she smiled as she read it. When she opened it, she wasn't just greeted with Fao's familiar scrawl - there was a little card for a spa day, the works. Speechless, she turned to look at him.

"I...."

He smiled. "You like it? You deserve a good pamper session."

She nodded. "Yeah. I love it." She said, leaning over to brush her lips over his cheek.

"Mmm, I'm glad. I've booked the day in but none of the treatments - that's up to you."

"That's really nice of you." She said softly, putting the card down on her bedside table and reaching for one of the presents. It was small, and square, and she was sure it was jewellery of some kind.

"I'll be joining you - God knows I need a massage. But it's totally your day."

She laughed a little, then. "You're as stiff as an old board." She teased, carefully slipping her finger under the fold of the wrapping paper - it looked like expensive stuff, she didn't want to rip it to shreds. After a few moments, she slid out a little box, and opened it slowly. It was an Eeyore necklace, clearly expensive.

"Oh, Fao. I love it."

"Wouldn't you like to know, eh?" He teased, watching her as she unwrapped it. She was so careful, so precise. He always made a mess. He watched her reaction as she opened the box, chewing on his lip. "You do?"

She nodded, fingers brushing over it gently. "Yeah, I do."

"Since you're always calling me Eeyore and all..."

"Yeah. It's perfect." She said, forcing herself to close the box. She'd put it on after she'd had a shower.

"I figured it was a bit of me with you even if I'm not there in person."

She nodded. "I really love it." She said, reaching for the next one. It was bigger, and a weird shape. It was also very soft and almost squishy. With a small frown as she tried to work out what it was, she started to unwrap it.

"I know you're trying to guess, Missy."

"Of course I am." She defended.

"Nightmare." He teased. 

"Bugger off." She retorted, finally getting the wrapping paper undone enough she could stick her hand inside. She was met with plush fabric, and she carefully pulled out a plush Simba, with two tickets tucked into the green leaf collar. Curious, she slid them out and was quiet.

"Do you like it?"

"You got me tickets to see Lion King?"

"Yeah. And a cute soft toy to boot."

"I really like it." She said, putting the tickets back down in her lap as she twisted to pull Fao into a hug.

He hugged her back, grinning. "It's a matinee, and I figured we could get something to eat afterwards?"

Ely nodded. "Yeah, that'd be great."

"A nice night out on the town."

"What, like your birthday?" She teased.

"Not that wild." He murmured. "I don't want to be that hungover tomorrow."

"Me neither."

"But dinner and some wine." He said softly. "I figured the lion king wasn't too intense."

“I love the lion king.” She replied. “And I love being wined and dined.”

"Perfect. I wanted to go and see Les Miserables because I did it in my last year of college but I doubted either of us would cope well."

She hummed. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” She agreed. “Can I have a birthday kiss?”

"Mmm, of course you can." He purred, twisting to press a kiss to her lips, cupping her face. 

She smiled against him, raising her hands to his hair. She could never get enough of his kisses. 

He made a soft noise, pressing closer to her, teeth brushing her bottom lip.

Ely didn’t mind his teeth. She didn’t want to do anything yet, but he kissed so well and it was so good to be held. So she let him have his way, falling back against the pillows. 

A little hesitantly, he shifted his weight to straddle her, still kissing her desperately yet gently. He didn't want to overwhelm her. 

His weight wasn’t unwelcome, but it was as far as she was willing to go. Hesitantly, she pulled away, flushing bright red with embarrassment. “I, uh...”

He was initially encouraged, rolling his hips against hers, knowing she'd be able to feel him through his pyjamas. But she pulled away and he frowned. "Too soon?"

She could feel him. He was hot and hard and clearly into it, and she felt awful for leading him on like that. Bright red, she nodded. “Yeah.”

He shook his head. "Not at all. I know you wanted to wait." He said, pressing a quick kiss to the tip of her nose before settling down next to her again. 

Ely chewed on her bottom lip, still unsure. She knew he’d really wanted it, and she’d gone and ruined it. “Sorry.”

"Hey, it's okay." He murmured. "I tried my luck too soon, and you're not ready. I should be apologising, not you." He reached out to skim his fingers over her skin. 

“It’s nothing against you.” She tried to explain, shifting to move her presents from where they’d almost fallen off the bed. “I want to, I really do.”

"You don't have to explain yourself to me, sweetheart."

“I just want you to understand.” She wished she was even up to giving him a helping hand, to take care of him. 

"This relationship was always going to have to be slow. I understand. I got ahead of myself, it's alright." He murmured. "I'm going to go and have a shower, you can have a bit more of a doze, if you want."

She nodded. “Okay.” She agreed, kissing his cheek. 

He got out of bed, frowning when he felt a twinge, and rubbed his hip as he headed to the bathroom. Once in the shower, Fao couldn't ignore how needy he was, and his hand drifted down. God it felt good.

Ely had pulled the duvet up, getting comfortable again. It was warm and cozy - before long, she started to drift off, but it was then she heard Fao. The walls were thin, and he wasn’t quiet. Oh God, she’d left him so needy that he was wanking in the shower. She was so embarrassed. 

He was awkwardly aware of the fact he was loud. It was a quality most loved in him. But it wasn't exactly great when he was trying to be subtle in the shower. He just couldn't help himself. He knew she could hear, the walls were thin. He finished, trying to keep quiet, and headed back into the bedroom, a towel around his waist. 

She knew she was blushing, and she looked away from him, mouth dry. What was she supposed to say about that?

He felt so embarrassed. He knew that she had heard him, simply from the way she shuffled deeper under the duvet and looked away. So he got dressed quickly, the room dark enough that he wasn't worried about slipping his boxers on (back turned to her, of course.) And eventually some black jeans. He was stood at his wardrobe, trying to find a decent shirt when he spoke. 

"So, I figured we could do a little bit of shopping first?"  
Trying  
Ely nodded, even though he couldn’t see. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

"The show isn't until 2:30 so we have a bit of time."

“Yeah. It’ll be fun.”

"I can treat you even more."

She smiled. “Don’t treat me too much, or I’ll get used to it.”

"You should get used to it." He said, picking a nice pale blue shirt and sitting down on the bed to button it and roll up the sleeves. 

“Why, are you going to spoil me every day?”

"You know I am."

“I’ll be a brat.”

"No you won't."

She grinned. "You don't know that.”

“I do.”

She made herself sit up. "I guess I should go shower, shouldn't I?”

“If you want to, yeah.”

"The sooner I'm ready the more time we have for shopping." She pointed out.

“True.”

She slipped out from under the duvet, pressing a kiss to his cheek as she moved past him. "I'll try not to be too long.”

“Take all the time you need.” He murmured.

She wasn't too long, in the end, only fifteen minutes, and she came out wrapped in a towel with a soft smile. She already felt ridiculously pampered, and there were no hints of it stopping any time soon. Quietly, she started to get dressed, choosing something she thought was casual but smart enough for the theatre - a cute leather skirt with a thin, grey knit jumper and black tights. She didn't put a top on underneath, choosing to just throw it on over a bralette. When she was dressed, she smiled at Fao.

"Smart enough?"

"You look gorgeous."

She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "Thanks. Will you fasten my necklace for me?"

"Sure." He murmured, getting up.

She twisted to pick up the little box with the Eeyore necklace, and offered it to him.

He took it and carefully fastened it around her neck, pressing a kiss to the exposed skin as he did so. "There. Perfect."

"Thank you." She said, turning around to press a little kiss to his lips.

He smiled into the kiss. "Sorry again about earlier, sweetie."

"Don't be." She replied. "It's okay.”

“I shouldn’t have pushed you like that.”

Ely shook her head, reaching up to brush some hair from his face. "You weren't to know.”

“I knew we wanted to take things slow.”

"It's been a couple of months." She said. "I just didn't want to go any further than that. One day I will.”

“Yeah. Sorry.” He murmured. 

"You don't have to be." She said, trying to soothe him. "I liked having you above me.”

“I’m glad you liked it. You let me know if you want more.”

She nodded, with a gentle smile. "I will. Promise.”

“Good.”

"Are we gonna go shopping, then?”

“Yeah. C’mon then.”

She took his hand, now. "Get moving yourself.”

They headed out, walking out to the tube station. They ended up outside a Tiffany’s as they walked, and Fao stopped. “Why don’t we go in and have a look?”

She looked at the window, and then at his face. “Okay."

They headed inside and Fao squeezed her hand. “What do you fancy?”

She shrugged. "A bracelet, maybe?”

“Shall we have a look?” He murmured, leading her over to the bracelets.

Ely let herself be lead over to them, eyes drifting over each one. They were all gorgeous, and she'd always wanted a Tiffany bracelet. Maybe she'd mentioned it to him before.

“Silver, gold, rose gold?”

"Rose gold." She answered. "You should know that.”

“I thought you might want a change.”

Ely shook her head. "Silver could go with my necklace, but I do like rose gold…"

“Go with your gut. Rose gold looks lovely on you.” He murmured.

"Does that mean you're intent on buying one?”

“Perhaps.”

"Can I do anything to convince you otherwise?”

“Nope. Go pick.”

"You're terrible." She complained, but looked closer in all of the cases, until her eyes were drawn to a thin band with a pair of fleur de lis. "I like this one."

"Oh, that's so nice."

She couldn't quite see the price, and she squinted. "How much is it?"

"Uh, doesn't matter." He said quickly. It was a lot, but he hardly spent anything he earned. 

"Fao, how much does it cost?"

"Not loads."

She huffed. "You're not gonna tell me, are you?"

"It's your birthday. Do you want to try it on?"

Ely paused, still looking at the bracelet before she nodded. "Yeah, I do."

Fao caught the attention of a shop assistant, who opened the case and passed the bracelet to Ely.

She slipped it onto her wrist, and turned it in the light. It looked good, but she still didn't know how much it cost. "I don't know..."

"What don't you know?" He said, wrapping his arm around her. "It looks lovely."

"You won't tell me what it costs." She said softly. She didn't want to pick something out that was too expensive, no matter their wages.

"Okay then, what's too expensive?" He asked. "The price is very reasonable for what it is, I'll tell you that."

She hummed, letting her gaze fall back to it. It fit perfectly, and it looked good. "I believe you. And it does look really nice."

"You look stunning." He said, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "Do you want to try a couple of others?"

Ely shook her head. "No. I really like this one."

"Well, okay then. Let me get it for you?"

"Yeah, okay. I'll let you."

"Good. It is your birthday, after all."

The shop assistant smiled. "It's your birthday? Oh, happy birthday!"

Ely pressed her lips together, looking down at her feet. "Thanks."

He pressed another kiss to her cheek, then pulled out his wallet.

The assistant allowed her to keep it on, and Ely pulled her sleeve over it to hide it - it wouldn't do to have it on show on a normal day like this. There seemed to be an unspoken agreement between Fao and the woman that neither of them would say the price, so she let sleeping dogs lie. She could always ask later, or she'd find out when she did the bills. When it was paid for and Fao had the receipt, Ely took his hand again.

"Thank you," she said, "you didn't have to."

"I wanted to. Because you're special."

"I'm not any more special than anyone else."

"You're special to me." He told her firmly. "I can't imagine life without you."

"You're really special to me, too." She replied, stopping and turning to face him. "I... I think I love you."

"That's why I bought the bracelet. It's not about money, it's about showing you how much I care."

She nodded, reaching up so she could wrap her arms around his neck. "I get it. I love you."

He paused for a second, then smiled. He kissed her softly, carefully. "Love you too."

She sighed against him, and lingered there before she pulled away. "We're getting soft, aren't we?"

"Ridiculously soft." He murmured in reply. "But I wouldn't change it for the world."

"I wouldn't either." She said.

"We should keep shopping." He murmured. "Stuff for the flat, maybe?"

She smiled. "Yeah. It still feels like a bachelor pad.”

He laughed. “Yeah, I guess it does.”

"We could get some picture frames and get some pictures from our tours printed off?”

“Oh, that’d be cute.”

"I'm sure there's some of us together.”

“I think there’s a couple.” He said softly.

"We could put them up, and take some more." She said, taking his hand again.

“Oh, we so could. I sort of want to buy some more cushions."

She grinned. "Some cute pink ones? They'll go well with the grey sofa.”

“I was thinking baby blue.”

"Oh, that'd be nice. We could get a couple of patterned ones too.”

“Yeah. I figured we’d look in the shop and maybe pick them up another time?”

Ely nodded. "Yeah. Cushions aren't going to fit into a theatre very well.”

“Not well at all.”

"I'm so excited for it."

"The theatre or the cushions?" He teased. 

"Both."

He smiled. "Well, it's not long to wait for the theatre."

"No, it's not." She agreed. "I've not seen it before, and I've always wanted to."

"I've not seen it either."

"I don't believe that."

"Why not?!"

"You're a theatre nerd.”

“In both ways. But I didn’t get the chance to go to many west end productions as a kid.”

"Neither did I." She replied, squeezing his fingers. "It'll be fun.”

“It will. I used to act in some, yeah, but you don’t get to see them when you’re acting.”

"Still a nerd." She replied. "Where are we going for food?”

“My secret.”

"Oh, come on.”

“It’s a surprise!”

"You're so mean." She complained.

“I’m not mean! I’ve planned nice stuff for your birthday!”

"I hope so." She replied. "Because you always seem to know my favourite things.”

“I guess I’m just amazing.”

"Oh, really?”

“Yes really.”

She rolled her eyes playfully. "I don't believe you.”

“We’ll need to nip home and change into something a little… smarter.”

"What, really?”

“I’ve booked somewhere with a smart casual dress code. I can’t wear jeans and you can’t really wear a jumper.”

She hummed. "I suppose so.”

“We’ll have plenty of time between the end of the show and our reservation.”

"What time is the reservation?”

“Half seven.”

"So, plenty of time then." She might even have time for a shower.

“Yeah. The show finishes at about five.”

"I can definitely shower, then.”

“Yeah. We both can."

She smiled, swinging their hands. "As long as I don't take forever.”

“Maybe I’ll shower first, then.”

"But I need to put my face on.”

“I won’t take long.”

"I hope not.”

“Not got much to do.” He murmured. They did some shopping, ordered a couple of new cushions, some cute mugs, a new throw for the sofa and of course the picture frames. Now they just needed to get the pictures sorted. They then headed to the theatre just in time for the show. It was amazing, and they both walked out beaming and feeling rather like big kids. He kissed her on the steps of the theatre and then they headed back home to change. He went for his nice light grey three piece suit and they took the tube back to Covent Garden where the restaurant was. He was so excited for Ely to see it.

She went for an off the shoulder dress, with a full skirt in a Versailles print - the top was white. She'd waited until she knew exactly what Fao was wearing first before deciding, just so they could match, though she had to admit that she felt a little out of place on the tube.

When they arrived at the restaurant, her mouth went dry.

"It's... It's gorgeous." She managed to get out.

“Isn’t it just?” He murmured, arm around her.

"Are you sure you've brought me to the right place?"

"Of course it's the right place!"

"It looks too posh." She admitted.

"Why? You're plenty posh."

"I'm not this posh." She said, scared that she'd somehow stick out like a sore thumb.

"You're wearing a dress that cost at least three hundred pounds, you've got a Tiffany diamond bracelet around your wrist and you're worried you're not posh enough?"

She glanced at the floor. "You know what I mean."

He kissed her on the cheek. "Dont worry." He murmured. "It's just dinner in a nice restaurant. Nobody is judging you. You look gorgeous and I love you."

"Yeah, you're right," she said, wrapping her fingers around his forearm, "you're always right. We're going to have a nice meal for my birthday."

"We are. And it's going to be amazing. Plus the wine is incredible."

“I know you’re telling the truth if you say that.”

"You know I like my wine."

“I do. Shall we go in?”

"Yeah, let's." He murmured, and they headed in. He gave his name and they were escorted to the quiet table he'd requested, surrounded by blossom. Whilst Ely was distracted, he sneakily took a picture of her, grinning up at the pretty blossom. She looked so perfect. 

Once she’d finished looking around, Ely smiled at him, reaching across the table for his hand. “It’s so romantic.”

"I know." He murmured. He'd pre-arranged the food and the wine, so all they had to do was sit there and talk. He'd shrugged off his jacket and rolled up his shirtsleeves when he'd sat, and took her hand when she reached out for him. 

“Thank you for getting a quiet table.”

"We both need it. And besides, it gives us a chance to talk."

“Yeah. Actually hear each other.”

"Exactly."

“What are we doing for food?”

"Five course tasting menu with wine." He said with a smile. "But you get six courses because I included a cheeseboard."

She stared at him, lips parted. He knew she loved a chessboard. “Really?”

"Yeah. I said I'd treat you and I meant it."

“Thank you so much.”

"You've not eaten it yet." He teased. "But you're welcome. You deserve it."

“You know how much I love a cheese board.” She replied. 

"I do, you're always eating the cheese at home."

She smiled. “You’re just the weirdo who doesn’t like cheese.”

"I like it, just not on its own."

“Still a weirdo.” She teased. It wasn’t long before the wine was served, and then the food. The crab and salmon roulade was gorgeous, and Fao laughed at her when she didn’t like the duck liver. The cod was beautiful and the Black Angus rib was to die for - though very difficult to eat while looking civilised. They were just waiting for her cheeseboard before the pudding when Fao’s phone began to vibrate. Ely bit her lip. 

“You best get that.”

Fao rolled his eyes. "God, I'm sorry, that's so rude." He said softly, checking his phone. He didn't recognise the number. "I should take it, it might be work." He murmured, standing up and pressing a kiss to her cheek before he left, answering his phone.

"Hello?"

“Major Blackwo- Fao? Thank God you picked up, I didn’t know who to ring.” Chris got out, barely breathing between speaking. 

He was just about to ask who was calling when he recognised the voice. Chris. Ely's F1. "Chris? Slow down, what's going on?"

“I’ve...” he paused, and the next words came out as a sob. “I’ve lost my leg. Medical discharge. I’ve got nowhere to go.”

"Oh, Chris, I'm sorry." Fao murmured. "Are you at the Queen Elizabeth?"

“Yeah. They want to discharge me but I don’t have anywhere to live. I can’t afford it.” He said, wiping his nose. “Do you know anywhere that could help?”

"I can help." He murmured. "My flat is perfect, I bought it when I was on crutches. Everything will be fine, don't you worry. I need to talk things through with my girlfriend but I'll ring you back, yeah?" 

“Y-yeah, okay. Thank you, sir.”

"Oh, you don't need to call me sir." He said. "Fao's absolutely fine. I'm not an Army man anymore. I won't be long, and I'll sort things out for you."

“Okay. Thank you so much.”

"Not a problem. Rest up, now."

“I will. Promise.”

"Good." He murmured, and hung up the phone. God, poor Chris. He'd only been in the Army for three years. He'd probably lost his leg on his first tour. A little shocked, Fao headed back into the restaurant and flashed Ely a smile. "I'm back."

Ely frowned. “You look worried. What was it?”

"It was Chris, calling me from the Queen Elizabeth."

Immediately, she was worried. “Is he okay?”

"He lost his leg. Bless him, he was in floods of tears."

“We have to help him.” She said. “We have to.”

"Yeah. He's got nowhere to live, I said he could live with us but I just needed to talk to you, first."

“Well, that’s fine by me. Ring him back?”

"You'll have to give up your room, not that you ever sleep in there anyway." He said with a smile. "I'll ring him once we've eaten."

“Go ring him now. Don’t leave him in a limbo.”

"Okay. I just don't want to ruin our dinner."

She shook her head. “Helping Chris isn’t ruining it. Go on, ring him. We’re off at the weekend, we could go get him.”

"Okay, yeah." He murmured. "Love you."

“Love you too.”

He headed out and dialled Chris' number again. "Hi, Chris."

“H-hey, Fao.”

"You can come and stay with me and my girlfriend. We can come and pick you up at the weekend, if that works?"

“Oh, thank you so much. You don’t know what this means to me. I’ll pay you back, I promise.”

"Don't worry about it."

"The-the weekend is fine for me. I'll tell the nurses.”

“Yeah, make sure you tell them. You can give them my number, too.”

"I will do. Thank you so much.”

“You’re very welcome. You really made a difference for me, I should repay you back. I know what it’s like to feel how you feel.”

"Yeah. I'll see you at the weekend, then?”

“I’ll see you at the weekend. I’ll ring you when we arrive.” He agreed. “Oh, I should tell you I have a dog.”

"Oh, that's okay. I'm sure he's good.”

“He’s lovely, you’ll get plenty of attention from him I’m sure.” Fao said. “But I’m sure you’re exhausted, it’s pretty late. Text me if you want, whatever I can do to help.”

"I will do. Thank you again.”

“You’re very welcome. All the best.”

"See you soon." He murmured, and hung up.

“See you.” Fao echoed, smiling to himself. He headed back in again, and sat down. “Looks like we’re going to Birmingham at the weekend, then.”

Ely smiled, stopping her nibbling on her cheese board - it had come while Fao was on the phone. "Good. It'll be fun, and we'll be helping.”

“We will. And Chris is so lovely.”

"He is. It'll be nice to have more life at home.”

“It will be.”

She smiled, and started eating her cheese again. "Sure you don't want any?”

“I’m sure.” He said, sipping his wine.

"But wine and cheese go so well together!”

“I’ll stick to just wine.”

"You're boring." She teased.

“I’m not boring!”

"You are if you won't try some cheese." She retorted. "It's so good.”

“It’s just not my thing.”

"So you're boring." She settled, still grinning. They had their puddings afterwards, and then headed home. Ely was a little tipsy, but she was proud of herself for eating so much. It was good, that her appetite was coming back. They went and got into bed, and spent a while kissing before they finally settled down - or, rather, Ely fell asleep on him. They had a couple of days of work, where they booked some days off so Chris would have some company, and then the weekend rolled around.

They had an amazing evening. Good food, good wine, and when they finally got home they were content just to kiss, their bodies pressed together. It was perfect. He fell asleep with Ely curled up on top of him, content.


	23. Chapter 23

Work was work, and they booked time off to help Chris out. That weekend, they were up early, wanting to get Chris back to civilisation as soon as possible. The drive wasn’t too long, but it wasn’t short either.

Ely was besides herself. It would be good to see Chris again, and to help someone like she'd needed help. Paying it forwards, as such. It was strange, however, to park at her old workplace. But they paid for parking and headed in, finding their way to the correct ward.

She pulled Chris into a hug as soon as she saw him.

Unable to escape Ely, Chris just laughed. "Hi, Ely." He mumbled against her. "I didn't expect to see you."

She hugged him tighter. "Well, you're coming to live with me, so you'll be seeing me a lot more.”

He frowned. “Wait, you’re Fao’s girlfriend?”

She burst out laughing. "Did he not tell you?”

“No!” Chris said with a laugh. “I had no idea.”

"But yeah, I am. A couple of months, but..." She said, with a faint blush. It must be so weird for him.

“Good for you.” He said softly, pulling away, as Fao moved in to give him a quick hug.

“You good to go?”

"Yeah. They want me out already." He said, with a faint smile.

"I bet you want out too.”

Chris nodded. "Yeah, I do. I feel like I'm going crazy.”

“I know how you feel.”

Ely had bent down to pick up Chris' bags, and she smiled at him. "Shall we get going, then?”

“Let’s.” Chris murmured. “I can’t wait to be somewhere that’s not my workplace.”

"Hopefully you'll feel at home with us.”

“I’ll be more at home than I am here.”

She nodded, passing one of the bags to Fao. "We've booked some days off, so you're not alone.”

Fao took the bag, shouldering it as they headed out of the ward. They slowly made their way to the car, mindful of Chris, and headed home. The drive was shorter on the way back, and they arrived at the little flat. 

“You’ve got your own room, but it’s kind of bare, so feel free to order anything you want online and get it sent here. As far as rent goes, you don’t need to worry. You can contribute in any way you can.”

Chris nodded. "Okay. I'll find a way to help.”

“And we’ll help you whenever you need it.” Fao said, digging his keys out to unlock the door.

"Thank you."

"No problem." Fao said, unlocking the door. He grabbed the dog who came rushing over, ears pricked. 

Chris smiled at the dog, carefully balancing his weight on his remaining leg and the crutch, so he could let the rottweiler sniff his hand. Behind them, Ely smiled.

"He might try to kiss you." She warned.

Chris laughed. "What, Fao?"

"Well, he might, but I meant the dog."

Fao grinned. "He's a proper cuddle whore." 

Chris smiled at them both. "He'll help me, then." He murmured.

"He helped the both of us." Fao said softly. "I'll show you your room, you can get unpacked."

"Thank you. It looks good.”

“You’re welcome. Let me know if you need anything.”

"I will. I'll let either of you know." He said, and Ely took the bag from Fao.

"Why don't you get some food ready, and I'll show Chris his room? I don't know about you two, but I'm starving.”

“Yeah, I’ll cook.” Fao said. “Any requests?”

Chris shrugged. "I'm not fussed.”

“Whatever’s in the fridge, then.” He said with a grin.

"Go on, get cooking!" She encouraged, pecking his cheek with a kiss.

He smiled, and headed into the kitchen, looking around for something to cook.

Ely smiled back, and then lead Chris through the hallway to his room - her old room. "So, this was my room when I first moved in, but I haven't used it much lately. I'm stuck with Fao and his fat ass now, anyway. It's quaint, and cosy.”

Chris grinned. “It’s perfect. Better than a hospital.”

"Yeah, it is. And on our days off we'll actually have company, instead of each other." She said.

“That’d be really nice.”

"Some days we're both working, though, so you'll have to entertain yourself.”

“I’m sure I’ll find something. I’ve got physio to do.”

"There's Netflix that Fao pays for." She said, with a grin.

“Perfect. I’ll find plenty of tv to watch.” Chris said, sitting down on the bed. “God, this is so…strange.”

"I know. I felt so out of place when I first moved in."

"Knowing you and Fao from before, and now.... Look at me. One tour and I lost my leg."

Ely moved to sit next to him. "That doesn't invalidate the work you did, you know. And don't you dare argue that you're worse off."

He smiled a weak smile. "Yeah, I guess. It's just pretty hard."

"I know." She said. "I know how you feel. Not exactly, but..."

"I know." He replied. "I really appreciate you and Fao doing this for me."

"We're like your weird parents, we'll look after you." She said.

Chris laughed. "That's such an odd image."

"Don't be rude!" She joked.

"Doesn't matter if I'm rude, you're not my superior anymore." He said with a grin. 

"That doesn't mean you can be rude." She retorted.

He just smiled. Glancing over at his bags, he realised the task of unpacking was a rather unpleasant one. Instead, he settled better on the bed, ditching his crutches. "So, you and Fao?"

She tucked some hair behind her ear, suddenly nervous. "Yeah. That happened.”

He laughed. “Yeah, it did. How did you two meet again?”

"He emailed me because there was an opening at his work he thought I'd be interested in," she said, "so I applied and got the job. He let me stay here and it just... grew.”

“That’s… sweet.”

"Yeah, I suppose it is." She agreed.

“It’s just a bit of a mindfuck.” He murmured. “Y’know, the last time I saw you two it was you coaching my through putting him under…”

She nodded. "I know. It's strange for us, too.”

“I bet it is.”

"But it works. We understand each other.”

“Shared experience and all that.” Chris agreed. “My girlfriend left me before my first tour.”

"Oh, Chris, I'm sorry." She said, wrapping her arm around his shoulders.

“It’s okay. She just… couldn’t hack the army life.”

"That's shit." She said softly. Some people just weren't made to deal with it. "But you'll find someone else, you're a good looking bloke.”

He laughed. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

"That's exactly what it was." She said. "And I know a couple of young, attractive single nurses.”

“I think I need to sort my life out before I get back on the dating horse.”

"Let me know when." She said, squeezing his shoulder. "Because they'd love you.”

“I will.” He replied. “You know, I missed you when you left the Army.”

"I missed you too." She murmured.

“I learned a lot from you.”

"I'm glad." She said. "Though I didn't come straight here when I left. I went out with Doctors Without Borders.”

“Oh, that’s so cool. I wish I could have done that."

"Once you've got your leg, there's nothing stopping you." She encouraged. "You're still a doctor, and a bloody good one.”

“Yeah, I suppose.” He said. “Might make it a bit harder, though.”

"Ah, you always were good at challenges.”

“You always used to push me.”

"Because I wanted you to get better, not stagnate." She said. "You're a brilliant doctor, Chris. You'd love it out there.”

“Yeah. Need a new leg, first.”

"You'll get there." She encouraged. "Just don't let it rule your life, yeah? You're so much more.”

“God, you’re so inspirational.” Chris teased.

"I'm trying to help you!”

“You’re helping, you are.” He murmured. “But god, all of my training has been completely fucked.”

"No it hasn’t."

“I was about to start my second year as a registrar.”

"So?" She asked. "You can do that over here. I know it's not the same, but if you choose to work in trauma it feels the same.”

“I guess some things don’t change.”

"No, not really."

"You know, you see a completely different side to it when you're the patient."

"I guess you do." She agreed. She'd not quite been there, not in the same sense.

"And man, do those drugs fuck you up."

She grinned. "Oh, I know that."

"Yeah. Crazy."

"Do you want a hand unpacking?" She asked.

"That would be amazing." Chris said. "It's tricky on crutches."

"Well, how about I take everything out and you direct me where to put it?"

"Yeah. And I can sit here on my arse." He said with a grin.

"Lucky you," she said, "though Fao might finish cooking before we're done."

"We can finish up when we're done eating." He said, reaching for the first bag. "Maybe I unpack and pass it to you?"

She hummed. "Sure."

"I've not got loads." He said, unzipping it. 

"Who knows, we might get it all done.”

“We might do. Maybe I need to go shopping.”

"We can take you shopping.”

“Maybe next week.”

She hummed. "Whenever you want.”

“Need to settle in, I think."

"That's absolutely fine." She said.

He smiled. “Thanks, Ely.”

Ely helped him unpack and after a good meal they returned, all three of them sorting out Chris' stuff and talking about what they missed about the Army. It was nice, all three of them chatting, and they spent the rest of the day talking and bonding again before Chris went to bed early that evening. Neither of them were surprised. They looked after him best they could, but he was getting his independence back bit by bit. It was good to see. He'd developed into a confident young soldier, it was a shame it had ended like that. Like all good things did, Fao and Ely's leave came to an end and they had to get back to work.


	24. Chapter 24

A week or so after they'd returned to work they were both in together, though Fao had barely seen his girlfriend all day. They'd caught ten minutes during their lunch and that was it. All afternoon and evening he was overwhelmed with work. One elective case was all he got before everything went to shit. A big car accident had his list of surgical cases practically overflowing. 

 

He finished work after 11, tired and in pain. He'd been on his feet all day, he was unsurprised. Anyone would be aching. He drove home even though he knew he was far too tired to drive, and practically staggered in the door just after quarter to. He didn't bother with a shower, and he wasn't even greeted by the dog, who he assumed was sharing Chris' bed. Fao crawled into bed with Ely, pressing himself as close to her as possible.

 

She stirred when she heard the car engine, and when the mattress dipped she rolled over, clearly half asleep. 

 

“Mmm, you’re home.” She murmured. 

 

"Missed you." He replied softly, pressing closer. 

 

“Missed you too.” She replied. “Sleep, though. It’s really late.”

 

"Yeah. 'm sleepy." Fao replied, closing his eyes as he curled up beside her. "G'night."

 

“G’night.” She replied, voice thick. 

 

He drifted off next to her, warm against her skin. But his peaceful warm sleep didn't last. It never did. Plagued by nightmares, he tossed and turned all night, unable to settle. Every time he closed his eyes he felt the lash of a belt over his back, heard his uncle's voice ringing in his ears. So he laid there, watching Ely sleep, the rise and fall of her chest as she slept. She looked so peaceful, so content. The dog was with Chris, so he simply watched Ely until morning light began to filter into the room. 

 

Ely woke a little later, cuddling up against him. “Morning.”

 

He sighed, looking down at her cuddled up against him. "Mornin'."

 

She frowned. “What’s wrong?”

 

"Didn't sleep."

 

“Meant to be at work?”

 

"Nah."

 

“Mmm, good.” She said softly. “We can stay in bed ‘til you fall asleep.”

 

He huffed. "I've been tryin' since I got into bed."

 

“I’ll bore you so much you’ll sleep.” She said, as if it was simple. 

 

He laughed. "You're not boring."

 

“‘M trying to get you to sleep.” She complained. 

 

"Yeah, but you're not boring." He said, stretching to try and get comfortable and wincing when he did. 

 

She frowned again, and brushed a kiss to his neck. “Go wank.”

 

"Mmm, what?" He said with a crooked smile. 

 

She was still a little tired and didn’t blush. “Go wank. Then you’ll be tired.”

 

He was aching and sore, but Ely wasn't far wrong. He was normally really tired after... Well, after some 'me time'. So he rolled his eyes and got out of bed, but when he stood up the aching got deeper and worse and he whined, reaching out for something to keep his balance. "Nope, fuck that." He murmured, sitting down again. 

 

She continued frowning. “I can leave if you wanna do it here.”

 

He sucked in a deep breath, the pain just getting worse. "No. 'm fine. _Fuck_."

 

Ely sat up then, concerned and wide awake. “What’s wrong?”

 

"Jus' my hip playing up."

 

“Sounds worse than that.”

 

"I pulled a 16 hour shift yesterday." He murmured. "It's jus' that." He slipped back under the covers, laying down and reaching to rub the scar. 

 

“If you say so.” She said, unsure now whether she’d hurt him if she cuddled back up.

 

"Would you be able to get me a heatpack?" He asked softly. 

 

She nodded. “Yeah, unless you want me?”

 

"Both." He replied. 

 

“Okay. Won’t be long.” She said, quickly finding the heat pack and going to warm it up. She was no more than five minutes before she came back and passed it to him. 

 

"Mmm, thank you." He said softly. He pressed it to his hip with a sigh. "Love you."

 

“Love you too.” She replied, cuddling up next to him. 

 

He smiled as she cuddled up. "Sorry to be a pain."

 

“Mmm, you’re not. Remember my period last week?”

 

"Yeah. But still, sorry."

 

“I’m not accepting an apology.”

 

He huffed. "Mean."

 

“It’s not your fault.”

 

"Stupid Army."

 

“Shut up, you loved the army.”

 

“I did. But I don’t love this.”

 

She shrugged. "You could go get it checked out.”

 

“It’s fine.” He said quickly.

 

Ely rolled her eyes, but she didn't press. He'd come to his senses soon enough - they both knew it wasn't meant to hurt, especially years after the operation. "If you say so.”

 

“Jus’ an ache. Shit happens.”

 

"I suppose.”

 

He groaned. “Kept me up half the night, never mind the nightmares.”

 

"Oh, honey.”

 

“‘m fine.” He knew he really wasn’t.

 

"I wish I could help.”

 

“You _are_ helping.”

 

She smiled. "Yeah, I guess. I just wish I could help more.”

 

“It’s okay.” He said thickly. “What’s the time?”

 

She twisted to grab her phone, unplugging it. "Uh, just past six.”

 

“Oh, okay.” He murmured. “Felt later.”

 

"I bet it does." She said, trying to soothe him. There wasn't really much she could do.

 

“You can sleep again, if you want.” He said quietly.

 

"I don't mind staying up with you."

 

"It doesn't matter either way." He said quietly. It still really hurt. 

 

She shrugged. "Do you want some painkillers?"

 

"Uh, I probably should."

 

She peeled herself away from him. "Paracetamol, or something strong?"

 

He bit his lip. "T-there's some co-codamol in the bathroom." He said quietly. 

 

"I'll get it for you." She said, and kissed his cheek. "Won't be long."

 

"I know I shouldn't, but..."

 

"A one off is okay." She replied, getting off of the bed and disappearing.

 

If only it was a one off. He'd taken some at work on his lunch break, and some the day before that. He was just glad he had some left over. 

 

She came back quickly, noting how the pack was already open and in use. She shrugged it off - surely, he was fine - and filled a glass of water, even though she knew he had a habit of swallowing them without a drink. Smiling gently, she offered them to him.

 

"Here you are, honey.”

 

He took the tablets from her and swallowed them with a gulp of water. “Thank you.” He murmured, settling back down under the duvet with a huff. He reached up to pull his hair out of it’s hairband and let it cascade over him as he rolled onto his front, face buried in the pillows.

 

She climbed into bed next to him, on her side facing him, so she could rub her hand over his back. "Just relax, sweetie.”

 

“Fuckin’ hurts.” He got out, voice muffled by the pillows.

 

"I know. Give the painkillers time to work, yeah?"

 

"Yeah." He mumbled. "But it's shit."

 

"I know it is."

 

"I hate it." He whined. 

 

"I know. But at least you're not meant to be at work, yeah? You've got me to be your nurse."

 

He twisted to look at her. "You gonna wear a cute little uniform for me?"

 

She winked. "Maybe. If you're into that."

 

"I'd be into anything for you."

 

She tried not to snort too loud. "I'm not sure if it'd be sexy rather than cute."

 

"I don't care."

 

"Yeah, you'd love my ass hanging out. Not sure if that's the best treatment, though."

 

"Mmm, jus' what the doctor ordered."

 

"Fao!"

 

He managed a weak laugh. "Love you."

 

"I love you too."

 

"Can I have a hug?"

 

She leaned down, carefully hugging him the best she could from behind. "Yeah."

 

The contact was nice. "Thanks." He mumbled. 

 

"You're welcome. Maybe I'll go get a little outfit, eh?"

 

"Maybe."

 

"Though you wouldn't keep your hands to yourself." She murmured. "Unless you wore it."

 

"That something you'd like to see, eh?"

 

"You've got a great ass." She reasoned.

 

"I suppose I do."

 

"You do."

 

"You'd know."

 

She smiled. "I would. Are those painkillers kicking in?"

 

"A bit."

 

"Give them a little longer."

 

"Yeah. I will. It's not like I can take any more."

 

She hummed, parting his hair so she could press a kiss to the back of his neck. "No, you can't. But you could take some ibuprofen or aspirin with it."

 

"I suppose. I'll wait, it's not too bad. I can deal with it."

 

"You shouldn't have to deal with it." She said softly.

 

"I can take pain."

 

"That's not the point.”

 

“I’ve dealt with it all my life.”

 

"Still not the point. You've got a girlfriend trained in analgesia.”

 

“Yeah, but you’ve not got any of the good drugs.”

 

"Are you saying you want to be as high as a kite?”

 

“I want this pain to stop.”

 

"Then give the bloody painkillers a chance.”

 

“I’m _trying_.”

 

She sighed, rubbing her hands over the tops of his shoulders. "I know.”

 

He sighed, relaxing into her touch. “It’s hard.”

 

"I know.”

 

“But you don’t really.” He grumbled. “It’s not the same.”

 

"We both faced Afghanistan, that's the same." She replied. "I know every experience isn't the same, but I understand.”

 

“Not that. _This_. All of this. To be fucked over two years after I left.”

 

"Maybe I don't, then," she said softly, "and maybe I won't. But don't get snappy, yeah? I'm doing my best to help you.”

 

He just sighed, staying silent. He just wanted to sleep.

 

"Do you want me to get you some Kalms?”

 

“No. ‘m fine. Don’t need anythin’. I hate sleepin’ pills.”

 

“Okay."

 

“Need a clear head.”

 

"I get that." She murmured. "I could put some white noise on?”

 

“No.” He mumbled. “Need quiet and I need to stop hurtin’.”

 

"Okay. I just thought it might help.”

 

“It’s ‘kay.”

 

"Maybe I could give you a massage later. That might help you relax.”

 

“That sounds nice.”

 

She smiled. "I'm good with my fingers.”

 

“Not as good as me.”

 

"Maybe one day soon I'll find out."

 

"Whatever you want." 

 

"You're so sweet." She teased.

 

"I know." He murmured. "Maybe I should read for a bit."

 

"What book do you want?"

 

"I don't know."

 

She hummed. "Or that journal I know you were reading the other day? I'm sure it's boring enough to send you to sleep."

 

He rolled onto his back with a sigh. "It's not boring!"

 

"All journals are boring!"

 

"They're interesting!" He protested.

 

"No they're not." She teased.

 

"I learn things from them." He grumbled. "And what I was reading yesterday was something about anaesthesia."

 

"Are you after my job?" She asked, grinning.

 

"No, jus' interested."

 

"I could teach you, if you want."

 

"You know, I'd really like that."

 

She kissed his cheek. "Maybe Chris can help."

 

"I'd rather be taught by the master."

 

She laughed. “Why thank you.”

 

"Well, you are pretty good."

 

"I try.”

 

“You do well.” He said, shuffling a little. “Maybe you could read to me?”

 

She nodded. "If that's what you want.”

 

“It’ll distract me, for sure. And it’s too early to get up.”

 

"What shall I get then?”

 

“Whatever you want.”

 

She grinned. " _Lady Chatterley's Lover?_ " She asked. It was awfully dry.

 

He laughed quietly. “Maybe not. I’m hardly in fit shape.”

 

"It takes ages to get to the sex.”

 

“I wouldn’t know.” He said, looking down at his hands.

 

"Count yourself lucky." She joked, getting up to go fetch it. "I promise, if anything can help you sleep it's this book.”

 

“Yeah, okay.” He said softly, pulling the duvet up and snuggling down.

 

She went and got it, before climbing back into bed and sitting crossed-legged next to him, opening the book.

 

"Ours is essentially a tragic age, so we refuse to take it tragically." She began to read. "The cataclysm has happened, we are among the ruins, we start to build up new little habitats, to have new little hopes. It is rather hard work: there is now no smooth road into the future: but we go round, or scramble over the obstacles. We've got to live, no matter how many skies have fallen.”

 

He shut his eyes, letting her voice wash over him. She was quiet, and soothing and so calm. It reminded him of the time she coached Chris as he put him under. It was a bittersweet memory, but he liked to listen to her. It didn’t stop the pain, but it distracted him from it.

 

"This was more or less Constance Chatterley's position. The war had brought the roof down over her head. And she had realised that one must live and learn.

 

She married Clifford Chatterley in 1917, when he was home for a month on leave. They had a month's honeymoon. Then he went back to Flanders: to be shipped over to England again six months later, more or less in bits. Constance, his wife, was then twenty-three years old, and he was twenty-nine." She continued to read.

 

“God, this really is dull.” He grumbled.

 

She laughed. "I know! That's why it's perfect.”

 

“I like your voice, though.”

 

"Why thank you." She said.

 

“It’s very reassuring.”

 

She smiled, and brushed some hair from his face. "Thank you." She repeated, and turned back to the book. "His hold on life was marvellous. He didn't die, and the bits seemed to grow together again. For two years he remained in the doctor's hands. Then he was pronounced a cure, and could return to life again, with the lower half of his body, from the hips down, paralysed for ever.”

 

“Mmm, this sounds a little familiar.”

 

"Maybe it wasn't the best choice." She said softly.

 

“Keep going. ‘m not paralysed.”

 

"You're not." She agreed. "This was in 1920. They returned, Clifford and Constance, to his home, Wragby Hall, the family "seat". His father had died, Clifford was now a baronet, Sir Clifford, and Constance was Lady Chatterley. They came to start housekeeping and married life in the rather forlorn home of the Chatterleys on a rather inadequate income. Clifford had a sister, but she had departed. Otherwise there were no near relatives. The elder brother was dead in the war. Crippled for ever, knowing he could never have any children, Clifford came home to the smoky Midlands to keep the Chatterley name alive while he could.”

 

He smiled. “I should show you the Blackwood family ‘seat’ one day.”

 

She smiled back at him. "I'd love that."

 

He yawned. "But not now."

 

"No, not now." She agreed. He was looking a little more tired, now. "He was not really downcast. He could wheel himself about in a wheeled chair, and he had a bath-chair with a small motor attachment, so he could drive himself slowly round the garden and into the line melancholy park, of which he was really so proud, though he pretended to be flippant about it."

 

"Isn't this guy the cuckold?"

 

"I'm not giving you any spoilers."

 

He rolled his eyes, then closed them again. He might as well try to sleep. 

 

"Having suffered so much, the capacity for suffering had to some extent left him. He remained strange and bright and cheerful, almost, one might say, chirpy, with his ruddy, healthy-looking face, arid his pale-blue, challenging bright eyes. His shoulders were broad and strong, his hands were very strong. He was expensively dressed, and wore handsome neckties from Bond Street. Yet still in his face one saw the watchful look, the slight vacancy of a cripple."

 

As Ely spoke he began to drift, not really listening to her anymore. Eventually, he fell asleep, laid on his back. A soft snore escaped him, his breath catching in his throat as he slept. 

 

Her voice trailed off as she noticed him drifting off, but she didn't stop until he snored. Satisfied, she carefully moved from the bed - she needed the loo, and now she'd been awake a while, she was hungry too. Quietly, she padded out of the room and into the kitchen, flicking the kettle on.

 

Fao got about an hour, maybe an hour and a half’s worth of good sleep before the nightmares started.

 

_Bright, bright lights. At first, that was all he was aware of. They were blinding, painfully so. As his eyes adjusted to it, he could see that it was coming from big, surgical lights. And he could hear a far-off, distant heart rate monitor. It was so… disconnected. And then there was the pain. It was excruciating. He tried to move but he couldn’t. He was paralysed, unable to do anything to avoid the pain. He couldn’t see anything, but he could hear indistinct voices. He cried out, but the people just berated him, told him to get over it. Showing pain was weakness. He was bound to this operating table, unable to move. But then he saw her._

 

_Ely._

 

_As pretty as ever, her bright blue eyes shining. He didn’t know why, but he thought she was her most beautiful when she wore those scrubs, the scrubs that made her eyes even bluer._

 

_“Ely! Please!” He cried out, voice hoarse. She moved closer to him with soft, liquid eyes. She brushed some hair from his face gently._

 

_“Oh, what’s the matter? Is the pain too much for you? Oh, you silly boy. Pain is weakness. I guess you were weaker than I thought you were.” Her voice was cold and bitter, and he frowned, wishing he could reach out for her._

 

_“Ely… Please help me, tell them to stop. Please.” He struggled to get out, breaking down into sobs. He felt something snap, something break, and the pain intensified. It spread down his leg and up his torso, tightening his chest. Suddenly, he couldn’t breathe. God, he couldn’t breathe. He tried to speak, to cry out for Ely again, but he couldn’t speak, couldn’t catch the breath to form the words. She shook her head at him._

 

_“Stupid little boy. This is your punishment. Didn’t you know?”_

 

_The pain in his chest got sharper and more intense, taking over everything. He couldn’t even try to draw in breath, and he heard himself flatline before everything went black._

 

He woke up gasping for air, reaching out wildly to grab onto the bedsheets, anything to ground him. He struggled to sit upright, breathing heavily, his chest heaving. He broke down into sobs, gulping breaths in between, his whole body shaking.

 

After having breakfast - just a bowl of cereal - Ely had been joined by Chris. They had a hushed conversation, after she let him know Fao was getting some much needed sleep. He'd been telling her about his tour and what it was like without her there when they watched Arrow get up suddenly and head into the bedroom she shared with Fao.

 

For a moment, she assumed he'd just wanted his owner. But with the door pushed open, she could hear sobbing. Concerned, she shot a glance at Chris, and then headed in. Fao needed her.

 

Keeping quiet so she didn't disturb him, she carefully edged into the room, to find him struggling for breath and Arrow pressing himself against him.

 

She recognised what was going on from her own experience, and moved to sit next to him. "Fao, honey, it's okay. I promise everything is okay."

 

The dog was a warm, welcome presence with a toothy smile and a cold nose that started to ground him. He had a firm hold on his collar, not wanting to let go. His knuckles were white and the dog just lay next to him, eyes closed. The sound of another living thing breathing helped, and he'd begun to regain control when Ely walked in. He felt paralysed again, still stuck in whatever disturbed scene his brain created. She sat next to him and he panicked, pulling away and letting go of the dog, who put himself between Fao and Ely quickly. Nothing more than a physical boundary, as Fao struggled for breath, the sobbing taking over again. 

 

She frowned, but pushed away the hurt, the bitterness that rose in her throat. What had she done? She didn't know, she didn't have a clue. But she got off of the bed, knowing beyond doubt that she was the problem. So she hung back.

 

"I'm here for you, Fao. You are loved - I love you. I promise that you're okay." She hoped that would help, because with him freaking out when she got near, she didn't know what else to do.

 

Her words were faint, distant. Somehow he heard them, heard that she loved him. How could she love him when she'd let him hurt like that. Arrow shifted to lick his cheek, lapping up the tears that streamed down his face. His tongue was a little rough though the dog was delicate, one paw on his thigh. The feeling, the pressure helped, and he ran a trembling hand over his shoulder, feeling soft fur. The dog was warm, and so very soft, and his breathing began to slow. It wasn't perfect and he still cried, but he didn't feel as though he was about to pass out. The pain in his chest had faded, simply remaining as a deep burning ache in his hip. His gaze settled on Ely and he whimpered.

 

"P-please don't hurt m-me." He stammered. 

 

“I’d never hurt you.” She murmured, eyes soft. 

 

He wanted to believe her. He really did. But the panic was deep down in his chest and it pushed him to listen. He tried to ignore it. "B-but you..." She'd hurt him.She'd be cross if he told her he was hurting. 

 

“I _love_ you. I don’t want you in pain. I want my strong Fao.” She said, moving to crouch next to the bed. Maybe appearing smaller would help him. 

 

He reached out a trembling hand to her. He wasn't sure if he could trust her, but she was all he had. He felt lost. 

 

Ely took it, holding it between both of hers. “I promise I would never hurt you. It’s just the nightmare.”

 

He wanted to believe her. The nightmare. It had felt so real, the pain was still real. Arrow's breathing next to him told him that this was real. Her hands were soft, warm, and her voice was gentle. Nothing like the harsh bitter tone she'd had in his dream. He exhaled a slow shaky breath. 

 

“I want to look after you. I’d never cause you pain,” she insisted softly, “I looked after you for your op, remember? No pain then. I got you painkillers earlier, and a heatpack. It helped a little, didn’t it?”

 

He remembered how gentle she'd been with him back then. How she'd constantly made sure he didn't feel anything, how she looked after him. Maybe she'd do that now. Maybe she could take his pain away. He whimpered, but nodded. "N-no pain."

 

“Yeah, no pain. We were just friends then. I’m your girlfriend now.”

 

He nodded slowly. Ely was his girlfriend, he could trust her. She would look after him. His dream was just a dream, she wasn't going to hurt him. He knew that. He sucked in a deep breath, wanting the pain to go away.

 

“Are you in pain now?”

 

He nodded. It was worse, now. Maybe he'd been tossing as he slept.

 

“Oh, honey,” she murmured, “will you pass me your heat pack? I’ll warm it up and get you some ibuprofen.”

 

He dug around in the bedsheets to find his heatpack, and passed it to her hesitantly. He knew she wouldn't hurt him, deep down he knew, but he was still scared. 

 

She took it gently. "Thank you. I'll just be a couple of minutes, okay? Cuddle up to Arrow, he'll help.”

 

He nodded, and laid back down, pressing closer to the dog who’d worked his way under the covers next to him. The contact was nice, his soft fur under Fao’s fingers.

 

She left the room for a few minutes, explaining to Chris what was currently happening with Fao. He offered to go in, but Ely declined - she didn't know if his nightmare had included Chris too, and she didn't want to make it worse. She headed back to the bedroom, the heatpack hot and some ibuprofen for him.

 

"Here you go, sweetie." She murmured, crouching by the bed again.

 

He took the heat pack from her and pressed it to him with a sigh. It helped to soothe, to stop the deep burning ache, as if someone had twisted a hot knife into his hip. In his head, he could still hear that sickening crack, feel it deep in the bone. It almost made him gag. Then, he took the ibuprofen from her and swallowed it with a sip of water, struggling at first. Once he’d taken the tablets he set the water back down and shuffled deeper under the covers, still quiet.

 

"There. Is that helping a little?”

 

He nodded, chewing his lip. It distracted him from the pain in his hip. He looked up at Ely, eyes wide. “You were…” His voice faltered, breath catching in his throat.

 

"Shhh, you don't have to tell me right now."

 

"'m sorry."

 

"You've got nothing to be sorry for."

 

"I-I wanna t-tell you."

 

She nodded. "If you wanna. I'm not gonna force you, okay?"

 

"My dream..."

 

She reached out to take his hand, rubbing her thumb over the back of it.

 

"You were..." He struggled to find the words. "I was in t-theatre."

 

It was beginning to sound like everyone's worst nightmare - waking up during an operation. She frowned. "Okay."

 

"A-and I could f-feel everything. I-I c-couldn't m-move."

 

"God." She breathed. "You know I'd never do that. I'd look after you.”

 

“Y-yeah.” He said softly. “But y-you were there a-and you t-told me it w-was punishment.”

 

"Oh, Fao. I promise I'd never do that.”

 

“It felt so r-real.”

 

"Sometimes they do. But it wasn’t."

 

He nodded. “I f-felt the b-bone break.”

 

"Oh, Fao.”

 

It felt better to say it, to get it off his chest. Knowing this Ely was soft and would take care of him soothed him, stopped him from feeling so panicky. She wouldn’t hurt him, he knew that.

 

“Don’t leave?”

 

She squeezed his fingers. "I won't. Can I come sit on the bed?”

 

He nodded, looking down at his lap.

 

Slowly, she got up and sat on the mattress, not moving too fast or too close. She'd leave it up to him if he wanted to be closer. "I'll never leave you.”

 

“Thanks.” He murmured. “This is all jus’ so unfair.”

 

"I know it is.”

 

“Wish I could sleep without nightmares.”

 

"So do I." She said softly. "Do you want a hug?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Ely shuffled a little closer, and opened her arms wide. "Come here, honey.”

 

He pressed himself to her chest, letting her just hold him. Once he was comfortable there, his throat tightened and he couldn’t help but just cry against her. It was all the frustration and the pain finally escaping.

 

She rubbed his back, pressing a kiss to the crown of his head. "Let it all out. I've got you and I'm not letting go.”

 

He cried and cried, unable to stop himself. His chest ached and his throat burned and still he cried. When there were no more tears left, he just stayed close to Ely, her arms around him. He felt so safe.

 

She just kept rubbing his back, though she did reach out with one hand to get the box of tissues they'd started keeping by the bed. 

 

"Here, honey, blow your nose.”

 

He pulled back to take the tissue from her, and blew his nose. When he was done he fisted the tissue up and kept a hold of it, not wanting to give it back to her. “Sorry."

 

"Shhh, it's nothing to apologise for. “

 

“‘m such a baby.”

 

"No you're not.”

 

He didn’t know how to reply, and he didn’t want to argue with her. With a shaky breath, he looked up at her. “Love you.”

 

"I love you too.”

 

“Is Chris up?”

 

“Yeah."

 

“Is it late?”

 

"It's after nine." She murmured.

 

“‘kay.”

 

She paused. "Do you want a massage? It might help you relax.”

 

He hummed. “Yeah.”

 

She smiled softly. "Do you think you can lay on your front?”

 

“Yeah. I can.”

 

She kissed the top of his head again. "Go on, then, and I'll get some oil.”

 

“‘kay.” He said, pulling away from her to settle on his front, head buried in the pillows.

 

Ely got off the bed, heading to the ensuite quietly. She knew she had some lavender oil, and it should help him. She wasn't long, and she came back with the bottle clasped in her hand.

 

"You okay for me to sit on your legs?”

 

“Mmhmm.” He replied.

 

She straddled him, making sure she wasn't putting her entire weight on him, and opened the bottle. "I can't promise that I'm amazing at this.”

 

“I don’t mind.”

 

"I'll do my best." She said, and carefully poured some oil into the middle of his back.

 

He tensed with a shiver. “Cold.”

 

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought my hands had warmed it up enough." She said, leaning down to kiss the back of his neck, hands starting to rub.

 

“It’s ‘kay.” He mumbled, enjoying the feel of her hands on his back.

 

"It'll get warm." She said, and passed the bottle to him. "You can warm it up.”

 

He took the bottle from her, and held it close. “It’s nice. Smells nice.”

 

"It's lavender.”

 

“I like lavender.”

 

"So do I." She murmured, reaching his shoulders now.

 

He sighed as she worked over his shoulders. “Mmm, that’s good.”

 

"That's what I'm aiming for.”

 

“My shoulders get so tense.” He said softly.

 

"I know," she murmured, "you're so stiff.”

 

He snorted. “I know.”

 

"Don't be dirty." She scolded playfully.

 

“You started it.” He mumbled.

 

"One day we'll do something about your stiffness.”

 

He laughed softly. “Yeah. One day.”

 

"I'm getting closer to it every day.”

 

“Yeah. It’s ‘kay.”

 

"I know.”

 

“One day."

 

She continued to rub the oil into his shoulders. "We'll take care of this first, though.”

 

“Mmhmm.” 

 

"Gonna look after you.”

 

“‘m glad."

 

"Just like you always look after me."

 

"Yeah."

 

She rubbed a little harder, digging into a muscle in his back. "Gotta return the favour."

 

He groaned. "So good."

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Yeah."

 

She continued to work the knots. "I can feel you relaxing."

 

"It's so nice." He said with a sniff. 

 

"I hope so."

 

"You're doin' good."

 

She kissed the back of his neck again. "Then I'm happy. You just close your eyes and relax, yeah?”

 

“Am doin’.” He replied thickly.

 

"Good. I'm here for you.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

"And I'll always be here for you.”

 

“You’re too sweet.”

 

"You already know that.”

 

“Yeah.” He said softly. He was beginning to feel drowsy, the smell of the oil filling the room, and Ely’s warm hands over his back.

 

"And maybe I'll buy that cute little nurse outfit for you. Gotta treat you.”

 

He laughed quietly. “Yeah.”

 

"Not sure how Chris will feel, though.”

 

“He doesn’t need to know.”

 

She couldn't help the little laugh that bubbled from her lips. "You'll learn what I'm like soon enough.”

 

“Can’t wait.” He mumbled. 

 

"But don't think about that now, or you'll ping off of the bed.”

 

“Unlikely.”

 

"Ah, come off it.”

 

“Not in the mood I’m in.”

 

She smiled. "I suppose. Just breathe, I'm gonna sort you out.”

 

“Mmmm, thanks.” He murmured. “Still wish you had the good drugs, though."

 

"I know."

 

He was starting to feel tired again, though he was terrified of falling asleep. He sighed. 

 

"I'm here. Go on, relax. Settle down."

 

"Don' wanna have nightmares again."

 

"I'm sure you won't. You need your rest."

 

His eyes were still closed and he sighed again. "I know."

 

"And I'll be here when you wake up."

 

"Yeah."

 

"And if I'm not, you can just shout."

 

"I know."

 

"And I'll come running." She promised.

 

"I know you will."

 

"Then relax."

 

He exhaled slowly, relaxing as much as he could. 

 

"There. You're safe, and warm, and loved."

 

He smiled, though she couldn't see. He just focused on the feeling of her hands as she worked the knots out of his shoulders and back. It was relaxing.

 

"I love you so much, Fao. You're my moon and stars, my whole universe." She murmured.

 

God, she was too cute. “I love you too, Ely.”

 

"I know. Go on, let yourself sleep. I'll wake you up for some lunch.”

 

He hummed. “‘kay.”

 

"And then you can have another nap, if you're tired enough.”

 

He focused on his breathing, and Ely’s touch on him. It was soothing, and eventually he fell asleep, giving in to the tiredness.

 

When she decided that he wasn't going to wake up, Ely carefully got off of him and fished the bottle of oil from his hand. Fingers crossed, he'd actually get some proper sleep now.

 

He slept amazingly. Sweet, dreamless sleep. He barely moved, so thoroughly exhausted that he doubted anything would rouse him. It was absolute bliss.

 

Ely spent the morning with Chris, talking in low tones. She nipped out to walk Arrow, too, and was back to lunchtime. And Fao still wasn't awake, but he needed to eat. So she crept back into the bedroom, sitting down next to him.

 

"Fao," she murmured, shaking his shoulder gently, "wake up, honey."

 

He groaned, rolling onto his back, though refused to open his eyes. It felt like he'd only been asleep for seconds. 

 

"I know, I know, but surely you're hungry?"

 

He wasn't, really, but he knew he should eat. He probably needed to take his meds, too. But the bed was warm and he was still sleepy. He blinked his eyes open sleepily.

 

She smiled softly. "Welcome to the waking world, handsome."

 

He smiled a sleepy smile. "Hey."

 

"God, you look like a sleepy puppy."

 

"I am a sleepy puppy." He replied thickly. 

 

"Well, you're Eeyore, but okay." She replied, taking his hand. "C'mon, do you think you can make it to the kitchen?"

 

"Do I have to?" He whined.

 

"I don't wanna be sleeping on crumbs tonight."

 

He knew he looked like utter shit. But he huffed and pushed himself into a sitting position with a groan. "'kay. I'll get up."

 

"How's your pain?"

 

"Not unbearable."

 

"Okay," she said softly, "you can have some more co-codamol, if you want."

 

"Maybe later."

 

"Let me know when." She was determined to keep him out of pain, despite the nagging voice at the back of her mind.

 

"I will." He murmured, shuffling to the edge of the bed to get up. 

 

She moved too, and offered him her hand.

 

He took it, getting to his feet. It hurt, but he could take it. He bit his lip, reaching to pull his hoodie on. 

 

She waited for him, smiling softly. "I can't promise anything amazing for lunch, though."

 

"I don't mind." He said, limping out of the bedroom. 

 

"There's some sausage rolls in the freezer."

 

"I'll jus' have some toast."

 

"Okay. Do you want coffee?"

 

He shook his head. "I want to sleep after I've eaten."

 

She hummed. "Okay. Will you at least have some water?"

 

"Yeah." 

 

Chris was sat at the table, and he shuffled past them on his crutches to fill a glass up. Ely had learnt not to stop him from doing anything, now, so she just let him go, putting a couple of slices of bread in the toaster.

 

"Why don't you go sit down?" She suggested to Fao.

 

He nodded, sitting down at the table heavily. He flashed Chris a weary smile before resting his forehead on the table, still knackered.

 

"Don't fall asleep there." Chris said softly, placing the glass in front of him.

 

He laughed a breathy laugh, lifting his head. "It's pretty comfy."

 

"Still. You need to be awake for a couple of hours, or you won't sleep tonight."

 

"I can damn well try."

 

"Good!" Ely called from the kitchen. "Because we can't carry you back to bed!"

 

"Rude." He grumbled.

 

“We’re not as strong as you!”

 

He smiled, sipping his water. "You wish."

 

“Yeah, we do.”

 

Soon, Fao's toast was done and he ate and took his tablets before heading back to bed. He sat on his phone for a bit, messaging Ollie, then settled back down to sleep. He ended up sleeping through from early afternoon to the early morning. When he woke he was sore but not as bad as the day before. Eventually, the pain faded away over a few days and then it was almost as if it had never happened. 

 


	25. Chapter 25

As the weeks went by the weather got warmer and on a bright sunny late May day Fao and Ely were sat out in the little garden on the small patch of grass sunbathing, whilst Chris and Arrow were content to stay inside with the patio doors open. It was warm for May, almost 28 degrees. 

 

Stretched out in the sun like a cat, Ely opened one eye to look at Fao. 

 

“Mmm, you’ll look good with a tan again.”

 

He grinned. "If my poor Irish skin doesn't burn."

 

“Get some sunscreen on.” She replied, grinning back. 

 

"That would mean moving. I put some on earlier."

 

“You better.” She said, shuffling closer. 

 

"I'm a good boy." He purred. 

 

She raised an eyebrow. “Really? I don’t believe that.”

 

"Mmm, you should."

 

“I think you’re naughty.”

 

"Do you?" He asked with a smirk. 

 

She hummed. “Yeah, I do.”

 

He propped himself up on one arm, looking over at her. "What gives you that impression, darlin'?"

 

“Everything you do.” She replied, leaning in for a kiss. 

 

He kissed back, pushing her down and leaning over her, almost predatory. 

 

“See? Naughty.” She replied, sliding her hands over his waist. 

 

He grinned, kissing her again, this time more desperate, hungry.

 

She groaned, kissing him back. Chris stuck his head out of the door. 

 

“Get a room!” He shouted. 

 

Fao didn't stop kissing Ely, just raised his arm to flip him off. 

 

Ely laughed against him, tugging at his hair. She heard Chris groan in despair. 

 

Fao's hand drifted back down to Ely, finding the soft material of her dress. He pushed it up, exposing the smooth skin of her thigh. He dug his nails in, moving from her lips to kiss at her neck and jawline. 

 

Her eyes drifted shut and she moaned, arching her back. Chris, knowing he’d get nowhere with them, huffed and left. 

 

Fao laughed against her skin, leaving open mouthed kisses as he moved down her neck to her exposed collarbone. 

 

“ _God_ , Fao.”

 

“You like?” He purred.

 

“Yeah.” She sighed. 

 

“Mmm, we’re alone out here.”

 

“What about pervs in the bushes?”

 

He laughed. “Give ‘em a good show.”

 

“Whore.” She said, but she was a little uncertain. 

 

His teeth scraped over her collarbone. “That makes two of us.”

 

“Don’t be mean to me.” She whined. 

 

“It’s the truth, is it not?”

 

“You’ll have to find out.” She said. 

 

He grinned, moving to kiss her again.

 

She hummed, kissing him back. Kissing was nice. 

 

Fao’s hand drifted further up her leg, finding the soft lace of her underwear.

 

She froze. “Uh…”

 

He stopped, his hand falling away. “Too far?”

 

She bit her lip. “Yeah.”

 

"I'm sorry." He mumbled, moving away and rolling onto his back. "I jus' get carried away and forget..."

 

“No, it’s okay.” She replied. “I lead you on, I’m sorry.”

 

"No, you didn't lead me on."

 

“Oh, come off it. I totally did.”

 

"Enjoying a kiss isn't leading me on."

 

“What I said was.” She replied. 

 

"Ely, it's _fine_."

 

She shrugged. "Still, I'm sorry." She thought it was rather the fact that they were outside, and Chris lived with them now. She _wanted_ to have sex with him, but she just couldn't quite get there.

 

"And I'm sorry too."

 

"You've got nothing to be sorry for."

 

"I touched you in a way that made you feel uncomfortable. That's not cool."

 

"You don't need to apologise for that."

 

"I do, and I'm sorry."

 

She sighed. "I'll accept it just to shut you up, but know that I don't mind."

 

He rolled onto his side. "Can I kiss you again?"

 

Ely smiled. "Yeah. You know I love kissing."

 

"Good because I love kissing too." He said, moving to press a kiss to her lips. 

 

She didn't stop smiling against him, raising a hand to cup his cheek. "I hope so, because you're good at it."

 

He smiled. “Why thank you.”

 

"Just telling the truth."

 

"You're too kind." He said between kisses. 

 

"You're perfect." She shot back.

 

"I try."

 

"Mmm, no you don't."

 

"I so do."

 

She laughed. "No you don't, because you don't have to try."

 

"Oh, you're too cute."

 

"Shut up."

 

"What?! You are."

 

She pouted playfully. "I thought I was attractive."

 

"You're both."

 

"God, you always have to be right." She teased.

 

"Mmm, you know me."

 

"I really do."

 

"Love you."

 

She smiled. "I love you too."

 

He kissed her again. "Your hair looks like spun gold in this sun." He murmured. 

 

She blushed. "Shut up, you old romantic!"

 

"You don't mean it. You love it." He said softly. 

 

"Yeah, I do." She said, kissing the tip of his nose.

 

He smiled and undid his hair from it's bun, letting it fall down his shoulders before he kissed her properly again, full of gentle passion. 

 

She let her hands slide over his bare chest, eyes shut. He was so good with her, so gentle and understanding. Most guys thought with their cocks.

 

As he kissed her, Fao thought about how lucky he was to have her in his life. She was so sweet and kind and beautiful. He loved her with every fibre of his being. She'd seen him at his absolute worst and even then she'd held him close and told him he was loved. He'd been lucky to have her in Afghanistan and he was luckier now. After Alex had died he thought he'd never have a proper relationship again. But here he was, kissing the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on in his garden, drenched in spring sunshine. 

 

When they broke apart, Ely let her thumbs brush over his cheeks. "I love it when you're romantic."

 

"I'm the king of romance." He replied breathlessly.

 

"Gonna have to get you a crown."

 

"Mmm, I'd look good in a crown."

 

"Do I get one too?"

 

"Yeah. You're my queen."

 

"Softie." She teased.

 

"You love it."

 

"Yeah, I do."

 

He sighed, kissing the tip of her nose. "Maybe we should go find Chris."

 

"You mean tell him it's safe out here?"

 

"Yeah, let him and Arrow enjoy some time in the garden too."

 

"So we're off to hide in the shade?"

 

"That, or try to keep our hands off of each other for five minutes."

 

She laughed. "Yeah. But you're so handsome."

 

"And you're so beautiful."

 

"I'm lucky to have you."

 

"I'm the luckiest man alive."

 

“I’d say I’m luckier.”

 

"Would you now?"

 

She nodded. “Yeah, I would. You’re my guardian angel.”

 

"Oh, that's not true."

 

“It is.”

 

"I'm just your boyfriend. Nothing special."

 

She traced her fingers over his chest. “I think you’re pretty special.”

 

He shrugged. "I'm pretty boring."

 

"No you're not."

 

"I'm a boring arrogant surgeon like we all are."

 

She laughed. "You're arrogant, but you're not boring."

 

"A little bit of arrogance never hurt anyone."

 

"No, it didn't." She agreed. "I'm arrogant too."

 

"Mmm, and I love it." He murmured, kissing her. 

 

She kissed back, eyes shut, though she did pull away eventually. "Are we going inside then?"

 

"Yeah. I'll burn otherwise." He said with a grin, and carefully got to his feet.

 

She pouted at him. "No helping hand for your beautiful princess?"

 

He offered her his hand with a roll of his eyes. "I'm the one with the dodgy hip!"

 

"That doesn't mean you can't help me up!" She replied, taking his hand and getting up. "I'm a _lady_."

 

"Nah, you're not a lady." He replied with a crooked smile. 

 

"What am I then?"

 

"I don't know." He replied, leading her inside. "Chris! We've stopped being gross outside, if you want to get some sun."

 

"Thanks." She muttered playfully. Chris popped his head around the corner.

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"Yeah. It's all yours."

 

"Thank god. You two are worse than teenagers.”

 

“We’re in _love_ , Chris.”

 

"You're gross." He retorted.

 

“Well, love’s gross.”

 

"I'm staying away from you two.”

 

“I’m hurt.” Fao teased.

 

"You'll cope." He shot back. Ely couldn't stop laughing, looking between the two of them.

 

They spent the sunny weather out in the garden together, Fao and Ely trying to keep their hands off of each other for the sake of spending time with their roommate. And even though the sunshine stayed, they had to go back to work eventually.


	26. Chapter 26

Chris got to spend his days in the garden, whilst Fao and Ely had to drag themselves up at half five to go to work. The hospital was stifling, but at least the theatres were cool. 

But he was due in theatre and he couldn't find his fucking scrub cap. He'd gotten them all professionally cleaned, like he did every week, and there'd been a hold up with them. But he always kept a clean spare in his locker, just in case. Except now, he couldn't find it. Half of his stuff was all over the floor, and he was swearing as he rummaged around. 

Ely leaned on the doorframe, cap held behind her back. “What’s wrong?”

"I can't find my damn cap." He grumbled. "I need it."

“Just wear one of the other ones.”

"No, I need one of mine."

“It’s just a cap.” She said. “You’ll be fine.”

"That's not the point, they're my lucky charm."

She rolled her eyes. “You don’t need luck.”

"They were a gift."

She raised an eyebrow. “I know. But they’re not back from being cleaned. Just make do?”

"I always keep a spare in my locker, so I know I have one. Where is it?!"

“I don’t know, Fao. Maybe you took it out by accident?”

"I saw it yesterday!"

She bit her lip. She knew she shouldn’t hide it, but it was fun. “You’ve got to go. It’ll turn up.”

He huffed, picking stuff up and shoving it back in his locker. He turned to her, biting her lip with her hands behind her back. "Do you have it?!"

She shook her head. “No. Promise.”

He raised an eyebrow. "Show me your hands."

She put it in her other hand. “See. Nothing there.”

“Oh come on, both hands at the same time.”

She shoved the cap into her waistband, and held her hands out. “See?”

“Ely, stop messing with me.” He whined. “Do you know where it is?”

“I don’t have it.” She said. “Get going already.”

He huffed. “If this goes tits up…”

“Have confidence in yourself.” She said. “Go do your job, go on.”

Frustrated, Fao left the locker room. Maybe he’d just sent it off to be cleaned with all the others. It was unlikely, but maybe he hadn’t been thinking. It wouldn’t be the first time. And he had to trust Ely, otherwise they’d just end up fighting. So he went to theatre and scrubbed in with an uneasy feeling. He felt… lost. And he knew it was stupid and irrational, but that didn’t stop him feeling it.

With him gone, she put his cap in her locker, and got back to work. 

He lost his patient. It was a complex case, some idiot with a shotgun had been larking about with his friends and managed to hit one of them in the chest. Initially, it looked to be a glancing blow, no more than a through and through, but it’d hit one of his ribs and a piece of bone had migrated, causing a serious pulmonary laceration. He wasn’t stable, losing a lot of blood, and even after everything Fao could do, his heart just couldn’t keep going. He was in his mid-twenties, and now he was gone. Life was so fucking cruel. 

She didn’t see him again until the end of the day. She was getting changed in the locker room when she heard him come in. 

“Good day?” She asked. 

He sat down heavily. “No, not really.”

“Talk to me?”

“I, uh, lost my GSW today.”

That was the one he’d been looking for his cap for. She bit her lip. “That’s shit.”

“Yeah. Really fucking shit.”

“I’m sorry.”

He shrugged. “Not your fault. Jus’ me.”

She shook her head. “Don’t be mad at me, but….”

“Ely…"

“I’m sorry. It was just a joke.” She said quickly. “It doesn’t mean that you’re a bad surgeon because you didn’t have it. Please don’t set your worth on that.”

“I know that, but it’s special to me. It’s a good luck charm.” He said. “Have you got it? I swear to god if you took it…”

She got it out of her locker and held it out. “I’m really sorry.”

He snatched it from her, shoving it back in his locker. He was quiet as his stripped out of his scrubs, tossing them in the bin to be cleaned. He pulled on his jeans and t-shirt wordlessly, and his hoodie, and shoved his phone into his pocket. He slammed his locker door shut, and turned to Ely, arms folded over his chest. 

“Ready?”

She couldn’t help but jump when he slammed his locker shut, but she was dressed when he did so. She nodded, eyes downcast. He really was angry with her. 

“Yeah.”

Nodding sharply, Fao grabbed his bag and headed out of the locker room, expecting her to follow him. The car ride home was quiet, but Fao didn’t want to talk to her. He’d trusted her. She knew how much it meant to him, not because it made him a better surgeon but because it was a part of the Army that he kept with him, a part that gave him confidence, faith.

Sat in the car, she felt rather like a bad child that had been scolded by a parent. Chewing her lip, she stared down at her lap. But she didn’t dare speak, and just went quietly into the flat when they got home. Chris frowned, but didn’t say anything either. 

It wasn’t that Fao was angry. It really wasn’t something to get angry over. He was more… frustrated. Frustrated that she’d lied to him, frustrated at his inability to do his job without some stupid piece of fabric. When they got home he went straight to the bedroom, digging around in his drawer to find the dog tags he kept there. Flopped on the bed, he closed his eyes and fisted the chain and tags in his hand. 

She didn’t say anything - Chris had done some cooking, and they both headed into the kitchen. He plated it up and took a plate to Fao for her, while she sat at the table and ate. When she’d eaten, she joined Chris on the sofa, explaining quietly what had happened. 

Fao ate alone on the bed, legs crossed in the semi-darkness. The food wasn’t amazing, but it was hot and it was food. He honestly didn’t care. He just didn’t want to go out there and face Ely and her sad eyes. She always looked like a hurt puppy. So he left his plate on the nightstand and went to go and shower, his footsteps light as he made his way to the bathroom.

It was when he was in the bathroom that she headed into the bedroom, murmuring a goodnight to Chris. But she didn’t stay long, just getting some pyjamas and taking his plate away. Chris had already gone to bed, so she settled on the sofa under the blanket. 

When Fao was done in the shower, he padded back into the bedroom, slipping on his pyjamas and settling under the covers. But he couldn’t settle, without Ely next to him, and he stayed awake for ages before he finally gave up and padded out into the living room. 

“Ely?”

She stirred, rubbing her eyes. “Yeah?” She asked thickly. 

“Come to bed? I miss you.”

“Okay.” She replied. “I thought you wouldn’t want me there.”

“I… I fucked up. C’mon, the sofa’s not comfy."

He hadn’t fucked up. But she got up, draping the blanket over the back of the sofa. Silently, she went to the bed, curling up under the duvet. 

He slipped into bed after her, pressing himself up against her. “‘m sorry.”

She shrugged. “Don’t be. I was rude and insensitive.”

“And I overreacted.”

“You didn’t.”

“It’s just a bit of fabric. I’m sorry.” He pressed a kiss to the back of her neck. “Love you.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, “And I love you too.”

“It’s a silly superstition.”

“It’s okay.”

“‘m tired. You tired?”

She nodded. “Yeah.”

“Let’s sleep. Gotta work tomorrow.”

“Yeah.” She agreed. “I love you.”

“Love you.” He echoed.

She shuffled to get comfy again, and closed her eyes. 

He fell asleep with her in his arms, listening to the soft, even rhythm of her breathing.

When Ely woke up in the grey light of dawn, she no longer had her back to Fao. She was facing him, her head almost on his chest. And his alarm was going off, but she couldn't summon the energy to move. Instead, she simply looked up at him, waiting for him to stir.

He stirred minutes after her, groaning. "Fuck that alarm." He grumbled. 

“Do we really have to go to work?”

"Yeah, we really do."

She groaned. “I don’t wanna.”

"Me neither."

She sighed. “But we need to.”

"We do. Gotta save lives and all that."

She nodded, but didn’t move. “I’m really sorry about yesterday.”

"I know you didn't do it to upset me."

“Still. I’m really sorry, because it did upset you.”

He smiled softly. "I know. If Alex were here she would have kicked your ass."

“Yeah, she would have.” She agreed. 

"But it's okay. We can both move on."

“Yeah.” She said quietly. 

"But steal it again and I'll tickle you to death."

“That’s not a bad punishment.” She said. She’d been worried. 

"I'd withold sex but we're not there yet anyway."

“We’re nearly there.”

"Maybe I'll withold anyway."

She frowned. “That’s mean.”

"Well, I'm mean."

"I suppose you are." She agreed, forcing herself to move away and sit up. "But we really should get up."

"Yeah, we should." He agreed, forcing himself out of bed. 

"Do you wanna shower first?"

"I don't mind."

She hummed. “Okay, I’ll jump in. See you in a few minutes.”

“Yeah. See you."

Ely pressed a kiss to his cheek and then disappeared into the bathroom. The air was still a little tense, and she wanted to apologise properly. But she didn’t want to upset him further. Eventually, she came back, wrapped in a towel. 

When Ely came back, Fao smiled and got up from where he was sat on the bed. "Thanks, sweetie. I'll be quick."

She nodded. “Okay. See you soon.”

He showered quickly, not bothering to wash his hair. It didn't need doing. When he was done, he padded back into the bedroom, towel around his waist. 

She gotten dressed while he was gone, and offered a tentative smile. “Hey.” She said, unsure what else to say. 

"Hey." He replied, digging around to find a clean pair of boxers. 

"I just..." She paused, looking down at her lap. "I want to apologise again for yesterday. I didn't know your caps meant that much to you, and it was just meant to be a little joke. I'm sorry if that put you off of your operation, I really am. I just want you to know how sorry I am, especially because it made you angry.”

He pulled his boxers on and dropped his towel, turning to look at Ely with a frown. Quickly, he pulled his jeans on and sat beside her. 

“Oh, Ely. I was frustrated. They were a present from Alex after I did my first solo op, and they just became good luck charms. I’m just a superstitious old fool.”

She shrugged. "I'm still sorry.”

“Well, I accept your apology.”

"Okay. Thank you.”

“Today’s a fresh new start.”

"Yeah. I just feel bad, that's all.”

“It’s okay.”

She shrugged again. "Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too.” He said, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

She took his hand, wanting to feel his skin next to her's. "Are you gonna put a top on?”

“Nah, figured I’d just go to work like this.” He joked.

"I appreciate the view, I really do, but I don't want anyone getting ideas." She shot back, smiling a little warmer now.

“Mmm, but you’re the only woman for me."

"That won't stop anyone else." She said. "And you could go after some hot guy.”

He laughed. “Well, that’s true.”

"So who knows, you might attract someone.”

“Well, I am gorgeous.”

"Yeah, you whore."

"You love me anyway."

"I suppose I do."

"Mmm, you do."

They went to work maybe half an hour after that, Ely batting Fao away from her toast as he tried to steal it. They both had a better day, and then a better week, too.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mature sexual content in this chapter. Read at your own discretion.

The good mood found them one morning, laid together in bed on a rare day off together. The sunlight was streaming through the curtains and Ely wriggled sleepily.

Fao woke with a sleepy groan, the sunlight spilling into their bedroom. Arrow was with Chris, as he often was these days, and Fao was warm and sleepy under the duvet. Ely was close to him, wriggling as she likely tried to get comfy again. Still half asleep, he rolled his hips against her, enjoying the contact on his half-hard cock.

That woke her up a little and she let out a breathy sigh, pushing back against him.

Fao basically purred, his hand skimming up her bare thigh and finding the soft material of the shorts she slept in. He grabbed the meat of her thigh, rolling his hips against her more insistently. 

Ely moaned quietly, reaching behind to rest her hand on his hip, the best she could. “Fao...."

He froze, pulling his hand away. “I’ll, uh, go make tea.”

She whined, trying to pull him back. "No. Stay.”

His hand returned to her thigh. “You sure?”

Satisfied, she pushed back against him. "Yeah. Please.”

He rolled his hips against her again, pressing a kiss to the back of her neck.

She had to roll over then, so she was facing him, so she could kiss him.

"Please," she murmured against his lips, "I really want it.”

He grinned, kissing her properly. “You sure you’re sure?”

"Yeah." She replied. "I had a dream, I need it.”

“Dirty dream, eh?”

"Yeah. C'mon, I need it." She whined.

“Tell me about this dream.” He purred.

"I dunno," she said, "we were fucking. Who cares? Jus' fuck me.”

He rolled his eyes. “Borin’.”

She let her fingers hook into the waistband of his boxers. "Stop wasting time!”

He grinned, and moved to push her down on the bed, straddling her. “Wasting time, eh?”

"Yeah, you prick." She replied, tugging at his underwear.

He kissed at her neck, teeth scraping over her skin.

Impatiently, she grabbed his hand and pushed it down her shorts. "Come on!”

“There’s no fun in rushing this!”

"Jus' make me cum.”

“Alright then.” He murmured, pushing the duvet back and moving off of her to part her legs, after slipping her shorts off.

"Don't make me give you an order." She teased, spreading her legs.

“You wouldn’t dream of it.” He replied.

"I would. Fuck me already!”

“Ah ah, not yet.” He said with a crooked smile. “You gotta cum first."

She whined again. "Hurry up, then!"

"I'm so much better than a quick fuck."

"Jus' make me cum so I can have your cock." She complained. "Please?"

"I wanna take my time wit' you." He purred.

Ely stuck her bottom lip out. "Please? Just touch me?"

"I'll go one better." He replied, settling between her legs to carefully lick over her folds.

Her back arched as her head fell back against the pillows, a happy sigh puffing from her lips. "Thank you," she breathed, "that's so good."

He looked up, grinning. "Don't think I've ever had a girl thank me before. That's new."

"You took ages." She complained.

"Nah, not long at all. You're just a needy whore."

"So?" She replied. "You like whores."

"I suppose I do." He mused, dropping his head again to lick over her, finding her clit to focus his efforts there. 

She moaned, reaching down to tangle her fingers in his hair, tugging. “It’s so good. Please don’t ever stop, please.”

He groaned against her at the feeling of her tugging at his hair. He lapped at her, enjoying the taste of her on his tongue. It was amazing. 

He was so good, better than she’d expected, better than her dream (though that had been very good). She was so wet and needy, just ready for him, and she knew that she’d let him do anything to her. She didn’t care. 

“Fingers?” She asked breathlessly, more or less moaning the word out. 

He laughed and slipped a finger inside, meeting almost no resistance. She really was needy. 

“C’mon, more than one. I asked nicely.” She whined, rocking her hips into his touch. 

"Gotta see how you'll take it, eh?" He murmured, slipping another into her. 

“Easily.” She replied. “Fuck, that’s really good.”

Slowly, he fucked her with his fingers as he licked and sucked on her clit, finding what she liked and didn't like. 

His fingers were magical. She rocked her hips against his face, eyes shut as the pleasure grew and grew. He was pressing every button, taking her higher and higher, and it wasn’t long before she was hanging on the edge. Her nails scraped against his scalp but she was lost in pleasure, eyes rolling in her head as her toes curled. 

“Gonna cum,” she moaned, “gonna cum for you, fuck, make me cum.”

He huffed a laugh against her, before sucking hard on her clit. "Go on." He urged, curling his fingers to try and push her over the edge.

She couldn’t keep quiet, even though she knew Chris would be able to hear them. She groaned, back arching as she gave in, completely consumed by the pleasure of her orgasm. “Fuck, right there, right there, fuck!”

Despite her begging for him to fuck her into the bed, he didn’t. They did fuck, and it definitely wasn’t slow, but it wasn’t rough either. It was perfect, her hands splayed across his back and ass, their lips joined in a kiss. She didn’t know why she’d waited so long, because he was so good. When they fell apart they caught their breath, and on shaky legs stripped the bed - she’d made quite a mess. With a parting kiss, Fao went to go put the dirty bedding in the washer while Ely put some new on. 

With the dirty sheets bundled up in his arms, Fao almost collided with Chris, on his way out of his bedroom. 

"Geez, Fao." Chris grumbled. 

"Shit, sorry. Did we wake you?"

“Well, you don’t know how to be quiet.”

“Sorry.” He murmured. “It was… spontaneous.”

"Bloody whores." He teased. "But seriously, I'm gonna have to get some earplugs.”

“Well, now you know to get some."

"Yeah, you're going to be even worse now." Chris said, shaking his head.

"We're not fucking now."

"Only because you just have." He shot back, but he was smiling.

“Oi, you should be happy for us.” Fao shot back. “Your parents are together.”

"You're not my parents!”

“We basically are.”

"Don't make me think of you like that," he complained, "it's weird. You're my mentors.”

He laughed. “Ely is. I did fuck all.”

"You helped!”

“Nah, not really.” He said, wandering off to throw the bedsheets in the washing machine.

"You did." He replied.

“Well, I’m glad I helped. I’m hardly the model patient.” 

"Hopefully I won't be doing it again.”

“I hope not too, no offence.” He murmured, reaching up to get the fabric softener and toss it in before he shut the door and flicked it on. “Anyway, breakfast?”

"Uh, yeah, sure."

"I think Ely will be hungry, too."

"Well, from what I heard, she probably will be."

Fao blushed. "Sorry. The walls are kinda thin."

"Hence why I'm going to buy ear plugs."

"Probably a good plan." Fao said, bending to wash his hands then flicking the kettle on.

"Why the fuck are you washing your hands?"

"You don't wanna know." He said with a smirk.

"Oh, for fuck's sake. I'll have to move out if I want any peace."

"Ah, c'mon Chris. It's just sex. Let's just say I know what I'm doing with a woman."

"It's you two."

"You're welcome to bring girls over too, y'know."

Chris rolled his eyes. "And who's going to go for a guy with one leg?"

"You'd be surprised."

"Oh, shut up."

"What? I know loads of guys with one leg who've got girlfriends."

"I bet they all have their prosthesis, though." He said, sitting down heavily at the table.

“Oh, Chris.” Fao murmured. “You’ll get yours soon. Don’t you have an appointment coming up?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Next week.”

“See, you’ll get yourself sorted. You can get a running blade and come out with me and the dog, eh?”

He smiled. "Yeah. That'd be fun. No hope of Ely joining us?”

“You know what she’s like in the mornings.”

"You'd think she'd want to go running." He said.

“Well, we can at least try to get her out of bed.”

"I'm sure once she got into it she'd love it.”

“She would.”

Chris smiled. "I'll let you drag her out of bed, though."

"Probably for the best."

"Yeah, she can slap you instead.”

“She wouldn’t slap either of us.”

Chris grinned. "Oh, I bet she would. If we annoyed her enough.”

“Hmm, maybe.” Fao said, making tea and passing Chris a cup. “You doing okay, though?”

"As good as I can be on one leg.”

“You’ll get there. It just takes time.”

He nodded. "It takes fucking forever." He said.

"Mind your language!" Ely scolded, but she was smiling as she reached out a hand to ruffle his hair.

Chris laughed, but ducked his head with a pout. “I could say the same to you.”

She blushed. "Uh, sorry.”

“I’m buying earplugs thanks to the two of you.” He grumbled, and Fao grinned, wrapping his hands around his mug. 

“Your tea is on the side, Ely.”

"Oh, thank you." She murmured, moving to pick it up before the pressed a kiss to Fao's cheek.

He smiled. “Mmm, you’re welcome.”

"You really know how to look after me." She said, shooting Chris a grin.

“Oh, shut up you two.” Chris grumbled.

"You're just jealous you didn't have Fao fucking you to high heaven.”

He wrinkled his nose. “Ew, no.You’re a nice person, Fao, but I’ll pass.”

"You keep telling yourself that." She joked.

“I don’t have to.”

"You should be jealous." She replied, sipping her tea. "What are we having for breakfast?”

“Whatever I can be arsed to make.” Fao replied.

"Oh, so romantic.”

“Shut up, I’m tired.”

"I know, you stallion." She teased, moving to sit down. Chris pulled a face at her.

Fao snorted into his tea. “Shut up, you.”

"Make me.”

He smirked, moving to start cooking. “Egg on toast?”

"Yes please.”

Fao busied himself with cooking, trying not to let his embarrassment get the better of him. It was awkward, the thin walls and how vocal the two of them had been. 

"So, uh, any plans for today, Chris?" Ely asked.

“Uh, physio, and probably some studying.”

She nodded. "We might take Arrow out for something, give you some peace.”

“I don’t mind. I’m not studying seriously, just keeping on top of things. Maybe the two of you could test me or something.”

She grinned. "That would be great. When you're ready for work again I could keep my eyes peeled for you, too.”

“That’d be cool.”

"It'd be nice to take you under my wing again.”

“I’d like to work with you again.” Chris murmured. “You were great.”

"Thank you. You weren't half bad yourself.”

“Well, I had a good mentor.”

She sipped her tea. "Bugger off.”


	28. Chapter 28

Time progressed, as it always did, and about a week later (after a trip down to the hospital for one of Chris' appointments) they were getting ready for bed. Fao had just returned from the shower, and padded into the bedroom with a towel around his waist. The intimacy between him and Ely meant he didn't even hesitate before dumping his towel on the floor and digging out some clean pyjama bottoms. He pulled them on, then sat on the bed to carefully braid his hair into a thick french plait.

Laid on her side, Ely watched in silence as Fao got changed for bed, head propped up on the heel of her palm. In the low, golden light of the bedside lamps, she could see the shadow of scars on his back, and she frowned. She knew most of Fao's scars - most of them were from the Army, gained in active duty. But she didn't know where these other scars came from, and it dawned on her that she didn't know that much about his childhood, or indeed his life before enlisting.

"Fao, can I ask you a question?" She asked quietly, voice hushed.

Fingers deftly working through his hair, Fao paused at Ely's voice, and he twisted to face her. "Of course you can, honey. What's up?"

She bit her lip. "What are the scars on your back?"

He finished plaiting his hair and secured it with a hair tie before he spoke, slipping under the covers next to her and setting his glasses down on the bedside table. "Uh, a belt, mostly."

She could feel her heart beating in her chest as she waited for his answer, certain she'd somehow overstepped an invisible mark. When he got under the bed she moved closer to him, eyes on his face.

"Oh." Was all she said, thrown by his answer.

"Sometimes a cane, whatever was lying around." He murmured, avoiding her eye contact.

"Oh, Fao. That's awful."

He shrugged. "It was bearable."

"And that was your childhood?"

"Part of it, yeah." He murmured. "There was also the bottle, and the shotgun..."

That explained the scars on his face, and the old gunshot wound on his chest. She found herself pressing a kiss to it. “I’m sorry.”

"Don't be. I survived, didn't I?"

“You did. I just...” she paused. “I feel like I know nothing about you.”

He pressed a quick kiss to the tip of her nose. "Then I'll tell you, if that's what you want." He replied softly. 

“If you want to. I don’t want to push you.”

"It's okay, I'm all grown up now." He replied. 

“Okay. But feel free to stop any time.”

He hummed, and rolled onto his back to stare up at the ceiling as he spoke. "Well, my mother died of a postpartum haemorrhage when I was born, so my dad raised me. And that was amazing. I grew up in a big house down in Surrey - where I lived after I was discharged - and he taught me all the silly country things, like riding and shooting. When I was eight I broke my arm, which is this scar here." He murmured, fingers skimming over the scar, nearly hidden under his tattoos and the other scars that littered his arm.

"But that was fine. Shit happens, y'know? Anyway, the Christmas before my tenth birthday, my shitbag uncle came to stay. He'd lost his house or something, I don't remember. He fought with my dad all the time about money or booze or whatever. One night in early January, I was woken by the sound of shouting. It sounded bad, worse than usual, so I wandered downstairs to the kitchen to see the two of them basically at each other's throats. Next thing I knew my uncle grabbed something - I think a knife - and then Dad was on the floor, blood everywhere. I didn't know what to do, and bolted back to my room. The next morning, dad was gone and my uncle told me there'd been am accident and he was looking after me now. For a week or so it was fine, but then he started to drink, and I mean properly drink. He smacked me around when he was drunk, just for the fun of it, and I was expected to do everything for him. Cook, clean, do everything. If I didn't, there'd be... Punishments. He was fond of the belt, which is why I like sleeping on my front.” He had to pause for a moment, sucking in a deep breath.

“Anyway, when I was in my last year of college, working hard to get into med school, he found my dad's old shotgun. He threatened me with it a couple of times, but one night he got absolutely blind drunk and asked me for more - I refused - and he shot me. I did a couple of my med school interviews from a hospital bed. He was arrested and when I turned 18 I got my inheritance, which was nice. I stayed in the big house - my house now - managed to pass my A Levels, get into Edinburgh to study medicine, and the rest is history."

Oh fucking hell. That’s all Ely could think as he spoke. He’d been abused as a child. Laid next to him, her hand found his, and once he’d finished speaking she was silent for a second or two. 

“That’s.... I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

He smiled sadly. "It's okay. I survived, and I'm happy now."

“I hope you are.”

"I am. I love you."

“I love you too.” She murmured. “Don’t ever forget it.”

"I won't." He replied softly. "So, now you know. My whole 'tragic backstory'."

“I suppose I do.” She agreed. “But it doesn’t define you.”

"I try not to let it. But it's hard."

“I know. You’re so strong.”

"It defines how I deal with emotion, and relationships."

“It’s okay, though.” She said softly. 

"Yeah. I'm getting better."

“You are,” she agreed, “and I think you’re a very well rounded person.”

"Thank you. Uni was good for me."

“I’m glad it was.”

“God knows how I got in.”

She shrugged. “Does it matter?”

“I guess not."

"You're a brilliant doctor.”

“The army was the best decision I ever made.”

"Mine too." She agreed.

He rolled onto his side, looking over at her. “Why did you join?”

She shrugged. “Wanted to help, and develop my skills. Mum thought I was crazy...” it dawned on her that she was never going to meet his parents. 

He smiled. “Everyone at uni thought I was crazy, too.”

“You’re not chronically lazy.” She pointed out. 

“True, but my best friend at uni was planning on a plastics career. He wondered why I wanted to get shot at."

She shrugged again. "Well, it comes with the territory."

"Yeah, it does. I loved it."

"So did I." She said softly.

“I should go see him, we’ve not spoken in ages.”

"Do it, then.”

“Yeah, I might message him on facebook.”

She reached out to take his hand, smiling softly. "You might as well.”

“It’d be nice to catch up.”

"You could go for coffee." She said. "If he's still in plastics you could swing me some treatment." She joked.

He laughed. “Last I heard he’s in reconstruction for breast cancer.”

"You saying you wouldn't like me with fake boobs?”

“Your boobs are nice as they are.”

She grinned. "Not even bigger?”

He shrugged. “I like your boobs now.”

She pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'm joking, anyway. Maybe he could do something if we have kids.”

“Oh, we’re talking about kids now?” He teased.

"Don't you want a family, one day?”

“Yeah, I do…” He murmured.

"How many?" She asked, shuffling to lay a little closer.

“Not sure. I’ve not really thought about it. One, maybe two?”

She frowned a little. "I've always wanted three. It's just... a magic number.”

“Three is… a lot.”

"Three is nothing compared to stupid soldiers who insist they're fine." She pointed out.

“I guess I’m scared of having a family.”

She traced her fingertips over his skin idly, humming quietly. "I suppose it is scary.”

“Maybe it’s because I didn’t have a proper family life. I’ve got no real experience.”

"I think you'd be a great father." She said.

“You’d be a great mother.” He replied quietly.

"Thank you." She said. "But not yet. Maybe if we get married?”

“Is that a proposal?”

"That was an 'if', not 'let's get married'!" She replied, but she was smiling widely.

He smiled. “Good. I expect a massive diamond ring.”

She laughed. "What about my ring?”

“I thought you were proposing to me?” He teased. “C’mon, you’re a feminist, right?”

"Oh, bugger off!" She shot back playfully.

“What? Not for girl power and crushing the patriarchy?”

"Fuck off!" She replied, trying not to laugh. "Are you going to wear a dress, too?”

“Oh, you’d love that, wouldn’t you?”

"Yeah. A plunging neckline would look great on you.”

“Oh yeah, show off the nice GSW scar.”

"It's handsome.”

“Nah, it’s not.”

She shrugged. "I like it. Maybe I could wear my dress uniform, eh?”

He laughed. “That skirt isn’t your best look.”

"It could be worse, though.”

“Yeah, it could. I’m sure you look smart.”

She frowned. "Did you never see me in it?”

“Not sure."

"Well, I've still got it…."

He laughed. “Dirty.”

"I could probably do with some of that Army punishment.”

He snorted. “You’re filthy.”

"Oh, you've bagged yourself a whole lot of woman." She retorted.

“It seems I have.”

"But I don't think you care."

"Not at all. I love it."

"And I still own my fatigues...."

"Mmm, so do I."

Ely grinned like a cheshire cat. "We might as well put them to use, eh?"

"Might as well."

"And god knows you look good in uniform.”

“As do you.”

"That settles it, then," she said, "we'll fuck in uniform.”

He laughed. “Okay then.”

"Don't tell me you don't want to!”

“Oh, I do.”

She grinned. "There we go, then."

"So, anything interesting in your childhood?"

Ely shook her head. "Not really. Posh area, posh school, posh parents. Even a posh university, if I wasn't posh enough."

He laughed. "Sounds good to me."

"Yeah? I went to Cambridge, for God's sake."

"And? Good on you."

She rolled her eyes. "I had a privileged upbringing. It was shit and I'm glad I had a knock of sense while studying.”

“Why was it shit? There’s nothing wrong with being privileged.”

"My dad died while I was at uni." She admitted softly.

“Oh, that’s shit.” He murmured quietly.

"Yeah," she agreed, "cardiac arrest. I tormented myself with the idea that, if I'd been there, I could have saved him. I know I couldn't, and it gave me the slap in the face I needed. It doesn't matter how much money you have or where you go to school - everyone dies, we all end up the same.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I get that. I’ve always echoed that sentiment. I started at a posh school but eventually that money went on my uncle’s drinking habit.”

She closed her eyes, pressed up to him. "Is he still in prison?”

“Yeah. He’s not got long left, though.”

"If he ever comes near you I'll punch him.”

“You’ll have to get past me first.”

She smiled at him. "I suppose I will.”

“I’ll bloody well kill him.”

"Please don't," she said, "I don't want you to go to prison.”

“I won’t, not really.”

She hummed. "Good. I understand what you mean, though.”

“He was a fucking cunt.”

"I know. But an eye for an eye and the world is blind, right?”

“Yeah, I know.”

"And you're better than him. Don't stoop so low.”

He hummed. “Love you.”

"I love you too.”

They fell asleep curled up in each other’s arms, Fao feeling lighter for telling Ely about his past. It was nice, that she knew. Now he wouldn’t have to feel so bad when he startled as she shut a door too hard, or crept up behind him.


	29. Chapter 29

Time went on and soon Chris got his leg fitted. He was delighted to be up and about more than before, even if he still needed his crutch from time to time. But he started walking the dog with the two of them and doing some more of the household chores. He wasn’t ready to start looking for work yet, but he was getting there. Not long after, Fao got a phonecall, telling him that his uncle had been released from prison. The very thought of Tomas being free made his blood run cold, and his nightmares were terrible for weeks. But Ely was there, and she helped him. 

Of course, they had to work, too. They dragged themselves out of bed early in the morning to head into work. But now they were coming to the end of their shift, around five that evening. They were both exhausted, and definitely ready to get home and get some food into them.

God, Ely couldn't wait for the last two hours of her shift to pass by. She was exhausted, and she knew she was due soon. She'd been steadily getting worse, but it was nothing she wasn't used to. Besides, being at work kept her busy.

She was just about to sip a cup of freshly made tea when her pager went in her pocket. Stifling a groan, she glanced at it. RTC. Easy enough, in theory, by experience. And it was a challenge, too, always something to sink her teeth into. So she rushed down to A&E, a sticker identifying who she was slapped on her left arm (Dr Lozier, anaesthetist) and found herself staring at a man she thought she recognised.

She'd know the Blackwood look anywhere. The dark hair, the jawline, the strong nose. Even covered in blood and bruises, she knew this man was related to Fao. And there was only one option - his uncle.

"Fuck." She muttered under her breath, turning her attention to the paramedics. Her fears were confirmed. Fao's uncle Tomas had been involved in an accident - his own fault, by the look of it. He was drunk and disorderly, and had already been sedated, thank god. When she turned back to him, his eyes had flicked open. Fao's eyes, but the other way around. She absolutely could not let her boyfriend near this case.

Fao was just closing a patient when the circulating nurse informed him that he'd been paged. Apparently they needed a trauma consult down in A&E on someone involved in an RTC. His eyes flicking to the clock, Fao sighed. He doubted he'd be heading home at 7, now. He left his registrar to close - there wasn't much left to do - he headed out of theatre and down to resus. He was given a sticker that marked him as the trauma and ortho surgeon, heading over to speak to the consultant in charge of the case. 

Ely looked up at movement, and immediately saw Fao. She was just topping up the patients pain medication - she refused to call him by name. Quickly, she spoke to a nurse to finish administering it and strode over.

"No way," she said, "you're not doing this case, Fao. Fuck off." She knew she sounded harsh, but he couldn't do it. He wouldn't be in the right frame of mind. Whoever had paged him obviously hadn't even asked the patient's name.

Fao frowned. He'd not heard anything yet, just that it had been a high speed collision with another car. "Ely? Why, why can't I do this case? I've not even done anything yet."

“You just can’t, okay? I’ll get someone to page someone else, get out of here.” She stressed, trying to block him from coming any closer. 

"Love, what's going on? Come on, I'm here, I'm good at my job."

“Fao, believe me when I say you can’t do this. It’s nothing to do with your abilities, I promise.” She said, pushing her hands against his chest. Behind them, Tomas spoke up. She couldn’t tell what, his slurring was so thick. 

He gripped her wrist, about to push her away when he heard the patient. Words slurred, the accent instantly recognisable, Fao froze. Whilst the words meant nothing, the voice meant everything. Tomas. 

"Fuck. No, he does not get the right to do this." Fao growled. 

“Fao, please. You’re not sharp enough for this.” She said, almost begged. 

“Liste’ to ‘er, faggot!” Tomas called. 

Fao set his jaw, fixing Ely with a cold stare. "Oh, I'm plenty sharp enough. That bastard does not get to fucking die, not like this." He told her. When his uncle spoke again, he swallowed thickly, but said nothing. It was better that way.

She paused, then nodded. “I trust you. But the moment you start to slack, or compromise this, you leave. I don’t want you getting in trouble.”

"Deal. Just let me treat him now."

“Okay.” She said, stepping back. 

He stepped around her, coming to stand alongside his uncle. There was a lot of blood, and he looked in a bad way. It was a wonder he'd even managed stay awake before now. Burt that wasn't his job, and so he got started assessing for injuries that would require surgery. 

Tomas glared up at him, spitting out a glob of blood. 

“Fuckin’ faggot.” He slurred. 

Fao ignored him, careful in his work. He was going to make sure his bastard of a uncle lived long enough to die a slow painful death later in life. But not now. 

Biting her lip, she knew she had to silence Tomas before he riled Fao up. So, she gave him more sedation - before long, she’d have him under properly. Then she could think without worrying so much. 

There were some serious injuries fao was concerned about. A very nasty break to the femur was one of them, and he was sure there was a nasty pelvic injury. He couldn't help the smugness he felt as he reached the bleeding injury to his thigh and his uncle cried out in pain. 

"Okay, can we get to x-ray as soon as possible, I need to reduce this fracture and I'm concerned about the unstable pelvis."

Ely hummed, giving him some pain medication. Obviously, what she’d given him before wasn’t enough, and even if she hated his guts, she wasn’t going to be cruel. “Ready when you are, Fao.”

He nodded, checking with the rest of the team. They were happy and so they got x-rays sorted, which showed the pelvis to be an absolute mess. It would be a long fix. Sighing, Fao let the emergency medicine teams do what they needed to do before he could get him up into theatre. It didn't take too much longer, and before he knew it he was scrubbing in. 

Was she glad to get Tomas down to the theatres. She felt stronger with her team besides her, though she couldn’t imagine what Fao was feeling. She’d check up on him after. For now, she had work to do. 

“You ready, Natalie?” She asked. 

Tomas looked up at the pretty blonde, reaching out for her. "You're fuckin' gorgeous. Wanna suck my cock?" He slurred, words thick and his accent thicker. 

She batted his hand away. “No, I don’t.”

"Aw, don' be like tha', pretty girl." He got out, reaching out for her again. "'m good with it."

“I don’t care.” She replied, as Natalie passed her what she needed. “I have a boyfriend, and you’re my patient.”

"'ll fuck you if you like it or not." He slurred, but his voice was cold.

“You can’t move right now, I highly doubt you’ll be up to anything like that.” Fucking hell, he was a nasty piece of work. If he so much as touched her afterwards, she’d have him arrested. 

He just grinned. "Where's my fag of a nephew?"

“You don’t need to know.” She replied calmly, starting to inject the first of the drugs. 

"Where is he? This is all his fuckin' fault."

“You don’t need to know.” She repeated. He’d be out of it soon. 

"Fuckin' cunt should 'ave died."

She ignored him, now injecting the propofol. Natalie was setting the mask over his face, and she didn’t offer any comfort. He didn’t deserve it. 

He was out quickly, losing consciousness with minimal fuss. 

“Thank fuck for that.” Ely breathed. “Let’s get him intubated and into theatre. He doesn’t get to die.”

They got him intubated and into theatre, where Ely decided she was going to keep a very close eye on not just the patient, but Fao too. She’d meant what she said - he couldn’t be under fire for medical negligence, not with his past. 

Fao was quiet as he worked, none of his usual jokes and banter. He wanted to get this done, stop the bastard from dying and send him back to prison where he belonged. Apparently the police were already waiting to talk to him.

Ely kept looking over at him, chewing her lip under her mask. "You alright, Fao?" She asked.

“Yeah. Jus’ working.” He replied.

"Okay." She knew he knew he could speak to her, or take a break if he needed it. And he would definitely need a strong drink that night.

“Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”

"Okay." She knew he wasn't, not really. He was capable of doing his job, but he was working on his abuser. No one would be alright.

He fell silent, teeth worrying his bottom lip. He just wanted to get this done and get home - he was really aching now.

The patient was staying pretty stable, all things considered. Ely was glad - the better it went, the sooner they'd finish and the sooner they'd get home. Fao would be getting straight into a hot bath, she'd text Chris and ask him to run it ready. Fao didn't deserve this.

Fao set about reducing the compound fracture and carefully fitting the plate to hold it together. Then, he could start on the pelvic fracture. God, it didn’t look good.

Really, the injuries were bad enough to make this a pain in the arse, but she knew that Fao's uncle wasn't just drunk - he was an alcoholic. Of all the people in the room, it was just her and her boyfriend that knew that. But the alcohol in his system certainly wasn't helping. She was already reaching for what she needed to sort him out when he crashed.

"He's in VF, Fao." She said, her stress clear in her voice. Fuck this.

Fao froze, his hands stilling. “No, no, fucking no.”

She looked at him. "Fao, now! He's not allowed to die!”

For a moment, he couldn’t think. He couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. But Ely called his name and Claire nudged him with her shoulder. He finally snapped back to himself and reality, sucking in a deep breath. 

“Right, uh, let’s move all of these drapes, we need to get this sorted. He doesn’t get to die.”

She wanted to keep an eye on Fao, she really did - she partly wanted to chuck him out of theatre now, but they needed him. She turned away, focusing on the drugs.

He got everything sorted, then grabbed the paddles to shock him, after two attempts, worked, and they were back in a proper rhythm. Thank fuck.

When Tomas was back in a normal rhythm, Ely let out a long breath. "Let's get him sorted and onto a ward. The sooner he's back there, the sooner the police can talk to him."

Fao was shaking and he had to take a moment before he started again. "Yeah. Send him back to prison where he belongs."

God, she was so tempted to kick him out right now. He absolutely wasn't sharp enough, but she couldn't - he'd never forgive her if she didn't let him do it, and she'd heard one of the nurses saying that no one else was available, either. So she had to leave him to do it. So she fixed Fao with an encouraging look.

He caught her gaze and nodded, partly to himself. He had to do this, he needed to do this. It was quiet, too quiet. 

“Can I have some music?”

Clare nodded. "Yeah. Classical?”

“Anything. It’s too fuckin’ quiet.”

"Can someone put Chopin's Nocturne on, please?" Ely asked gently.

Fao caught her eye, and though she couldn’t see it, he smiled. The same songs as the vinyl she’d bought him for his birthday. He often listened to them whilst he was reading, and they soothed him. They’d be perfect. Soon, the music started, and he took another deep breath. This was one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do.

Thankfully, there were no more problems. It still took an age, but eventually they left and Tomas was taken up to the ICU - she made sure to warn the nurses of his behaviour, though she didn't tell Fao. It wouldn't do to get him worked up.

Once she was in the locker room, Ely leaned back against the wall, closing her eyes and letting out a long sigh. If this was how she was feeling, she had no idea what her boyfriend felt like.

In the locker room, Fao almost passed out. His hands were shaking and he grabbed hold of the wall, sliding down to slump on the floor. He rested his head on his knees, taking in a shaky breath.

Immediately, she was at his side, crouching next to him and resting a hand on his shoulder.

"You did so well," she murmured, "I'm so proud of you.”

“I…I thought I’d n-never see him again.”

"I know. But he killed the other man, Fao. He'll be going back in for a long time." She soothed. Hopefully long enough that he'd die in there.

He didn’t look up, didn’t move. “Good.”

"C'mon, lets get you out of those scrubs. We'll go home and get you in the bath, yeah?”

“Yeah.” He mumbled, looking up at her.

"I'll look after you, I promise.”

“You always do.” He replied softly, struggling to his feet and pulling off his top. “Can you drive home?”

"Like I was going to let you drive." She replied, getting up too and starting to change herself.

“Jus’ checkin’.”

"And I'm sure Chris has done some cooking.”

“Hopefully. What’s the time?”

"Uh, nearly eleven.”

“Fuck.” He muttered. “Chris is probably already in bed."

"Shhh, it's okay. We'll go in quietly."

"Yeah." He answered, pulling on his t-shirt and his hoodie, pulling the sleeves over his hands. He changed his trousers, then waited for Ely. 

She wasn't long behind him, and once she was changed she put her bag on her shoulder and offered her hand to him.

He took her hand with a small smile. He just wanted to get home. 

She lead him out of the locker room, not speaking. The halls were dark and peaceful, and she hoped the anaesthetic was playing hell with Tomas' sleep. She ushered Fao into the car and got into the driver's seat, still in silence.

Fao stared down at his hands, feeling sick and scared. It was like he was a kid again, sneaking down the hall to get out before he woke up.

The drive to home seemed to take forever. But, eventually, they got home, and silently crept into the flat. Chris, bless him, was still awake, and had run a bath for Fao. She thanked him and let him wander off to bed, turning back to her boyfriend.

"C'mon, let's wash the hospital off of you."

He smiled a weak smile. "Yeah. Get human again."

"Yeah." She said, taking his hand again.

He let her take him into the bathroom, hands shaking as he undressed. He felt so small. 

She helped him undress, and then get into the bath, before sitting neatly on the the toilet lid. "You relax, sweetie."

He sighed, enjoying the heat of the water. He closed his eyes, stretching out in the tub. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. I'll always be here."

"Yeah."

She hummed, and reached out to brush his hair from his face.

Fao flinched, moving quickly away from her.

She bit her lip. "I'm sorry. I was just going to brush your hair out of your face.”

“S-sorry.”

She shook her head. "Don't be, I moved quickly. Can I?”

“Y-yeah.”

She moved, crouching next to the bath instead. "Can I tie it up?”

“Mmmhmmm.”

She slipped the hairtie off of her wrist and carefully gathered his hair in her hands, twisting it into a bun. "There. Kept out of the way.”

“Yeah. No fuss.”

"Yeah. Do you need help washing?”

He shook his head. “‘m okay.”

"Okay. Are you okay for me to leave you to get some food plated up?”

He nodded. “Yeah. ‘m hungry."

"I'll bring you it when you're out." She said softly, standing up and pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "I love you.”

“Love you too.”

"I know. I won't be long.”

“‘kay.”

She pressed another kiss to his brow, and disappeared then, out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. It didn't take long to warm the plates up, and she took them to the bedroom before returning to the kitchen to pour him a glass of whiskey, which too was left in the bedroom.

Entering the bathroom carefully, she smiled softly at her boyfriend.

"The food is ready, honey."

He'd just got out of the bath, wrapping a thick, warm towel around himself. Ely came in and he smiled. "Okay." He padded out of the bathroom with her and once in the bedroom he changed into his pyjamas. He took the food from the side, starting to eat. 

She got changed and settled next to him, resting her own plate on her lap. "Don't forget your drink." She said softly.

He looked up, seeing the glass of amber liquid. Smiling softly, he took it and had a sip - it was one of his favourites. She knew him so well. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. You deserve it."

"I'm glad I did it, y'know. The bigger person and all."

"I'm glad you did it, too." She said softly, hoping that he also understood why she hadn't wanted him to do it.

"I know I shouldn't have." He murmured. "But I'm glad I did."

"And now he'll get charged again, and put back in prison."

"And he'll fucking die in there."

"I hope so." She agreed.

"Everything I do is in spite of him."

She nodded, not answering while she ate. "I know. He deserves nothing but hell."

"Yeah. I don't suppose you can hold off on the pain meds, though."

She shook her head. "Not really. I don't want to be done for medical negligence."

"Yeah, I know."

"Even if he deserves the pain."

"He really does."

She turned to him, and kissed his cheek. "But don't think about it."

He smiled softly, sipping his whiskey again. "I try not to. He's been out of prison for like two days."

"Hopefully he won't be out for much longer."

"What a twat."

"I know.”

“Some people never change.”

"They don't." She thought, then, about telling him what his uncle had said to her. But it would just rile him up and make him worse, and he needed to sleep tonight. They were working in the morning, unfortunately.

“I guess now you know what my childhood was like.” He murmured. “The man of my nightmares.”

She definitely did. Tomas was a disgusting excuse for a human being. "You know I'd do anything I can to protect you.”

“I know. But unless you can go back in time, there’s nothing you can do.”

"I know. But I can look after you now.”

“You can. Thanks for this, honey.” He said, sipping his whiskey again. He’d finished his food - he’d always eaten fast - and there honestly wasn’t much whiskey left.

"You're welcome. We can settle down and sleep after this, eh?”

“Yeah. Maybe a cuddle first.”

"Of course.”

“Love you.”

"I love you too." She said, finishing her food and reaching for his plate.

He passed it to her, draining his whiskey glass. “Mmm, thanks.”

"Welcome. I won't be long." She said, slipping out from the bed. She put the plates in the dishwasher and returned quickly. "So, am I hugging you or are you hugging me?”

“Can you hug me?” He asked softly.

"Of course I can." She said, laying down and opening her arms. "Come here.”

He settled on her chest, closing his eyes. “Love you.” He said again.

"I love you too. So, so much.”

He sighed softly, breathing in the soft smell of her perfume mingled with the hospital. He loved it. 

It was nice, to hold Fao like this. He'd had a hard day, facing his abuser like that, and then being the bigger person and doing his job. Pride welled like a balloon in her chest, and she rubbed her hands over his back. They weren't going to get much sleep, and he'd have to face Tomas again tomorrow, when he did his rounds. She just hoped he would be able to cope.


	30. Chapter 30

They slept like that, Ely holding him for once, and woke five or so hours later to the alarm. Groaning, they both got ready for work, and headed in. From there, the cases came thick and fast, though they started to die down towards the early afternoon. Ely didn't know where Fao was at that point, but one of the ICU nurses had requested her, to talk about Tomas Blackwood's pain medication. So she headed up.

Fao was hesitant, heading into his uncle's room. It had been alright yesterday, he was so hyped on adrenaline from the rush down to A&E. Now, he felt a bit vulnerable. They were keeping him in a separate room away from the other patients, as he'd been causing a fuss, and so Fao knocked lightly on the door before he slipped inside. 

Tomas curled his lip at him. "Come to visit your dear uncle, have you?"

Fao hesitated, adjusting his stethoscope around his neck. But then it occurred to him that his uncle had a broken femur and a fucked up pelvis. He couldn't do anything to him if he tried. So with a small smile, he spoke. "Come to check on a patient. Sorry about the lack of flowers."

"I'd have thought a fag like you would always have flowers."

"No luck, I'm afraid. Shoved the last lot up my arse."

"Bet you enjoyed it too." Tomas retorted.

"Oh, yeah. So good." He replied. "How's the pain, eh? Excruciating?"

"Fuckin' awful," he said, wincing as he moved, "get me something to sort it, now."

He grinned. "You're not the boss of me anymore. And talking to me like that isn't going to pursuade me to get you anything."

"I'm your fucking uncle, do as you're told!"

Part of Fao, the part deep down that was still a scared, vulnerable child, wanted to turn tail and run. But he didn't. He raised his chin and folded his arms over his chest. "That means nothing. And try not to swear, this is a hospital, not a pub."

"You should respect me!" He snapped. "I should have fucking killed you when I had the chance."

"But you were too drunk and you missed, didn't you? And now the nephew you tried to kill saved your life last night."

"I can still kill you." He said.

"And how are going to do that?"

"I have my ways. There'll be no burial for you - you can be eaten by pigs, like your father." He sneered, just as Ely edged her way in to check what pain medication he'd already had. He grinned at her.

"I see pretty girl has joined me," he said, still looking at Fao, "she begged for my cock last night, fucking slut."

His last comment had made Fao's breath catch in his throat, but as soon as he mentioned Ely he stepped closer to the bed. "No. You don't say shit like that about the people who saved your sorry little life. Dr. Lozier is a professional and she'd cut your tiny little cock off without a second thought."

"She was gagging for it, probably doesn't get enough at home." Tomas said, eyes dark. He knew he'd hit a sore spot. "You're not up to the task of keeping her sated, are you, boy?"

"What myself and Dr Lozier do in our free time is none of your business, dear uncle."

"Fuck her in the store rooms, do you, boy?" He replied. "Never thought you the type to like pussy."

"As I said it's none of your business."

Ely bit her lip, ignoring the conversation as she looked over his medication chart. He was due, so she slipped out of the room. Tomas grinned.

"Apparently she'd embarrassed to be with you."

"Oh, go to hell." Fao spat. 

"I'm a long way from that, boy." He replied. "And I'm going to torment you for the rest of my days."

"Oh, that's a real big threat, coming from someone who's pissing into a bag."

"That's all you've got?" He asked. "You'll be pissing out of your mouth when I'm done with you."

"I'd like to see you try, old man." He snapped. "Now stop being a child, I've got work to do. Let me see your incisions."

"You're the one who hasn't dared to come close. Scared?"

"Not a fucking chance." He replied, coming right over to sit on the bed beside his uncle. "Close enough for you, Uncle Tomas? How about I come sit on your lap? Oh, or would that make you a fag?"

"Make you a twisted fag who wants his uncle's cock up his arse." He shot back, as Ely came back in, drugs in tow.

"Now now, you're just making assumptions." He scolded lightly. 

"We both know you're a slut for cock."

"So what? I still saved your life."

"That doesn't change a thing." He replied. Ely had reached his bedside now, on the other side, and had paused to check everything was right. With a smirk, Tomas reached out, and his fingers grazed the side of her thigh, almost on her ass.

Fao knew he couldn't touch him, that would be over the line. This stupid shit he was doing with words was nothing, but the moment things got physical that'd be it. But that didn't stop him wanting to smack his uncle the moment he saw his fingers touch Ely.

"Wow, that's smart. Harassing the woman who's about to give you your medication."

"Like you give a damn. A whore like her doesn't care who touches her." He shot back.

Ely clenched her jaw, finally giving him attention as she roughly took his hand and started to inject his painkillers. She didn't care how fast she was, as long as it hurt. And she could see the look in Tomas' eyes as he realised how much it did hurt, how the drug pooled under his skin.

"Don't you dare touch me again, or I'll have you arrested for assault, as well as what you've already been arrested for." She snarled.

Fao couldn't help but grin. "Now we've finished making friends, care to let me see your incisions? I'd hate for you to die of infection before you're due in court."

With the painkillers given, Ely dropped his hand and stepped back, heading for the antibacterial before she left. Tomas glared after her, and then looked back at his nephew.

"You keep stalling about it. Get on with it."

"I need your consent."

"Is get on with it not enough for you?"

Fao stood, and yanked back the sheets, then pulled his gown up. He removed the dressings, checking both the pelvic incisions and the femoral one. He wasn't gentle as he checked them over, hands rough and likely freezing cold. 

Tomas very nearly cried out in pain, and couldn't stop his flinching. "Be careful!"

"Oh, I'm sorry." Fao said, in a voice that was very obviously not sorry. "Would you like me to be gentler next time?"

"You better be. I'll have you sued for medical negligence."

"With what money?"

“Fuck off.”

"I'm curious. Should I be speaking with my lawyer?"

“Like you have one.”

"Of course I do." He replied. "I needed one to sort out the shit with dad's will."

“There was nothing left for you, anyway.” He said. “Have you fucking done yet?”

He pressed the dressings back down, hard. "I'm done. Have fun staring at nothing all day, dear uncle."

Tomas winced again, grunting in pain. “Fuck off, then. Go fuck your slag.”

Fao didn't reply, but headed out of the room and let the door slam behind him. It felt good, to talk back like that. It was something he'd never had the courage to do, not when he was younger. But he did now. And it was really worth it.

Ely had left after giving Tomas his medication, and was at the nurses station filling in some paperwork when she saw Fao leave. She hurried over. 

“Are you okay?”

He smiled and kissed her cheek. "Never better."

“Good. He’s an ass.” She said, taking his hand. “Last night, I never...”

"It's fine. You think I believed him? Like I'd ever believe anything that comes out of his mouth."

“I know you wouldn’t, but...” she trailed off, and shrugged. 

"I'm due a break. Want to go and get some fresh air?"

She nodded. “That sounds great.”

He smiled. "Let me swing by the locker room for my cigarettes and we'll head up to the roof?"

“You know the way to my heart. I’ll see you up there?”

"Yeah. See you there." He replied, heading off to grab his cigarettes, lighter and his hoodie before he made his way up to the roof. Ely was there, and he greeted her with a smile before he pulled out a cigarette and lit it, holding it between his teeth. 

She stood next to him, taking his hand as she looked out across the London skyline. “Last night...”

Fao looked at her, cigarette between the fingers of his free hand. "Was he disgusting? I'm sorry if he was."

She nodded. “Yeah, he was. I didn’t want to tell you last night. He... he tried to get me to suck his cock, and then threatened to rape me.” She admitted. 

"Oh, sweetie..."

She shrugged. “I know he can’t do it, and he’ll never have the chance.”

"But it's still fucking disgusting."

“I know. But I can deal with him.”

"You shouldn't have to."

“But I can.”

"Okay."

She squeezed his hand. “If I can deal with soldiers who want to fuck everything that moves, I can deal with him. He can’t do anything from a hospital bed.”

"Yeah, I know. That's why I was shit to him earlier."

“I’m proud of you.” She said softly. “It takes a lot of courage to face him.”

He smiled, taking a deep drag on his cigarette. "Thanks. It felt good."

“I bet it did.”

"He used to think I was a fag because I liked the theatre and singing."

“Well he can fuck off.”

"I know. Turns out I'm bi, but that's beside the point."

"Yeah, it is." She agreed. "And you have me. I love you just how you are."

"Love you too."

She grinned. "If you ever want something up your arse, let me know."

"I'll be sure to."

"Mmm, love you."

He just smiled, taking another drag on his cigarette. 

She rested her head on his shoulder, looking over the city again. "You know, I'm glad I moved down here."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She murmured. "I have you, a stable job, a good income..."

"Life's pretty much perfect."

"Yeah, it is." She agreed.

"Jus' a shame about Tomas."

"Well, he's not worth thinking about, is he?" She said.

"No, he's not."

"We have the future to think about."

"We do."

She turned her head, brushing her lips against his skin. "We have so much ahead of us."

"Mmmm, yeah. Years."

"Maybe one day our son will move out." She joked.

He laughed. "Maybe. I like having him around."

"I do too." She said. "D'you reckon Alice would like him?"

"Anyone would like him."

"We should set them up. God knows he needs to get out more." She mused, voice soft. "Or Natalie. She has a thing for men in uniform."

"Either of them, if they're interested. I'm planning on dragging him out with the dog tomorrow."

"Has he started running with you?"

"Not yet, he's still getting used to walking."

"I imagine it won't be long, though?”

“No, not too long."

She smiled. "And then he can go on some blind dates.”

Fao laughed. “Oh, he so could. Maybe we should get him tinder or something.”

"I think he'd kill us.”

“Not if we did it with him.”

She snorted. "Why do we need to do it? Are you saying I'm not enough for you?”

“No, if we set it up with him.”

"What, like casually suggest it?”

“Yeah, why not?”

She grinned. "Might as well.”

“Get him back on the horse.” He said, watching the smoke curl up into the sky. “You know you don’t have to stand to close.”

"I like standing next to you.”

“I don’t want you getting all my second hand smoke.”

"Oh, I'm fine." She said.

“Honestly, it’s terrible.”

"I want to be near you.”

“Okay then.”

She grinned. "Is that allowed, doctor?”

“I think I’ll allow it.”

"Mmm, good.”

“Only because I love you.”

"How nice of you." She teased.

"Mmm, it's the truth."

“I know.”

They spent that time together whilst Fao smoked, and then they slipped off to do their own work. Ely had scheduled surgeries and Fao had the rest of his rounds to do. They were a drag but they needed doing. Work was like that most days, the two of them really only bumping into each other during breaks or on the occasional surgery.


	31. Chapter 31

For a while, the rota was strange, and they ended up on completely separate shifts. Fao noticed himself needing painkillers during the day now, more than before, and he was so, so tired. On finishing his shift late one evening, he dragged himself home. He knew Ely was home anyway, and he'd promised her a nice evening to make up for their shit shift pattern, but by the time he got home all he wanted to do was stretch out on the sofa. He told himself he wasn't that tired, that he was okay, but after another dose of painkillers he found his eyes drifting shut. It wasn't the first time. 

 

Ely had been in the bath, eyes closed as she relaxed in the hot water. It wasn't often she got time - or rather, the motivation to run it - and even if Fao wasn't there she was going to take the chance. She heard the door open, but didn't shout anything. She'd let him get settled, do whatever he'd planned. That wasn't to say she wasn't hoping for something in particular. Quietly, so he wouldn't guess what she was up to, she got out of the bath and went to their bedroom, pulling the shopping bag out of the wardrobe (she'd hidden it, just in case). Fingers crossed, he'd love her in the chemise, black sheer mesh with lace detailing.

 

Except, she went downstairs and found him fast asleep on the sofa. His shoes were still on, and she frowned, crouching next to him.

 

"Fao, honey?" She said softly, rubbing his shoulder.

 

He stirred with a groan, blinking open his eyes. "Hey." He mumbled thickly.

 

She smiled. "Hey. You okay?"

 

"Tired." He replied, though shifted to properly look at her. She was in sheer black mesh, lace detailing at the front. He'd never seen it before, but it looked stunning. Then, he remembered. "Shit. We were meant to be doin' date night."

 

"Yeah." She said, brushing some of his hair from his face. "But it's okay."

 

He forced himself to sit up. "We can still do it." He replied. "Gimme a bit."

 

Ely shook her head. "No. You're exhausted, it can wait."

 

"But you're all dressed up."

 

"So?" She said. "What's the point if you're just gonna crush me when you fall asleep?"

 

"You could go on top." He replied. "Have you eaten?"

 

"No, I was waiting for you."

 

"I should cook..."

 

She shook her head again. "No. You just try to stay awake, yeah?"

 

"I don't mind, honest." He replied softly.

 

"You look like you're about to fall back asleep."

 

He smiled. "I drove home in one piece. I can cook." He was struggling to keep his eyes open, though. 

 

"I'll do it tonight."

 

"Okay. Date night tomorrow?"

 

"Given I get home in decent time." She agreed, standing up and leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead.

 

"You will." He murmured. "Is Chris out?"

 

"Yeah. He's gone to a friends."

 

"Damn. You could have been really loud...."

 

She rolled her eyes. "There'll be other times, you whore."

 

"Maybe." He mumbled. "Go cook. Before I fall asleep again."

 

"Alright, alright." She was sure there was something in the freezer they could have.

 

"Be my bitch." He joked with a grin. 

 

"Maybe that will come tomorrow." She said, smiling back and heading into the kitchen.

 

She was wearing nothing under the sheer material, and Fao groaned, wishing he could creep up behind her and grab her ass. But he couldn't, so he just had to watch. 

 

She wasn't too long, finding some chips and chicken kievs in the freezer. Right now, they'd do - they were quick and easy. While it cooked, she came back to her boyfriend.

 

"There. Stay awake for a little longer, yeah?"

 

"Mmmhmm. I'm awake." He replied thickly. 

 

"You sure?"

 

"Yup. I'm awake."

 

She smiled and say down next to him. "Good. You must have had a really busy day."

 

"Yeah. Somethin' like that."

 

"We can go to bed once we've eaten."

 

"Yeah. That'd be good."

 

"Before the grind tomorrow."

 

"For you."

 

She hummed. "Yeah. Lucky you gets to sleep in."

 

"I'm on call though."

 

"Is it bad that I don't want you to get called in?"

 

"So I can stay here and make you dinner?"

 

She nodded. "Exactly."

 

"Well, I hope I don't get called either. I'm on from midnight."

 

"You definitely need to get to bed soon." She said. "You won't work well if you're tired."

 

"I know. Food then bed."

 

"God knows you need your rest."

 

"My beauty sleep." He said with a grin. 

 

"You definitely need that, you beast."

 

"Oi!"

 

"Just telling the truth!"

 

"Meanie."

 

She shrugged. "You love me."

 

"I do. So much."

 

"I love you too."

 

He smiled. "Dunno what I'd do without you."

 

"Oh my God, stop being such a soft cockwomble!"

 

"Never."

 

"How do I even cope with you?" She teased.

 

"Because I'm gorgeous and you love me."

 

"And you're good in bed."

 

"That too."

 

Soon, their food was done, and they ate before going to bed. Fao was asleep pretty much as soon as he got into bed, before Ely was done in the bathroom. 

He was woken just before four by his phone ringing. And it wasn't his personal phone, it was his work phone. Groaning, he answered, and slipped out of bed to get dressed, trying to be quiet so he didn't wake Ely.

 

She stirred, rolling over as he got out of bed.

 

"Mmm," she hummed sleepily, "Fao?"

 

"Goin' into work. Go back to sleep."

 

"'kay. Don't be long." She said, not really registering what he said before she drifted off.

 

"I'll try." He replied, pulling on some trackies and a hoodie before slipping out of the flat. They needed him for a gunshot wound - the night shift surgeon had been unsure - and it took a good few hours to fix. By the time he was done, it was just before eight, and he was about to clock out when his boss grabbed him. Apparently one of the day surgeons had called in sick last minute, and he had elective patients already in the hospital. They were keen not to cancel - they'd had far too many recent cancellations - and Fao agreed to take the list. All being well, he'd be done by the early afternoon and back to bed to sleep before date night with Ely. 

 

It was strange, getting ready without Fao. It wasn't just that they weren't working together - she'd unfortunately gotten used to that in recent weeks - but also that he wasn't in bed. She was alone in the flat, and it made it feel suddenly bigger. 

 

The drive in was lonely, too. Apparently Fao was in theatre, and she was thrown into the mix of people coming in. Rush hour was just starting, some people were impatient. Nothing but the usual.

 

She got out of theatre in time for her one elective of the day, a second operation for a trauma patient. She was just heading up to run through everything with her when she saw Fao coming down the corridor towards her.

 

On seeing Ely, Fao smiled. "Morning, gorgeous." He greeted. "Missed you."

 

“Morning to you, too.” She said, pausing to talk to him. “Are you off home?”

 

He laughed, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "I wish. I'm on electives. Someone called in sick, I said I'd pick up the slack. Better than his patients getting cancelled."

 

“God, you’re such a knight.” She teased. “I guess I can’t hold you up.”

 

"I've got time for one more kiss, I think." He murmured with a grin. 

 

Smiling back, she leaned up, one hand resting on his chest as she kissed him. 

 

He rested a hand on her waist as he went to kiss her back. They didn't have long, but the kiss was nice, her lips soft against his. 

 

Smiling, she pulled back. "There. Go on, get moving."

 

"Mmm, and you."

 

"I'll see you later." She said, and headed off.

 

"See you later." He echoed, heading the other way. 

 

Fao finished in theatre after a good few hours, and found himself on a break before what he hoped was his last surgery of the day. He'd then have to check in with his morning patients, and make notes for the later ones who wouldn't be that awake yet. He didn't plan on staying any longer than he needed to. He made himself tea and sat down on the sofas in the break room, digging around in his bag to find his painkillers. 

 

Ely slipped into the room, absolutely famished. She had a salad in the fridge, and she got it out before turning and frowning at Fao.

 

"You okay?"

 

He looked up with a smile. "Yeah, just a bit of a headache. You know how it is."

 

She hummed. "I do." She agreed, walking over and sitting next to him. "Surgeries going okay?"

 

He was still digging around, trying to find the packet he knew was always in his bag. "Yeah, all good. One left now."

 

"So you'll be waiting for woo me at home?"

 

"Yeah, fingers crossed."

 

Ely smiled, opening her salad. But she was still keeping an eye on him. "Can't find anything?"

 

"Thought I left a pack in here but can't find it..." He murmured. Digging around once more, he found the pack and grinned, though it was almost empty. He took the pills quickly with a sip of tea and left the empty pack on the side to throw away when he washed up his mug. 

 

She frowned again. "Didn't you only start that pack the other day?"

 

"Think it's an older one that I threw in." He answered, settling back and sipping his tea. 

 

“Oh, okay.” She couldn’t tell what painkiller it was from here.

 

"If they're dying I throw them in my bag just in case." Not actually a complete lie, he often did that, but mostly with ibuprofen. The co-codamol he'd just had was what he'd put in a few days ago. 

 

She hummed. “Okay. I just don’t want you in pain.”

 

"I'm alright." He said, kissing her cheek. 

 

“Mmm, good. You need to make up for last night.”

 

"I do. I'll be sure to woo you."

 

“I look forwards to it.” She replied. “I want the whole haul.”

 

"You'll get it."

 

Grinning, she kissed his cheek. “Good stuff. Hopefully I’ll be home on time.”

 

“I hope so.”

 

“It’s looking good so far.”

 

“Ah, don’t jinx it.”

 

She laughed. “Stop it with your superstitions.”

 

“Come on, everyone has superstitions.”

 

“You have loads.” She teased. 

“Ah, come on. Don’t be mean."

 

She kissed his cheek now. “I’m not. Just teasing.”

 

“You’re mean. Always have been.”

 

“Oh, bugger off.”

 

“You’re a meanie!”

 

“I’m not!”

 

"You so are." He replied, grinning as he sipped his tea. 

 

“You’re meaner.”

 

"I'm not."

 

“Oh, you are.”

 

He raised an eyebrow, sipping his tea. "How so?"

 

She grinned. “You’re not sharing.”

 

"Not sharing what?"

 

"Your tea."

 

"It's tea!"

 

She kissed his cheek. "You should still share."

 

"Go on then." He said, passing her his mug. "It won't be sweet enough for you."

 

"What do you mean by that?"

 

"I don't have as much sugar in my tea as you."

 

"What, not that I have rotten teeth?"

 

"That too."

 

“See?” She said. “Meanie.”

 

"Well, I'm not paying your dental bills." He replied with a smile.

 

"Mmm, yeah, you are, Mr Rich."

 

"Uh, you make enough money too!"

 

"You're still paying!"

 

"Why?" He teased. "I pay my own."

 

"Because you're a gentleman and you love me."

 

"Nah, you're on your own."

 

"Meanie." She accused again.

 

He looked at the time on his phone, frowning. "Ugh, I should go. Finish my tea?"

 

He grabbed his bag, then headed out of the room, tossing his empty pack of painkillers in the bin on the way out. 

 

She finished the tea first, draining it, and once the mug was in washed and in the drawer, she turned to the bin. She got that he got headaches - she got them too, and blamed the stress and the lights - but she'd definitely seen him open a pack of painkillers the other day, and it had mysteriously disappeared.

 

Low and behold, the empty pack in the bin wasn't paracetamol, or even ibuprofen. Co-codamol. Why the hell was he taking _co-codamol_? There was something more than a headache at play. But she didn't see him again, unfortunately.


	32. Chapter 32

She came home half an hour later than usual, having been kept up by an emergency c-section. Not really what she was meant to do, but she'd been the only anaesthetist available. It pulled on her heartstrings, it really did.

 

Ely dumped her bag in the hallway as she entered, calling out.

 

"I'm home!"

 

Fao's last op went well, and his painkillers kicked in, so he came home in a good mood. He greeted Chris, spent half an hour chatting to him, before heading to bed. He woke when his alarm went off around half six, and, feeling more awake, set about cooking a romantic dinner for Ely. Chris helped, and got his own helpings (without the candles and roses) and then Fao kept it warm whilst he waited for Ely. She was a little later than he'd hoped, but not too bad, and when he heard her come in he grinned. 

 

"Your food's ready. Want to freshen up first?" He called back. 

 

She grinned, following the sound of his voice. “Depends if you’re joining me.”

 

He flashed her a smile. "I've got to look after the food. Go make yourself comfortable, and I'll be sure to make time for you after dinner, eh?"

 

“That sounds lovely.” She said. “I won’t be long, promise.”

 

"Glad to hear it. I'm starved."

 

“You beast.” She teased, turning away. True to her word, she wasn’t long in the shower, and then got herself dressed in the long chemise from the night before - Chris wouldn’t venture out until he was sure they were hidden in their bedroom. 

 

“I’m ready to be wooed.”

 

He let his eyes rake over her, enjoying the chemise. "God, you're gorgeous." He replied, pouring the wine and sitting down, ignoring how his hip protested. 

 

“Yeah?” She asked. “You like this?”

 

"Stunning." He replied, picking up his cutlery. "Can't wait to fuck you in it."

 

“So it’s not coming off?” She asked, sipping her wine. 

 

"We'll see about that."

 

She grinned. “Do whatever you want.”

 

He grinned back, taking in Ely's words before he ate, reaching to take her hand across the table. It was nice, to be this romantic. 

 

She let him, smiling softly as she ate. Even without Chris living with them, she knew they’d have struggled with setting a date night - their hours were fluid. But right now, it was romantic and lovely, and Fao’s cooking was amazing, as always. 

 

Eventually, they finished eating and Fao tidied up quickly, letting Ely get settled in their bedroom. He knocked lightly on Chris' door to tell him they'd finished, then headed out into their own to find his girlfriend. 

 

Sat on the edge of the bed, she bit her bottom lip, waiting patiently. 

 

Smiling, he shut the door behind him and padded over to Ely, pulling his shirt off. When he reached her on the bed, he cupped her face and kissed her, sweet but far from chaste. 

 

She moaned against him, raising her hands to his waist.

 

Deepening the kiss, his hands fell from her face as he slipped off his trackies, leaving him just in his boxers. 

 

Smiling against him, Ely let her hand slip from his waist. Her fingers brushed over the front of his boxers, just the slightest pressure over his cock. 

 

He groaned, his hips bucking to press into her hand. He needed her, needed the contact. 

 

Ely pulled away from his kiss, grinning. “I love it when you’re needy.”

 

He rolled his eyes. "Tease." He growled. 

 

“Yeah?” She asked. “Why don’t you punish me?”

 

"Mmm, maybe I should. But frankly, I wanna fuck you instead."

 

She grinned. “Well, don’t let me stop you.”

 

He slipped his boxers off, gently jerking his cock himself. "Move back, spread your legs." He told her. 

 

She did as she was told, bringing the hem of the chemise up and spreading her legs wide. “Don’t leave me waiting.”

 

He smiled, then moved to his drawer to find a condom, rolling it on before he moved onto the bed, kissing over her neck and collarbones as he pushed into her, rubbing her clit. 

 

“Mmm, that’s good.” She moaned, hands tangling in his hair. “Don’t hang about.”

 

He laughed, rolling his hips as soon as he was fully seated in her. He ached, but ignored it, far too involved in the pleasure. He didn't mess about with the pace, building it quickly. The ache got worse, and he bit his lip, but said nothing. It was too good to stop. 

 

When he got faster, Ely’s back arched and she groaned, tugging on his hair. It was so good, he was hitting everything perfectly. “Fuck, just like that, that’s so _fucking_ good.”

 

"Mmm, you like that?" He said, though his voice was a little tense. "Bet you do, slut." Just ignore it, he told himself. Maybe if he ignored it, it'd go away. 

 

“Your slut.” She told him, desperately trying not to be too loud. “I’m yours.”

 

"Mmm, love it when you're mine." He mumbled. 

 

She was starting to get close now, rapidly reaching her peak. But he sounded... disjointed. Figuring she was just hearing stuff, she tried for another kiss. “Always yours.”

 

He kissed her slightly distractedly, just trying to distract himself from the pain. It was getting worse. He whined, trying to pass it off as pleasure. He pushed on, fucking her harder. 

 

The moment he whined, everything stopped for Ely. Concerned, she tried to push him away. 

 

"'m fine." Fao told her, kissing at her neck again. 

 

She shook her head. “Fao, stop. Please.”

 

He stopped but didn't pull out. "It was a twinge. It's fine. You're close, c'mon."

 

“Tell me what’s wrong.” She said. “Please?”

 

"Honestly, I'm fine. I just pulled something."

 

She frowned. “You’d tell me if something was wrong, wouldn’t you?”

 

He sucked in a deep breath. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

 

“I don’t think you are.”

 

"It's not too bad."

 

Well, she knew what that meant. He was a man, and a soldier to boot. She pressed her hands against his chest, trying to get him to pull out. “Don’t lie to me.”

 

Reluctantly, he pulled out, whining. "It's jus' a bit sore."

 

“I know what you took at work.”

 

"It was all I had in my bag."

 

She softened. “I’m worried about you. Is it your hip?”

 

Lips pressed together, he nodded slowly. "Let me help you finish?"

 

"It's okay. I don't mind."

 

"You were so close." He mumbled, suddenly feeling vulnerable. 

 

"You matter more to me than an orgasm."

 

"Still..."

 

"I don't want you hurting yourself." She said softly.

 

Feeling self conscious, Fao stripped the condom off and threw it away before pulling on some pyjama bottoms. "'m not gonna."

 

She nodded. “I get it, I do. But you’re a silly soldier, too.”

 

He huffed, sitting down next to her. "Sorry."

 

“Don’t be sorry.”

 

"I've ruined everything again."

 

“No you haven’t.” She said firmly. “Our relationship doesn’t revolve around sex.”

 

"I promised you."

 

“It doesn’t matter.”

 

He kissed her cheek. "I'm still sorry."

 

“I know.” She said. 

 

"Cuddle instead?"

 

“Yeah,” she said, “just let me get this off?”

 

He nodded. "Yeah." He agreed, and slipped into bed, pulling the covers right up.

 

She settled down next to him after taking the chemise off and pulling some pyjamas on. “Don’t feel bad.”

 

"I do. We were meant to be having a good time."

 

“That isn’t at the cost of you being in pain,” She reasoned, “and we had a nice meal.”

 

"I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow."

 

“Tell me if you’re not.” She really was worried. 

 

“Yeah.” He mumbled thickly.

 

“I don’t want to press….”

 

“I’ll be fine.” He said more firmly. The pain was starting to ease, now.

 

“Okay. Love you.” She said, cuddling up to him. 

 

“Love you too.”

 

He slept cuddled up to her that night, the smell of her perfume filling his nose.


	33. Chapter 33

Over the next few days, and then next few weeks, his pain got gradually worse. He found himself needing more and more painkillers, first regularly and then a little more than regularly. He took as much as he could, and then, he took more. But he ran out soon enough, and he had to wait for his prescription - his co-codamol was still on repeat prescription, some incredibly convenient fuck up with the system, and it was a godsend, but he had to wait before he could request it again. So he got desperate, and went rooting around in the bathroom cabinets. There, he found some of Chris’ old painkillers, that he was sure he only used occasionally. He alternated between Chris’ stuff and Ely’s, though that he needed to be more careful with. She needed hers a lot more often than Chris.

Ely really, really needed her painkillers. She'd had to call in sick from work because of her period, and up until now she'd been curled up in bed, not really wanting to move. In the end, though, she had to. Shuffling towards the bathroom, she almost walked right into Chris.

"Ely," he greeted, "have you seen where my painkillers have gone?" He asked.

She shook her head, pushing some hair from her face.

"No," she answered, "I'm just gonna get some of mine. Why?"

He followed her to the bathroom, leaning against the doorframe as she opened the cabinet. 

"The box is empty, but I'm sure I only used half of it."

She frowned, reaching for her own box. Strangely, some of her's were gone too, and her frown deepened. "That's weird. So are mine. Is Fao in the living room?"

"Uh, yeah. I think so." Chris said quietly. 

She hummed. "I'll ask him." She decided. "Let me just warm up a heat pack. He said his hip was hurting a little bit ago." She really hoped it wasn't that. She didn't want to think about that.

"Do you need to take some meds?"

Ely nodded. "Yeah."

"Take some, then. Before you forget."

She rolled her eyes. "You're not my mother." She teased, but did so anyway. Hopefully, she could get some more soon. She didn't want to have to cope without.

"I feel like it sometimes." Chris shot back. "Go talk to him. I'll just take ibuprofen."

"Give me chance." She complained, but took the painkillers and went to fetch her heat pack. She was silent as she heated it up, before she went to sit next to Fao on the sofa, cuddling up next to him.

Fao looked over at her, humming as he wrapped an arm around her. "Hey gorgeous. You okay?"

"Not really. I feel like shit and a load of my painkillers have gone missing."

He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Missing? I doubt it."

"No, they have. It was a new box."

"Oh." He replied quietly. "Maybe Chris got them messed up with his?"

"Some of his have gone too. Do you know where they went?"

"Not a clue." He lied lightly, but he couldn't make eye contact.

She closed her eyes. She knew she should press, but she felt like shit and just wanted his attention. "Okay. Maybe we did use them. You'd tell me if you did."

"Why would I use them?" He asked, turning his attention back to his phone. 

"I don't know." She said. "But I know you'd at least ask first."

Guilt was creeping into the pit of his stomach, settling like a heavy weight there. Chewing his lip, he tried to focus on the game he was playing on his phone. "Mmmhmm."

She pushed her face against him. His body heat and the heat of her pack was helping while she waiting for the painkillers to kick in. "How's your hip, anyway?"

"Fine." He said quickly, pulling her closer. She was getting worse, she ought to see somebody soon. 

"Mmm, 'kay."

"How you feelin'?"

"Shitty. Meant to be working."  
"Rest is good for you."

"Boring, though." She said.

"Still good."

“Such a doctor.” She teased lightly. 

"Piss off."

She tried to press closer. “No. Some things never change.”

That made him laugh. "That's true."

“You’re such a good doctor.”

"Well, I try."

She smiled a little. "Yeah. Do you have anything stronger?"

"Painkillers?"

"Mmmhmmm."

"No, I don't. Used up all the strong stuff a while ago."

"Okay." She said, lacing their fingers together. "I'll have to get some more. See a doctor, maybe."

"Have you not got yours on repeat?"

“Can’t remember. Been okay for a while.” She mumbled, as if that explained everything. 

"Okay. We'll sort it." He told her. "First bad one in a while, eh?"

“Yeah. Not as bad as it used to be, though.” She said. 

"That's good." He said, kissing her again. 

“I’ll have to look at seeing someone. Want it sorted.”

"Stupid disease." He grumbled. "But yeah, of course. Old consultant up in Birmingham, then?"

“I’ll find someone down here.” She replied. He was a lot more animated and involved in the conversation now. It was a little strange. 

"We have some endo centres around." He said. "Loads in London. We could find a consultant there and go private?"

“Probably. Not right now.” Right now, she wanted to sleep. 

"No, whenever you're ready."

She hummed again. “Could I have some ginger tea?”

"Yeah. Are you feeling sick?"

“Just a little.”

He hummed. "I'll get you tea. Anything else?" He asked, standing up and trying to ignore the deep ache in his hip. 

She shook her head. "No. Just come back and cuddle me."

"Okay." He murmured, padding off to the kitchen hoping he wasn't limping. He made her tea, came back with the steaming mug and passed it to her, sitting down beside her again and cuddling up.

He was limping a little bit. She rested her cheek on his shoulder. "Do you wanna share my heat pack?"

"I'm okay." He replied.

"Okay." She said. "But if you want it you can have it."

"You're plenty warm enough."

She hummed. "If you say so."

"I do."

"Love you." She said softly.

"Love you too."

They cuddled most of the day, occasionally moving for food or to warm up Ely's heat pack. As time dragged on Fao's pain got worse, but he knew he couldn't do anything. With Ely's suspicions up, if she saw any more painkillers vanish she'd pounce on him. So he sat there, cuddled up to her all day, trying to pretend he wasn't in agony. He felt sick to the pit of his stomach and his mouth was dry. The pain was so intense at times it was as though he couldn't breathe. But he ignored it the best he could, on his phone or watching TV. Eventually, it was time for bed, and he had a long hot bath in an attempt to ease the pain. It didn't really help, and when he crawled into bed beside Ely he was exhausted and feeling terrible. It was the worst he'd been in a while.

When he got into bed she rolled over towards him, looking for the contact and comfort only he could give her. She caught a glance of his face.

"You look like shit." She murmured.

"Tired." He mumbled. It wasn't a lie. 

She hummed, closing her eyes. "Me too."

"I bet." He replied, cuddling right up to her and sucking in a deep breath, swallowing thickly. Ely always made him feel better. 

"Bloody periods." She complained.

"Good pun." He replied, kissing her neck, trying to ground himself. 

She laughed. "I'm a comedic genius."

"Yeah." He replied, shifting a little. As he did, the pain grew and his breath caught in his throat. 

She frowned. "Still okay?"

He hesitated. He couldn't do it anymore, couldn't lie about this. He needed those painkillers, needed something. "No. It...It was me."

She rolled over, her frown deepening. "What do you mean?"

"Your painkillers. It was me."

She sat up, unable to stop the anger that started frothing. "And Chris'?"

"Yeah." He said quietly, suddenly feeling very small.

"I can't believe you!" She exclaimed. "Not only do you deny that you're in pain, or try to battle through it, but you then lie to me, and steal painkillers!"

He shuffled into a sitting position, unable to look at her. "I thought it'd go away." He said softly. 

"Well, obviously it hasn't. And you should know better than that." She snapped.

"I know." He said. "I'm sorry."

“In the morning I’m booking an appointment for you.” She said, in a time that left no room for argument. “We’ll find out what’s going on and get it sorted.”

He didn't have the fight in him to argue. It hurt, and he wanted it to stop. He hadn't wanted to take the painkillers, especially not from Chris and Ely, but he'd been desperate. Didn't she understans that? "Sorry." He repeated. 

“You’re so stubborn.” She said, getting out of bed. “Always a stupid soldier.”

He looked up. "Where are you going?"

“No doubt you’re in pain, and I know you’d only steal if you were desperate.” She said. “I might be angry but I’ll let you use some.”

He shook his head. "No, no, it's okay. They're yours, I don't deserve them." He said quickly, slipping under the covers again, pulling the covers right up to his chin and hiding. 

“Don’t start with that.” She knew she should try to control herself, that she was scaring him. But he’d lied to her and stolen behind her back. And it wasn’t just that - it was that he obviously didn’t trust her enough to tell her the truth.

"Sorry." He didn't know what else to say, didn't know how to make it up to her. "I'm so sorry."

She didn’t answer, leaving the room and getting her painkillers, as well as a glass of water, too. She knew he could swallow them dry but she’d prefer if he had water. She was still silent as she set them down on his bedside table, walked around the bed and got back under the covers. 

Hesitantly, he reached out for the painkillers and water, as though touching them would burn him. Slowly, he took them, and burrowed as deep under the covers as he could get, as far away from Ely as he could, his back to her. It didn't even matter that he was laying on his bad side, he just wanted to get away.

She felt bad, she really did, but she was just so pissed at him. Laying down, she turned away from him, not even offering him a goodnight. 

Fao didn't sleep. He laid there, staring at his bedside clock all night. He got an hour, maybe an hour and a half of light dozing, and when Ely's alarm went off he didn't move, just closed his eyes. He didn't know where she was going, but that didn't matter. She left, and he was alone in bed. He heard Chris get up, along with Arrow and after the dog had eaten his breakfast he padded into Fao's room, hopping up on the bed and stretching out beside Fao. He felt better, then, to hear the dog's steady breathing beside him, and maybe got another half an hour's sleep.


	34. Chapter 34

Ely was up before her boyfriend in the morning, after a night of tossing and turning and a nightmare. Grumpy and sleep deprived, she almost forgot why she’d set an early alarm - she had therapy. It was freeing, to talk about everything, to get it off of her chest. It was also a slap in the face. She’d been almost cruel, especially when Fao probably had his reasons for not telling her. They shared a therapist, after all. She left feeling guilty as sin, but lighter and determined to have a long, calm conversation with her boyfriend. 

Upon getting home she got changed into some pyjamas, and then went to ring the doctors. She got Fao booked in for the next day. Satisfied, she went to find him.

He heard Ely come back in from wherever she'd been, chatted to Chris, and he could hear her muffled voice on the phone. He couldn't make out the words, but her tone had definitely been the false brightness it was on the phone. He heard her come back into the bedroom, and closed his eyes, hoping she'd go away and leave him alone. 

She sat on the edge of the bed, biting her bottom lip. 

“Fao?” She asked softly. 

So that plan hadn't worked, then. He opened his eyes, but didn't look at her. "I've not taken any more. Not since last night."

“Can we talk?” She asked. 

He curled up around Arrow, stroking over the dog's soft, silky ears. "Y-yeah."

“I want to apologise for last night.”

"You didn't do anything wrong."

“I did. I lost my temper.” She said. “I felt like you didn’t trust me.”

"I trust you. I was... Scared."

“You’ve got nothing to be scared about.”

“It’s my head… I… I was scared somethin’ was wrong.”

She moved closer. “I know. I’ve booked you an appointment and we’ll find out, yeah? I’ll be there every step of the way.”

“I don’ wanna.”

“We need to know.” She said. “Please? I hate worrying about you.”

“You won’t tell anyone else?”

“I promise.”

"Thank you."

She didn’t dare reach out for his hand. “I just want you to be okay. You know you can tell me anything and I’ll do my best to help you? I was only angry last night because you didn’t tell me and lied to me.”

"I didn't tell you because... because I hadn't really been telling myself."

“That’s okay.”

“Sorry." It was the only thing he could say.

"Can I give you a hug?”

“Y-yeah.”

She moved a little closer, leaning down and giving him a brief hug the best she could. "I'm really sorry about how I reacted. Forgive me?”

“I forgive you.”

She smiled softly. "Thank you. If I get you some painkillers will you shower? You'll feel worse, staying in bed.”

“I don’t need painkillers.”

"Are you sure?”

“’m fine.”

She nodded. "Okay. But let me know if you need them, yeah? It doesn't matter that they're mine.”

“It does matter."

"It doesn’t."

“I’ll shower.” He mumbled. “I’ll shower but I don’t need your tablets.”

"Okay." She had a feeling he didn't want to take them because he didn't want to admit he needed them.

Kissing the dog on the top of the head, Fao got out of bed and padded out of the bedroom to the bathroom, getting in the shower. He ran the water hot, so hot it almost felt as though it was burning his skin. It was good, it felt so good to feel that hot water running over his skin, soothing the ache in his hip, where it spread down to his knee, probably from the way he walked. God, he just knew he was fucked. Completely and utterly fucked. 

He just didn’t want the proof.

The air between them was still a little tense for the rest of the day, as if they were going to burst out arguing at any moment. They didn't, and the next day rolled along. The GP wasn't much help, to be honest, but referred them for an ortho consult. That was a bit of the longer wait, with Ely trying to convince Fao to use painkillers if he needed them, but it seemed her outburst had stopped him. She didn't have a problem with him using them as long as she knew - they were strong, and she didn't want him to become addicted. 

The morning of the consult was rainy. Ely wrapped herself in a jumper, and had a cup of tea before getting her shoes on.

"Fao, are you ready?"

He hadn't slept well that night, dreading the consult the next day. But he had to go, Ely was making him go, and so he was going. He pulled on jeans and his army jumper, not bothering to shave. When Ely called he sighed, heading out of the bedroom. "Yeah. I'm ready."

She offered a small smile, and then her hand. "Okay. I'll drive."

He rolled his eyes. "Of course you will."

"I thought you might be nervous." She said, a little confused.

"Oh, I am."

"So what's wrong with me driving?"

"Nothing."

She nodded. "Alright then." She said, moving to unlock the door. He was coming across as a spoilt teenager.

"But, y'know, I'm not dying yet."

"No, you're not." That was one thing she didn't want to think about. They both knew his hip was likely very bad, and he might need another replacement. The thought of him having a surgery, going under anaesthetic that she wasn't in control of, made her feel sick. She didn't want to think about losing him.

"I'm not a delicate flower." He replied, pocketing his phone. "We going?"

"I know you're not." She said, unlocking the door and stepping outside.

"Which means I can drive." He replied. He liked to drive, it made him feel better, helped clear his head. 

So he did have a problem with driving. She let out a quiet sigh. "Fine, you can drive."

"No, no, if you want to drive, go ahead."

She shook her head. "You'll be in a mood if I drive."

"I like driving. But if you're worried I'm going to fall apart..."

"Fao, you can drive."

"Keys?"

She passed them to him without a word. She couldn't baby him - she had to trust him to let her know if he was in pain.

He took them, heading out to the car. He got in, starting it and heading to the hospital. He parked, and the two of them headed to outpatient orthopaedics. He tried to ignore the sick feeling in his stomach, and subconsciously took Ely's hand.

He sat waiting, his good leg bouncing up and down with the nerves. He chewed on his lip, trying to ignore it. 

At least he took her hand. She squeezed it reassuringly, but didn't speak. Honestly, she didn't know what to say, and was worried she'd say the wrong thing and make him snap. Instead, she just let him have the comfort of touch.

They were running late. He hated tardiness. He knew it was unavoidable, but he hated it. It just made his nerves worse. But eventually, they called his name, and he stood stiffly. He glanced over at Ely, and together they headed in. 

She kept hold of his hand, and even shuffled her chair a little closer to him, so he knew she was there. She just wanted to help him.

Fao greeted his doctor and incidentally his colleague and sat down with Ely by his side. He didn't want to be here, didn't want to do this. But he had to. 

She pressed a kiss to his cheek. "It'll be okay." She attempted to soothe. Dr Kent nodded.

"I'm sure you will. Care to talk me through everything?"

"So, uh, well, where to start, eh?" Fao joked weakly. "Two years ago, I was involved in a helicopter crash in Afghanistan, and, well, Ely probably knows more about what happened there than me. But I fractured my neck of femur and when the initial repair didn't take I had a total hip replacement. It's... Well, it's never been quite right, but it's been getting worse and worse. I've been depending on opiates for some time, and eventually ended up seeing my GP, who's referred me to you."

"I was his anaesthetist." Ely supplied. Dr Kent nodded, making a note of that, though most of it was on Fao's notes anyway.

"Can I ask what opiates?"

"Predominantly co-codamol, but, I'm ashamed to say anything I can get my hands on."

"Can you describe the pain for me?"

"It's a deep, persistent ache."

Dr Kent was silent for a moment or two as he continued to make notes. "Right, I'd like to send you for an x-ray."

Fao nodded. "Yeah, okay."

"Are you okay to go now? The sooner we get it done, the better."

"I've got nothing planned, though I'm sure they'll be busy. Should I book another appointment, or?"

"That would be great. I can't imagine that the x-rays will be too long but I'll need time to look over them and come up with a plan, if I need to."

He nodded again. "Of course. Next week?" He asked, standing up. 

"That would be perfect. I'll see you then, Fao, if I don't see you before."

"I'm sure you'll see me around before then." He replied, heading out with Ely. They needed to find x-ray, which wasn't hard, and once Fao had given his details they were sat waiting again. 

She squeezed his fingers again. "How about we go for coffee after this?"

"Coffee sounds good." He replied. 

"We can get cake too."

"Is that my reward for being a good boy?" He teased with a smile. 

"I suppose it is. I'll even pay."

"Oh, you spoil me." He replied. 

"Well, you normally don't let me. My wage isn't going on anything."

"I suppose I'll let you today."

"How nice of you." She joked.

"I'm lovely."

"Not sure about that."

"I am."

His x-ray was done, eventually, and then him and Ely went for coffee. It was nice, to spend time with her, chatting, and the week at work passed quickly. Before he knew it, he was back in Kent's office. His grip on Ely's hand was tighter this time, his nerves far worse. 

She squeezed his fingers, just like last time. "Everything is gonna be okay. I know it."

He kissed her cheek. "Yeah." He murmured. "Put me out of my misery then, Kent." 

"Well, it's hardly that bad, Fao. But things aren't perfect, I'll admit that much. I can show you on the x-rays, but it's a type B2 periprosthetic fracture. Tricky, but not impossible to fix." He replied, bringing the imaging up on his computer. It wasn't hard to see. Fao's teeth sunk into his bottom lip. "I'm experienced in revision surgery, I've done a lot in my time, you know that. I'll get you down on the waiting list and you'll be seen as soon as possible. I imagine there was a hairline fracture when the replacement was done, likely due to the non-union of the previous repair. Over time, the fracture has grown, which is why you're in such pain. Be careful between now and when I get you into theatre, take it easy for god's sake. I don't want to be seeing you on my emergency list."

Fao let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding, and gripped Ely's hand even tighter. Surgery. It was unavoidable. 

She rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand, wishing she could soothe him. This was his worst nightmare, and her's too. "You'll be okay. Routine surgery."

He nodded. "Of course. Nothing a few screws and wire can't fix." He said softly. A B2 wasn't great but it wasn't the end of the world. He just wanted to get out of that room, wanted to be back home. "I'll expect a letter, then."

"Yes. As soon as possible. I'll try to fit you in whenever I can. You'll get the leave, no problem. Come and see me if you've got any questions, Fao."

"Will do." He replied breathlessly, standing to shake Kent's hand before he practically bolted out of the office and outside. Fuck, did he need a cigarette.

She almost had to run after him, he moved that fast. She was already fishing through her handbag for his box of cigarettes, and when they got outside she managed to take his hand again.

"Shhh, calm down." She said.

He took it, already shaking. "Fuck."

"Come here, let me light it for you." She said, finding his lighter.

"I can do it." He said, taking the lighter from her and managing to light the cigarette. He took a deep drag, holding it before he exhaled. His hands were shaking and he felt so, so sick. He didn't want this, didn't want any of it.

“You’re gonna be okay.” She said. “Everything is going to be okay. It’ll go well, and you won’t have any more pain.”

"It's the getting there." He replied hoarsely. "I won't have you. Not like before."

“I know. I hate it too.” She should have seen the fracture, she should have noticed something, noticed that the surgeon had done a bad job. 

His throat was tight, but he refused to let himself cry. Not here. So he took another shaky drag on his cigarette and closed his eyes. He needed to call Ollie. 

“I’m gonna be there for you, Fao. I’m not gonna leave you.”

"Good." He mumbled. "Fuckin' better be."

“Of course I am. You’re stuck with me.” This was all her fault. She should have noticed. 

"Yeah."

“Every step of the way.”

"Love you." He replied. He'd almost finished his cigarette. He always smoked quickly when he was on the verge of a panic attack.

“I love you too. So much.”

"We should tell Chris."

“We should. He’ll love being your nurse.”

"We'll just cause trouble." He murmured.

“You’ll get to play games with him while I’m slogging away at work.”

"What I do on my days off, anyway?" He said, managing a small smile. He finished his cigarette and snuffed out the butt, tossing it away. "Can we go home, now? I'm tired."

“We can. C’mon.”

He took her hand, sniffing. "I should probably stop smoking."

“Yeah. I want this to go the best it can.”

"I'll try." He mumbled as they headed to the car. When they were home, he stripped down to his boxers and crawled into bed, feeling utterly exhausted. It was only then, buried under the duvet, did he let himself cry. 

Ely wished she could comfort him. But she felt like he needed his space to come to terms with everything. Frankly, so did she. Chris was out, so she wrote a note explaining that she’d gone for a drive. 

She ended up at the graveyard, wandering along the paths before she made her way to Alex’s grave. Fao had told her where it was, but she’d never been. 

Standing on a grave freaked her out, so she settled for sitting next to the headstone. There was an ashtray there - Fao’s. She emptied it of the water collected there. 

“I, uh, guess I should have brought flowers.” She started, chewing on her bottom lip. “But I didn’t know what you liked. Next time, eh?”

Silence, again, for a few moments before she spoke again. 

“I just.... we both love Fao, and I need to get something off of my chest. I figured you’d understand what a baffoon he is. Because he is. He’s probably told you about his crash.... I was his anaesthetist, I should have spotted the fracture, it should have been caught. I never liked Henri anyway, he was arrogant. But what can you do in Afghan other than survive? 

“Fao’s been having trouble with his hip. He... he wouldn’t tell me,” her voice broke, and she swallowed thickly, “I know it’s in his nature to hide things, but I thought he was past that, with me. But he hid it from me and himself, he started abusing painkillers. Stole mine, stole Chris’, and lied about it. That’s not the Fao I know, the Fao you knew. And he’s been pissed at me ever since he finally told me, because I booked him i-in. He’s gotta have surgery, Alex. I-I don’t know what to do. I can’t control it, I can’t keep him s-safe. He’s got a-a DNR. I don’t don’t know what I’ll do if I loose him. He’s the...” she couldn’t say it, her throat was too tight. She could get He’s the love of my life past her lips, she couldn’t breathe. Her fingers curled into the grass, she managed to turn and rest her forehead against the cool marble of the headstone, tears pouring down her cheeks. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think of what her therapist had told her to ground herself. She just couldn’t let Fao die, but she had absolutely no control. 

Somehow, she clawed it back. Eyes bloodshot, nose blocked, she managed to start breathing, calm herself down. When she opened her eyes, there was a single white, downy feather on the top of the headstone. She took it, curling her fingers around it. 

“Thank you, Alex, thank you.”


	35. Chapter 35

Ely sat there for a while longer, breathing deeply and blowing her nose until she felt better. Only once she did, did she head back to the car, and set off home. Fao would have told her off for driving, but she had to get home. 

She dumped her keys on the side and called out. 

“Fao, do you want tea?”

Fao cried and cried and cried. He buried his face in the pillows and cried until he couldn't breathe. Struggling to hold himself together, he rolled onto his back and sucked in a deep, shuddering breath. As he sucked in air, he caught scent of a heartwrenchingly familiar smell. Perfume, but it wasn't Ely's. Just for a second, maybe less, but it was Alex's perfume he smelt. It was like she was there, like she was in bed with him, or just gotten up. But almost as soon as it was there it was gone, and then the smell of Ely filled his nose. Different, like roses, and it was easier to breathe. 

He heard her come home, after what must have been an eternity. She asked if he wanted tea, but he wasn't sure if his voice would work to tell her no. So he dragged himself out of bed, pulled on some pyjama bottoms, an old t-shirt and a thick cardigan and padded out to find her. When he saw her, in the kitchen, he shook his head. 

She nodded, flicking the kettle on herself before she moved closer, wrapping her arms around his waist without a word. 

He pressed closer to her, silent, and rested his chin on the top of her head. They fit together so perfectly, he realised, as he hugged her back. 

“I went to see Alex.” She mumbled. 

"You did?" He asked hoarsely. 

“Yeah. She helped me.”

He closed his eyes, smiling to himself. "She's good at that."

“She is. It was nice, to sit with her.” To let everything go. She couldn’t be that weak in front of Fao. 

"Yeah. I go see her a lot."

“I think I’ll go more.” She said softly. “I forgot flowers.”

“Oh, she wouldn’t mind.”

“I know. But I want to take some.”

Fao hummed. “Hydrangeas.” He said softly. 

"Are they her favourite?”

“Mmmhmm. Loved how they’d change colour.”

"I'll get her some." She murmured.

“She’d like that."

"I wish I knew her better.”

“She’d have loved you.”

She smiled softly. "The little we talked was nice.”

“You can talk more. You might not get a reply, but you can talk.”

She nodded, closing her eyes. "We had a little talk.”

“Mmmhmm.” He hummed. “I normally sit and smoke.”

"I don't smoke, though, do I?" She said, attempting a little joke.

“No, you don’t.”

"Emptied your ashtray, though. It was full of water.”

“Unsurprising.”

"Yeah. I feel better, now I've been.”

“Good.”

She looked up at him. "How are you?”

“I’ll survive.”

"Okay." She said softly. The kettle had finished boiling but she didn't really want to move.

“Can’t avoid it.” He murmured, as there was the scrape of keys in the lock and Chris came in. He dumped his keys on the side and padded into the kitchen to see Fao and Ely close to each other, so absorbed in each other, and he frowned. 

“Uh, who died?” He attempted to joke.

She offered a small smile. "Fao's gotta have surgery.”

“Ah, fuck.” Chris replied. “That’s shit.”

Fao managed to laugh. “Yeah, it is.”

"It's his hip." Ely said softly.

Chris leaned on the counter. “Well, it’ll sort the pain out. I want to be able to take my meds when I need them.”

Fao ducked his head. “Sorry, Chris.”

Ely nudged him. "You know you can take mine.”

“I’ll get more of my own.” He replied. “It’s alright. But yeah, hip surgery. Life’s a bitch.”

“Come on, you survived Afghan. This’ll be a dream.” Chris said, slapping him on the back.

“Uh, yeah, maybe.”

“Oh, shut up, Blackwood. I know you’re not a pussy. That’s why I came to you in the first place. You can’t die on us, anyway, because it’s your flat. I can’t afford it and Ely’s such a hardass she’ll probably kick me out on the street. I’ll have to sell my leg to eat then beg on a street corner. Some people might take pity on me, but damn it’s cold in the winter.”

Fao laughed properly, now, pulling away from Ely. “You’re such a drama queen, Chris. I’m not going to die on you, and Ely’s not going to kick you out. You’re stuck here. At least until you find a job. Then you can sleep in the on call room.” He teased.

Ely grinned too. "Or until you shack up with someone. There's a girl at work who can't wait to meet you."

Chris huffed and rolled his eyes. "Ely! I've not even got a job there yet!"

"So? That doesn't mean you can't meet up!"

"Well, I suppose so. But still, you're a nightmare! Was tinder not enough?"

She shook her head. "No. Alice thinks you look like a god."

"A god with a missing leg?" 

"She doesn't care about that." She said. "And she keeps bugging me about when she can meet you."

"Well, I'm sure I'll come in to visit Fao when he's ailing in bed-"

"Oi!" Fao protested.

"...So I'll meet her then. Good enough?"

"I suppose."

Fao snorted. "That means no. Just meet up for coffee soon. She's a nice girl."

"She's hot." Ely said.

"God!" Chris exclaimed, though his voice was light. "You're insatiable."

"You don't know the half of it."

"Fao, control your girlfriend." Chris said, flicking the kettle on.

"Nah, she can't be controlled. You're on your own, man."

"You can cope." She said. "I'm not that bad."

"Yeah, you are." Fao murmured. Chris always lightened the mood, but now he didn't know what to do with himself. 

"What, are you two teaming up to insult me now?"

"Eh, why not?"

"You're both mean."

"You love us."

"No I don't." She joked.

"You do."

She rolled her eyes playfully, but stepped away to reboil the kettle. "Convince me."

It was Fao who moved to wrap his arms around her from behind, kissing her neck. "Convinced?"

"Mmm, I'm not sure."

He scraped his teeth over the sensitive skin. "Mmm, how about now?"

"Fao!"

"What?"

"You bloody well know what." He wasn't fit enough for sex, and poor Chris was only feet away.

"You asked me to convince you!" 

“You’re a whore.”

"She's right." Chris agreed. 

"There's nothing wrong with being a whore!"

She laughed. “There is when you’ve been told to take it easy.”

He rolled his eyes. "I'm not taking it any further."

"Good. I wouldn't let you."

"Rude."

"I'm looking after you."

"I suppose."


	36. Chapter 36

To begin with, Fao seemed to be taking it easy. Ely was perhaps a little overbearing, doting on him. But before long, with their shifts differing again, she noticed he was staying later and later, offering to do days he was meant to have off, and of course using more and more painkillers in response.

 

One night, she was sick and tired of it. Chris had sensed her anger, and had hidden away in his room. She didn't want to ambush Fao, but she'd tried bringing it up in conversation and had been brushed off. She had no choice - he'd pushed her to this.

 

She paced up and down the living room, ignoring Arrow watching her from the sofa.

 

Fao liked to work. At work, he was busy, he was confident and in control. People respected him, they listened to him, and if he was focused enough he didn’t notice the pain. He took his painkillers when he needed them (maybe not quite how the pack told him to) and pushed on through. Which was why he took the extra hours, because if he was at work he wasn’t at home with Ely, fussing over him and telling him to sit a certain way or be careful or asking him how he was with those big doe eyes of hers. He was _fine_ , and that’s the way he intended to stay. Yes, there was a bone in his leg that was breaking and yes the bit of metal that served as his hip joint was unstable but it was impossible for him to take indefinite time off of work. He was still waiting for his letter to come through, he couldn’t just keep calling in sick or booking weeks off. He needed his leave for after his op, when he physically couldn’t work. He could work now, and work he did. 

 

So when he was just about to leave and his boss grabbed him to ask if he could pitch in with a big trauma, he didn’t hesitate to say yes. What was wrong with saving lives while he still could?

 

It took _hours_. He was out of theatre at half 11, tiredly making his way to the locker room to change and head home. The roads were practically empty as he drove home and by the time he got in it was almost midnight. Expecting Ely and Chris to be in bed, he quietly let himself in and padded into the kitchen to try to find something to eat before he crawled into bed.

 

She'd given up, as the hours passed by. She just _knew_ that he'd stayed - he always stayed. Didn't know how to say no to someone, didn't think about himself at all. And the selflessness was admirable, really, but it was frustrating when he'd been told to take it easy. Laid on her back, she didn't sleep. She waited and waited, and when she finally heard his car pull up and him come through the door, she got out of bed and headed through the flat.

 

The light was on in the kitchen. She knew she looked sour as she entered, staring at him.

 

"Nice of you to finally come home.”

 

He was leaned against the kitchen counter eating cereal, and paused as Ely came in. He set down the bowl, folding his arms over his chest. “I got sucked into something.”

 

"You _know_ you're meant to be taking it easy." She snapped.

 

“I’m sorry! I was careful, but they needed me. I couldn’t exactly walk away from a bleeding patient, could I?”

 

"And what happens if you become a patient yourself?" She asked. "We both know what you're like, and how precarious your hip is!”

 

“It’s fine! I’m strapping it up, and it’s not like I’m running marathons.”

 

"You're still being stupid!”

 

“What do you want me to do?! Stop working?!”

 

"I want you to be careful!" She replied, clearly frustrated. "Kent told you not to take risks, to be careful, and you're completely ignoring that!”

 

“I’m not ignoring it! We’ve not fucked since that appointment, we’ve hardly done anything more than a goodnight kiss, for fuck’s sake. I take breaks, I stretch, I try not to put undue stress on the joint wherever possible. I even take the lift, for god’s sake. Should I start coming into work on crutches now? Should I take all my leave and sick leave before my op? Should I sit around the house waiting for a letter that we both know is going to take forever to come. The system is fucked, Ely. It’s running on empty. God knows how long I’ll have to wait for this.”

 

"I'm asking you to think about what you're doing!" She replied, getting more and more frustrated. "You're urgent, and by taking overtime you _are_ putting stress on the joint! The last thing we need is you collapsing at work and being unable to help anyone!”

 

“So what do you want me to do?” He said, voice low. “Oh, maybe I should quit! Maybe that would solve all of our problems. Can’t work if I’ve got no job. You could chain me to the bed so i couldn’t go anywhere. That’d suit you down to the ground, wouldn’t it. Maybe wrapping me in cotton wool will help too.”

 

"Stop it!" She exclaimed. "Stop trying to put words in my mouth, stop being so _stupid_! Of course I don't want you to quit your job, but I want you to be careful! I'm worried about you!" She paused, before she let herself admit something to him. "I can't control any of this, I can't keep you healthy and safe and alive and it fucking kills me every time I think of it! You're the only one who can control some of this, and you refuse!”

 

“I have to work, Ely.” He said, his voice soft. “It’s the only thing I know how to do, the only thing I’ve _ever_ known how to do, ever _wanted_ to do. I don’t know what else to do. I’m scared to fucking death about this, but there’s nothing I can do other than what I know. And work is all I know."

 

"That shouldn't come to _literally_ working yourself to the bone!”

 

“I’m fine! I’m having something to eat, or trying to, and then I’m going to bed. I’m not at work tomorrow, I’m planning on sleeping in, and I _wanted_ to cuddle you tonight. Because I saved the life of a father of four and that makes coming home late worth it. Because tonight, I didn’t have to tell a wife her husband’s dead, or four children that daddy’s not coming back. And all I could think was how much I loved you.”

 

Her bottom lip wobbled. "You're not going to stay fine, though. I don't want you taking silly risks, I don't want you to get up one day and your hip give way underneath you. I don't want to be here, away from you when it happens, I don't want to be stuck in a different surgery and unable to get away to come to your side. I want to be there with you when it happens, I want it to be structured and regular and by the book.”

 

“Honey, I threw the book out a long time ago. You know that just as well as me. But this is going to go to plan. It’s gonna be structured and regular and _boring_. Kent will be bored, the scrub nurses will be bored, my anaesthetist is going to be sat scrolling through facebook because they’re so fucking bored of how stable I am.”

 

"And that's how it should be!" She said. "That's better than my heart being in my throat as you're rushed in because you did something stupid, better than being given anaesthetic in a rush instead of it being carefully measured, better than me worrying I'm going to lose you!”

 

“And that’s how it’s gonna be. But you have to let me live right now Ely, because otherwise I’ll go crazy.”

 

"It's too dangerous!”

 

“Life’s dangerous!” He countered. “Believe me, if I could snap my fingers and somehow make it anatomically possible, I’d do this surgery myself, tomorrow. It’s not a simple fix but far from impossible. I’ve done it before. I’m no expert like Kent but I can do it. But that’s no how it works and we just have to wait.”

 

"Then can you just _try_ to cut down on the overtime?" She begged.

 

“I’ll try. I promise I’ll try. But you know just as well as I do that sometimes it’s unavoidable.”

 

"That doesn't mean you have to go in on days you should have off." She said.

 

“Yeah. Okay.”

 

"All I ask is that you take precautions." Her heart couldn't take it.

 

“When I get into bed I’ll show you my precautions. Promise.”

 

"Okay." She said, reaching out to brush her fingers over his knuckles.

 

He managed a tiny smile. “Can I finish my cereal?”

 

"Yeah. I'll go back to bed.”

 

“Okay.”

 

She turned away, leaving him to his cereal. She definitely felt better after the argument, if a little guilty - it had been bubbling away for some time.

 

She settled under the duvet to wait for him, deciding she'd go and apologise to Chris in the morning.

 

Feeling frustrated but somewhat understanding of Ely's point, Fao finished his food, sorted himself out in the bathroom and then headed to bed, where he changed and settled down under the duvet with her. "I ice it in every break I have. I've not smoked in two weeks. I take my painkillers, I make sure to move and shift when I'm operating to make sure I don't seize up. I don't step up or down directly onto it which is fucking hard because it's my leading leg. I'm going to ask Ollie for another x-ray this week to make sure nothing has changed." 

 

She nodded, rolling over to look at him. "Okay. I know I worry too much, but I can't be there like I was last time. I'm not in control. I don't want to lose you."-

 

"You're not going to lose me. Promise."

 

"I know, realistically, I'm not. But I can't help thinking about it." She said softly. "And I.... I should have noticed something in the first op, or on the x-rays."

 

"It was hairline. Super small, I doubt it was even visible on the x-rays. It definitely wouldn't be visible to the naked eye. And I wouldn't expect you to see it either - you're not an orthopaedic surgeon. This isn't your fault."

 

"I still feel like it is."

 

"It's not. If it's anyone's it's my fault. But there's no use in pointing fingers."

 

She just shrugged again. "Sorry for exploding at you."

 

"I understand. Sorry for being rude, and for being late."

 

"It's okay."

 

"I hope my letter comes soon." His voice was quiet. 

 

“So do I.”

 

He sighed. "I love you." He murmured, reaching out to gather her in his arms. 

 

She smiled, cuddling up to him. “I love you too.”

 

He kissed the top of her head. "Things are gonna get better. I can feel it."

 

“They better. We’re getting too old for this shit.”

 

He laughed. "Definitely. This evening, as I was sorting this guy out, I wasn't just thinking of you. I was thinking about us, and the future."

 

“The future?”

 

"Yeah. You and me. Us. Where we're going together." He replied. "Chris is gonna move out eventually, and I think when he does I should sell the flat and we should look for somewhere together. Somewhere bigger."

 

She was silent for a moment. “I’d like that.”

 

"Both of our names will be on the paperwork. It'll be ours, not just mine."

 

She nodded. “Yeah. How much bigger?”

 

"At least two bedrooms more."

 

She smiled. “Oh yeah? Why ever would we need so many bedrooms?”

 

"Well, it's not just going to be the two of us forever."

 

Ely stared up at him, her heart suddenly in her throat. “Are you saying....”

 

"Yeah. I know it won't be easy but there are loads of ways... I want to have a family, Ely, and I want to have one with you."

 

She leaned up and kissed him. “Me too. We’ll find a way.”

 

"Love you." He murmured, kissing her back. 

 

Ely smiled against him, hoping the kiss got her point across. 

 

He shut his eyes then, smiling as the kiss broke apart, and soon he dozed off. He was shattered, after all. Work followed by a shouting match didn't help his energy levels. 


	37. Chapter 37

Thankfully, they weren't waiting much longer. A letter finally came through the post - two, in fact. First, the date for a pre-operative assessment. The second, a date for the operation itself. Ely felt like a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. They had a date - that meant control. She could easily find out who'd be doing it, could swing her way into it, so she could be there for him. Even if he was unconscious. She just wanted to be there.

 

She woke up on the morning of the appointment, feeling somewhat anxious. There was nothing to be anxious for, because she knew that Fao was in good health. Maybe she was anxious because she knew he would be.

 

When Fao's alarm went off he groaned, pressing closer to Ely, eyes still closed. "Dont wanna move." He mumbled. 

 

“We gotta.” She said. “C’mon, Major.”

 

“‘m comfy.”

 

“C’mon.” She repeated. 

 

“Lemme _sleep_.” He whined.

 

“No. Promise I’ll buy you coffee after.”

 

He huffed. “I don’ wanna be stabbed and prodded.”

 

“You’re not going to be.” She said. “A couple of swabs from your armpit and groin.”

 

“Yeah, and the blood, and I bet they won’t be able to find a vein. Plus my blood pressure is so shit.”

 

“You’ll be fine. They have your notes.”

 

“Still doesn’t make finding a vein any easier.”

 

“Have breakfast and a cup of coffee.”

 

He groaned. “Fine.”

 

“And you stink,” she teased, “go shower.”

 

“Rude! I’ll shower if you make me breakfast?”

 

"Of course I will.”

 

He rolled onto his back. “I’ll go. Love you.”

 

"Love you too.”

 

He smiled softly, and carefully got out of bed. He shifted carefully, trying to stretch himself out before he padded to the bathroom to shower.

 

While he went to the shower, Ely headed to the kitchen, stepping carefully so she didn't disturb Chris. She decided a simple breakfast was best, and popped some toast in the toaster while she set the kettle to boil.

 

Fao showered quickly, not needing to wash his hair. He headed back to the bedroom to get dressed, but found himself distracted, fingers tracing over the scar on his hip, staring in the mirror at the slowly blossoming bruise. He needed this sooner rather than later. Eventually, he came to his senses and pulled on his jeans and a tight polo shirt, padding into the kitchen.

 

She was just buttering the toast when he came in, and turned around to smile at him. "You look good. I like that top.”

 

He smiled. “Do you now?”

 

"Yeah. It... suits you.”

 

“Why thank you. Didn’t want to go too posh, y’know?”

 

"Oh, so this is smart casual?”

 

“For me, yeah.”

 

"You do look very good." She said, passing him his plate.

 

“I do try.” He replied, taking it from her and sitting down.

 

"Like hell.”

 

“I do! I put thought into what I wear.”

 

"Or you look good in anything." She replied.

 

“I look good in everything I buy.” He retorted. “Why would I buy something I didn’t look good in?”

 

"Oh, shut up."

 

"I'm telling the truth!" He protested, taking a bite of toast. 

 

"I'm trying to tell you that you look good all the time.”

 

“Well, I accept.” He replied, mouth full of toast.

 

"Good." She said, biting into her own toast. "I'll go shower after this.”

 

“Yeah, cool.”

 

"What, don't I stink after sleeping next to you?”

 

“Why would you, I always smell lovely.”

 

"No you don’t."

 

“Wow, you’re rude.”

 

"I tell the truth." She said softly, leaning down to kiss his forehead. "At least you smell good now.”

 

He grinned. "I'm the best."

 

"No you're not.”

 

“I am!”

 

"You're not!" She replied, finishing her toast. "I'm off to shower. Don't get bored without me.”

 

“I’ll be so bored.” He replied, smiling. “But go. I’ll live.” He murmured, finishing up his own toast and sorting out the dog’s breakfast. 

 

She disappeared, making herself move a little quicker than she liked to. But they didn't have the time to wait about. She came back to the kitchen twenty minutes later. “Ready?"

 

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” He grumbled. 

 

"Stop acting like you're going to your doom.”

 

“Feels like I am.” He replied.

 

"You're so dramatic.”

 

“I’m a drama queen, _darling_.” He joked with a grin.

 

"Oh, stop it!" She said, moving away to go get her shoes on. "Let's get going, so we can make a date out of getting coffee!”

 

“Oh, what a romantic date.” He teased. 

 

"Well, it's too early for a candlelit dinner.”

 

“It is, yeah. Bloody early appointment.”

 

"Better to get it done.”

 

“I suppose.”

 

She twisted to smile over her shoulder at him. "Of course it is. I'm missing out on my beauty sleep and I'm still smiling.”

 

“You’re just adorable.” He shot back. “Too fucking smiley.”

 

"I thought you loved my smile?”

 

“I do.” He replied. 

 

"Then don't complain when it's directed at you.”

 

He rolled his eyes. “I won’t. I figure you’re driving, eh?”

 

"If you'll let me.”

 

“Yeah. Can’t be arsed.”

 

"How lovely." She replied, unlocking the door. "Come on, soldier, get in the car. That's an order.”

 

“Oh, piss off.” He grumbled, flipping her off as he got in the car.

 

"Oi! I'm a captain!”

 

“And I’m a major!”

 

"It's not like you give me orders!”

 

“Oh, I so could.”

 

She grinned at him as she climbed into the driver's seat. "Not until you're healed.”

 

“Still could, though.”

 

"And you wouldn't be able to control yourself, you rampaging beast." She teased.

 

“Piss off!”

 

"No!" She said, as the engine kicked into life. "I'm telling the truth.”

 

“I’m not going to deny I’m good in bed.”

 

"I never said you weren't. But you're also a whore and we have to be careful. It's _killing_ me that we can't fuck."

 

"It's killing me, too."

 

"Yeah, killing your balls."

 

"Not so much. But it kills me I can't have you."

 

She couldn't help but smile. "Hopefully not too long now. It's just not the same on my own."

 

"It's really not. Better together, eh?"

 

"Something like that. Maybe the third time I wear that chemise will be the charm, eh?"

 

"We'll get there. Just got to get through this, first."

 

"And it better be good when we get there."

 

"Oh, it will."

 

She grinned, glancing at him as they drove. “I’ll hold you to that.”

 

"You better. I'm damn good."

 

“And you’re arrogant.”

 

"I'm a surgeon, that's par for the course."

 

Ely rolled her eyes. “Doesn’t excuse it though. Can’t believe I love you.”

 

"Oh how kind."

 

“But I guess you have redeeming qualities.”

 

"I have many!"

 

She laughed. “I guess you do.”

 

He crossed his arms over his chest. "So mean."

 

“You’re used to it.”

 

"Maybe I am. It's still mean, though." He replied. They were nearly there, and his nerves were starting to build, now.

 

“You love me mean.”

 

"I love you full stop."

 

“Aww, cute.”

 

"Shut up."

 

“No.” She replied. “You’re very cute.”

 

"I'm so not."

 

“You _are.”_

 

He laughed, but didn't reply. They'd reached the hospital now, and Ely carefully parked before they got out and headed in. They had to wait, of course, but eventually his name was called and they were shown to a little room, where they both sat down carefully by the little desk. 

 

Ely took his hand. “Stop looking so grim.”

 

Fao nudged her with his shoulder. "'m not!"

 

“You are. Get one of your charming smiles ready.”

 

That made him laugh. "My charming smiles are for the people I love."

 

"Oh, so only for me, then?"

 

"Well, you, and your mum, and some other people I consider family."

 

Ely smiled. "We'll have to go see her at some point. She keeps nagging because she wants to make us sunday dinner.”

 

“That’d be nice.”

 

"She's already mentioned Christmas.”

 

“I’m looking forwards to a proper Christmas.”

 

"She's going to spoil you rotten.”

 

“Yeah.” He murmured, as the nurse came in and took her seat. Fao didn’t recognise her, which was good. He’d rather this be done by someone he didn’t know.

 

Ely nudged him again, trying to get him to cheer up. The nurse smiled in greeting.

 

"Hey there. I'm Lexi, and I'll be doing your assessment today." She greeted. "It's a hip replacement revision, correct?"

 

Fao nodded. "Yeah, that's it."

 

She hummed. "I take it you're used to pre-operative assessments?"

 

"Uh, honestly, a lot of my surgeries have been rather urgent. But I know the concept, yeah."

 

Lexi smiled at him. "That's absolutely fine. Can I take your height and weight?"

 

"5ft8, and at least 11 stone. I don't remember exactly."

 

"Can I weigh you to check?"

 

"Yeah, sure." He replied. 

 

She stood up. "Right then, just this way. It won't take more than a couple of minutes."

 

"No worries." He murmured, standing up and following her over. 

 

She directed him to the scales. "Up you go. I'll try my best to measure you at the same time."

 

He stepped up, nodding. "Do your thing." He murmured.

 

The nurse was quick to note down his weight and height, and smiled. "All done. We'll go back into the room, now."

 

"Yeah, cool."

 

She lead the way, and sat down at her desk. "I take it you understand what this surgery entails?"

 

He nodded. "I've done a couple myself."

 

Lexi smiled. "Very good. So I don't need to explain the recovery time to you?"

 

Fao glanced at Ely with a small smile. "Recovery isn't my strong suit. Run me through what I _should_ be doing?"

 

"For the first three to five days you'll be staying in the hospital, though you'll be encouraged to walk. However, your surgeon might suggest the enhanced recovery programme - you'll be walking on the day of your operation and can go home after three days. Don't forget to do the exercises the physiotherapist will give you. Avoid bending at a right angle, twisting your hip, swivelling, applying pressure to the wound. Don't cross your legs or force your hip into uncomfortable positions, and avoid low chairs and toilet seats. You should be able to stop using crutches four to six weeks after the surgery, and between six to twelve weeks you'll come back for another appointment. Try not to do extreme sports or fall." 

 

He nodded. "Thank you."

 

"Do you have any other questions?"

 

"Uh, no, not at the moment."

 

"Alright then." She said. "Can I have some swaps, please? We need to check for MRSA."

 

"Of course."

 

She grabbed three and passed them to him. "Your nostrils, armpits and groin, please."

 

“Uh, yeah, of course.” He murmured, and took them from her. He did them, then sorted them out and handed them back. “There.”

 

She smiled and took them back, putting them in cases ready to be set off. "Thank you. I trust you know that you can't eat from midnight if you're a morning case? A sip of water at 6am and that's it."

 

He nodded. “Of course, yeah.”

 

"Blood pressure then?”

 

“Yeah, sure.” He said, shifting to offer her his arm.

 

"Unfortunately, we can't chat while I do this." She said, wrapping the arm cuff around his arm.

 

“No worries.” He murmured.

 

It took no more than a few minutes for her to check his BP, and she noted it down. "Right. Can I send you for some bloods and an ECG?”

 

“Yeah. ECG because of my BP?”

 

"Yes. To just check for any underlying causes.”

 

“Fair.” He replied. “Well, uh, thank you.”

 

"You're welcome. Do you know where you're going?”

 

“I’ll find it, I’m sure.”

 

She nodded. "It's been lovely meeting you.”

 

“And you. Maybe I’ll see you around when this is all over.” He replied, getting up. 

 

"Maybe you will." She agreed. Ely stood up, taking Fao's hand.

 

He squeezed her hand, their fingers laced together, and the two of them headed out. 

 

Ely smiled at him. "See? That wasn't bad!”

 

“I still have bloods and an ECG!” He whined.

 

"And they're not that bad! You can cope with a little needle, and you get to take your top off for the ECG.”

 

“Still a pain in the arse. I have terrible veins.”

 

"You'll be fine." She said. "Stop being a wuss.”

 

“Oi! You hate needles, don’t be mean to me.”

 

"I'll be mean to you all I want.”

 

“You’re meant to be lovely!” He whined. “You’re meant to be all smiles and soothing voices. I’m the mean one.”

 

"Ah, I'm not your anaesthetist now. I can be mean.”

 

“You’re still meant to be nice.”

 

"I'm nice the rest of the time."

 

"Cow." He teased. 

 

"Thought I was a bitch?" She shot back, and pushed him towards the waiting nurse, ready to take his blood.

 

Fao pushed her back with a childish grin, but headed over to the nurse and gave his details. “Uh, Faolan Blackwood? I was sent here for pre-op bloods.”

 

"Just sit down, we'll have this done in no time." The nurse said, smiling back.

 

He sat, offering her his right arm. “My blood pressure is a bit rubbish, so you might struggle to find a vein.”

 

"I'm sure we'll get there.”

 

“Yeah. Keep on stabbing, you’ll get there in the end. I’ve got plenty of veins.”

 

She smiled, and started her work. However, his warning rang true - getting a vein was hard. She frowned, and so did Ely.

 

"Are you doing okay there?”

 

Fao was sat with his jaw clenched, trying to keep his arm relaxed. But it was hard, when the nurse couldn’t get a stick. Every time she tried, she just jabbed him, and it _hurt._ The nurse looked up at him and Ely. 

 

“I’m, uh, having a bit of trouble. Maybe if I try the other arm…"

 

Ely shook her head, digging in her bag for her ID. "There. I used to be his anaesthetist. I can do it." She said. A moment of silence, and then a nod.

 

"Okay." The nurse said, and Ely got up, pulling a pair of gloves on with a snap.

 

"Do I need to talk softly to you?" She asked Fao, teasing.

 

He rolled his eyes. “Oh, shut up and take my blood."

 

She grinned, taking the needle. "Don't you move.”

 

“I’m not going anywhere.”

 

"Good." She said. She got the needle in first time, and grinned. "Easy peasy.”

 

“Ah, you’re just a show off.” Fao said, smiling.

 

"You don't care." She said.

 

“Nah, ‘cos I love you.” He murmured, though closed his eyes to take in a deep breath. There was a reason he didn’t give blood.

 

"Don't tell me you're getting dizzy." Ely said, finishing one lot of blood and taking another. They'd want a couple.

 

“A little.” He replied, eyes still closed.

 

"Bless you." She said, but quickly finished. The nurse passed her a little piece of cotton wool and she pressed it to the tiny little wound.

 

“Done?” Fao asked, blinking open his eyes.

 

"Yeah, all done. Don't move yet, though." She warned, stepping away and reaching for her bag.

 

“I’m not going anywhere, don’t stress.” He chastised. 

 

She smiled to herself, pulling out a chocolate bar. "Have this, you berk.”

 

He took it from her, rolling his eyes. “Not my fault, don’t be mean.”

 

"I'm not! That was affectionate.”

 

“Oh, whatever.” He replied, thanking the nurse and taking a bite of the chocolate as he carefully got to his feet.

 

Ely held out her hand, raising an eyebrow.

 

“I’m fine!” He grumbled. “Just being careful.”

 

"How many people do you think have told me that and have then fallen over?" She asked. "Take my hand.”

 

He took her hand begrudgingly. “Fine. See.” He said, now he was stood. “No falling over.”

 

"Not yet." She teased.

 

“I will sprint up the hallway if you want me to.”

 

She rolled her eyes. "And fall over because of your hip, not the blood. Don't think I haven't seen that bruise.”

 

“Oh, it’s fine. Come on, we’ve not got long left. ECG, then home.”

 

"Says you, Mr Woozy.”

 

“Piss off.” He shot back.

 

“No."

 

“Mean. C’mon, stop bullying me and help me find where I’m meant to be going for this ECG.”

 

"I know exactly where to go." She retorted.

 

“Direct my woozy ass, then.”

 

"I am doing, if you shut up.”

 

He huffed, but shut up, following her.

 

Ely couldn't help but laugh. They had to go through a little twisty corridor, but it didn't take long. Still holding his hand, she knocked on the door, and a nurse popped her head out.

 

“Hello?"

 

“Hi. Faolan Blackwood? I was sent down here by my pre-op nurse.”

 

The nurse hummed. "I've just seen the notification. Come in, come in.”

 

He nodded, heading in. “She wanted this because my BP is a bit rubbish.”

 

"That's fine. It's always better to check, eh?" The nurse said, and gestured towards the bed. "Feel free to lay down.”

 

“Shirt off, yeah?” Fao asked, as he sat. He was glad to take the weight off again.

 

She nodded. “Please."

 

He pulled his shirt off and passed it to Ely, then settled on the bed.

 

Ely grinned. "Don't go getting ideas." She warned him, as the nurse got everything ready.

 

“What, not enjoying the view?” He shot back.

 

"You know I am.”

 

“Good. I’m gorgeous.” He retorted, shifting a little to get comfy.

 

“Arrogant."

 

“You know all us surgeons are arrogant.”

 

"Yeah, I do." She agreed, watching as the ECG started.

 

The nurse smiled. “Oh, you’re a surgeon?”

 

“Yeah. Here, in fact. Except now I’m on the other side of the story, as it were.”

 

"It's always strange when it's your place of work.”

 

“Yeah, you can say that again.” He said with a crooked smile, though reached out to take Ely’s hand.

 

She squeezed his fingers. "We both work here, unfortunately.”

 

“Oh, wow. What do you do?” She asked. 

 

"I'm an anaesthetist." She supplied lightly.

 

"So you get all this pre-op stuff then." She replied with a smile. 

 

"Not really. Trauma doesn't give much time for it."

 

"Ah, well, that makes your job so much harder." She replied. 

 

"It does. It's fun, though." She said.

 

“I bet.” She replied. “You’re almost done there, Dr. Blackwood. Couple more minutes.”

 

“Oh, I’m good. I could take a nap.” Fao replied.

 

Ely smiled. "Don't get too comfy. I'm not carrying you."

 

"I could do with more sleep."

 

"You can sleep when we get home."

 

The nurse laughed. "Tough hours, I bet."

 

She hummed, rubbing her thumb over the back of his hand. "Very tough."

 

She checked over the results, and nodded. "Right. Well, I'm all happy with that, so we can get you all unplugged and you're free to go. Nothing wrong with your heart, you're fit and your pulse sits quite low so I don't think there's anything nasty going on."

 

"Good. I'm glad to know my heart works properly even when my hip doesn't."

 

Ely rolled her eyes. "You're so dramatic."

 

"I'll be as dramatic as I like." He replied, sitting up once he was disconnected. 

 

"Drama queen."

 

"You still love me." He shot back. He stood when he was ready, thanked the nurse then headed out. 

 

"I guess I do."

 

"Are you going to stop bullying me at all today?" He asked with a grin. 

 

"Never." She replied, taking his hand. "You know I don't mean it."

 

"You're so cruel to me."

 

"No, I'm not."

 

"Take me home?"

 

Ely frowned. "Do you not want coffee?"

 

"Oh, fuck, coffee. Yeah I want coffee. My brain just doesn't work."

 

"I know. Coffee might even wake you up."

 

"We can but hope." He replied. "We walking? There's a place down the road."

 

"If you want to? I don't mind driving."

 

"There won't be anywhere to park. We can walk, I'll survive."

 

She nodded. "Okay. I trust you."

 

"I'm okay."

 

She leaned over to kiss his cheek, humming. They went for coffee - he actually let her pay, she was very surprised - and they enjoyed it. It was nice, to have a relaxed day. It was almost a date.


	38. Chapter 38

The morning of his operation rolled around soon enough. Ely woke at 6am, and nudged him carefully.

 

"Fao, wake up." She whispered.

 

He groaned. "No. Don' make me do it."

 

"C'mon. I'll get you some water."

 

He whined. "I don' wanna go."

 

"You gotta. You're gonna have it and then in like six weeks you can fuck me."

 

He rolled onto his back. "I don't want it. I don't want to do it."

 

"You _do_ want it, because then you'll be better. No more pain."

 

He huffed, keeping his eyes closed. "I'll jus' live with it. Maybe it'll heal. Maybe I'll be fine."

 

"You know it won't. You know you'll just get worse until it collapses under you."

 

"I'll jus' lay in bed all day."

 

"And you'll be miserable and in pain." She said. "Stop being unreasonable and childish, please."

 

He sighed. "I-I'm sorry."

 

Ely sighed too. "God, I'm sorry. Forgive me?" She was such an idiot.

 

He looked up at her now. "Yeah. Forgiven. But I'm _scared_."

 

"I know. But you'll be fine, I promise."

 

"You can't promise that."

 

"It's routine. Kent knows what he's doing. Of course you'll be fine."

 

"I guess."

 

"There's no reason you won't be." She said. In reality, she was terrified too. What if the last she saw of him was him falling asleep? She couldn't control it, couldn't do it herself, couldn't save him if he needed it.

 

"I know. But I don't wanna go. Please don't make me go." He whimpered. 

 

"You gotta."

 

He forced himself to sit up. "I'll get some water, then."

 

"I'll get it for you." She said. "If that's okay?"

 

He shrugged. "I should shower anyway."

 

"Okay. Love you."

 

"Love you too." He replied, hauling himself to his feet and heading to the bathroom. 

 

She wished she could banish all of his worries. It always felt more real on the morning of the operation. But she couldn't do anything to help him, not really, except hold his hand and keep telling him he'd be fine.

 

His shower was good, and he sang to try and stop his mind from wandering elsewhere. He knew Chris was up, he could hear the soft hum of the tv on in his room. It must have been a sleepless night - it was still early. So he sang, because it soothed him, and when he was out of the shower he felt a little better. As he brushed his teeth, he stared at himself in the mirror, the ghost of day-old stubble over his jaw. He couldn’t be bothered to shave, he was nervous and it was early, he’d probably just cut himself. Not bothering with anything else, he even let his hair stay down, falling into his eyes and over his shoulders. He just didn’t have the energy to sort it out. He made his way back to the bedroom, finding a pair of trackies, a t-shirt and his thick wooden cardigan to wear.

 

Ely was already waiting, with a glass of water. “Here you are, honey.”

 

He took it, sitting down on the bed to sip it. “You eaten?”

 

She nodded. “Yeah.”

 

“Good. You need to.”

 

She hadn’t wanted to. She’d forced it down. “I need to look after you.”

 

“Yeah. And hospital food sucks.”

 

“Not as much as my cooking.”

 

"Your cooking is getting better."

 

“Mmm, with you teaching me.” She said, kissing his cheek. “Mind if I shower?”

 

"Not at all. I'm going to annoy the dog." He said, padding out to the living room to curl up on the sofa with the sleepy dog, who rested his head on Fao's thigh. 

 

“Okay. See you soon.”

 

The dog helped settle his nerves. His breathing was steady and his ears were soft and his warm just soothed him. Almost knowing his owner was unsettled, Arrow began to knead his paws against Fao's (thankfully) good leg and chewed on the hem of his cardigan. Fao just smiled softly. 

 

Ely wasn’t too long. She showered quickly and got dressed even quicker, neglecting makeup. Right now, it didn’t matter to her. Instead, she ventured into the living room to find her boyfriend, and offered him a smile. “Ready, then?”

 

"I couldn't be further from it." He replied. "Let me just go see Chris."

 

“Okay.”

 

Getting up from his very puppyish dog, Fao padded down the hall to Chris' room, knocking on the door and sticking his head in. 

 

"I'm leaving for my doom now. You gonna come see me later? Maybe meet Alice, eh?"

 

Chris nodded, laid in bed but watching the tv. “Sure. Ely will let me know when you’re out. I might even bring you flowers.”

 

"Oh, how sweet. Make sure you dress nice, you gotta make a good first impression." He told him. "And the dog's in a cuddly mood if you want him."

 

“I will, Romeo, don’t you worry.” He replied, shuffling deeper. He wished he’d been able to sleep. “Send him in.”

 

Fao whistled for the dog, who trotted over and into Chris' room, jumping up onto the bed. He settled down next to the younger man, looking content. "Right. See you later." He said, trying to be decisive. He turned away, heading to Ely as they headed out to the car. 

 

Once in the car, Ely paused to squeeze his hand, but wasn’t really sure if there was anything to say. 

 

The car drive was nothing but tense silence. Fao stared out of the window, chewing his lip nervously. He just wanted this to be over. 

 

The drive was familiar, and it didn’t take long. Eh found a space as close to the doors as she could, and parked up. “C’mon then.”

 

With a heavy sigh, Fao got out of the car and grabbed his bag from the back seat. "Let's get there then, so I can sit down."

 

She hummed, getting out and locking the car before she walked around the bonnet and offered her hand to him. 

 

He took her hand, lacing their fingers together. "Holdsworth ward, I think."

 

“That’s what it said on your letter.” She agreed. 

 

"And one of only two wards that make sense."

 

She smiled. “Yeah, something like that.” She agreed as they entered the building. 

 

“Well, I should know."

 

“I suppose you should.” She agreed. God, could they just get this over with?

 

“Spend half my life here.” He replied. “Uh, the signs lie. I know a better way.”

 

“Go on, show me.”

 

He smiled. “It’s this way.” He told her, heading to the ward via the better way he knew.

 

“I bet you know all the shortcuts while I still follow signs.” Ely joked. 

 

“Well, I’ve been working here longer than you.”

 

"Maybe you're a wizard." She joked.

 

“I’m not.”

 

"I think you're magical.”

 

“You flatter me.”

 

"You know I can only tell the truth about you.”

 

“You… embellish.”

 

"I don’t!"

 

“I know you do, when you gossip about me.”

 

She grinned. "I just let everyone know how amazing you are.”

 

“When you all huddle together in theatre and gossip about me, eh?”

 

"Everyone wants to know if you're good in bed!”

 

“Not at the moment.”

 

She shrugged. "So? I've no doubt you'll blow my mind in six weeks.”

 

“I’ll be better than I ever was, I’m sure.”

 

"Definitely going to blow my mind." She said, as they turned a corner. "Nearly there?”

 

“Yeah. Down this corridor.”

 

"Good, because I feel lost.”

 

“Nah, I know where I’m going.” He replied, pushing open a door and revealing the ward. “Here, see.”

 

She smiled. "You really are magical.”

 

“I’m the best.” He said with a small smile. 

 

"You are." She said, taking the lead now into the ward. They were immediately directed to a bay - bay 7 - and Ely nearly pushed Fao down into the seat. "There. Now it's just a waiting game.”

 

“Oi!” He protested, settling down. “I’m delicate.” He grumbled.

 

"Which is why you're sat down.”

 

“Helps if you don’t basically shove me.” He replied.

 

"I didn’t!"

 

“You did.”

 

"Well, I'm sorry." She said, squeezing his fingers.

 

He managed a small smile. “It’s okay.”

 

"Soon you'll be playing on feeling sorry for yourself." She teased.

 

“I feel sorry for myself now.”

 

"God knows you'll be insufferable.”

 

“Well, you were there the first time.”

 

She smiled. "Yeah, I was.”

 

“You know what to expect.” He told her.

 

"I do. But you get me as a proper nurse this time.”

 

“Yeah.” His stomach was churning, and he sucked in a deep breath. “God, it’s so _fucking_ real now, eh?”

 

She smiled softly. "Yeah, it is. But it's for the best.”

 

“It is, yeah.”

 

"I'll be as close to you as I can." She'd probably go observe, if they wouldn't let her in.

 

“You’re sweet.”

 

"You're not getting away from me." She replied, turning to look at him.

 

"You're like an overly affectionate puppy."

 

"You love me.”

 

“I do.”

 

"And I love you.”

 

He squeezed her hand. “If this…” He couldn’t bring himself to say it.

 

Ely shook her head. "It isn't going to. I'll be waiting for you to wake up to take pictures of you looking woozy."

 

"You wouldn't dare." He grumbled. 

 

"I'm gonna. They're gonna be saved for funny birthday cards."

 

"I hate you."

 

"No you don't." She didn't want to think about what could go wrong.

 

"I don't. Kiss me?"

 

She did, leaning close and pressing a chaste kiss to his lips.

 

He rolled his eyes. "More than that?"

 

"You telling me you want a full on snog?"

 

"Yeah. If I'm letting Kent slice me open and fuck around with my bones I want a snog from my girlfriend."

 

She laughed, but leaned in again, raising one hand to slide into his hair.

 

He smiled against her and kissed back. When they pulled apart, he grinned. 

 

"Fucking whore." Ely teased.

 

"Mmm, thank you." He said, ignoring her teasing. 

 

"God, you have no shame!"

 

"I just don't care." He replied lightly. 

 

"Yeah, no shame." She replied, taking his hand again.

 

“I’m about to be so much more shameless.”

 

She grinned. "Yeah, naked.”

 

“So might as well start now.”

 

She nudged him. "Reckon you'll be able to get your stockings on?”

 

“Might need your help on the dodgy leg.”

 

"Ah, but you love me on my knees.”

 

“That I do.”

 

Ely smiled. "I don't mind it either.”

 

“Good. Maybe I’ll let you give me a hand, then.”

 

"How very nice.”

 

“I’m very nice. But not yet. I want to wait in my own clothes for a while.”

 

"We haven't been given your gown or stockings, it's okay." She replied. "Though I doubt you'll look better in stockings than me.”

 

“Oh, I’ll be so fashionable.”

 

"Not sexy, though.”

 

“I’m always sexy."

 

She laughed. "Not in surgical stockings." She teased, leaning in to kiss his cheek. As she did so, a man made his way over.

 

"Good morning." He greeted. "Dr Faolan Blackwood?”

 

“That’s me.” Fao replied. “But please, Fao is fine.”

 

He hummed, and pulled up a chair. "Very well. I'm sure you know most of the things I'm going to ask you. I take it you've already signed the consent form?”

 

Fao nodded. “Signed, sealed, delivered.” He joked.

 

"Very good. You understand the risks of a general anaesthetic?”

 

“I do.”

 

"I understand you have low blood pressure?”

 

“Yeah, I’m on medication. Sorry, I didn’t catch your name…”

 

"Dr Barrett, apologies.”

 

“No worries.” He replied. 

 

He nodded. "Are you on any other medication?”

 

“Only the painkillers I’ve been taking.”

 

He hummed, making a note. "Are you allergic to anything?”

 

“Nothing I know of.”

 

"You're five foot eight inches and eleven and a half stone, correct?”

 

“Yes.”

 

"Pain relief preferences?”

 

“Anything that’s not morphine.”

 

"Easy to do." He mused. "How are you with needles?”

 

“Fine, though I can be a hard stick.”

 

He nodded, quiet for a second as he made a note of that. "Are you wearing any jewellery?”

 

“A set of dog tags that I’ll give to Ely before I go down.” He murmured. “Unless it’s possible to have them with me somewhere?”

 

"We can keep them safe for you, if you want.”

 

“Depends where you classify safe is.”

 

"We have safes.”

 

“I’ll give them to Ely.”

 

He nodded. "Alright. Do you have any questions?"

 

Ely perked up. "What are you going to use? He'll need a mix of antiemetics, he gets very nauseous.”

 

He made a quick note. “I’ll bear that in mind.”

 

"What are you going to use? Propofol?”

 

He looked a little taken aback. Fao just grinned to himself. “To induce, yes.”

 

"And to keep him under?”

 

“Isoflurane.” He told her. “But I’m not sure why you’re asking… He’ll be kept fully under, there’s no worry about that."

 

"You should use Sevoflurane.”

 

Fao squeezed her hand. “Sweetie…”

 

Ely glanced at him. "It'll be better for you. It's used in children for a reason. Isoflurane will only make your BP worse.”

 

“And you know all this because?” Dr Barrett asked.

 

"Because I'm a consultant trauma anaesthetist at this hospital." She supplied breezily. "I was also the anaesthetist on Fao's operations when he came out of the Army, both in the field and back at the Queen Elizabeth in Birmingham.”

 

Fao glanced down. “Ely…”

 

Dr Barratt was surprised. “That’s an impressive CV. I’m surprised I’ve not seen you around.”

 

"I am too. So, use Sevoflurane?”

 

“Okay then.”

 

She smiled. "Thank you."

 

"Sweetie, are you gonna go back to being my girlfriend now?" Fao asked softly. 

 

She bit her lip. "Yeah, I am."

 

"Good." He said, turning to Barratt. "I've got a delicate jaw. Plates and everything. Plus a retaining wire. Be careful, jaw surgery is a nightmare and I'm not keen to have braces again."

 

Barratt nodded. "Absolutely fine, we'll be careful. Anything else?"

 

He hesitated. "I'm prone to panic attacks before induction."

 

Ely looked up again. "Can I come down with him?"

 

Barrat paused, and then nodded. "If you can calm him down."

 

"She can."

 

"Then you're welcome to walk down with him and come in while we get him under.”

 

“Thank you.” Fao murmured.

 

Dr Barratt put all of his paperwork back together. "I expect you'll see your surgeon soon, and it won't be long until someone comes to collect you.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

"I'll see you down there." He said, and walked away.

 

Fao nodded then turned to Ely once he’d gone. “You’re such a nerd!”

 

"What!" She replied. "I'm making sure you're looked after!”

 

“You’re still a nerd.”

 

"Don't tell me you're not grateful.”

 

“I am. I really am.”

 

She smiled. "I expected you to tell me off.”

 

“Well, you kinda embarrassed me. But I’m grateful that you’re thinking of me.”

 

"Sorry. I know I get a bit intense." She apologised.

 

"Just a bit."

 

"He just made the wrong choice."

 

"I'd have been fine."

 

"Until you complained."

 

"Doesn't matter now, you set him right."

 

She smiled. "Yeah, I guess I did."

 

"You did. Now we just have to wait."

 

She took his hand once more. "Yeah, we do. It shouldn't be long now."

 

"I just want to get it over with, y'know?" 

 

"Yeah." She agreed. "I do too. The sooner this is over the better."

 

"Exactly."

 

No sooner had he said that than Kent came around the corner, and went to shake Fao's hand.

 

"Morning," he said, "feeling good?"

 

Fao smiled. "Shitting it, but nothing to do with you."

 

"Well, I guess that means you trust me."

 

"Yeah. I've scrubbed in with you before, I know you're capable, and you're a good man."

 

"Why thank you." He said. "Do you have any last minute questions?"

 

"Uh, nothing from me. Ely?"

 

"It's not really clinical...." She said, and paused. "Can I... Can I come in? Just hold his hand." She _needed_ to be there, just in case.

 

Kent smiled. "I'll see what I can do."

 

"Thank you. I need to be there." She hoped he understood.

 

"I know how you feel. I'll talk to the rest of the team." He paused. "Now, I hope you understand, but I've had admin breathing down my neck or morning. I'm fighting to keep my theatre open today but there's a risk that they might back me in a corner. I know it's awful, and you're an urgent case so I'm hoping I can at least do you this morning. But... Prepare yourself for the possibility of a cancellation."

 

Fao's hands started to shake and he shoved them into the pockets of his cardigan. Fuck. He really didn't need a cancellation. He was _here_. He'd finally gotten this far. There was a tiny part of him that wanted the cancellation, so he didn't have to do this, but he knew he needed this and he wanted it over. "Okay. Thanks, Kent."

 

Kent nodded. "I'm doing my best for you. I'm fighting it the best I can. I'll try to let you know myself if it goes south."

 

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

 

"I'll see you later, hopefully on the table." He said, and stood up.

 

That made Fao laugh. "Hopefully, yeah."

 

The surgeon walked away with a last smile, and Ely sighed. "Of course they're having problems with admin."

 

"The amount of times it's happened to me, too. Fucking nightmare."

 

"Hopefully it'll all be fine."

 

"It bloody better be."

 

"I'm sure it will."

 

"I'll wait overnight if I have to."

 

She smiled. "Then I guess I am too."

 

"I really want this over and done with, Ely."

 

She looked down at her lap. "I know. I do too. I hate you being in pain, I hate being unable to help."

 

"You do help. Honestly."

 

"Not as much as I wish I could."

 

"It's alright."

 

She squeezed his fingers. "Hopefully it'll all be over soon."

 

"Yeah. Over before I know it."

 

"Blink of an eye."

 

"For me, yeah."

 

"That's the way it should be." She murmured.

 

"But I know it's tough for you."

 

"Of course it is." She replied softly. "It's _you_. It's so hard for me to give up control when it comes to something like this. I'd do anything to be doing it myself."

 

"But you know you can't."

 

"I do."

 

"What time is it?" He asked softly. 

 

She pulled out her phone, looking at the time. "Just after eight. I won't be much longer, I'm sure."

 

"Okay."

 

"Now Kent's seen you, you just need your gown."

 

"Yeah. And I'll look so sexy."

 

She couldn't help but smile. "Definitely."

 

"The sexiest patient on the ward."

 

Her smile grew. "Everyone is gonna be so jealous."

 

"Jealous of you, yeah."

 

"Yeah, because someone so hot is my boyfriend."

 

"Yeah. 'm gorgeous."

 

"You definitely are."

 

"You're so lucky."

 

She continued to smile, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I really, truly am."

 

"Oh, don't get all sappy on me."

 

"I'm ex-army now, I'm always sappy."

 

He laughed. "Ollie said he'd try to come see me later."

 

“That’s nice of him.” She said. A nurse approached, holding a neatly folded gown and a new pack of surgical stockings. 

 

“Hey there, are you ready to get changed?”

 

Fao nodded. "As ready as I'll ever be."

 

She smiled, placing the items down on the little table. “Do you need a hand with your stockings?”

 

"I'm sure Ely will give me a hand. This isn't my first rodeo, I've learned a couple of tricks."

 

“I’ll leave you to it, then.”

 

"Thanks." Fao murmured.

 

Once the nurse was gone, Ely grinned. “Want me to step out?”

 

"Oh, as if you're offended by my nakedness. Don't be dumb." He replied, easing himself to his feet and stripping off his shirt, shoes and jeans. He chucked the gown on before he ditched the boxers (just in case) and then turned to ask Ely to tie the gown. 

 

"Mind doing me up?"

 

“My pleasure.” She murmured. 

 

"Thank you, madmoiselle." He purred. 

 

“Oh, stop it.”

 

"Why? It's not like you weren't just eyeing me up."

 

“I wasn’t!” She replied. “Just sit down.”

 

He rolled his eyes but sat, careful to move properly. Gently, she fastened the gown for him, and then set about helping him with his stockings. Crouched on her knees, she looked so soft and worried as she helped him slip them on both legs just made his heart pound in his chest. Once he was done he took the obligatory selfie, and settled down to wait. 

 

Ely took his hand again. This was it. They were nearly there. “Still feeling okay?”

 

"Nervous."

 

“I know. It shouldn’t be long now.”

 

"Can't believe it's gonna be over soon."

 

“Gonna be good though.” She said. “Soon we can get back to normal.”

 

"Normal is good." He said softly. "It feels like before, right now."

 

“Really?”

 

"When I was in the Army, in the Queen Elizabeth."

 

She nudged him. “So me sat next to you doesn’t make a difference?”

 

"You know what I mean!"

 

“I do.” She agreed. “I’ll be waiting at your bedside this time.”

 

"Yeah. Good."

 

“I’m not going anywhere.”

 

"Love you."

 

“I love you too.”

 

He smiled and kissed her cheek, then went back to scrolling idly on his phone. They waited for over an hour, and as the time dragged on Fao’s nerves grew. He had no idea if he was being cancelled, if it was going ahead. He just didn’t know what was happening, and he hated it. He fidgeted with his hands, and his good leg bounced as he waited. He was dying for a smoke, and he was hungry and nauseous all at the same time. 

 

Dr Kent came back. He looked grave, as if someone had died. When he pulled up a chair, he sat down almost heavily.

 

"I tried my best for you," he said, "I fought for you. But they've cancelled all electives.”

 

Fao sighed a heavy sigh. He’d known this was coming, ever since they’d been waiting for a long time. It just hurt more to hear it, felt like a weight on his chest. He glanced over at Ely, then back at Kent. “Shit. T-Thanks for trying, I know how hard it is.”

 

Ely's hand shot out, taking Fao's as her heart sunk in her chest. It was so _unfair_ , and yet she knew just how hard it was, how hard Kent must have fought for them to have been waiting for an hour. It'll have come down to bedspace - it always did.

 

Kent bowed his head. "Thank you for being so understanding. We'll get you pushed up the list again, and hopefully you won't be waiting too long.”

 

“Can I get a spot on your cancellation list?”

 

"If that's what you want.”

 

“I need this over.”

 

Kent nodded. "Very well. Keep taking it easy, and with luck we'll have you back here before you know it.”

 

“I hope so. If you can do evenings, just grab me at work.” He replied.

 

"If it comes to that, I will."

 

"Thanks, Kent. I hate it when this happens, it's frustrating for the both of us."

 

"I know. Don't do anything stupid while you're waiting."

 

"I'll try." Fao replied softly. 

 

"That's all I ask." He said, standing up again.

 

Fao stood up and shook his hand. "Thank you." He repeated again. "Looks like I'll see you at work tomorrow."

 

"Unfortunately." He said. "Take care."

 

"And you." He murmured, as Kent nodded and walked away, looking thoroughly annoyed. Fao knew that feeling too well. But now, he didn't know what to do. So he just pulled Ely in for a hug, sucking in a deep breath.

 

She hugged him back, not sure how she could comfort him. “Let’s get you changed, yeah?”

 

"Yeah. Home."

 

“Once we get you out of this.”

 

He nodded. "Back to bed."

 

“Definitely.” She agreed, crouching down to roll his stockings off. 

 

He managed a smile. "Love you."

 

She looked up at him, smiling back. “Love you too.”

 

"And 'm sorry."

 

“Don’t be.” She said. “It’s not your fault.”

 

"Maybe if I'd made an appointment earlier..."

 

Ely shook her head. "That doesn't mean anything."

 

"If my surgery date had been earlier maybe it wouldn't have been cancelled. You took time off of work..."

 

"So?" She replied, balling up the stockings. They might as well take them, and he could use them next time. "You don't know that. I'll cancel the rest of my holidays, it's fine."

 

"I'm still sorry." He said, reaching to pull on his boxers on, then his trackies. 

 

She got back up, taking the gown from him. "Okay."

 

He pulled on his t-shirt and cardigan, then his shoes. He reached for Ely's hand. "Shall we go?"

 

She nodded. "Yeah. Do you want to stop somewhere for food?"

 

He shook his head. "Jus' wanna go home."

 

"Okay." She said, starting to lead him out of the ward. At least they weren't the only ones.

 

"Wanna get out."

 

"We're going." She soothed.

 

“Yeah.” He murmured. It didn’t take them long to get out, after signing some paperwork.Soon enough, they were in the car. His throat was tight and his hip was really hurting - he’d forgone painkillers that morning - but he held off until they were out of the hospital car park. Soon, he couldn’t ignore it, though, and everything just came spilling out. He cried, tears streaming down his face. It wasn’t really that it’d been cancelled - it had happened to him as a surgeon all the time - but he’d built himself up, enough to get himself to an appointment, and then a pre-op, then drag himself in this morning to have this done. He was scared. Scared to have surgery, yes, but scared about what might happen if he didn’t. He was still walking, yes, but the joint itself was unstable and anything could cause the replacement to fully fail. He wouldn’t be walking then.

 

He couldn’t stop crying.

 

Ely didn’t know what to do. She wanted to hold him close and never let go, wanted to soothe him. But they were in the car and she was sure he just wanted to get home, to be somewhere familiar and comfortable and safe. He wouldn’t want anyone to see him like this. So even though it tore her heart to shreds, she started the car and drove home, listening to his sobbing.

 

When they pulled up in the drive she got out, and went around to the passenger side, opening the door for him and offering her hand. 

 

He was still crying, his shoulders shaking and his breath catching in his throat. So he shook his head, ignoring her hand. “I-I need a m-minute.” He managed to get out. He wasn’t going inside like this.

 

“Okay.” She said softly, instead crouching down next to him, rubbing her hands over his knees, and pulling a packet of tissues out of her bag. “Here.”

 

Gratefully, he took a tissue, and wiped angrily at his eyes. He hated himself for crying, but he couldn’t stop himself. It was all the nerves and anticipation coming out the only way he knew how. But Chris couldn’t see him like this. He hated _Ely_ seeing him like this. He tried to suck in another deep breath. God, he needed a smoke. 

 

She continued to rub her hands over his knees. “Do you want a hug?”

 

He nodded wordlessly. He reached out for her, hands shaking. 

 

She stood up, leaning down and wrapping him up in her arms. “I’ve got you, honey. I’ve got you.”

 

He cried against her, until eventually, his tears stopped. He breathed in the smell of roses from her top, and his breathing evened out. He wiped at his eyes again, blew his nose, and looked up at his girlfriend. “Let’s go.”

 

She let him cry, rubbing his back and keeping up a steady stream of soothing words. When he stopped, she nodded. “I’ve still got you. What do you want for breakfast?”

 

He shrugged. “I don’t know. But I wanna cook, after I’ve been back to bed.”

 

“Alright then. You go get settled and I’ll bring you some painkillers, yeah?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“And then you can catch up on your sleep.” She said, unlocking the front door. 

 

“Yeah. Sleep.” He murmured. As he stepped inside, the dog came rushing over, whining. Chris headed out of his bedroom with a frown. “What happened?”

 

“Cancelled.” Fao grumbled.

 

Ely shooed the dog away, directing Fao to their room. “We were just waiting to go down.”

 

“That’s so shit.” Chris said, snapping his fingers for the dog, and grabbing onto his collar when he came. “You’ll get another date, though?”

 

“Yeah. 28 days.” Fao said. “But now I’m going to bed.”

 

Ely ushered him towards the door. “Go on, you go nap.”

 

He nodded, and Arrow pulled and whined to go with him. Chris let him go, and Arrow followed Fao to bed. Fao stripped down, to his boxers, and crawled under the duvet with the dog. He ditched his glasses and shut his eyes. It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep.

 

Once he was gone, Ely turned to Chris, letting herself break a little. “He was so _ready_.”

 

“It’s really shit.” Chris agreed. “I know how much it took for him to get there.”

 

“He kept apologising. He thinks it’s his fault.”

 

“That’s just not true. It’s admin bullshit, right? No beds, not enough staff, shitty paperwork?”

 

She nodded. “Yeah. Kent fought for him for an hour. It’s not like he can wait. If his hip goes he’s can’t work.”

 

“I’ve seen him in the mornings. He can hardly work now.”

 

“I know.”

 

“This is just… horrid. He doesn’t deserve this, after all that happened before…”

 

“I know,” she said again, “I just wish I could do more.”

 

“You’re doing what you can.” Chris told her, moving closer. “Here, give me a hug, eh? You’ve been strong all day and that’s shit. You need someone to hug you, yeah?"

 

She nodded, letting him fold her into a hug. “I’m meant to be your mother.” She joked weakly. 

 

He laughed. “Sometimes mums need hugs too.”

 

“I guess they do.”

 

“This is tough for the both of you.”

 

She closed her eyes. She wouldn't cry in front of him. "Yeah, it is.”

 

“So, sometimes you need a hug. I know I couldn’t have gotten through all this without the two of you.”

 

She let out a little laugh. "We're your parents.”

 

“You are. Except for my actual parents."

 

"We should probably meet them.”

 

“Probably. Except they’re living in Scotland right now.”

 

"Road trip?" She suggested, trying to keep herself together.

 

Chris smiled. “Or maybe a plane ride for them. I’ll see to Fao, you go get some fresh air?”

 

She nodded. "I was gonna go for a drive anyway. Clear my head.”

 

“Good. Be careful.”

 

"I will, promise."

 

"Go on, go. Fao and I will be fine."

 

Ely nodded again, pulling away. "Look after him for me." She said, giving him a peck on the cheek before she disappeared, heading back to the car.

 

It only made sense to go to Alex's grave again.

 

She got there rather quickly, and immediately went straight up to the grave, settling next to it. The ashtray was full of water again, and she was already crying as she emptied it.

 

"Sorry I forgot the flowers again." She got out, wrapping her arms around her legs as she brought her knees to her chest. Next to the headstone, as she put the ashtray back, she saw an intact cigarette. It looked like one of Fao's. Her fingers brushed over it, but she didn't move it. She knew why it was there, she could guess why.

 

"Fao was meant to have his operation today." She said, staring at the neat engraving of Alex's name. "We were there, he was ready to go down, and they cancelled it. I...I k-know that it's n-not really anyone's fault, it's the s-state of the NHS, but..." She dissolved into tears, hanging her head.

 

Mark tried to see his sister every day. After all, he was the one they'd told would be in an early grave, not her. When they were kids, she'd saved his life. And yet it'd been him at her funeral. He'd left the forces not long after her death. He just couldn't serve knowing what he was putting his parents through. So he'd found himself a job in London and visited Alex whenever he could. But today, he wasn't alone. Sat by her grave curled up in a ball was a blonde who, at first glance, could have been his sister. But it wasn't, and as he got closer he could hear her crying. So he set the flowers down by the grave and reached out to rest a hand on her shoulder.

 

"Are you okay?"

 

Ely jumped, and when she looked up she saw a tall man, with mousey blonde hair. She didn't know who he was, but he'd just put some flowers down. Violently, she wiped her eyes and then her nose.

 

"Y-yeah." She lied.

 

"You're sat by a grave crying your eyes out. You're not okay." He said, sitting down next to her. 

 

She sniffed. She was never okay. "It's just something that will pass."

 

"In that case, talk to me until it passes? I'm a good listener."

 

"You don't even know me."

 

"I know we have at least one thing in common - my sister. Unless of course, you just picked a random grave to come and cry at."

 

Ely shook her head. "I k-knew her."

 

"That's a start. Army?"

 

She nodded. "Yeah. Briefly."

 

"Okay... Medical corps?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"Did you know her here in England or on tour?"

 

She swallowed. "On tour. I d-didn't know she died until Fao told me."

 

"Oh, so you know Fao?" 

 

"He's my boyfriend."

 

"You're Ely, right?"

 

She nodded. "Yeah."

 

"It's nice to meet you. I'm Mark."

 

She wasn't sure if Fao had ever mentioned a Mark. She just nodded again, digging into her pocket for a tissue. "It's nice to meet you too."

 

"So, are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

 

Ely bit her lip. "It's Fao."

 

Chris checked the date on his phone, and swore. "It's today, isn't it? Is he okay? I'll kill him if he's not okay..."

 

Her voice wobbled when she spoke. "It got cancelled."

 

He let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "That sucks. But he's okay. He'll be seen soon. I know how frustrating stuff like that is. You get yourself all ready and then someone tells you no."

 

"He was ready to go down," she said, "he's terrified. And I can't help him."

 

"It's one of those things. He'll pick himself up, he always does."

 

"He cried."

 

"You know him - sometimes he cries watching a rom-com. He'll survive. Just stay by him."

 

"I'm trying." She replied, looking down. "It's so hard to stay strong around him."

 

"I know. But he's okay, so let's talk about something else."

 

"What do you want to talk about?"

 

"Anything to cheer you up, frankly."

 

"How do you know Alex?" She blurted out.

 

"I'm her brother."

 

"O-oh." She murmured, and looked down. "Sorry. I shouldn't intrude."

 

"Don't be ridiculous. You're dating Fao, you're basically family."

 

"Surely you want to sit with your sister on your own.”

 

“You came here because you were upset. I’m not going to tell you to piss off.”

 

"Okay." She said quietly.

 

“My sister didn’t really care for deep meaningful conversations. She was more into something over booze and a cigarette.”

 

"Booze I can do.”

 

“I’ve not got any with me.” He admitted. “But I can offer a bit of a chat.”

 

"If we can think of anything to chat about.”

 

He laughed. “Fao? I’m sure you’ve got just as many good stories as I have. Did you meet him on tour?”

 

She nodded. "Yeah. Not long before his accident. I, uh, was his anaesthetist.”

 

“Wow, that’s not an easy job at all.”

 

"Not for Fao." She agreed. "He panics.”

 

“Or in general. Props to you.”

 

She let out a little laugh. "Yeah. He let me stay with him when I first came to London.”

 

“He’s always been too kind.”

 

"He's not got a mean bone in his body." She agreed.

 

“He pretends to.”

 

"He does." She said softly. "He's... he's amazing, to be honest.”

 

Mark smiled. “You love him, don’t you?”

 

She nodded. "Yeah. It took a while, but yeah. All my heart.”

 

“I’m glad to hear it.”

 

"He deserves happiness.”

 

“That he does. After he lost my sister he didn’t know what to do with himself.”

 

"I can imagine." She'd never lost someone, not like that. Not someone she felt that way about. But she could imagine him lost.

 

“You make him happy.” Mark told her. “He’s told me all about you. Though, I get how creepy that sounds.”

 

"That's really creepy." She said, a small smile pulling at her lips. "Does he sound like a fool?”

 

“A fool in love.” Mark said. “He’s a right twat.”

 

"He's always a twat.”

 

“That too.” He said with a laugh. 

 

"But I guess I'm stuck with him.”

 

“I guess you are.”

 

"Poor me." She joked.

 

“Oh, like you’re complaining.”

 

"He's a nightmare sometimes.”

 

“A nightmare with abs to dream of.”

 

She snorted. "I suppose.”

 

“You know, he never shuts up about you.”

 

She paused, looking at him, teeth digging into her lip. “Really?"

 

He nodded. “Yeah. We talk loads and he’s always talking about you.”

 

Ely blushed. "Don't tell me he's making me sound amazing.”

 

“Pretty amazing.”

 

She glanced down again. "I can tell you I'm not as good as he makes out.”

 

“I have no doubt you’re even better.”

 

"Don't be silly."

 

"You've got to be something special to even get close to my sister. And I know that you are, because Fao's hopelessly in love with you." Mark told her. "And as lovely as it is to give Alex some company, it's cold out and I'm dying for a coffee. Shall we go and warm up?"

 

She was silent for a moment, and then nodded. "Yeah. That'd be nice."

 

He stood up, and offered her his hand. "Come on, then. No use being sat here crying."

 

She took it. “Yeah, I guess.”

 

"And I've got some amazing stories of Fao horrendously drunk."

 

That made her smile a wide smile. “That’s just what I need.”

 

"Has he ever told you the story about how he got that scar on his temple?"

 

“Not the actual story.”

 

"Oh, it's hilarious. I'll tell you when we get coffee but it involves tequila and a glass door."

 

Ely groaned. “He never changes, does he?”

 

"Not at all. That was at least five years ago."

 

“He’s an idiot.” Her idiot. She loved him so much.

 

"Yeah. Spent New Year's Eve in A&E."

 

“I’m not even surprised.”

 

"It was incredibly stupid. My mum could have killed him. Sometimes we still find tiny pieces of glass."

 

“I hope he paid for damages.”

 

"Of course he did, the idiot."

 

“Good.” She murmured in reply. 

 

They had a nice time in a local coffee shop. It was relaxing, and to be honest, she left feeling better than she’d have felt just crying. She felt lighter, and headed home with a little smile. They’d be fine. Everything would work itself out. 


	39. Chapter 39

Upon getting home, she gave Chris a quiet greeting, and then went to crawl into bed next to Fao. 

 

Fao stirred as the covers rustled and the mattress dipped, and he rolled over to Ely's warmth. "Hey." He murmured, voice thick and scratchy with sleep. 

 

She cuddled up to him. “I went for coffee.”

 

He smiled. "Good."

 

“With Mark.”

 

"Mark? Mark Taylor?" He asked thickly, eyes open. 

 

Ely hummed. “Yeah. I went to see Alex.”

 

"An' ended up wit' her little brother."

 

“Yeah. Disappointed you didn’t tell me about him,” she said, brushing a kiss to his stubbly neck, “‘cause apparently you don’t shut up about me.”

 

"He never came up. I figure you don't want to learn too much about my ex and her family."

 

“They’re basically your family.” She replied. “I wanna know.”

 

He hummed. "I'll tell you if you wanna know."

 

“He told me some. He’s nice.”

 

"He is." Fao murmured. "He got all the Taylor charm."

 

“Yeah. Told me about the time you broke a glass door.”

 

Fao laughed. "Oh, that New Year's Eve? I was so drunk I barely remember it, only the story Mark and Alex told me afterwards."

 

“You’re an idiot.”

 

"I was young and I'd just finished a tour." He told her, pressing closer. 

 

“Still an idiot.” She said. 

 

"Ah, shush."

 

“My idiot, though.”

 

"Love you."

 

“Love you too.” She murmured. “Next time you meet up can I come?”

 

"Yeah. Yeah, of course you can."

 

“Maybe we could do a double date.”

 

"Yeah, his wife is lovely."

 

Ely beamed at him. “He said you sound like a fool when you talk about me.”

 

"Well, I don't deny that I'm hopelessly in love with you."

 

“You really are soft.” She teased. 

 

"You love it." He shot back.

 

"Yeah, I do."

 

He sighed heavily. "I'm sorry about today."

 

Ely shook her head. "Not your fault."

 

"Still sorry."

 

"I don't want you to feel this way about it.”

 

“I’m frustrated. And you know I can’t stop apologising sometimes.”

 

"I do." She said. "But you'll get another date soon.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

"And then you'll be fine.”

 

“I will, yeah. I can fuck you properly.”

 

She couldn't help but snort. "Trust you to think with your dick.”

 

“You know me, eh?”

 

"Too well.”

 

“‘m glad you met Mark.”

 

"I'm glad I did too." She wouldn't tell him she'd been sobbing, though. Mark had agreed not to say.

 

“He’s just so nice.”

 

"He really is." She agreed. "If I wasn't with you and he wasn't married…."

 

“Ely!”

 

"What?" She asked. "He's a good looking man. Surely you can appreciate that.”

 

“I can. Alex was a stunner, too.”

 

"Yeah, she was.”

 

“Those two were blessed with good looks.”

 

She smiled. "Yeah. Though you're not half bad either."

 

"Same to you."

 

"Aww, thanks."

 

"So pretty."

 

"Stop being soppy."

 

"Never."

 

She laughed. "Love you."

 

"Love you too."

 

“Love you more.”

 

They spent the rest of the day in bed, just holding each other. It was nice, to relax like that. 

 

But nonetheless, life moved on. With Alice asking about Chris still, Ely hatched a cunning plan. She asked Alice if she wanted to go to coffee, and Chris too. She just didn’t tell them the other would be coming. Chris might refuse, otherwise. She told him he needed to get out more. 

 

So here she was, ushering Chris into a quaint coffee shop and trying not to look smug. 

 

Chris pushed his way into the coffee shop with a frown. "This place is cute, Ely, but why did we have to come _here_? There's three other shops on this road and the first one does really good cake."

 

"Because this one has the best coffee." She replied. "And I like it here."

 

"Is this because Fao's a coffee snob?"

 

"You bet."

 

"He's not even here." Chris grumbled. 

 

"So?" She replied. "Why can't we come here? You know you need to get out more."

 

"I get out plenty! Last week I did the shopping."

 

"Oh, shut up. Go sit on that table, over there, near the wall. I'll get you a drink."

 

Chris laughed, but headed over to the table and sat, stretching out. Ely knew what he'd normally order anyway. 

 

She wasn't too long - it wasn't that busy, partly why she'd chosen it. Smiling softly to herself, she returned with his coffee and a hot chocolate for herself.

 

"There. Drink that."

 

"Thank you." He replied, digging around in his pocket to find his wallet. "How much?"

 

“Don’t you dare.” She replied. “Between you and Fao I’ll never spend my own money.”

 

“You just bought me coffee, let me pay you back.”

 

“No.”

 

“Fine.” He huffed. “You’re so stubborn.”

 

“I’m your superior.” She teased. 

 

“Oh, shut up.”

 

“No.”

 

Chris laughed. “Rude.” He murmured. “I should probably start looking for jobs.”

 

“We might have something coming up at work.” She suggested. 

 

“Maybe, yeah. I’ve been doing some studying.”

 

“It’s good to keep on top of things.” She agreed. From here, she could see the door opening and Alice walking in. 

 

“I don’t want to fuck up when I finally get a job."

 

“I’m sure you won’t.” She said, watching as Alice found her. 

 

“Hey, Ely.” She greeted. “Is this Chris?”

 

Chris froze, his coffee halfway to his lips. “Yeah, I’m Chris.”

 

Ely grinned. “Yeah. Pull up a seat, Alice. It’s lovely to see you.”

 

Chris moved to kick Ely under the table, shooting her a look. “Yeah, it’s nice to meet you.”

 

She kicked him right back. “I best get off. I’ll see you two later.” She said, standing up. 

 

“Ely!” He protested. “You cunning twat.”

 

“Have fun!” She told them, picking up her drink. She’d get it changed to a to-go cup. 

 

“I hate you!” He called after her. Then, he turned to Alice. She was pretty, and he glanced down at his coffee. “Sorry about her. She’s like dog with a bone.”

 

Alice smiled at him, pulling her chair closer. “I know. She’s a good friend, though.”

 

“Yeah. She’s amazing.”

 

Despite Chris’ frustration at Ely’s setup, he really enjoyed coffee with Alice. They had a lot in common, they got on well together, and once they’d finished their coffee, they agreed to a date on their own terms - dinner the following week. That went well, too, and Chris kissed her on the front steps of her house when he dropped her come. They were taking things slow - neither of them had been in a serious relationship for a while - but they were enjoying themselves. Seeing movies, and getting dinner. 

 

The weeks went on like that. Chris dating and being ridiculously happy all the time, Ely fussing more and more over Fao like a mother hen, and Fao himself getting grumpier and grumpier at Ely’s constant fussing. It got closer and closer to his new operation date, and his anticipation built. But so did his pain, and his painkiller dose grew and grew. But he shrugged it off, and learned to live with the pain. It kept him up at night and every day he dragged himself into work, but he was bone tired. He slept on his breaks and made sure people paged him if he was needed, and somehow he managed to put on a bright smile with his elective patients and do his work. 

 

Ely knew that she was annoying Fao. She couldn't help it - she just wanted to make sure he was okay, given every step could only be doing more damage to his hip. She really, really didn't want his hip to give way, even though there was nothing she could do to stop it if it did. All they could do was hope that he would be fine until his new date.

 

Except she was stuck in theatre, on a different operation to him. She _hated_ not being able to make sure he was okay, though she had her phone on her.


	40. Chapter 40

Whilst Ely was working, Fao was trying to catch up on sleep in the break room. Stretched out on one of the sofas, one hand clutched his pager to his chest whilst the other held his balled up hoodie over his eyes. It was quiet, thank god, and he drifted in and out of sleep. He stirred as the door opened and swung shut, though he didn't know who it was. Didn't matter, so long as they weren't too loud. 

 

Ollie tapped him on the leg.

 

"C'mon, move over. I want to sit down too."

 

Fao groaned, reaching out to smack him away. "Piss off, Valentine. I'm sleeping. Find another sofa."

 

He dodged, and slapped his knee. "Just move your legs a minute."

 

"Can't. Dodgy hip." He replied, ditching the hoodie and opening his eyes. 

 

Ollie rolled his eyes. "One minute won't hurt."

 

"You gonna deny an injured man ten minutes of comfort, Valentine?"

 

"You can put them in my lap after!"

 

"Nah, I'm good where I am."

 

Ollie grinned, and leaned down to tickle Fao's ribs.

 

"You bastard!" Fao squealed, wriggling to try and kick out at his friend with his good leg. 

 

He dodged, laughing. "So what?"

 

"Screw you!" He managed to get out, arching his back but forcing himself to sit up, then get to his feet, holding mostly onto Ollie, who's was still attempting to tickle him. Fao slid his hands under Ollie's scrub top and skimmed round to his back, pulling the waistband of his trousers back and finding the waist of his boxers. He gave a gentle tug. "I'll do it." He threatened.

 

"What, pull them down and suck me off?" He shot back. "Like hell would you betray Ely like that."

 

"I'll pull them right up your pretty little arse and then what will your boyfriend do to you?"

 

"Probably kiss it better."

 

Fao tugged harder. "Yeah? Wanna test out that theory?"

 

Ollie slipped his hands up to Fao's armpits. "Go for it.”

 

“Oh, I will.”

 

He tickled harder. "Do your worst, Blackwood.”

 

Not really thinking, Fao moved to kick Ollie’s legs out from under him, and they both went crashing to the floor. 

 

They fell apart as they hit the floor, and Ollie rolled over, onto his back. "God, you arse!”

 

Fao landed on his side, mostly, and it was his bad side. “Ah, _fuck_.” He groaned.

 

Ollie frowned, and sat up. "You okay?”

 

He sucked in a deep breath. “I, uh, don’t think so.” He said. “Help me up?”

 

He frowned, and shifted to crouch and offer his hand. "Take it.”

 

Fao sat up, taking his friend’s hand, and pulled himself up with his good leg. When both him and Ollie were stood, he took weight onto his bad leg, which gave out under him and his pain just intensified. “Shit, shit, _shit_.”

 

Worry rose up in Ollie, and he took some of Fao's weight, holding him up. "Fuck. Fao, talk to me. Has it gone?" It looked like it had gone. Ely was going to kill them both.

 

Fao leaned heavily on Ollie, shifting to slip his arm around his shoulders. “I, uh, I don’t know. I think so, shit, it hurts. _Fuck_.”

 

"Sit down, sit down. I'll get you a wheelchair.”

 

“No. I’m fine. I’ll limp down to A&E.”

 

"No you fucking won’t."

 

“Well, I’m not going down in a wheelchair.” He shot back. 

 

"Fao, you _can't walk_.”

 

“I’ve got you, I’ll be fine. Give me some crutches or something, but not a fucking wheelchair.”

 

He sighed. "Fine. Can I at least go tell your boss?”

 

“Go. Bring me back some crutches.”

 

"I will do." Ollie said, helping him sit down before rushing out.

 

Sat on the sofa, Fao tried to breathe through the pain, staring up at the ceiling. He dug around in his pocket, pulling out his phone. He sent Ely a quick text, telling her to ignore what people were saying, and then waited for Ollie to get back, hoping Ely would be around soon.

 

Her phone pinged in her pocket, and she dared to pull it out. Ignore what people were saying? What was that supposed to mean?! She was stuck in theatre, the only gossip was about the soap that had been on last night. Before she could reply, she had to turn her attention back to her work. Hopefully, she'd be out soon, and could track him down.

 

Ollie returned with Fao’s boss and a pair of crutches, and he took them with a sigh of relief. He could get moving with that, without bearing weight on his bad leg. He was escorted down to A&E by Ollie and his boss, and found himself in a bay, waiting to be seen. He didn’t mind being the last in the queue. So he sent Ely another text, and then another. Why wasn’t she replying?

 

She wished she could reply, she really did. But she was too busy, her patient was... well, was a bit shit, to be honest. Whatever cocktail of drugs he'd taken were fucking up her job. Finally, she got out, to find a string of texts from her boyfriend.

 

Bay four? A&E. _Fuck_.

 

Of course she panicked. She nearly ran into her boss in her rush, but was allowed off the clock. Her heart was in her throat when she got down to A&E and into Fao's bay.

 

"What have you done?" She asked. "Dear God, what have you done?”

 

He grinned. “Hi, gorgeous. I fucked up…"

 

She took his hand, holding it between her own. “Fao..."

 

“‘m waitin’ for an x-ray but I think it’s gone…”

 

"Oh, for God's sake." She whined, perching on the bed next to him. "I thought you were being careful?”

 

“I was!” He protested. “Mostly."

 

She wanted to cry. "What did you do?”

 

“Nothing! I tripped, that’s all.” He lied easily. 

 

"Oh, you idiot.”

 

“Well, you know me.”

 

"Unfortunately." She forced herself to say.

 

“Oi!”

 

"Has anyone seen you yet?”

 

He shook his head. “Not professionally, though Ollie reckons it’s gone. He went to find Kent.”

 

“Oh, for fuck's sake." She muttered. She was off the clock now, she couldn't get him anything.

 

He sucked in another deep breath, trying to ignore the pain. “Have you seen him today?”

 

"No. Not at all.”

 

He huffed. “Me neither. Could really do with some drugs right now.” He murmured. “That or a smoke.”

 

"I wish I could give you drugs.”

 

“You done for the day?” He asked breathlessly.

 

"Yeah." She said, squeezing his fingers. "Just breathe for me.”

 

He nodded. “God, this sucks.” He murmured, looking over at her.

 

"I know. It was meant to be structured, you dick.”

 

“‘m not happy about it either.”

 

"Good. But at least it's gonna get done." They couldn't cancel him now.

 

“Yeah. Jus’… more stressful. God, I’m meant to be at work tomorrow…”

 

"No bloody hope of that now.”

 

“No. I should ring Chris, I should sort out my leave… Fuck.”

 

"Stop thinking about it.”

 

“Better than the alternative.” He whined.

 

"You can't do anything right now anyway.”

 

“I know.” He murmured, as Ollie returned. 

 

“Still alive, Blackwood? Kent’s sick, so I’ve bought someone more than capable. Dr. Torres is new.”

 

Stood to the side of Ollie, was a grinning, dark haired woman. “So I hear you royally screwed your hip up? I could do with a challenge on my first day.”

 

Fao laughed. “Uh, you could say that.”

 

“Well, I’ll send you to x-ray, and we’ll see what I’ve gotta fix later.”

 

Ely couldn't help but squeeze Fao's hand again. "When you take him down, I'd like to come in.”

 

“Yeah, sure.” Dr. Torres replied. “Anaesthesia, right? I saw you with Shepherd this morning.”

 

She nodded. "Yeah. Can't do Fao's, though.”

 

“I guessed that much.” She said. “You can come in and keep him company, no problem.”

 

"Thank you. That's all I ask." Ely liked Dr. Torres. Much easier to work with than Kent.

 

“No problem.” She said brightly. “I’ll let you go for those x-rays, and I’ll see you after, Dr Blackwood.”

 

“Oh, please, you’re cutting me open later. Fao is fine.”

 

She laughed. "Fao it is, then. See you in a bit."

 

Ely forced herself to smile. She had to hide how she really felt, so Fao didn't worry about her. "She seemed nice."

 

"Yeah. Really nice." He said, voice taut. "Damn, can you find _someone_ who'll give me some meds?"

 

"Yeah," she said, and then nodded, "yeah, I will. Love you."

 

"Love you too." He replied.

 

She forced herself to get up. This was the one thing she could control, while everything was slipping from her grip and the floor kept moving. She found a nurse, who said she’d send someone over. Knowing they’d try their best, she returned to her boyfriend’s side. 

 

“Someone’s coming.”

 

He swallowed thickly, nodding. "'Kay."

 

“Can’t believe no one has come yet.”

 

"It's busy."

 

“You’ve broken your femur. The hardest bone in your body.” She replied. “I get it’s busy, but they should at least get you out of pain.”

 

He shut his eyes. "Seriously, it's not been that long. 'm doin' okay."

 

“I’m worried about you.”

 

"I know." He murmured, as someone finally came into his bay. 

 

"Hey, Fao. I've come to sort out your meds. Have you had anything in the last few hours?"

 

"Uh, co-codamol about an hour ago..."

 

Ely grimaced. No opiates for him. The nurse hummed. “I’ll just give you some ibuprofen, then.”

 

"You're fucking kidding me." He muttered. 

 

“Afraid not. We can’t risk an overdose.”

 

"Fine. Give me the damn ibuprofen, then." He snapped. 

 

Ely slapped his hand. “Stop it.” She scolded him, as the nurses sorted out the dose and passed it over in a little cup. 

 

He shifted a little and took the meds, not bothering with water. "Done." He muttered, playing with the cup. "Saves time and effort when you didn't need water.”

 

She tried not to roll her eyes. _Honestly._ Instead, she thanked the nurse, and then turned to him. “Do you have to be such an arse?”

 

"It hurts." He whined. "'m tryin' to be good I swear but it _hurts_."

 

Of course, the ibuprofen did nothing. He had his x-rays done, which hurt, then Torres came back to see him, talked him through the x-ray and how she was planning to fix it - the break was bad, the whole joint dislocating with the fracture. No wonder he was in agony. Of course, they had to operate, so told him he'd be going up to a ward for a bit whilst they got everything sorted. It was a busy ward, the nurses looked tired and stressed. They made him change into a gown, which he wasn't happy about, and then he just settled down to wait. He laced his fingers with Ely's and closed his eyes, trying to ignore his pain. He just had to get through the next few hours and then he could have some opiates, if they didn't take him to theatre before that. 

 

Ely felt.... lost. There was no floor under her, Everything was _gone gone gone_. She couldn’t look after Fao more than uselessly sitting at his side, and he wasn’t getting the medication he needed. At least his eyes were closed. He couldn’t see the worry on her face, or the way her leg bounced up and down. She was trying to hold herself together, and failing. Always failing. 

 

Fao wished he hadn't taken that co-codamol before his nap. If he hadn't, he'd be able to have some proper medication to stop this agony that made his mouth dry and sweat start to bead on his forehead. It was so intense it made him feel sick and unable to breathe. But he had to wait and endure it. He knew Ely was worried, he'd known her long enough that he knew when she wasn't right. But she was putting on a brave face, like she always did. The sooner he got into surgery the better, for her sake. 

 

"Can you ring Chris?" Fao asked softly. "I need my stuff."

 

She was jolted out of her thoughts. “Uh, yeah, I will.” She replied, but didn’t move. 

 

"I'd do it but I can't think straight." He murmured. "Jus'...my overnight bag."

 

“Okay.” She said, forcing herself to get her phone out and ring Chris. 

 

"Thanks." He said softly. 

 

She hummed, bringing up Chris’ number and pressing call. 

 

Chris was sat on the sofa, watching TV when his phone rang. "Hello?"

 

“Hi, Chris,” She greeted, staring at the wall, “Fao’s hip has gone. Could you bring his overnight bag?”

 

"Shit." Chris said. "Yeah, I'll bring it as soon as I can. What happened?"

 

"He tripped." She doubted that was what had happened, really. But she wasn't in the right frame of mind to know the real reason.

 

"Ah, fuck." He replied. "Let me just grab some stuff and I'll come up."

 

She nodded. "Okay. See you soon." She couldn't stay on the phone, couldn't pretend she was alright over the phone. It was hard enough pretending to be fine in front of Fao.

 

"See you." Chris replied, and hung up to grab a load of Fao's stuff and the bag he'd been keeping just in case Kent had a cancellation. 

 

Fao, meanwhile, was carefully controlling his breathing, using it to calm himself down and ignore the pain. It was hard. He just had to hold on for a bit longer. His near-constant use of opiates in the lead up to this really wasn't helping. He'd need a hell of a dose, later.

 

"Ely..." He whined, opening his eyes. 

 

She twisted, and took his hand again. "I'm here."

 

"My meds... 've been takin' too much." He managed to get out. "Dunno how much 'm allowed but..."

 

She swallowed thickly. He'd been knowingly overdosing? She felt sick. "How much have you had. Fao, how much have you had?!"

 

"Not much today. But my tolerance..."

 

She let out a long sigh, knowing he could see the pain on her face. "You're a fucking idiot. Why couldn't you just admit you were unfit to work?"

 

"I don't know... I just took whatever until it stopped."

 

"If I wasn't so worried I'd slap you for being a twat."

 

"'m sorry. 'm so sorry."

 

"I just want you to be okay."

 

"I know." He mumbled, shifting a little. "'m sorry."

 

"God knows how much they'll have to give you."

 

"Sorry." He said quietly. 

 

"They can only give you so much." She hated him being in pain.

 

"I know. I didn't mean to...."

 

She sighed heavily. "I know. Sorry I'm being snappy."

 

"I know better, I shouldn't have done it. I'm so sorry."

 

"Stop apologising." She said, squeezing his fingers. "Stop it." She didn't want to hear it, she didn't want the last words she heard from him to be _I'm sorry_.

 

"Can't help it. _God_ , it 'urts."

 

"I wish I could help you."

 

"You are helping." He said, closing his eyes again. " _Fuck_."

 

She wasn't. She was barely capable of helping herself.

 

He drew in a shaky breath. He felt so sick, so weak and uncomfortable. He whined, shifting to try to get more comfortable. He just couldn't. "I hate this."

 

"I know. I do too."

 

He squeezed her hand. " _God._ " 

 

"Hopefully it won't be too long now.”

 

“Gotta wait ages until I can have proper meds.”

 

“Hopefully it won’t be long until you go down.”

 

“I hope so."

 

“I’d have you down there already.” She said. 

 

“There’s probably no space. Busy.” He murmured.

 

“I know.” She was being stupid, she knew. But she hated sitting here, unable to do anything. She shouldn’t have bothered clocking out. 

 

He needed to distract himself. “Did you have any more electives today? Or were you on call?”

 

“On call.”

 

“Not too bad then. Not missing much.”

 

She shook her head. “You chose a good day, I suppose.”

 

“Nothing like timing, eh?”

 

“You always have impeccable timing.”

 

“Except for when I took my last lot of tablets. Not helpful.”

 

“Well, no. But you didn’t know.”

 

“No. But I regret it.”

 

A nurse came over after a few minutes, and smiled at Fao. “Hi there, Dr. Blackwood. I’ve come to set up an IV for you, get some fluids into you. We don’t know when you’re going to be taken to theatre, so we don’t want you drinking anything, but we can’t have you getting dehydrated.”

 

Fao hummed. “Makes sense.”

 

She smiled brightly. “And when we can give you some proper medication, we can do that to. Are you able to sit up a bit for me?”

 

He huffed. “Yeah. I can try.” He struggled to sit up a bit, adjusting his bed, then gave her his hand. “I’m a hard stick, so I apologise in advance.”

 

“Nothing can be done about it now.”

 

“True. You might get more luck at the elbow than on the back of my hand, but try both.” He murmured.

 

She was good, and she got it in on the back his hand on the first try. Fao was impressed, and told her so. She laughed as she hung his fluids, then left him again. 

 

Ely smiled softly, resisting the urge to instead pinch her nose. She really needed some fresh air, but she didn't want to leave him alone, just in case.

 

Fao moved his bed so he was laid down more again - it hurt less - and then looked over at Ely. "You can go have a walk, you know. Get some tea, some fresh air or something."

 

She shook her head. "No. I'm fine."

 

"You look like shit."

 

She felt like it, too. "I can't look worse than you."

 

"Yeah, but I've managed to break and dislocate my hip. I'm allowed to look shit. Go and get some fresh air, I'm not going to die whilst you're gone, and I won't let them take me to theatre without you. Go."

 

“No."

 

“Ely, come on. Just five minutes of fresh air. For me?”

 

She shook her head. "I can’t."

 

“Tea, then? Please?”

 

She shook her head again. “No."

 

“Come on, a stór.”

 

He didn't understand. She couldn't do it, she _couldn't_. "I'm fine.”

 

“Ely, you’re not."

 

"I am."

 

He sighed. He didn't have the energy to argue with her. If this was how she was going to be, so be it. 

 

She knew she should listen to him - he always had her best interests at heart, even when she couldn't see them herself. But right now, she felt like, if she left his side, she'd just break down and run. And she couldn't do that, not now.

 

He shifted again, staring up at the ceiling. "Chris will be here soon. Maybe he can drag you out."

 

Ely shrugged. "Maybe. I don't really want to go anywhere."

 

"You look like you need a cigarette." He said bluntly. "And you don't even smoke."

 

"Well, don't you go trying to get me to start. You've basically quit."

 

"Not going to." He mumbled. 

 

"I probably just need sleep."

 

"Yeah. So do I."

 

She offered a small smile. "You look it."

 

"Thanks." He grumbled. 

 

"What time is it?"

 

"Ten past five." He said, glancing at his phone. 

 

"I thought it was later."

 

"Feels later."

 

"It does."

 

He whined. At least the fluids were making him feel slightly better. 

 

"Do you want a cuddle?"

 

"I'm sure they'll take me soon."

 

She nodded. "Yeah, hopefully."

 

"Fingers crossed."

 

"I love you." She said.

 

"Love you too."

 

"Gonna sit with you through the entire thing."

 

"Lucky you."

 

"Gotta make sure they look after my prince charming."

 

"Oh, shut up."

 

Ely shook her head. "No. You are."

 

"I thought I was your Eeyore?"

 

"You're that too."

 

He grinned. "I like being both." His voice was soft. 

 

"You're everything to me."

 

"Don't go getting all sappy."

 

"You can't stop me." She replied.

 

He reached out half heartedly to smack her lightly on the arm. After a while, Chris arrived with Fao's stuff, then disappeared off in search of Alice. 

 

Eventually, though, all the fluids they were giving him made their way though his kidneys and he was stuck not only in agony but desperate for the bathroom. He ignored it for a while, but couldn't for much longer. "Ely, are my crutches there? Did they bring them up with me?"

 

She frowned. "I can't see them."

 

"Ugh." He groaned. "Are you strong enough to take my weight?"

 

"I can give it a go."

 

"Help me up then?" He said, shifting to sit, then swing his legs over the edge of the bed. 

 

She slipped his arm around her shoulders. "Push up."

 

He did so, struggling onto his good leg. He doubted she'd be able to hold him up. And quite frankly, he was surprised she'd gotten this far. 

 

She took what weight she could, but he was rather heavy. Gritting her teeth, she closed her eyes for a second. "Ready?"

 

"Have you got me? I can't put any weight on this leg, I need you as a crutch."

 

"I've got you."

 

"Don't keel over under me, eh?" He said. 

 

"I'm not going to."

 

"Better not."

 

"C'mon, I was in the Army. I've got you."

 

"Good." He said, and put more of his weight on her, heading away from the bed. 

 

He was heavy, and she clenched her jaw, helping him move forwards. She just had to get him to the toilet and back, it wasn't far.

 

It was slow progress, but progress none the less. The toilet wasn't that far, they'd be fine. He was leaning more and more on Ely as he made his way there, part of him forgetting she wasn't Ollie.

 

She couldn't hold him up any longer. Screwing her face up, she shook her head. "Fao..."

 

He stopped. "What is it? Too much?"

 

"Yeah, sorry. Should have kept up the fitness."

 

"Jus' get me back to bed."

 

"No. You need the toilet."

 

"If you fall over you'll fuck us both up."

 

"I'm not going to fall."

 

"Ely, you've just said it's too much." He murmured. 

 

She glanced at him, then looked away. "I can do it. I'm not going to let you piss the bed like a baby."

 

"If you fall down..."

 

"I'm not going to. Promise."

 

"Well, if you're not happy you need to stop because this hurts."

 

"And what are you going to do? Piss yourself?"

 

"We'll sort something out. A nurse can bring me crutches."

 

She sighed. "We're nearly there."

 

They weren't, really. Compared to how far they'd walked, it looked like miles. "But you can't do this."

 

"I can. Don't doubt me."

 

"Ely you just said you couldn't." He snapped. "I need you to be straight with me - am I too much for you? Because you trip or stumble and I end up ten times worse."

 

She shrunk back. “I don’t want to give up.” She mumbled. 

 

"Yeah, I know that, but there's giving up and there's admitting when you can't do something. It's okay."

 

It was giving up, and she hated it. She hated herself for being stupid enough to try. “Let’s get you back to bed, then.” She said quietly. 

 

He let out a long sigh. "Okay, bed. We'll call a nurse. No point risking life and limb."

 

She didn’t say anything, just adjusted her grip on him as she helped him back towards his bed. 

 

When he was back in bed, he reached out for her hand again, squeezing it. "Its okay to admit you're not strong enough sometimes."

 

“It’s not.” She replied, turning her head away from him. If he wasn’t strong enough, she _needed_ to be. 

 

"It is." He told her, reaching for his call button. "You don't always have to be perfect."

 

It wasn’t about being perfect. It was about being able to do _something_ to help him. She couldn’t do that. She was useless. 

 

"Sweetie. Talk to me."

 

Ely shook her head, but her foot started tapping. “I’m fine. I promise I’m fine.”

 

She wasn't. But he didn't know what to say to her. How could he make her feel better about this?

 

As he was trying to work it out, a nurse appeared. "Is everything okay?"

 

"I, uh, well, uh....." He couldn't bring himself to say it, blushing bright red. 

 

Ely looked up. “He needs the toilet, but I can’t get him there. Are there any crutches about?”

 

The nurse shook her head. "If my boss found out I'd been let you wander around on crutches I'd be flayed. I'll sort something else for you, it'll make things easier when you go into theatre later anyway."

 

He knew what that meant, and sunk his teeth into his bottom lip. 

 

Ely nodded. “Okay.”

 

She left for a couple of minutes, then returned, drawing the curtains fully around the bed. She pulled on a pair of gloves, and gently removed his bedsheets without lifting the gown. "You want your girlfriend to leave?"

 

"Only if she wants to." 

 

She wasn’t going anywhere. She couldn’t get her foot to stop tapping. Fucking hell, she couldn’t control anything. “I’ll stay.”

 

The nurse nodded, and lifted his gown. Gently, everything was sorted, and it was all done in a matter of minutes. A few uncomfortable minutes, yes, but done nonetheless. And the relief was good. Now he just needed to wait for his surgery. 

 

But it seemed like that wasn't to be either. A couple of hours later, someone came around to finally give him some proper painkillers, and they were told they couldn't get a post-op bed. Frustrated, Fao bit his lip. They said they'd keep him overnight, and hope to get him down very early the next morning. 

 

Ely was slowly losing her mind. She could focus on anything other than not letting Fao know how she felt. She was sure she wasn’t convincing him, pacing up and down. She wanted to bang her head against the wall. She wanted to cry. She wanted everything to be fine. Fuck, she just wanted to be home, safe and sound. 

 

Fao knew that if he didn't so something to help Ely, she was going to snap. And he couldn't have that, couldn't bear to see he so stressed out. Slowly but surely, his pain meds were working, and he was a lot more comfortable. He shuffled over to one side of the bed, ready to settle down for the night. 

 

"Ely, do you want to cuddle?" He asked softly. 

 

She looked up at him, quiet for a second. “Yeah. That’d be nice.”

 

He patted the bed. "Get your ass up here, then."

 

She couldn’t even force a smile at his words. Slowly, she got up and moved closer, sitting on his bed with him. “There.”

 

He lifted the sheets for her. "Shoes off, cuddle properly."

 

She shouldn’t have been in bed with him. She was still in her scrubs. But she slipped her shoes off and got under the blanket, cuddling up to his side. 

 

He wrapped an arm around her and kissed the top of her head. "We're both exhausted. Might as well get some sleep, eh?" He murmured. "Close your eyes."

 

She didn’t want to. She wanted to keep an eye on him. She wanted to make sure he was okay. But she was too tired to argue, so she just closed her eyes with a sigh. 

 

He smiled, pulling her hair out of it's messy bun and gently running his fingers through it. "I'm fine, sweetheart. I'm gonna be all fine and sorted by this time tomorrow. So you get some sleep, otherwise you're going to give yourself an ulcer. Shhh, it's okay. I'm okay."

 

She curled her fingers into the gown her was wearing, desperately trying to keep herself together. She couldn’t show weakness. “Love you.”

 

He kissed the top of her head again. "Love you too. Now close your eyes and just relax. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I'll still be here when you wake up."

 

“Yeah,” she said, closing her eyes, “you sleep too.”

 

"I'm gonna." He murmured. "Goodnight, sweetie."

 

“Goodnight.” She replied, and was out like a light. 

 

It took him longer to drift off, so he laid there playing with her hair until he did. He woke not long after, when Chris came to say goodbye, and then drifted back off. 


	41. Chapter 41

Ely woke at maybe five in the morning, unable to sleep any longer. Fao looked so peaceful now, she could almost forget why they were here. But it wasn’t to be. 

She’d just got out of the bed and gone to the toilet, nearer seven now, when a nurse came. A shared smile, and then Ely carefully shook Fao. “Honey, wake up.”

Fao stirred, blinking open his eyes. "'m awake." He mumbled. 

The nurse smiled. "I've got good news. We've found you a theatre and a post op bed. We're just finalising the team, but Dr Torres is going to fit you in before the morning list. We'll come and get you when everything's ready."

Oh, finally. If Ely had more energy, she'd have jumped for joy. Instead, she smiled. "Okay."

Fao ignored the nerves in the pit of his stomach. "Thanks. Thank Dr Torres for me." He said thickly. The nurse nodded and walked off.

They had a quiet half hour, maybe forty minutes, which mostly consisted of Fao kissing Ely letting her know just how much he loved her, before the nurse returned.

"We've come to take you down now. You ready?"

Fao couldn't do anything other than nod, gripping Ely's hand tight. 

All his kisses felt like he was saying goodbye. Ely knew that was stupid - it was a routine operation, he was young and healthy and stable. He wasn't going to die. He wasn't in the back of a chinook, he hadn't just been blown up. He'd be fine, and he'd come out the other side in a few hours, no worse for wear.

But even that didn't stop the fear in her throat. Her grip was just as tight on his hand as he was slowly wheeled down to theatre. She hated standing next to him, being there while he was going to be put under. She'd done it herself so many times, she knew how to deal with him. It all felt wrong.

He ignored his rising fear as they took him down to theatre, then familiar corridors felt wrong and distorted. He kept a hold of Ely's hand, unwilling to let go. With her, he was safe. They reached anaesthesia and he was introduced to his anaesthetist, a broad, dark-skinned man who introduced himself as Dr Warren. 

"Nice to meet you, Fao. I'm sure you've been through this hundreds of times, eh? You're a pro."

"Something like that." He managed to get out, glancing over at Ely. His hands were shaking. 

Ely rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand. "I've got you. You can do this."

He shook his head. "Can't."

"You can. You're my big, brave, strong wolf."

"'m not. 'm scared." He mumbled, trying not to cry. "Why can't you do it?"

She brushed her thumbs under his eyes, leaning down to kiss his forehead. "Because I'm not working now, and I'm not allowed. Just like you couldn't operate on me."

Dr Warren saw the need to take control, and cleared his throat. "Okay, let me help you out here, Fao. Tell me how you and Ely first met."

That was good. He could think about that, not about this. "Well, uh, it was Afghanistan, b-back when we were fighting over there. I m-met her over a trauma case..." He said, still shaking. Dr Warren started with the dose of fentanyl. "It was a traumatic amputation..."

"Now that's impressive." Warren commented. "And one hell of a first meeting. What was the surgery like? Did you two get to know eachother then?"

"No, no, it was after. We got out after and I-I went to have a smoke break. She followed me out and we talked." About Alex. He remembered talking about Alex. He looked over at Ely again, the beginnings of a smile on his lips. 

"You make it sound like I stalked you." She teased.

"I-I invited you." He mumbled. "An-and then we worked together a couple more times, and that was good. You're good." He said. "Good with people, good at your job..." He was struggling to think. "We played cards and god, you were shit at cards." He teased. Warren had slowly started with the propofol now. Fao was finding it harder and harder to think. "You almost lost all your money... I t-threw the game for you....." His speech trailed off and the assistant placed the oxygen over his face. His grip on Ely's hand loosened and he eventually let go, out cold. 

Ely let out a long sigh once he was out. "He's a smoker, his blood pressure never stays above 90/60, and he's been abusing opiates for god knows how long. Months, I think. Oh, and he's got a delicate jaw, so intubate carefully."

Warren smiled. "Thank you. I've heard you're sitting with me?" He asked, as he set about getting Fao intuabated and sorted. 

She nodded. "Yeah."

"You can tell me more about you and Fao, then. I can't believe you've not told this story before."

She glanced down. "There's not much to it, to be honest."

"Oh, come on. You two met in Afghanistan, that's something."

"Yeah, then I saved his life when he got blown up."

"That really is something."

"He's an ass."

"I don't know him all that well." Warren replied. Eventually, they were settled in theatre, with a space for Ely to sit beside the tall anaesthetist. 

She settled in the seat, but she was staring at Fao's face. It was wrong, now, to see him on the table. She hated it, she hated this entire thing.

It was quiet whilst Callie started the op, careful to avoid previous scar tissue and the delicate bruised skin. When she finally exposed the joint, she swore. "Complete and utterly fucked." She muttered.

Ely bit her bottom lip, but didn't say anything. She knew it was bad, it had to have been bad.

They were a good couple of hours in, now. Callie was working hard to bring together the broken parts to give bone stable enough to take the stem. It wasn’t easy. The scar tissue from the previous surgeries complicated things further, and reduced her visibility considerably. The F1 she was working with attempted to help give her more visibility, but managed to jog her, and she hit the femoral artery. There was blood, everywhere, and Fao’s blood pressure went through the floor. 

“Shit, shit, shit.” Callie muttered. She wanted to yell, but that wasn’t going to help. She needed to stop this bleed, and stop it now. “Give me a clamp, keep packing.” 

Ely's head shot up, and she bit her bottom lip, hard enough to make herself bleed. She was going to lose him, he was going to die. She knew it, she knew it. Fuck, she couldn't stay, she had to get out. The walls were closing in and the floor was falling away. Almost blinded by tears, Ely got up and ran.

They barely noticed Ely leave, too busy trying to fix the bleed. They worked quickly, fighting to stop the bleeding and repair the artery. In the end, they paged a vascular consultant, and it was sorted. Properly. Slowly, his pressure came up, and they carried on the repair. It took a long time.

She ran - ran out of theatre, ran through the corridors. She dodged people, staff and patients alike, determined to get out. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and her veins were filled with ice. She knew she should have stayed, she should have been there for her boyfriend, but she simply couldn't stay. It was too much, especially when she couldn't do anything to help him herself.

She burst out into the lobby, and ran past the cafe. She got some strange looks, but she didn't care. All she cared about was getting outside, into the grey dawn light. She ran across the road without looking, not caring any more, and over to the little picnic table, the bench. There, she curled up, knees against her chest, and cried.

Ollie had fetched her Fao's hoodie at some point the evening before, and now she pulled the sleeves over her hands. It smelt of him - of his shower gel, his aftershave. But then her hand went into the pocket, just on a whim, and she found a box of cigarettes and a lighter.

She wouldn't be able to explain why, but she took one out, holding it between her lips as she lit it. But she didn't smoke it - she set it on the arm of the bench, and watched it burn. To begin with, it was like he was with her. But as it continued to burn away, getting smaller and smaller, it became more of a metaphor.

The cigarette was burning away, just like his life.

Her eyes caught movement, in the bushes at the edge of the hospital. A shape appeared, and a sob caught in her throat.

A vixen.

He'd gone. She'd lost Fao, she had to. Alex had come to get him, to take him away. And she hadn't even stayed to say goodbye, she'd run away like a coward.

Ely didn't want to believe it. She couldn't believe it. The sun was higher in the sky now, surely he'd be out by now. She didn't know what time it was, but she forced herself to uncurl her legs and move, to go back into the hospital. She found out where he was going to be, where he was meant to be, and headed up, her heart in her throat.

He wasn't there. Everything fell away once more. She couldn't cope, she couldn't stay here. He wasn't there because he was dead, she was sure. So she went to the only place that made sense.

Her fingers fumbled as she punched the code in for his office door, but she got in and nearly collapsed at his desk, trying to open the drawers. There, there, she found what she wanted. She had to join him, she couldn't live without him.

But she couldn't get the blade out of the pencil sharpener. It wouldn't come out. Sobbing, she went back to his drawers. He'd had all of his painkillers. There was nothing for her.

Ely curled up on the floor behind his desk, hiding her face in her hands. She was useless.

Ollie had been down to theatres how Fao was getting on. He was told that he’d just left theatre and was headed to recovery. So he went to go and find Ely, to tell her what was happening. But she wasn’t in Fao’s room, or in the little waiting room on the floor. Confused, he checked Ely’s office, and she wasn’t there either. She wasn’t outside, or at the car. On a whim, he checked Fao’s office, calling out. 

“Ely?”

Face blotchy and red, nose stuffy and tears glistening on her cheek, Ely struggled to her feet after a moment. Her legs were wobbly, she could barely keep herself up. But she got over to the door, nearly falling against it as she opened it. Once she saw Ollie, she fell against him, the sobbing starting again.

“Woah.” He murmured. “Shhh, it’s okay.” He told her, shepherding her over to the sofa in Fao’s little office. There, he sat down with her, holding her close. “It’s okay, he’s okay.”

"No he's not." She whimpered, pressing closer to him. "H-he's dead. I-I…."

“No, Ely. He’s in recovery. He’s alright.”

"They got his f-femoral." She got out. "I saw a fox.”

“But he’s alive. It’s London, there are foxes everywhere, honey. He’s alive. He’s gonna be just fine.”

Ely shook her head. "Then w-where is he? He wasn't t-there.”

“He’s in recovery. He’s only just come out of theatre. It took longer than expected because of the bleed."

"A-are you sure?”

“I’m sure. I saw him myself.”

She swallowed thickly. “Really?"

“Yeah. He’s alive, I swear.”

"I thought I'd lost him.”

“Almost. But he’s still alive and kicking.”

She sniffed. It sounded disgusting. "And he's on the ward?”

“No. He’s in recovery, with a very pretty nurse. They’re bringing him round really slowly. They’re gonna page me when he’s on the ward.”

"Oh, okay.”

“So there’s no point crying. He’s going to be just fine.” He murmured, passing her a tissue. “So dry those eyes.”

She hiccupped. "I got ahead of myself, didn't I?”

“Yeah. Happens to all of us.”

"I... I tried…."

“Shhh. It’s alright.”

She shook her head and blew her nose. "It's not. I'm really bad again.”

“Get help, then.” Ollie told her. “I’ll drag you there like I dragged Fao.”

"When he's back home." She mumbled. "I.... Ollie, I tried to-to…"

“Tried to what?”

She pulled back, looking up at him. "I tried to kill myself.”

“Oh, Ely.” He murmured. “We’ll get you help. Why don’t we go and wait in Fao’s room?”

"You won't tell him, will you?" She asked. "Please don't tell him.”

“I won’t tell him.” Ollie promised.

“Thank you. I’d like to go wait for him.”

“Let’s go, then.” Ollie said, standing up and giving her his hand.

She took it, knowing she was a mess. She was always a mess. 

Ollie helped her up, then led her to Fao’s room. He helped her sit, and brushed some hair out of her face. “You wait here, and I’ll see how he’s doing and bring you an update, yeah?”

Ely nodded. “Yeah.”

“Sit tight, I’ll be right back.”

She nodded again. “Okay. Could you get me some face wipes?”

“Yeah.” Ollie said. He smiled softly, and headed out of the room. Going down to recovery, he felt sick. Ely was in worse shape than he’d thought. It was something she’d have to tell Fao, he couldn’t do it. And of course, he was nervous about Fao. The surgery hadn’t exactly gone to plan, and with Fao’s blood pressure as low as it was, he could have easily arrested. And if he’d arrested in theatre, they’d have been unable to save him. 

When he reached recovery, that sick feeling got worse. Fao wasn’t in a particularly good way. In shock, apparently. His blood pressure sat low, even for him. According to the nurse, he was on high-flow oxygen, they were pushing fluids and blood, and keeping his as warm as they could. He’d apparently vomited twice since they’d started bringing him round, and whilst Ollie was there he vomited again. He was barely conscious, his speech slurred, and Ollie doubted he’d remember any of it. They were working on getting him stable, and would have him on the ward as soon as possible. Ollie nodded, and returned to Ely. He wanted to tell her the truth, because he knew the doctor in her would understand, but the scared, panicked girlfriend with depression and PTSD wouldn’t. 

He pushed the door to Fao’s room open, and smiled. “He’s doing great. They’re still keeping him pretty sedated to keep him stable, but he’s better and they’re going to bring him up as soon as they can.”

Ely nodded. "Okay. Thank you. Did you get me some wipes?" She really needed to wash her face.

"Yeah." He said, handing them over. 

She took them, pulling one out immediately and wiping roughly over her face, as if it would scrub away the weakness she'd shown. She ended up using a couple, and then some on her armpits, too. "There. Do I look better?" She didn't want Fao to see her in the state she'd been in.

Ollie smiled. "Much better. Do you want to change?"

She was still in her scrubs, she realised. She hesitated, then nodded. "Yeah, actually."

"Chris packed for Fao but he packed for you too." Ollie told her. "Go and change. I'll wait here."

She saw the bag now - she'd lost track of where it was. Quietly, she got a change of clothes out, and then disappeared to the toilet down the hall. She was no more than ten minutes, after changing and retying her hair. "Back."

Ollie smiled again. "Stunning. You'll blow him away when he gets here."

She was in an old pair of jeans and her army jumper. She doubted that. "Have you heard anything else?"

"No. They're just taking their time. You know how it is."

"Yeah." It was normally her down there.

"I'd take you down but they're busy."

Ely nodded. "Yeah, I expect so."

"I'm sure he won't be much longer. Max an hour."

"I miss him." She said quietly.

“So do I.” Ollie admitted.

"I said I'd stay there, and then I didn’t."

“That’s okay. He’ll understand.”

She looked down. "I feel bad. I broke my promise.”

“And he’ll understand.” Ollie reassured. 

"What if he doesn’t?"

“Ely, Fao is the most understanding man on the planet.”

She shrugged. "I guess I'm just not thinking straight.”

“You’re not.” Ollie told her. “You’re really not.”

She looked down again, as if scared to look at him. "Did... Did Chris pack my tablets?”

“I don’t know, he didn’t say.”

"Oh." She'd been forgetting to take them, recently. She supposed it didn't right now, she couldn't get much worse.

“You’ll have to look yourself, or go to the pharmacy.” Ollie said.

She nodded, forcing herself to move. She didn't dare tell Ollie that she hadn't been taking them, even though she knew she should. She knew she should tell someone. Luckily, they were there, and she did the sensible thing and took one.

“Do you need anything else?” He asked.

"I don't think so." Other than a good night's sleep in her own bed, with Fao next to her.

“Okay.” He murmured. “Well, I can’t imagine Fao will be much longer.”

Ollie was paged about forty-five minutes later, telling him that Fao was coming up to the ward. Ollie turned to Ely, grinning. 

“He’s coming back.”

She let out a massive sigh of relief. “Thank god.” She needed to see him with her own eyes. 

Ollie pulled her in for a hug. “He’ll be up soon.”

And he was right. Fao was up a few minutes later, incredibly doped up and still pretty much unconscious, but he was back. He change in lighting stirred him, and he blinked open his eyes. “Ely…” He croaked.

She shuffled her chair closer, taking his hand. “I’m here, just like I promised.”

He grinned sleepily. He was warm, and pain-free, and he had his Ely. He didn’t need anything else. “Love you.” He said quietly, voice scratchy. 

“I love you too. More than anything.”

He smiled again, and drifted back off to sleep.

She hummed, not letting go of his hand. 

Ollie stood up, resting a hand on her shoulder. “Can I talk to you?” It was his doctor voice, not his friend voice.

Ely bit her lip. She didn’t like the tone, the tension in the air. She turned around. “Yeah, okay.”

“So, uh, what I told you earlier wasn’t really true.”

She frowned. “What?”

“He came round badly.” Ollie said. “Post-op shock, probably because of the bleed.”

She could have hit him. “Why didn’t you tell me?” She hissed. 

“Because you weren’t thinking straight. He’s fine now, see.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!”

“I did tell you. I just told you.” Ollie said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You know what I mean.” She snapped. 

“Look, I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d panic and just have another breakdown. I told you, now that you’ve seen for yourself that he’s alive and fine.”

Ely huffed, and sat back down. “Fine. Anything else?”

"No. Do you understand why I didn't tell you?"

"Whatever." It didn't matter why - she'd been vulnerable, ready to believe anything, and he'd taken that chance and lied to her.

"Ely..." 

She rolled her eyes, knowing her back was to him and he couldn't see. “What?"

“Come on, you know why I did it.”

“So?"

“He’s okay, why don’t you just focus on that, yeah?”

"I'm trying to.”

“Good.”

She bit her bottom lip, looking at her boyfriend. He looked so peaceful, for once. "I don't think he knows how much I love him.”

“Oh, he knows.” Ollie murmured. “He loves you so much.”

"He's a fool for that.”

“Ah, you’re both fools.”

"I guess we are." She agreed.

“I know you are. I’m going to get some tea, do you want some?”

She nodded absently, reaching out for Fao's hand again. "Yes please.”

“Food? When was the last time you ate?”

"Uh...." She trailed off, thinking. "Yesterday dinnertime?”

“Then definitely food.” Ollie said firmly. “I don’t want you passing out on me, I’m not meant to be working either.”

"I'm not gonna.”

“Good.”

"Just get me something small?" She suggested.

“Yeah. Something small.” Ollie echoed.

“Thanks."

He flashed her a smile, and headed out of the room. He returned a while later with two cups of tea and two muffins. “Here.” He said, handing her a tea and a muffin.

She hummed, and took what she was offered. "Thanks. He's not woken again yet."

"I doubt he will until later. He had some pretty serious pain meds."

She nodded. "Do you know what?"

"Fentanyl, according to the notes I read earlier."

Ely broke some of the muffin off, nibbling on it. "That's good. That's what I would have used."

"Glad to hear it. But he'll probably be out all day and most of the night. Chris said he's on his way in, and asked if you needed anything."

"Uh, another change of clothes would be nice. Maybe something to sleep in."

"I'll tell him."

Chris came with more clothes and meds for Ely, snacks, and Fao's laptop. He sat with Ely for a while, so Ollie could go see Jacob, though eventually left to feed the dog and look after him overnight. Ollie and Jacob left, too, so it was just Ely and Fao. The nurses bought her a cot to sleep on and let her use the shower. Fao barely stirred, the nurses topping his pain meds up at regular intervals, and he slept through most of the night. He woke early, and drifted in and out, seeing images of Ely in a white dress, kissing him and telling him how much she loved him. He was confused when he woke up, but saw her laid on the little cot, white sheets pulled up to her chin, and smiled. He wasn't about to wake her, so let her sleep, still drifting in and out. 

In that moment he realised he wanted to marry her. 

She woke up somewhere around seven, she thought. She wasn't too sure, but she cracked her eyes open to see Fao looking like he was still sleeping. Shifting, she moved to sit up. Hopefully, he was still okay.

Cracking his own eyes open, he shifted in bed. He grinned. "You look pretty in white." He mumbled thickly. "Wanna see you in white... Wanna..." He broke off to cough, groaning. "Wanna see you in a pretty white dress. Had a dream you... You were in a white dress." He slurred. "I wanna marry you. Will you marry me, Ely? I want to see you in white."

She stared at him, frowning softly. His rambling was nothing more than the fact she was high, but there was something in his eyes that made her think he was serious about it, too. And she loved him, so much. But... was this right? She'd always imagined being proposed to somewhere special, not a hospital. She'd imagined the man - lately Fao, she would admit - proposing on one knee, with a beautiful ring and a smile on his face. This wasn't the right place, and she had to shake her head.

"Maybe some day." She told him gently, trying to keep her voice from cracking.

He pouted. "Not now? I wanna see you in a white dress now." He whined. "There's... Uh... There's a chapel. Marry me there. Now."

"I don't own a white dress." She replied, shuffling over and reaching out to take his hand. "Some day, I will. But not here."

He whined. "Mean. Maybe if I had a ring...." He slurred. 

“It’s not that.” She soothed. “This just isn’t the right place.”

"On one knee, then?" He got out, grabbing onto the rail of his bed to try and pull himself up. "I can do that...."

She was up immediately, slipping out of the cot and pushing him back down. “No.” She said firmly. “You’ll hurt yourself.”

He pouted. "'m fine. They fixed me."

“You need to recover.”

"'kay. 'm tired."

“I know. Lay back down and have a nap, yeah?”

"Mmm, yeah." He said, settling back down. Not five minutes after he closed his eyes was he asleep.

She never thought she’d say it, but god was she glad that he was asleep. She couldn’t let him push himself too far, and proposing? He really had had a brush with death, even if he didn’t know it. Once she was sure he was out of it, she pressed a kiss to his forehead and left the room. It was easy enough to request his medication dose to be brought down. He didn’t need it that high now. The priority was getting him home. 

Not only did they agree to lower his dose, they gave him a little something to counter the acts of the fentanyl, and start to bring him round a bit more. His blood pressure was stable now, and everything else seemed good. So they bought him back a bit more, and told him to tell anyone if the pain got bad again. For now, he was fine. He had to stay lying down, though they wouldn't tell him why. 

He lay there for a while, staring at the ceiling and trying to work out if he'd just been thinking of asking Ely to marry him or if be actually had. And he was also trying to think of why he wasn't allowed to sit up. He'd been allowed last time, so long as it wasn't too upright it was okay for the hip. His breathing wasn't great, he knew that much - already there was the slight catch of a wheeze as he breathed and he kept coughing. He'd do better sat. His eyes flicked over to Ely, worried. 

"Why can't I sit?"

She looked up, having sat in the chair now. 

“Well, uh, they...” she trailed off. “They caught your femoral artery.”

His breath caught in his throat, and not because of the terrible state of his lungs. "Shit."

She nodded. “Yeah.”

"I'm okay. So it's fine."

“Yeah. But you’ve got to stay laid down.”

"Mmmhmmm."

Ely smiled at him. “Not for much longer, I think. They need to get you moving, too.”

“Yeah.” He agreed quietly. 

“Hopefully you’ll be home soon.”

"Home would be good."

It really would. She hadn’t been home yet. “I know.”

He couldn't quite process the fact they'd clipped his femoral. He could have bled out, and they'd have had to watch him, unable to resuscitate him. He was just glad it hadn't come to that. For Ely's sake. He chewed his lip, and took her hand. 

She swallowed, and squeezed his fingers. "You're fine now. You're here."

"Yeah. 'm here."

"And you've got me."

"Yeah."

She brought his fingers to her lips, kissing them lightly. "Might have to go get that nurse outfit after all.”

He laughed, breaking into a coughing fit. “Y-yeah.”

She rubbed his arm, attempting to soothe him. "Maybe I'll save it until you've got the all clear, eh?”

“Mmmhmm. Sore throat.” He croaked. 

"Do you want a drink?”

“Yeah.”

She leaned forwards to the little table, pouring some water from the jug and into the cup for him. "There." She said softly, passing it over. "Little sips.”

He nodded obediently, taking it and taking small sips. It helped, and after a bit he handed it back to her.

She took it back, placing it down. "If you're feeling up to it, we can fill in the questionnaire and you can decide what to eat." She suggested.

He groaned. “Can you not get something from the freezer at home?”

"I've not been home." She said softly. "And I don't want to leave you.”

“But hospital food is so shit.” He whined.

“Tough."

“Mean.”

"It's not that bad. And it's fresh.”

“It sucks and you know it.”

She shrugged. "It's perfectly fine.”

“I love home cooking.”

"But hospital food isn't going to kill you.”

“Might do.”

She smiled, amused. "It won't. Stop being a baby.”

“You don’t care.”

"No, I don't." She agreed. "Because I love you."

"Love you too."

"I should hope so.”

He grinned, and drifted off again. The drugs in his system were still very much in control.


	42. Chapter 42

They let him sit up after a bit, and whilst he complained, he ate the shit hospital food. That night, he slept decently, and when he woke the next morning he was feeling a lot brighter. He bothered Ely until she gave him his laptop, and so he was sat with it on the table over his bed, answering emails.

"What are you even doing?" Ely asked.

“Replying to work emails."

"You're not meant to be working!”

“I’m bored.”

"Surely work emails are boring.”

“Better than staring at the wall or the ceiling.”

She rolled her eyes. "I thought you had a blog?"

"I do. But these emails needed answering first."

"Not really, when you're not supposed to be working."

"I'm hardly operating. It's just admin crap."

Ely shrugged. "You should be resting."

"I am resting. I'm sat on my arse."

"And what a great arse it is."

"Don't you know it." He said with a grin. "But it's just a couple of emails."

"Well, maybe you can write a post about your amazing girlfriend, who hasn't been home yet." She joked.

"Oh, I love you so much." He murmured. "But you know you can go home."

"I'm fine." She said, a little quickly. Hopefully, he wouldn't notice. She couldn't tell him yet - if she ever told him.

"I'm fine, I'm not gonna die on you. You can go home if you want."

"I'd rather stay here."

"If you're sure."

She reached out to brush her fingers over his arm. "I'm always sure."

He glanced over at her, smiling. "Okay. I know you want to stay during the day but you can go home to sleep. I shouldn't be in much longer, but still."

"No point now," she replied, "what's one or two more nights?"

"Uh, everything. Those cots suck."

"It's not that bad. You still thought I looked beautiful yesterday morning."

"Mmm, you're always beautiful." He told her with a grin, still typing away. "God, I swear I fucking run this department. Why can't people sort shit out themselves." He grumbled. 

"So the cots must be good enough, if I'm still getting my beauty sleep." She said, picking up her book as she spoke. That didn't stop her rolling her eyes at him again. "Because you're amazing?"

"Well, I know that. But some of the emails they're sending me is a nightmare."

"You're the one who decided to answer. You could just put 'I am currently recovering from emergency surgery and as such am unavailable'."

"The email started 'I know you've just had surgery...'." He grumbled.

"Well, just tell them you're unavailable."

"It was a simple question."

"Don't complain then." She teased.

"It's such a nightmare, though. I'm not even the clinical lead."

"You might as well be." She said, giving up on opening her book. "Why don't you just direct them to the clinical lead?"

"I have, if I can't answer the question."

"Do it for all of them."

"The clinical lead is busy."

She sighed. "Surely you have other colleagues. You're recovering from major surgery, they shouldn't be bothering you."

"I'm fine, I'll stop when I get tired."

She couldn't help a little smile, then. "So, half an hour?"

"Maybe an hour." He shot back. "But I'm fine."

"Until you fall asleep."

"I'll be fine, I'll just be sleeping."

"You're almost due for your nap."

"Oh, piss off, I'm not 80."

"No, but anaesthetic fucks you up for a week and you were under for a long time."

"I know."

She looked over at him. "And you've been having a nap around this time."

"I'm still not 80!"

Ely grinned widely. "You're still an old git!"

"Ah, fuck off."

"No," she said, "we've been through this. You'd miss me too much."

"I really would."

"Besides, they might get you up soon."

"Yeah, they might do. Probably later, because of the femoral."

"Yeah. Can't leave you too long, though."

"No, not too long."

She still couldn't believe she'd nearly lost him. The thought of it made her all jittery. "The sooner the better."

"Yeah, we've just got to be careful with it all."

"I know."

"Another bleed wouldn't be good."

Ely bit her lip, looking away for a second. "No, it wouldn't."

"So easy does it. I'm perfectly happy staying on my arse for a while longer."

She forced a laugh. "Lazy bugger."

"You know me."

"Only too well."

"Really well." He shot back, typing away on his laptop again.

Desperately trying to hide the shaking of her hands that had started again at the thought of losing Fao over something that almost seemed trivial now he wasn't in theatre, Ely forced a fake smile. Hopefully, he wouldn't notice. "I know you so well I wasn't even surprised when you proposed yesterday morning."

Oh fuck, so he'd said it aloud? He thought he'd just thought it. "Shit. Did I..."

“Yeah. Demanded I marry you in the chapel.” She said, a smug smile growing on her face. 

He flushed red. "Oh my god, what an idiot."

“You decided I said no because you didn’t have a ring and weren’t on one knee.” She’d love to marry him one day, though. Not quite yet, they hadn’t been together long. 

"And you said no because I was off my face on opiates."

“Exactly.” She replied. “And there was no massive diamond ring.” She finished, grinning. 

"Well, I'll have to look into a diamond, then."

“I suppose you will. Mind blowing shag first, though.”

"Well, you'll have to wait for that."

“I know.” She said. “But we’ll have to test out your new hip when you’re clear. We have a date we didn’t finish.”

"Yeah, I owe you."

“Lots of orgasms, please.” She requested. 

"For sure." He said with a grin. 

Not much later, there was a knock on the door. 

"Yeah?" He called, and one of the F2s he'd been working with stepped in hesitantly. 

"Dr Blackwood? I'm sorry to interrupt I know you're resting but whilst you're off I've been allocated Dr Anderson and he's asking us loads of questions and stuff and he expects us to fully present a procedure but I've never even heard of it and I was wondering if you could help..." She mumbled. 

He smiled. "Of course, Kitty. What is it you don't get?"

She bit her lip, wringing her hands in front of her. "Well, uh, it's posterior approaches to hip replacements. The Heuter approach, I think?"

"The Heuter approach is the anterior approach." He told her, shutting his laptop. "Come and sit."

"Oh, uh.." She mumbled, moving closer. Ely got up, letting her have the seat.

Fao patted the bed for his girlfriend to sit on whilst he spoke to his student. “What does Anderson want from you?”

"In depth presentation. As if we're doing it on our own.”

“Ouch, that’s harsh.” He said with a frown. “Well, the anterior approach shortens recovery time because it avoids cutting through the gluteus maximus and hip rotators.”

She nodded. "Okay. Do you... do you mind if I record what you're saying?”

“Go ahead.”

She pulled out a dictaphone from her pocket. "Thanks." She said, pressing record.

“So, yeah, the Heuter approach is beneficial for patients because going in through an anterior incision avoids the cutting of the external hip rotators and gluteus maximus. Since these are intact it’s only the incision site itself that requires the real healing, and of course the bone.”

Kitty nodded. "Okay. How long is the incision and where abouts is it?”

“Around 8-12 cm, 2-4 cm lateral to the anterior superior iliac spine of the pelvis and at 20° from the sagittal plane of the patient toward the lateral aspect of the patient’s ipsilateral knee.”

"Alright. How long does it take?"

"Well, that's dependent on the patient. If it's a bad arthritis case it can take almost double as long."

“Average?"

“Between 1 and 2 hours. Often it takes longer than the posterior approach, due to the reduced visibility.”

"And..." She trailed off before she spoke again. "Do you know how the procedure is completed in an emergency sense?”

He looked over at her. “How do you mean?”

"What's the most, uh, common approach if the surgery isn't elective?”

“Posterior. More room to see. Despite the incised muscle that’s obviously detrimental to recovery time, it’s a lot simpler to see and manipulate. But obviously it depends on how emergent the injury is. Even a fractured neck of femur doesn’t necessarily require arthroplasty.”

Kitty nodded. "Okay. I don't think there's anything else to ask.”

“Well, you know where to find me if you need anything else.” He told her lightly. 

She stopped the dictaphone. "Yeah. Thank you so much, Dr Blackwood. I'll let you rest now.”

“No problem. You know I’ll always give you a hand with questions and stuff. Email me if you’re not around, yeah?”

"I will do. Thank you again." She said, getting up. When she was gone, Ely looked like she was trying not to laugh.

Fao looked over at her. “What?”

"You just make me laugh.”

“Why! I’m being helpful!”

She grinned. "You just do! You look funny when you're teaching.”

“Why do I look funny when I’m teaching?”

"You just do!”

He rolled his eyes. “Rude.”

"Says you!”

“How am I rude?!”

"You rolled your eyes at me, the love of your life.”

“Hardly rude.”

"You're always rude.”

“Oh, shut up, you love me.”

She shrugged, leaning down to kiss him. "I guess I do.”

“You know you do.” He said, leaning up to kiss her.

She smiled against him, and brushed some hair from his face when she pulled away. "Unlucky for me.”

“Piss off, you’re the luckiest woman alive.”

"Keep telling yourself that.”

“I do. Every time I see you.”

She blushed. "Stop being romantic.”

“Blame it on the drugs.”

She smiled, pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose. "Or you just being a soppy bastard.”

“The drugs make me a soppy bastard.”

"You're one anyway.”

“Maybe.”

"Of course you are.”

He grinned up at her. “Can we cuddle?” 

She smiled back. "If you shuffle over.”

He nodded, and shuffled over enough to let her cuddle up. “There.”

She laid down, on her side so she was facing him. "Soft bastard."

"Well, you know me."

"I do." She said, propping her face up on her hand. "If you ever want to propose again, feel free."

"Is that so?"

"You know it."

"Now I'm excited."

"Don't do it for the sake of it, though.”

“I won’t. You know how romantic I am. It’ll be perfect.”

She hummed. "I trust you.”

“You should.”

"Of course I do."

He beamed. "Good."

"God, look at you, you sop."

"I'm still blaming the drugs for that."

"Whatever." She teased.

"And I love you."

"Love you more."

"Not possible."

She leaned over to kiss his cheeks, eyes soft. "It is."

"Are there pyjamas in my bag? I can't stand this fucking gown."

She snorted, trying not to laugh too much. "They should be."

"Good."

"Guess I'll help you into them," she said, "if you ask nicely."

"Pretty please?"

She smiled. "Yeah, okay. Let me get them out." She said, wriggling away from him and slipping off of the bed.

"Thank you." He murmured. 

She crouched down to get into his bag, sorting through it and pulling out the rolled up pyjamas. It seemed army packing had stayed with them all. It was only a few moments before she stood, and turned back to him. "I like the gown on you. Easy access."

"Oh, shush. Top or trousers first?" He asked.

"Trousers, I think." They could get it over and done with.

"Good plan. And the gown covers... Some of it." He said. "The door's definitely shut, right?"

"Of course it is."

"Jus' checking." He replied. "C'mon then, let's get this done. And don't go fainting on me, eh?"

"Oh, bugger off. I can't see anything."

"Oh, I don't know. It's pretty nasty."

"It's got a dressing on it." She retorted, carefully pulling down the blanket.

"Eh, it's bruised pretty badly."

"Bruising is nothing." She said idly, rolling up the legs of his pyjamas before she carefully slipped them over his feet one at a time.

"It's more than nothing when it's half my bloody thigh."

"It's nothing that's going to bother me." She corrected, glancing up at him.

“Well, glad to hear it.”

Ely shot him a grin, carefully pulling the pyjamas up his legs, like a pair of tights. "You know it's blood I don't like.”

“Yeah, ‘cos you’re a baby.”

"Wow, thanks.”

“Love you anyway.”

"Lovely to know." She said, advancing further up his legs. "Think you can lift your hips for me?”

“Yeah, jus’ a little bit.” He replied, doing so. 

While his hips were up she quickly slid the pyjamas over and let the elastic settle on his waist. "There, sorted. Hard bit done.”

“Yeah. I can do my top.” He said. “I’ll overheat in it but I can hardly sit around shirtless all day.”

She tried not to laugh. "As much as I'd like that, I agree.”

“Wish I could.”

"To be honest, there's nothing really stopping you.”

“Uh, the tattoos and the scars are stopping me. And the fact I’m in a hospital.”

She huffed playfully. "So you won't even treat your girlfriend?”

He grinned. “Maybe for a bit, then.”

"Oh, I do love you, so very much."

He smiled, removing the gown. "But unfortunately this is all you're gonna get."

She folded the gown up and left it on the chair before climbing into bed next to him. "I'm sure I can cope for a few more weeks."

"I've been coping for the past few months."

"We both have."

"You're welcome to find someone else to scratch that itch."

Taken back, she stared at him. "What?"

"If you get desperate, you can find someone else for just sex."

She raised an eyebrow. "Or I can use my fingers. I'm perfectly capable."

"If that keeps you happy."

"I am. It's not much longer." She said, and moved to sit next to him on the bed again. "Besides, the showerhead is good too.”

He laughed. “Well, I’m just putting it on the table."

"I can hang on. We can make use of the shower together, at some point.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

She grinned. "And maybe you can keep proposing to me."

"When I can get down on one knee."

"Who said it had to be serious?"

"I want it to be perfect."

She settled down, laying on her side once more. "Perfectionist."

"I'm a surgeon, what do you expect?"

"I don't know, actually."

"If I wasn't a perfectionist I'd be screwed, honestly."

"You're half screwed already."

"Fucking screwed together more like."

"And you're good at screwing other people." She said, with a wink.

"That I am."

“Whore."

“You love my whorish qualities.”

She poked his belly. "Yeah, I do. Even when you look like this.”

“Oi!”

“What?"

He smacked her hand. “You’re poking my belly. It’s rude.”

"I like your belly.”

“I’m getting fat already.”

"It's a cute belly.”

He looked over at her, eyes soft. “You should sleep at home tonight.”

Ely shook her head. "You might get discharged tomorrow.”

“Exactly.”

She frowned. "There's no point, I might as well stay here.”

“No, Ely, go home and have a nice long bath and spend time with Chris and Arrow.”

"I don't want to.”

“Of course you want to. I’m stable, I’m comfortable, my physio will start today and hopefully tomorrow I’ll be discharged. Then I’ll be under your feet at home and annoying you. You need your own space.”

She shrugged. "I don't really.”

“You do, Ely. You’ve been living in my hospital room for days.”

"I love you."

"And I love you. I just think you should get away for an evening, have some time to yourself. Chris will cook for you."

She looked down. "I'll miss you."

"I'll still be here waiting in the morning."

"It's not the same."

He took her hand, lacing their fingers. "Look, sweetie. The both of us need our space. I'm going to be stuck at home for the next six weeks at least and you're gonna have to deal with that. You need your space. I know I need mine. I love you to bits, I really do, but you fuss more than the nurses."

Ely nodded. "Okay. I'll go home." She agreed softly, almost defeated. If he wanted his space, he could have it. He was right, as always. She wasn't thinking of him, just herself.

He squeezed her hand. "I'm not kicking you out. I swear. I don't want to upset you." He said softly. 

"I know. It's okay, you're right."

He kissed her cheek. "I love you. And just go this evening, Chris can take you at like eight."

“Yeah, ‘kay. Can we cuddle?”

"Yeah. All the cuddles in the world."

She closed her eyes, pressed up against him. She’d need this memory, tonight. She wanted to remember how it felt to be held, to have his warmth next to her. 

She did go home, though. Chris came to see Fao in the evening, and eventually eight rolled around and she stood up, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“Love you,” She said, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

"Love you too, gorgeous. I'll see you in the morning. Sleep well. Arrow will keep you company."

She nodded, swallowing thickly. “Yeah. Text me if you need anything.” She said, stepping back. Chris was holding the door open behind her, there was no point hanging about. 

"I will, promise." He said, and gave Chris a look that said 'look after her or so help me God'. Chris nodded and took Ely home. With them gone, Fao took a very careful shower, and settled down to bed after doing his physio exercises. He watched a film, then fell asleep. 

The car ride was silent. It felt wrong, to be going home without him. She hated it. And Chris didn't press, which she was grateful for. He made something for them to eat, and then Ely went to bed.

Being in the bed felt all kinds of wrong too. Sat up against the headboard, Ely brought her knees to her chest, desperately trying to focus on something, anything. But being here was bringing all sort of thoughts. She couldn't make sure Fao was okay, she wasn't there if somehow anything happened.

This time, though, she knew what was happening. Her fingers itched to scratch along her arms, to break the skin. She couldn't. What she really needed.... Ely fumbled for her phone, toes twitching, knowing it was late. Her mum probably wouldn't even pick up, she might be fast asleep.

Holding her breath, she waited for her to answer.

Grace was stirred by the phone ringing beside her bed. It was just after midnight, and she frowned. Had something happened? Normally if something bad happened the police came over, she was sure. So she reached out to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Mum," Ely nearly sobbed when she answered, "I don't know what to d-do."

"Oh, sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"Fao's in h-hospital. I know he's fine, he'll p-probably be discharged tomorrow b-but I had a breakdown when h-he went in and now I'm h-home and I think I'm gonna have another."

"Shhh, it's okay. You said yourself he's fine, yeah? You're safe, he's safe, everything's going to be fine."

"It feels wrong, that I'm h-here and he's n-not." She whimpered. "Mum, I want to hurt myself."

"Oh, Elyana." She murmured. "Do you want me to come over?"

She was a little taken back. "If... if you want. I don't w-wanna force you."

"Don't be silly, honey. I'll always come over for my little girl." Grace said, already getting out of bed. "I'll be twenty minutes, do you think you'll be okay?"

"Yeah. I can go get Arrow." She said, sniffing and wiping her nose.

"Keep yourself safe, sweetheart."

"I will. Love you, mum."

"I love you too, sweetie." She said, grabbing some clothes and shoving them into her bag. She set off quickly, and was at Ely's flat in 15 minutes. She knocked lightly on the door, knowing Ely's flatmate would be around. 

Chris let her in, very confused for a moment before it dawned on him. He didn't know her, but the resemblance was startling.

"She's in the bedroom." He said, and walked her there before knocking on the door. "Ely, your mother's here."

Ely opened the door quickly, aware of her blotchy face. "Mum."

"Oh, pumpkin, come here." Grace said, wrapping her daughter in a hug, nodding to Chris, who shut the door and left them to it. 

She fell against her mum, wrapping her arms tightly around him. "I'm so scared, mum."

"I know. But it's okay, he's okay, you said yourself."

She curled her fingers into her mum's clothes. "I can't stop worrying."

"That's okay. Come on, into bed with you. Where's this dog of his?"

"Uh, outside. In the main room."

"Go and get him, I'm sure he'll make you feel better. He's Fao's dog, after all."

Ely sniffed again, but nodded. "Yeah, okay. Be right back." She said, and hurried out of the room. She came back a few seconds later, with Arrow trotting behind her. She shut the door carefully. "There."

"Good. Now, into bed."

It was good, to be ordered what to do. It gave structure, which was what she needed. Ely did as she was told, climbing into bed. Arrow jumped up and curled up behind her legs, and she looked to her mother.

"Join me?" She asked.

"Of course, sweetheart." Grace murmured, slipping into bed with her daughter.

Ely immediately cuddled up. There was nothing like cuddling with her mother, nothing better. Head resting on her chest, she closed her eyes, breathing deeply. "I'm not well." She murmured.

"Oh, pumpkin, I know."

She bit her lip. "In s-surgery, Fao nearly died. And I... I lost it."

"You were understandably worried about him, and I'm sure that didn't help your mental health."

Ely shook her head. "Mum, I tried to kill myself." She admitted, her voice dropping.

Grace's blood ran cold, but she knew she couldn't get angry. "Are you getting help? Please tell me you are, please..."

Her teeth sunk deeper into her bottom lip. "I...I was. But then I didn't have time, and Fao had his surgery.... I haven't been home except tonight, I haven't even thought of therapy…."

“You need to go back, honey.” Grace said, smoothing her hair and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I lost your papa too soon, I can’t lose you as well.”

She nodded. “I’m gonna. As soon as Fao’s out of hospital.”

"Good."

“You’re not gonna loose me.” Ely promised. “I wanna get married and have a family.”

She smiled. “Now that I’ll encourage.”

Her lips managed to smile too. "He proposed when he was drugged up."

“Oh, bless him.”

"I said no.”

“I assume because he was drugged up and not because you don’t want to marry him.”

She nodded. "Yeah. I really want to marry him."

"I'm glad to hear it. Now get some sleep."

"Okay. Stay?"

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Love you, mum." She whispered.

"I love you too, pumpkin. Sleep tight."

Ely partly felt like a child, having to have her mum to sleep, but she really needed the comfort. Besides, her mother gave the best hugs, even better than Fao's, and while she rung her every week there was nothing like having her there. Content, and feeling safe now - like she wasn't going to do anything stupid - she managed to settle off.


	43. Chapter 43

She woke later than she'd have liked, to find her mother gone. Groaning, she rolled over and checked her phone - nine in the morning. She groaned again, and was about to get out of bed when her mum came back. A cup of tea and her favourite blueberry pancakes. Thankful, though not actually that hungry, she ate it anyway and then had a shower. She had to get back to Fao.

Chris drove her, dropping her off at the door and telling her to text if she wanted picking up. He was off to go meet Alice (she was sure they were getting more serious), but she knew if she did they'd get a taxi. She didn't want to pull him away.

Plastering a smile on her face, to hide how shaky she was about the night before, she entered Fao's little room.

"Morning!" She greeted brightly.

He was sat in the chair beside his bed with his feet up, dressed in a loose shirt and his pyjama bottoms. 

"Morning. How was your night alone?"

She smiled, deciding that she couldn't tell him what had really happened. He'd think less of her for it, and she couldn't let him know she'd not had therapy and had forgotten her tablets. "Okay. I didn't realise I missed my bed so much." She lied.

"Well, you'll have me in it tonight." He said with a smile. "I'm coming home."

"Good. I'm sick of these four walls."

"So am I. Can't wait to see Arrow again."

"He's missed you." She said.

"Of course he has, he's my baby." He said with a smile. "My physio needs to sign me off and then I'm pretty much sorted."

She nodded, perching on the bed, given he was in the seat. "Hopefully not long, then."

"It'll be nice to be home."

"I want you home."

"Glad to hear it." He said with a smile. His physio didn't take too long, and once the discharge papers were sorted he was free to go. So Ely called them a taxi and they headed home. Fao let himself in, and Arrow came rushing over. With a grin, he carefully bent to pat the dog. 

"It smells amazing in here. Has Chris been cooking?"

Ely bit her lip. "Uh, actually-"

She was cut off by her mother, popping her head out of the kitchen. "You must be Fao!"

Fao glanced over at Ely, before back at the greying woman in front of him. It wasn't hard to figure out who she was. "Ah, Grace?"

"Indeed. It's lovely to meet you."

"And you. Ely didn't mention that you were here..."

Ely bit her lip, taking his hand. "I sort of... forgot."

He rolled his eyes. "You're silly, sometimes." He told her. "But it's very nice to meet you. Your cooking smells lovely, but I should sort my stuff out... Ely?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I'll come help you."

He smiled, and headed into the bedroom, careful with his crutches. It was almost as if he'd gone back in time. 

She helped him with his bags, dumping them on the bed. "Do you want to shower?"

"I showered last night, I'm good." He murmured. "Why's your mum here?"

"I rung her last night and asked her to come over." He didn't need to know why.

"I'm all for meeting your mum, sweetie, but I'm a state. I've not shaved since the day before my hip went."

She looked down. "It wasn't..... It wasn't really for you to meet her. I needed her."

"That's okay, sweetie." He said softly. "I just wasn't expecting it, that's all."

"I should have told you. Sorry."

"I'll survive." He replied. "I'd just throw all of what's in my bag in the wash, and we'll sort it out later. I should actually socialise with your mum now."

"You don't have to if you're tired.”

“No, I want to. Let me just have a quick cigarette.”

She nodded. "Okay. Do you want a coffee too?”

“Proper coffee would be amazing.”

"I'll get one ready for you." She said softly, brushing her lips against his slightly furry cheek. "I like the beard, by the way." She whispered, and then left.

“Piss off!” He whispered back with a grin. He found his cigarettes in his bedside drawers, drawing one out and finding his dad’s old lighter. He headed out to the garden, where he smoked. It felt incredible, to finally smoke again, and when he was done he headed back inside to put his lighter away. He came back, settling down on the sofa with his dog.

She'd been talking to her mum in the kitchen, one eye on Fao out in the garden, just in case. Grace told her that she'd leave in a few hours, if that was okay. She was keen to let them have some time together in their home before Chris came back. Ely agreed, and then took Fao his coffee before sitting next to him.

"There you go.”

“Mmm, thank you sweetheart.” He said with a smile.

"Welcome. Hope its better than hospital stuff.”

“It’s a thousand times better.” He said.

"Good." She murmured, leaning against him.

He wrapped his arm around her. “Love you."

"Love you too. Love the beard more.”

He smiled. “Maybe I should keep it.”

"I'd love that.”

“Can’t keep it when I go back to work, though.”

She frowned. "I know. Why do you always choose professions where you can't have a beard?”

“Technically I haven’t changed professions.”

"You know what I mean.”

He smiled. “Well, I can’t help it.”

"Don't shave it straight off when you get the all clear, then.”

“I’ll keep it for as long as I can.”

She smiled back at him. "You really know how to please me.”

“Oh, I do.”

"Shame we can't do anything yet.”

“The time will come.”

She raised an eyebrow. "I hope I'll cum." She shot back.

"Elyana!" Her mother shouted from the kitchen.

Fao laughed, mostly because of Grace’s reaction. “God.”

"Mum!" Ely shouted back. "I'm thirty two, I can swear!”

“It’s not the swearing I’ve an issue with, missy, it’s the crudeness!”

"You shouldn't have even been listening!" She retorted, and turned her face against Fao. "Protect me, she's bullying me.”

Fao laughed. “You’re on your own.”

Grace smiled to herself as she cooked. “I can’t help but overhear, I’m not far away.”

"I swear you can hear everything.”

“I’m a mother. I always hear what you don’t want me to.”

"I hate you.”

“Love you too, Elyana!” She called back.

"Stop listening and let me talk with my boyfriend!”

Him and Ely spent most of the day with Grace, whose cooking was amazing. They talked, and she helped out around the house a bit, and then she headed home. Ely had Fao, and that was all she needed. 

Fao recovered, albeit slowly, and after twelve weeks at home (at Ely’s insistence) he went back to work. They had a quiet Christmas together, with wine and drunk games. And as January drew to an end, Fao started thinking about what to do for his birthday. He couldn’t get away from it now, so he might as well celebrate it. He’d enjoyed last year, with Ely.


	44. Chapter 44

Fao booked them a long weekend in Wales, just the two of them and the dog. They were staying in an old coach house with big cosy fireplaces and a nice big master suite. It was self catered, with a big kitchen, but it was in the grounds of a lovely country hotel, a five minute walk to the restaurant. So, they’d taken the time off of work, and the morning before his birthday, they were headed to Swansea.

The drive was long, but they got there in the end, and when they did, it was worth it. Fao parked up and collected the keys, then tossed them to Ely whilst he dealt with their bags. 

She caught them, laughing, and turned to the coach house. She'd briefly seen the pictures when Fao had talked about booking somewhere, but it was nothing to the real thing. She turned back to him, hanging about in the doorway nervously.

"It's... It's beautiful."

"Isn't it just?" He said, appearing behind her with the bags and the dog. 

"You chose well. Can we stay forever?"

"I wish we could."

She moved in, out of the way. “We can pretend we’re retired.”

He laughed. “Yeah, we can. Take the dog?”

She took the lead off of him. “I actually get him?”

“Yeah, you do.” He murmured. 

Smiling, she lead Arrow into the cottage. “Do you want any help?”

"I'm good. I'll dump the bags in the bedroom and then bring Arrow's bed in."

She nodded. “Okay. Restaurant for tea?”

"Yeah. I don't fancy cooking."

“Neither do I.”

"Good. Restaurant it is. Do you want to shower?" He asked.

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Only if I have company.”

"Oh, is it like that?"

“Of course it is.”

“Well, why don’t you get started and I’ll join you?”

She grinned. "Sure." She said, letting go of Arrow's lead for a moment as she moved to kiss him. "Don't be long.”

“I won’t be.” He said with a grin.

"Better not be." She warned, slipping away to let Arrow off of his lead. He'd stay in the building.

“You know I won’t."

"Good. I'll be waiting!" She replied, shooting him a coy smile before she disappeared.

He sorted out the bags and the dog’s stuff, and then headed up to shower with Ely. They had an amazing time, and ended up breathless and not exactly clean. But it was worth it, and not long after they started getting dressed to go and eat.

Ely pulled on a nice dress, and started on her makeup. "Do I get to pay for anything?"

"Nope. This is my treat."

She huffed. "But it's nearly your birthday!"

"Nearly being the key word."

"You should let me pay on your birthday, then."

"Maybe I will."

She twisted to look at him. "Are you feeling okay?" She teased.

"It was a maybe, don't panic."

“Don’t make me think you’re unwell.” She chided, smiling. 

"I'm perfectly fine. Fighting fit." He replied with a crooked grin. 

She grinned back, but turned to do her makeup. “You’ve proved that. I ache.”

He stood, resting his hands on her waist and pressing kisses to her neck. "In a good way, I hope." He purred. 

“Mmm, definitely.” She replied. 

"Good. Perhaps after dinner I'll kiss it better."

“Oh, I’d love that.” She said, twisting to kiss him. 

"I know you would."

“Maybe I can even return the favour.”

"Mmm, thank you."

They headed to go eat, and on their way back it started snowing, small light flakes that got caught in their hair. It was cold but not awful, and the snow was so light it wasn't a bother. The kiss they shared when they got in helped to warm them up, and Fao made sure all of Ely's aches were kissed away. They settled in bed under the thick duvet and blankets, all cuddled up against the cold. Arrow wasn't happy about not being allowed to sleep on the bed, but he soon settled on his own bed at the foot of theirs. 

Fao woke early the morning of his birthday, and everything was quiet and still. Content, he slipped out of bed with a cigarette between his teeth and his lighter in his hand, venturing out to the little balcony in the master bedroom that showed the incredible view. That morning, when he padded outside, he was greeted by a thick blanket of snow. Grinning, he lit his cigarette, brushed the snow off of the rail and leant against it, marvelling in the incredible silence that snow brings with it. 

She stirred when he left her, and dozed for a couple of minutes, not quite ready to wake up. But she did, and followed the cool breeze to find Fao smoking on the balcony. She made sure he heard her before she wrapped her arms around his waist, face against his back. 

“Happy birthday.” She murmured softly. 

He smiled at her touch and her soft words. "Thank you. Good morning."

“Good morning.” She replied. “Did you ask for it to snow?”

"I didn't, but it's gorgeous."

“It is.” She agreed. 

He took a long drag on his cigarette, then exhaled, tapping the ash off on the ashtray beside him. "I love snow."

“I only like it if there’s someone to warm me up.” She said. 

"Well, you're in luck."

“I suppose I am.”

"I'm plenty warm."

“You always are.” She said, lacing her fingers together. “Like a portable radiator.”

"I live to please."

“How much of that cigarette is left?”

"Not much, why?"

“Wanna cuddle in bed.” She said. In reality, she wanted to give him his presents. 

He hummed, and stubbed his cigarette out. "Come on then, cuddles."

She let go of him, pulling the shirt she’d borrowed back over her shoulder, and lead the way back inside. The fluffy socks she’d put on slipped a little on the floor, but she didn’t care. She just grinned at her boyfriend, climbing back into bed. 

He climbed in next to her, pressing kiss to her neck. "You and your dumb fluffy socks." He teased. "What are you, thirteen?"

“Fuck off,” she replied, turning her head so he could get to her neck, “I have bad circulation, they keep me warm.”

"Jus' wear normal socks."

“No. These are cute.” She shot back. 

He slipped his cold hand over her stomach, splaying his fingers out. 

Ely whined, trying to push his hand away. “Stop it!”

He laughed. "Why? Too cold?"

“Yes!”

"Wuss."

“I’m trying to get warm.” She shot back. 

"I know plenty of ways." He purred. 

She grinned at him. “What are you hanging about for, then?”

He laughed. "Just winding you up."

“If you wind me up you won’t get your presents.” She shot back.

"Oh, presents are at stake?"

“Of course they are.” She said, looking at him. “Might be your birthday but you’ve got to keep me happy.”

He laughed again. "Then I will."

She rolled over to him, pressing a kiss to his lips. “Though I might get your presents first.”

"Mmm, I want you first."

And he had her, too. Slow and sweet with kisses that swallowed moans. He took his time with her, kissing all over her, and when they finished he was grinning. 

"Did I do well enough for my presents?"

Breathless and sated, she smiled back at him. “Once my head’s stopped spinning.”

He laughed. "I can wait."

She waited a few moments, and then peeled herself away from him to get root through her bag. She pulled out a funny shaped wrapped present and an envelope, and passed them to him. 

He sat up, taking them from her. "Thank you."

She sat next to him, crossing her legs under the duvet. "Don't say that until you've opened them."

"I'm sure they're perfect."

"Open them, then."

He started with the envelope, carefully opening it and pulling out what was inside. It was a voucher for a three day wine tasting tour in Bordeaux. "Oh, Ely. This is amazing."

She smiled at him. "I figured it was something you'd love. And I get to watch you."

"Surely you're tasting too."

"Yeah, but I still get to watch you do it."

"True."

She pushed the package towards him. "This one is more practical, but...."

He took it from her, and opened it to reveal a box. Inside the box was a brand new stethoscope. Black, with dark copper detailing. "Oh my god, it's gorgeous."

She really couldn't stop smiling. "I got sick of you complaining about losing your own and having to use a hospital one."

He grinned. "It's perfect. The one I've been using is shit."

"Exactly."

He moved to kiss her. "I love you."

She hummed against his lips, cupping his cheek with one hand. "I love you too. Happy birthday."

"Thank you. Thank you so much." He murmured. 

"You're welcome." She said. "What's the plan for today?"

"Uh, the dog needs a walk, and then I figured since it's so snowy we could just curl up on the sofa?"

She nodded. "That'd be nice. I've got a new jumper I want to wear, anyway."

"Perfect."

Ely looked up at him. "Do we have some hot chocolate?"

"Yeah, there's some in my bags. I'll get it."

"I can get it." She replied, sitting up.

"Nah, it's alright. I know you like the way I make it." He said with a smile, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek before he got up. 

"Mmm, okay." She agreed. If he wanted to, she wasn't going to argue - birthday or not.

He smiled, and headed off to grab it from his bag - making sure the box was still where it was meant to be. He made Ely a hot chocolate, and coffee for himself, and then headed back to bed with both mugs. He handed Ely hers, and slipped back under the covers with his. "Miss me?"

She'd propped up the cushions in his absence, so she could pull the duvet up over her but still stay mostly sat.

"Of course I did." She said, crossing one foot over the over under the covers.

"Good."

"Missed your cock more."

"Oh, shut up. Dirty cow."

She laughed, blowing her hot chocolate to cool it. "You love me as I am." She retorted.

They had their hot drinks, and then forced themselves out of bed for breakfast and a shower each. Then, bundled up warm, they took Arrow for a walk. It was freezing out, obviously, so they weren't long before they came back, rubbing Arrow in a towel to get the melting snow off of his legs and belly, and then they moved into the main room.

They ended up cuddling with Fao laying across the sofa, and Ely's legs between his own so she could lay on his chest. Content, with the fire roaring, Ely hummed, messing with a loose thread on his jumper.

"Are you enjoying your birthday?"

He smiled, kissing the top of her head. "It's perfect."

"I'm glad." She said softly, moving her hand so she could mess with his fingers idly instead.

"You've made it perfect."

"That's cute." She teased. "Maybe next year it won't just be us two."

He smiled. "Maybe. You want to start trying?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I wanna stay with you and have a family."

He knew now he was making the right decision. "So do I. How many?"

She shrugged. "However many we can get. I'd love three." She doubted she'd manage to fall pregnant three times, though. Her endo made it difficult, and she'd have to go get looked at, really, and come off of her pill.

He hummed. "I'd like two." He murmured. "But whatever makes you happy."

"I want you to be happy too." She replied, shuffling a little. "You'll be a great father."

"I hope so." He said softly. "I've not had the best role models."

Ely tilted her head to look up at him. It was a little uncomfortable, but she didn't care. "You will be. I can feel it."

"Thank you. I like working with the kids at work."

"You're really good with them." She praised. "Do you have any name ideas?"

"Other than the ones I told you three years ago?"

She nodded. "Yeah. It's been three years."

"I've not really thought much about it, other than telling Ollie he'd be godfather."

"I still really like Arthur." She admitted.

"So do I."

"If we have a son." She murmured. If she could get pregnant at all.

"You'll have to see someone. I know someone who'd be happy to see you..."

She shrugged. "I'll book something when we're back home. Right now, I wanna enjoy your birthday with you."

"Yeah. Doesn't have to be right now. She's a friend and I know if I asked she'd take care of you. Of course, if you have someone you'd rather see that's fine..."

"It's been ages since I was seen," she said, "probably when I was in Birmingham. I need a checkup in any case, so it's fine."

"Yeah, okay."

She let a smile pull at her lips. "Besides, Mum's begging to be a grandma."

"And she'll be amazing at it."

"She'll be in her element."

"I can tell she wants grandkids to spoil."

She continued messing with his fingers, turning his hand over in the low light. "She loves you, too."

"Honestly, she's the mother I never had." He murmured. "I think we should move. Buy a house together."

"You've already said." She said softly. "We could start looking when we go home? Chris has been on about moving out anyway."

"Yeah. We'll need a bigger place."

"We will. A couple of spare bedrooms, enough for a nursery at least."

"Definitely. And a proper garden too."

She smiled. “Yeah. Couple of bathrooms, maybe.”

"For sure. I know how long you spend getting ready." He teased. 

“For children!” She exclaimed. “We could have an en suite.”

"Yeah. We need loads of space."

“It’s a shame we can’t go live in the big house.” She murmured. 

"The commute's a nightmare. The trains are always fucked and the drive sucks."

“I know.” She said, closing her eyes. “Hopefully we’ll find somewhere good.”

"I know we will."

“It’s be nice to have our own place.”

"Yeah. We'll need to get a dog walker again, when Chris moves."

She shrugged. “Not the end of the world.”

"No, not the end of the world."

“We need one anyway.”

"We really do."

“And we’ll have to look at reducing our hours.” She murmured. 

"If we want kids, yeah."

She looked up at him. “Needs must and all that.”

"Though right now I'm not as flexible as you, given I took 12 weeks off."

“I know.” But they had time. 

"It'll work out."

She hummed. "Yeah. Could be months yet."

"Mmmhmmm." He agreed quietly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. 

It could be a couple of years, for all they knew. "At least you're up to trying, now."

"There's nothing I want to do more."

She laughed quietly. "Whore."

"There's nothing whoreish about wanting to start a family."

"There is when it's you."

He rolled his eyes. "Well, we might have some fun whilst we do it."

"Did you just roll your eyes?"

He laughed. "No!"

"You better not have!" She replied, lifting herself up to look at him.

"Why would I? I love you." He said with a crooked smile. 

"Because you're a twat."

"I'm not! You can't be mean to me it's my birthday."

She smiled back at him. "You're my twat. That's just telling the truth."

"I think you'll find that you're mine." He teased. 

"I'm not owned by any man."

"Yeah, yeah." He murmured. 

"Strong independent woman and all that."

They spent most of the day like that, honestly. Curled up on the sofa, talking about everything and nothing. They kissed and they laughed and Arrow stayed sprawled out in front of the fire. The hotel rang them around dinner time to ask if, due to the weather, they wanted some food brought over to them. They happily accepted and ended up eating on the big fur rug in front of the fire, still talking and laughing, Fao feeding her the occasional piece of cake from his fork. 

They'd pretty much finished eating, and Fao sipped his wine before looking at Ely. He bit his lip, checked his pocket mentally and then shifted his weight. He pulled out the little ring box, settled on one knee, and cleared his throat. 

"Ely... I sort of tried to do this a while ago but my brain was scrambled and it didn’t come out right and it wasn’t the right time but now I think it is and my sentiment holds true - you’ll look amazing in white and I want to see that. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Ely. I want to wake up every day and see my wife next to me, and I want to start our family - however long that takes - and have birthdays and christmases with you. I love you so, so much. Please, marry me?"

She'd been leaning against him, sipping slowly on her wine when she felt him move. Her brow furrowed and she turned to look at him, eyes widening as he got on one knee. Her heart started to pound in her chest. Her eyes were drawn to the ring, the beautiful rose gold ring with minimal diamonds - understated, but gorgeous. And then he spoke, rambled a little, and a lump grew in her throat.

She became aware of tears when she blinked, hardly daring to believe what he was saying. It was so, so different to his former proposal, when he'd been drugged up and high on painkillers. This was real, and perfect.

Her bottom lip wobbled and she nodded.

"Yes," she said, her voice shaking, "yes, I'll marry you."

"Oh, thank God." He breathed. "I was worried you were gonna say no again."

"I only said no because you were just out of theatre."

"I know, but I was still worried." He murmured, reaching to take the ring out of the box. "Come here and kiss me?"

She placed her wine glass down out of the way, and shuffled forwards on her knees, leaning in so she could kiss him.

He kissed back, soft and uncertain. It just felt so unreal. He couldn't believe he'd actually gone and done it. 

Ely kissed him a little harder, trying to get across that she was happy, that she wanted it. She still hiccupped, though, as she slid her fingers up into his hair.

He held her waist, stabilising the both of them. They kissed for what felt like forever, and when they finally pulled apart he was grinning, though a stray tear snuck down his cheek. "Love you."

She wiped her own eyes. "Love you more. Can I have the ring?"

"Yeah, yeah. Gimme your hand?"

She offered her left hand to him, biting her bottom lip.

Carefully, he slid the ring onto her ring finger. "There. Fits perfectly."

"I'm not even surprised." She murmured, turning her hand so that the ring glinted in the low light. "It's beautiful."

"Just like you." He said, kissing her cheek. 

"Piss off, you wet mop."

"You love it."

She nodded with a sniff. "Yeah, I do. Fucking hell, we're gonna get married."

"God, I hope so."

“I’ve said yes now.”

He laughed. "We should start planning."

“What, right now?”

"Well, not right now, but we'll need to soon. What about late summer?"

She nodded, and pressed a kiss to his lips. “I’d love that.”

"August?"

"Yeah. It won't be too hot then."

"But not too cold." He replied. "We could look at venues, but honestly I'm thinking about using the house in Surrey."

She nodded, and moved to sit next to him. "That'd be really nice."

"We wouldn't have to pay and we'd be able to be more flexible with dates."

"And I'm sure the garden looks lovely in summer." She said, resting her head on his shoulder.

"It really does."

"So, a venue is sorted." She said, lacing their fingers together. The ring was an almost heavy presence there, but it was more than welcome. She gasped. "I should ring Mum!"

He laughed. "You should. Go talk to her, I'll tidy all this up."

She pressed a kiss to his cheek, getting up to get her phone off of the sofa arm. "I'll come join you soon, promise." She said, already unlocking it to find her mum's number.

He smiled. "Take your time. I'm sure she's over the moon."

There was something about his smile. Suspicious, she sat down on the sofa, putting her phone to her ear and waiting while it rung.

Grace answered after a few rings. "Hello?"

"Mum," she said, barely breathing, "Fao proposed!"

Grace laughed. "Oh, did he now?"

Ely paused. "You knew, didn't you?" She accused.

"He asked for my blessing!"

"I can't believe you two!"

"Well, he said he was thinking about doing it properly and as your father is no longer with us he asked me. Of course, I said yes."

Ely huffed, curling her legs up under her. "You two are thick as thieves, honestly."

"Well, he's traditional and I approve."

"I should hope so, because I said yes."

"Of course you said yes."

She smiled to herself. "I cried."

"Well, you've always been soft."

"I have not!" She retorted, mock offended. "I'm a captain of the Army, I'm not soft!"

"Ex-captain." Her mother reminded her. "You've got a soft heart."

“I’m a stone cold ice queen.”

Grace laughed. "No, you're not. It's one of the things I love about you."

“You’re meant to love me anyway, I’m your daughter.”

"Of course I do. And I'm very excited you're getting married."

She glanced around for Fao, just wanting to check where he was. “I want you to walk me down the aisle.”

She hesitated then. "Oh, honey, that was meant to be your Papa's job... I don't know..."

“But he’s not here. I want it to be you, if you want to.”

"I'll have to think about it."

“That’s okay.” She said. “I don’t want to force you into it.” She could ask Ollie or Chris instead. 

"Give me time, pumpkin."

"You've got all the time in the world." She said softly.

"There you go again with that soft heart of yours." Grace said, ignoring the tightness in her throat and the tears threatening to spill. 

"I can be an ice queen if it stops you crying." She replied, biting her bottom lip.

"Oh, don't be ridiculous, sweetie. I'm very happy for you."

"I can hear you starting to blubber." She said. "It's where I get it from."

"Not because of anything you've done. I'm just proud of my little girl."

"I'll come see you once we're back." Ely promised.

"You better. And bring that fiancé of yours."

She laughed. "I will, Mum, I promise."

"Good. I love you, sweetie."

"Love you too, Mum."

"Now go and have a lovely time with Fao. I'm sure there's some stuff you'd like to do to celebrate." She said with a smile Ely couldn't see. 

"Mum!"

"What?! You're adults, and I know you're not saving yourself for your wedding night. Go and have some fun."

She wanted to tell her mum the decision she'd come to, but she didn't. Instead, she tried not to laugh too much. "Okay. Love you. See you soon."

"See you soon, pumpkin. Bye."

"Bye." She murmured, and hung up. "Fao! Mum thinks we should get on with celebrating!"

Fao laughed, heading back into the room. "I'm happy to." He purred. 

She grinned at him. "Of course you are."

"I'm always happy to. Send the dog out and we can see how comfy the rug is?"

"You dirty bastard." She accused playfully, getting up and ushering the dog out of the room and into the bedroom.

"Oh, you love me." Fao called back with a grin. 

“I do.” She agreed. “You gonna come get me?”

"Mmm, you know I am." He purred, wandering over to rest his hands on her hips, pressing a kiss to her neck.

She smiled, tilting her head back with a soft moan. 

He chuckled, scraping his teeth over the delicate skin. 

She groaned. “Are you really gonna tease me?”

"I know how much you love it." He replied softly.

“I’d love you between my legs more.”

"Why don't you give me a show, eh? I'll just relax on the sofa."

“Is that an order?”

He grinned, moving away to settle on the sofa. "You bet it is."

She bit her lip, watching as he moved away. She swore she could still feel his lips on her neck as she pulled her jumper off, and then the rest of her clothes. She felt on show, all of his attention on her, given there was no music. But she sunk to the floor, naked, making sure he had a good view of her arse.

“Perhaps you should give me more orders.” She suggested, edging closer to him. 

He grinned. "Come here, then. Help me out of these clothes."

Smiling coyly, she slid her hands up his legs, but avoided his crotch as she reached for the waistband of his jeans. 

He gave her a few more orders, but it wasn’t long before they ended up on the floor, totally engrossed in each other. It was slow and passionate, totally engrossed in each other. But, nonetheless, it came to an end, as did their little getaway. They booked time off around six weeks later, so they had the time to sort stuff out for the wedding.


	45. Chapter 45

Fao grinned over at Ely as they pulled into the parking space for the caterer's where they were tasting the food ahead of making the menu choices. "Excited?"

She nodded with a smile. “Yeah.”

"So am I."

“You just want to stuff your face.”

"Well, that too."

She reached out to take his hand. "To be honest, so do I."

"We're both pigs."

"You're more of a pig than me." She said. "You shouldn't call a woman a pig."

"I just eat more. And you're a very beautiful pig."  
F  
She huffed playfully. "You're so rude to me!"

"I just called you beautiful!" He protested, as they headed over the the door. 

"You also called me a pig!"

"A beautiful pig."

She pushed him with her shoulder. "Still a pig. You can't get away from that."

"Pigs are very sweet. I love pigs."

Ely rolled her eyes. "Stop trying to make it sound good."

"Well, I have to redeem myself somehow."

"Buy me some flowers and let's have a date night." She replied with a soft smile.

"Gladly."

"Mmm, love you."

"Love you too."

"C'mon, let's see about the food." She said.

"Let's." He agreed, pushing his way into the little place. 

There was a man at the counter. He smiled in greeting. “Good morning, what can I help you with?”

Fao smiled. "Hi. I'm Fao Blackwood, I booked a tasting for my wedding menu for 10 am today?"

“Oh, of course!” He said, stepping out from behind the counter to shake his hand. “And this must be your beautiful bride?”

Fao grinned. "Yeah, this is Ely." He introduced. 

Ely smiled and shook his hand too. "Lovely to meet you." She said. The man was grinning as he looked at them both.

"Just this way, then."

Fao followed him, taking Ely's hand and lacing their fingers together. They were led to a small room with a rather large table, and the both of them sat. 

"Do you know if you want Amuse Bouche?"

"Oh, that sounds great. l'll certainly try it." He said, glancing over at Ely.

Ely nodded. “Yeah, I will too.”

"Great." The man said with a smile. "I'll bring out the list of what you requested, and then we'll bring the food and wine."

Ely hummed. "Okay." She said, rubbing her thumb over the back of Fao's hand idly. The man smiled at them and then disappeared. He wasn't gone long, returning with a list. He handed a copy to each of them.

"I know you don't have any Amuse Bouche on there, but we have a few examples. We do a goat's cheese pearl with a beetroot and basil dressing, caramelised onion puree with mozzarella and a baby basil leaf and basil dressing, melon with calvados and quinche jelly, and cured salmon with a cucumber and lemon dressing."

Fao smiled. "They all sound amazing."

"Is there anything standing out to you?" He asked. "An Amuse Bouche is served before the starter, such as when guests enter the reception."

"The melon and the salmon, I think." Fao replied, shooting a glance over at Ely. "What about you?"

She nodded. "Same for me. I'd like the goat's cheese but it's like marmite, isn't it?"

"It can be." He agreed. "How about I bring all three?"

Ely nodded. "That would be great. Thank you."

"Great. I'll be right back with them for you."

Still smiling, Ely nudged Fao. "This is going well already."

"I'm loving the amount of food."

"Of course you are, you fatty."

"Oh, piss off."

She laughed. "No. Don't each too much."

"I'll eat as much as I want, missy."

"Fat sod."

"You love me."

She smiled. "I suppose I do."

"I know you do. You're marrying me."

"Poor me."

"Oh, come off it."

"No." She said, kissing his cheek. The man came back, with three plates.

"You don't mind sharing, do you?" He asked.

"Oh, not at all."

He placed the plates down. "Wonderful. Choose whichever to start with."

"Mmm, thank you." Fao hummed, reaching for the melon.

"Save some for me." Ely teased.

"I will!"

"Mmm, good."

They spent hours trying all the food, and the wine. It was great, and before they left they'd fully sorted the menu. Wedding planning was hard when they worked over 50 hour weeks, but somehow they managed it. Now, they were heading down for a weekend in the Surrey house, partly to relax but also to sort out decor and things. They had rooms to clean out and arrangements for bedrooms for Ollie and Chris and Mark. So they headed down when they finally had some days off, taking the dog with them for a well needed leg stretch. Chris had apparently planned something with Alice, and would be gone all weekend, apparently. 

Ely hadn’t been to the house yet. They just hadn’t had the time, but she wanted to see it before she got married there, and they had stuff to do, too. Hand in hand with her fiancé, she stared up at the building. “It’s gorgeous.”

Fao smiled. To him, it was home. His house, his baby. He'd fought hard for it and now he was getting married there. He squeezed her hand. "Just like you." He murmured, as Arrow went trotting off towards the house. Very suddenly, he stopped, and his hackles pricked up. He barked at the door, not his typical bark either. Fao frowned, and whistled for him. Torn, Arrow stood there for a moment more before running back to Fao, whining and fussing. 

Ely frowned. “Why is he barking?”

Fao reached down to pat Arrow. "I genuinely have no idea."

“Let’s get inside.”

"Yeah. Come on, you daft dog. You've been here loads." He murmured, though Arrow still didn't look happy. They headed in, Fao frowning when he found the front door unlocked. And when they stepped into the house, something felt... Off. As Fao made his way into the first living room, he found a empty bottle of wine, and scattered cigarette butts, as well as a burn on one of the chairs. Arrow wouldn't settle, and once they were in the living room he sniffed over the chair and his hackles raised again, a growl rumbling in his chest. Fao swallowed thickly, as Arrow's growl turned into a bark. Fao shot a worried glance at Ely, and then Tomas emerged from another room. 

"If it isn't my dear old nephew." He slurred, and Fao noticed he was limping. Likely he'd hadn't kept up with his physio. "I wondered if you'd show up eventually."

Ely tried not to curl her lip. “You shouldn’t be here, this house doesn’t belong to you.”

"Oh, but it should do. Faolan here never uses it, the ungrateful faggot."

"Fuck off, Uncle."

"That doesn't make it yours." She said, voice hard. "You will leave, and find somewhere for yourself, or we will call the police for trespassing."

He grinned, limping forwards. "Oh, you wouldn't dare, you're just his slut."

"I very much would dare." She replied, raising her chin.

Fao hung back, unable to speak. Before, Tomas had been unable to move, drugged up and surrounded by other people. Here, it was just him, and he was on his feet. He knew he shouldn't be scared - he was taller than his uncle and a lot better in a fight, but he was paralysed with fear. 

Tomas simply reached out for Ely, going to cup her face. "You're too pretty for him."

She pulled a face of clear disgust, and swiped his hand away. "Oh, fuck off."

"I'd show you a proper fuck. He's too much of a fag to be any good."

"Like hell would I want to fuck an old, broken, stinking man." She retorted. 

"Maybe you could kiss me better. I think my nephew did a botched job."

Ely rolled her eyes. "Absolutely not. You should have kept up with your physio. Now, get lost."

"I've every right to be here. It was my dear brother's house."

"And now it has passed to Fao. He doesn't want you here."

"Oh but he does. I'm the only family he's got left."

"He has a new family now." She said, reaching into her back pocket for her phone.

"You don't count. Don't you dare reach for that phone, slut." He said, grabbing her arm. 

Fao managed to snap out of his fear when Tomas laid a hand on Ely. He stepped between them, pushing Tomas away.

"Touch her again and you're a dead man." He growled, and Arrow by his side looked lethal.

Ely didn't need Fao to protect her - she moved, standing by his side once more. She raised her phone, entering 999.

Tomas, now even more angry than before, snatched the phone from her hand and threw it to the ground, stepping hard on it. "What did I say?"

"Like I care." She shot back.

"Leave. Now." Fao managed to get out. 

His uncle laughed, shaking his head. "No." Was all he said, and then hit Fao around the face.

Fao stumbled, taken by surprise, and Arrow leapt forwards, barking. 

Ely immediately took action, stepping forwards and landing a punch to Tomas' nose. "Don't you fucking dare lay a hand on him again!" She shouted.

Tomas clutched at his bleeding nose, but laughed thickly. "Oh yeah? Is that all you've got?"

"That was me being gentle." She replied, moving to stand in front of Fao. Adrenaline surged through her veins - for all she'd been a medic, and her mother called her soft-hearted, it was good to fight.

"Oh, I'd never hit a woman."

"Coward."

Fao grabbed Arrow's collar and tried to move away, worried about all of them. Tomas could have the house, he didn't care. They'd go to Ireland to get married. With a grin, Tomas looked at him. "Where do you think you're going, faggot?"

"H-have the house."

Ely turned around. "Don't you dare let him," she said, "we're going to get married here."

Fao shook his head, eyes wide. He was terrified Tomas would hurt Ely, would grope her or rape her or worse. If the house was the price he had to pay, he'd pay it. 

"This is our dream, Fao. Don't let this disgusting man rip that away from us." She said, turning back to Tomas. "Get out, before I hit you harder."

"I'm not scared of you, you pussy."

"Wow, that's creative." She replied.

"I'd like to bend you over and fuck that pussy of yours." He slurred, roughly wiping the blood from his face. Fao felt sick, and grabbed Ely's hand.

"Please."

"You'll never get the chance." She replied. "Just gonna stand there? You either fight or you leave."

He sat down and lit a cigarette. "Oh, I'm staying put."

"No fight in you?"

"No need to fight."

"Leave, then. You're trespassing."

"No, I think I'll stay."

Ely stepped forwards, moving closer. "You'll leave."

"I said I'm staying, you slut. Fuck off out of my face."

She clenched her jaw, poking him hard in the chest. "You will leave."

He grabbed her hand, gripping it firmly. "Fuck off."

Ely tried so, so hard not to show any pain as he literally squeezed the bones of her hand together. "No. This is our house."

"It's mine. They only took it away whilst I was in prison." He said, blowing cigarette smoke in her face. 

"Everything that belong to Fao's father passes to him once he became an adult. That was years ago, so fuck off out of here."

"I'm not going anywhere."

Ely didn’t say anything. She just slapped him around the face with her other hand. 

Tomas stood up, now, angry. "You little fucking bitch." He growled, and grabbed her hair, pushing her down over the arm of the chair. With one hand he tugged at the waistband of her jeans.

Fao suddenly came to his senses and rushed forewards, grabbing Tomas off of her and shoving him against the wall. "No. You don't touch her. Get out of my house or so help me God I'll kill you." He snarled. 

Ely was winded by the impact, the angle and position leaving her unable to fight back. Fear welled up in her throat and a scared cry threatened to spill out of her mouth as her jeans were tugged on. Fuck, he was going to rape her. But then the weight vanished - she barely heard what Fao said, too busy trying to breathe. 

Tomas sneered. “So you say. You’re a fag and she’s a slut, and you’re in my house. My house!”

Fao gripped his throat, tight, and Tomas choked, trying to kick out. Fao dodged him, but even he was knocked aside by a black and tan shape. Arrow. He was stood in front of Tomas, who'd slumped to the floor, and he was stock still, growling with his hackles raised. 

Breathing hard, Ely got up from the chair and scrambled for the house phone. It was plugged in, for whatever reason, and she hastily dialled in 999. Tomas stared at the dog, unable to hide the fear in his eyes.

"Get that mutt away from me."

Fao crossed his arms with a grin. "Why should I?"

"Because I told you to, you fag."

"And why should I listen to anything you say?"

"I'll fucking kill you."

"Yeah, good luck with that."

Ely had got through to an operator, and was relaying details to the police. Tomas curled his lip, flattening his hands against the wall to push himself up.

"I should have killed you years ago." He said.

"Yeah, but you didn't, did you? You missed." Fao shot back. At Tomas' movement, Arrow growled again, stepping closer. 

"You nearly died, they told me." He said, ignoring the dog as he slowly stood.

"Nearly. Still alive and kicking, now."

"Fucking arse." He said.

"Well, it's too bad you didn't kill me, really. Because now you're stuck."

Ely watched the two of them, not daring to tell Fao the police were on their way. She didn't want to make Tomas angrier. Instead, she chewed her bottom lip. Leaning against the wall, Tomas reached out to swipe at Fao.

Arrow growled and snapped at Tomas, moving ever closer. Fao just grinned. "If you touch me I can't be responsible for what he does to you."  
"Call him off." Tomas repeated.

"No. If I call him off you'll do what you always used to do to me. That bottle over there is perfect."

"Call. Him. Off." Tomas ordered.

"No. I'm 35, I'm not having you smack me around like when I was younger."

Tomas glanced at Ely. "Call him off or I'll have your slut."

"Oh, what are you going to do to her?"

"Can't tell you that, can I?"

"Then I'm not calling the dog off. He won't let you move."

Tomas didn't care. Ignoring the dog, he rushed at Ely.

Arrow darted after him, a growling, snarling mess between the two of them. Fao seized his opportunity and grabbed his uncle from behind, hauling him back. "Get the fuck out of my house." He snarled. 

"You can't make me." He said, twisting to try and punch him. Ely spoke up then.

"No, he can't. But the police can."

"You called the police?" Tomas spat, as Fao tightened his grip, trying to get him to the floor. 

"Yes. You're breaking the law. This is my property, I have the paperwork to prove it."

Tomas wriggled, trying to get free. "I'll kill you, you bitch!"

"Yeah? Go on then."

He couldn’t get out from under his nephew, and it didn’t matter. There was a shout outside, and a small group of police officers rushed into the room. 

Fao released his uncle and grabbed a hold of the dog as the police arrived, worried he'd end up caught in the fray. 

The police were quick to arrest Tomas. It did mean that Ely and Fao had to be briefly interviewed, but it was worth it to get Tomas out of their hair. That didn’t mean Ely didn’t feel shaky after, though. After pictures and evidence had been taken, she sunk into a chair with a long sigh. 

Fao couldn't help but clean the house. There was glass to be thrown out, cigarette butts and ash to be swept up and the windows needed opening to get some air into the house. He busied himself with it, as it stopped him from thinking. He didn't want to think. 

After a while, Ely spoke. “Fao, are you okay?”

"Cleaning up after him." He muttered. "Disgusting cunt."

“Come here a minute?”

"I'm busy." He replied, not looking up. 

“Please?”

He stopped, looking over at her. "What's up?"

“I just want to make sure that you’re okay,” she said, “that must have been really tough for you.”

"Yeah, it was. I'm cleaning." He said, as if that explained everything. The living room was filthy, he didn't even want to think about the bedroom. He just hoped he hadn't been sleeping in the master. 

“Okay. D’you want a hand?”

"You sit. I'm fine."

“Okay.” She didn’t press. The business of cleaning should help him, and she was a little rattled too. 

"You could go make tea?" He suggested, scrubbing at a dirty spot. 

Ely nodded slowly. “Okay.” She said again, standing up. As she passed him, she pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

He smiled softly. His hands shook as he cleaned, but it helped to clear his head. "Is the kitchen gross too?"

She shook her head. “Not really. I don’t think he’s been in it.”

"Good."

She hummed in agreement, although he couldn’t hear. It didn’t take long to refill and boil the kettle While it boiled, she washed some mugs and spoons, just to make sure. Eventually, the tea was ready. She headed to find her fiancé with two steaming mugs. 

The living room was still so filthy. Everywhere there were bottles and wine stains and half smoked cigarettes. Fao wouldn't have been surprised if his uncle had passed out midway through smoking one and dropped it on the floor. It was a damn good job he'd not managed to set the house on fire. 

Ely cleared her throat. “I’m here.”

He jumped. "Oh, yeah. Thanks. Jus' stick it down somewhere."

“Sorry for scaring you.” She apologised. 

"It's fine."

She placed the tea down. “Other than earlier, I really like it here. It’s lovely."

"It's home." He murmured. 

“We could retire here, when we’re old and grey.”

"I'd love that."

“With kids looking after us.” She joked. 

"Yeah."

“We deserve to put our feet up.”

He hummed. "I should go sort out upstairs."

“Drink your tea first?”

He looked over at her, swallowing thickly. "I wanna make sure it's tidy."

"Okay. But take it with you?" She said. She didn't want it to go cold.

"I will." He promised.

Ely nodded. "Good. Shout me if you need me, yeah? You don't have to do this alone."

"I'm fine." He told her, and headed upstairs. He'd not been staying in the master bedroom, but the bedroom he'd lived in when Fao had been growing up. Feeling sick, he stripped the sheets and cleaned the room almost obsessively. 

He came back maybe an hour or so later, sitting down next to her with a heavy sigh. But they got everything sorted, cleaning rooms and organising who would be staying where. It was nice to relax over the weekend, too, and Ely started to feel like his big house was her home. It felt like it, despite what they'd walked into.


	46. Chapter 46

The weeks continued to fly past, and Ely was determined to get herself seen to before the wedding. The sooner she was, the better the chances they had of having a baby. Besides, she wouldn't mind being a pregnant bride, not at all, and it was better than being bloated from surgery. She saw the person who Fao recommended, a Dr Forbes Montgomery.

Yet, despite having had this done before, she was still nervous as fuck when she woke up on the morning of her laparoscopy. With a whine, she rolled her hide her face in Fao's chest.

Fao himself felt sick to the stomach with nerves, but he wouldn't tell Ely that. He needed to be relaxed and reassuring for her, even if he felt as though it was him about to have the surgery. He'd barely slept that night, worrying about everything that could go wrong. He trusted Addison, he really did, but he couldn't help his nerves. When Ely woke that morning, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. 

"Morning, sweetie."

She whined again, shuffling so she could press her face into his neck now. "I don't wanna."

He hummed. "I know, but you gotta. You'll be back home tonight, all being well."

"I know. But it's scary." It was one thing to give up control to Fao, it was another to someone who was essentially a total stranger.

"Mmm, I know. But you know what it's like, yeah?"

"Yeah. It sucks dick."

He chuckled. "Yeah. But a couple of weeks and you'll be good as new."

"I guess. Still scared."

"I know, I know. It sucks."

"What time is it?"

"Ten to six."

"We should get up." She didn't want to, but they should.

"Yeah. We need to be there early." He told her. "Why don't you have ten more minutes in bed whilst I eat and stuff?"

She nodded. "Yeah, 'kay."

"I'll send the dog in?"

"Please."

He smiled and got up, whistling for the dog who came rushing into the bedroom and up onto the bed. Fao laughed as he padded over to his side of the bed and wriggled under the covers next to Ely. 

He left to make himself coffee, take his meds and force himself to eat some toast. It was going to be a long day, he needed to eat. 

When Arrow joined her under the covers, Ely wrapped her arms around him and closed her eyes, hunkering down in bed. Hopefully, she'd doze.

Fao managed to eat, and slipped back into the bedroom to shower. Ely was snuggled up with the dog, and Fao wasn't sure if she was asleep or not, but she looked peaceful. He smiled, stripping out of his pyjamas and padding into the ensuite.

She heard him moving, but still didn't move. She felt like, if she stayed in bed, time would stop. She could stay here for as long as she wanted.

Fao showered and washed his hair, but didn't bother to shave. He didn't need to, so why should he? When he was done he dressed in jeans, a t-shirt and his thick cardigan, and then sat on the edge of the bed beside Ely. Resting a hand on her shoulder, he hummed. "Sweetie, you gotta get up now, you should shower."

She groaned, rolling over to face him. Arrow let out a little groan. "Do I really have to?"

"Yeah, you really have to."

"Gimme a kiss first?"

He smiled, and shifted to kiss her. "There. Now shower for me?"

Ely nodded. "'Kay. You better be my nurse later."

"You know I will be."

"Love you." She said, knowing she was just trying to stall the inevitable. So she forced herself to get up and go to the ensuite, where she had a quick shower and came out, still sleepy and feeling sick with nerves.

Fao was sat on the bed with Arrow in his lap, playing with his ears whilst he waited for Ely. The dog was half asleep, drowsy and warm, and Fao found him comforting. When Ely emerged he flashed her a smile. 

"All good?"

"Yeah, I guess." He'd know how nervous she was - he always knew stuff like that.

"As good as you can be, yeah?" 

She nodded. "Yeah. Got you."

He smiled. "You packed everything last night, yeah?"

Ely nodded again, idly taking some underwear out of her drawer. Sometimes, she forgot which one it was, what with being in a new house. "Yeah. Wanted to be ready." She'd actually packed it weeks ago.

"Good. Do you want me to check it?"

"Please."

He nodded, and got up, dislodging the dog who grumbled but just stretched out again. Fao rolled his eyes and went in search of Ely's bag. 

While he did that, Ely got dressed. She chose a comfy pair of tracksuit bottoms and stole one of Fao’s hoodies, pulling the sleeves over her hands. At least she was too nervous to be hungry. 

Ely's bag seemed fine, with everything she'd need if they made her stay overnight. On a whim, he grabbed up his little Eeyore and stuck it in, too. Maybe it'd soothe her nerves, or give her something to cuddle up to. He returned to the bedroom, checking his watch. They ought to leave soon. 

She offered him a small, nervous smile. She knew it was forced, but it was the best she could do. “Is it time?”

"We might as well go, and get there a bit early." He murmured. "Got forms and stuff to fill in."

“Yeah.” She agreed, getting up and reaching for his hand. 

He laced his fingers with hers, shouldering her back with his free hand. They headed to the car, and drove to the little private hospital they'd picked out. It was close enough to home that it was convenient to get to, and it meant they could pick the date for Ely's surgery. Plus, it meant she wasn't surrounded by colleagues. Addison liked it, too, so that was a plus. He found a parking space and they headed up to the surgical ward. It was small, all individual rooms, and after some paperwork Ely was shown to her room. 

She chewed her bottom lip nervously. “It feels more real now.”

"Yeah it does." He murmured. "But look how cushy this place is. I'm surprised you don't have your own butler." He attempted to joke.

“I got you,” She said, “you’re all I need.”

"Well, I guess that's true." He replied. 

“You always know what to do or say.”

"Oh, I really don't." He replied. 

“Yeah you do.” She said, trying to resist drawing her knees up to her chest. “You’re my Eeyore and you always make me feel better.”

Fao softened. She looked so small and uncertain, sat there on the bed. He frowned, and moved to sit next to her, arm around her shoulders. "I do my best."

“You’re amazing.”

He kissed her cheek. "Love you."

“Love you too.” She said, leaning against him. “I’m just so scared.”

"You're gonna be fine, sweetheart.”

“I know. I can’t help it.” She murmured. 

"This is the first step in trying to have a family. And you'll feel better for it, after."

“I know.”

"And as far as you're concerned, you're gonna be out for the count."

She looked down. “That’s what scares me.”

He hummed. "I know. But you know what it's like, you'll be really dull and boring. I just know it."

“Are you saying I’m boring?”

"No, but your anaesthesia will be. He'll be on his phone on Facebook you're so dull and stable."

She sniffed. “Yeah, I hope so. I just wanna go home.”

"You can go home later. This evening."

“That’s so far away.”

"Not really. You'll have Arrow as a cuddle buddy."

She nodded. “And you.”

"And me." He murmured in agreement. "It'll fly by, trust me. You'll be asleep for most of it, eh?"

“I guess. I love sleep.”

"Yeah. You'll sleep all day and people will wait on you hand and foot and I'm gonna fuss about you for weeks, eh? It's just an excuse for a couple of weeks off of work and a load of cuddles, eh?" He teased, kissing her cheek. 

A little smile grew on her face, though the nerves didn’t stop. “Yeah.”

"Lazy bugger." He shot back, tone affectionate. 

"Like you wouldn't be the same."

"You know I was. Barely moved off of the sofa."

"I'm not gonna be moving."

"Good. I'll carry you." He said with a grin.

She smiled at him, still nervous. "You can carry me everywhere. Practice for carrying me over the threshold of the house once we're married."

"I can't wait to marry you." He said, kissing her cheek. 

"I can't wait either."

"I can't wait to see you in your dress."

She bit her lip. "I haven't even found one yet."

"Whatever you pick is gonna blow me away."

She hummed. "I wish you weren't so superstitious sometimes. You're so good at fashion."

"It's the gay in me, honey." He said with a smile. 

She snorted, trying not to laugh too loud. "I suppose it is."

"Mmm, you know it is."

"I do." She said, just as there was a knock at the door and a nurse entered.

"Hey, Elyana. Are you ready?"

Fao kissed her on the cheek. "C'mon."

She nodded, swallowing thickly. "I guess. Can... Can Fao come down with me?"

The nurse nodded and smiled. "Addison already made sure he'd be allowed. Do you want to walk down?"

Ely nodded again. "Yeah." She could walk, and it gave her some control. She stood up, slipping her feet into the slippers she'd brought.

Fao laced his fingers with hers and they headed out of the room and to the end of the ward, where the lift was. Unable to help himself, he moved to stand behind her and wrap his arms around her shoulders, holding her close. 

Ely closed her eyes, letting out a long, shaky breath. She didn't want to say how scared she was again - he'd know.

He kissed the top of her head. "I've got you." He murmured, voice quiet. 

"Thank you." She whispered, closing her eyes.

He didn't know what to do other than hold her, so he simply held her close until they reached their floor. Then, he let her go to just take her hand, and led her out. The nurse showed them to the anaesthesia room, and Fao helped her up onto the bed, taking her dressing gown and slippers and putting them aside. Her anaesthetist gave her a small smile. 

"I'm sure you know the drill, Elyana. We'll get you all hooked up to everything and then all you need to do is relax."

She nodded, chewing on her bottom lip. It felt so, so wrong to be here. She shouldn't have been the patient, she should have been doing her job. And she knew how everything worked, which made it worse. She couldn't just blindly trust them - her heart was pounding in her chest and she wanted to make sure they were using the right drugs. With another shaking breath, she turned to look at Fao, hoping he would keep her calm.

Fao had to move out of the way to let the techs sort out all of Ely's leads and things, but now he was back by her head, stroking over her hair. "I'm here, gorgeous." He murmured. 

"Right, now you're all sorted." Her anaesthetist said brightly. "Your pulse is very high - is that just nerves?"

Ely nodded rapidly, swallowing. "Y-yeah." She got out.

"Well, that's not a problem. Take a nice deep breath for me?"

She tried, she really tried. She tried to suck one in, but the moment she did everything fell apart. Suddenly, she couldn't breathe, and she started to cry.

"Hey, hey, it's alright. Look at your fiancé, he's right here with you." Her anaesthetist soothed, and Fao moved closer to the point of sitting next to her. 

"I'm right here. Look at me?" He murmured, digging in his pocket to pull out little Eeyore. "Take him, hold him tight, yeah? I'm here, I've got you. You can do this, you can breathe."

She tried desperately to breathe, but everything was coming short and fast. She took the Eeyore, the taste of her own tears on her lips, and stared at her fiance. "Sorry." She got out, wishing she could stop breathing so fast.

"It's okay, you're okay." He soothed. "I'm here, you're safe. They can give you something to help you relax, yeah, but you gotta give them your hand. Can you do that? Hold onto Eeyore and look at me, look at my dumb brown and hazel eyes."

She nodded, staring at his face. She didn't look as she offered them her left hand, holding the Eeyore close to her chest with the other. "I'm jus' so scared."

"I know sweetie, I know. Remember how bad I was? But it's alright, it's okay to be scared." He soothed, brushing some hair from her face. Her anaesthetist carefully took her hand and deftly inserted the cannula whilst she was distracted. Instead of starting with the fentanyl, he started with a very light sedative, enough to take the edge off of her panic attack, hopefully. 

"You're doing so well, honey." Fao told her. "You keep a hold of that Eeyore."

"You're my Eeyore." She choked out, wishing she could reach out for him. But she didn't have enough hands.

"But you've got my Eeyore. And I'm right here too. Just breathe, yeah. I know you can do it." 

His face was so kind. He was always gonna be there for her - they were going to take those vows, he'd love and cherish and look after her, always. Sniffing, she started to claw back some control, but she was still crying.

He brushed some tears from her face, kissing her forehead. "Do you think you're ready to go to sleep now?"

"Y-yeah," she whispered, "you'll be-be there, won't you? With Eeyore?"

"Of course I will, sweetie. I'll be waiting for you." He said, and her anaesthetist started the fentanyl, then the propofol. At that point, Fao moved off of the bed but stayed as close to her as he could, as they slowly covered her mouth and nose with the oxygen mask. "You just go to sleep, gorgeous. I'll be here when you wake up."

She couldn't fight it, anyway. No one could ever fight the drugs. Her eyes grew heavy for a second, and then the world went black.

Once she was out, Fao pressed another kiss to her forehead and headed out. He asked for her to keep the little Eeyore for when she came out and went into recovery, and the nurses agreed with a smile. Then, feeling sick and nervous, he headed back to her little room to wait. He rang her mother, then texted Ollie, then sat and attempted to read, though ended up just staring at his book trying to ignore the tightness in his chest. 

The surgery went well. It did, however, take four hours, and then Ely spent a couple of hours in recovery before she was finally wheeled up to the ward. As the bed was pushed through the doors into her little room, she couldn't help but give Fao a sleepy smile.

"'M all swollen."

Fao jumped up from the chair as she came in, and he smiled. "Ah, you're still beautiful." He told her softly. "You still got little Eeyore?"

She nodded, somehow managing to hold the plush up just high enough. "Yeah."

"Good." He murmured. "You cuddle him whilst you can't cuddle me. But right now you go back to sleep, yeah? I'm sure you're tired."

"'M really tired." She said, closing her eyes. "Love you."

"Love you too." He murmured. "So much."

She hummed, and wiggled her toes, but was soon fast asleep again.

Whilst Ely slept, Fao rang Grace again, just to let her know she was back and doing well. He wasn't sure how the surgery had gone, but he'd find Addison later to ask. He was just glad she was doing okay. Once he'd finished talking to Grace - she had some wedding questions too - he settled down and actually managed to read a bit, which was something. 

Ely woke up again maybe an hour later with a soft, quiet groan.

"'M thirsty."

"Thirsty? We can fix thirsty." He replied, standing to pour her some water. He held the cup out with the straw. "Do you think you can sit up a bit? I can move the bed some more if you want."

Carefully, she tried to push herself up, and then shook her head. "Can you help me?"

"Yeah, of course." He murmured, putting the cup down whilst he moved the bed. "Is that okay, not too sore?"

"That's 'kay." The bed supported her, took the edge off.

“Good.” He said, brushing some hair from her face. “Water now?”

“Please."

He sat on the edge of her bed and helped her with the water. “There you go.”

She took small, careful sips. "Thanks." She murmured after.

“You’re welcome, gorgeous.”

"How long was I gone?"

"Uh, six hours? You were in theatre for four."

She pulled a face. "That's so long."

"Yeah, tell me about it. At least you were out."

She closed her eyes for a second, sleepy. "Yeah. 'M stayin' overnight?"

"Dunno. Hope not. They'll see how you are in a few hours. If you eat and wee you can leave."

"Wha' about the anaesthetic?"

"Well, they said you came round well."

"That's good." She couldn't remember much.

"You're a good patient, not like me."

"You're awful." She teased, her eyes drifting shut briefly again. "Hate treating you."

"Mmm, I know." He said, kissing her forehead. "Have another sleep, it's okay."

"Don't wanna. Can sleep later."

"Do you want me to put the TV on?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

He got up and found the remote, turning it on and skimming through the channels. He found something vaguely interesting, and put it on, settling in the chair beside Ely's bed. 

"Is your pain okay?"

She hummed. "Yeah. Feel pregnant.”

“The bloating will go."

"I hate it.”

“I know. But it’ll go soon. When you get home I’ll make you some peppermint tea.”

"Mmmm, love you.”

He smiled. “I love you too.”

"I want cake." She mumbled.

“I’d have to bake one.”

"Mmm, please. Wanna lick the bowl."

"Cake it is then." He murmured. "You look so cute."

“Shut up.” She complained. “‘M a rough ex army captain.”

"Nah, you're cute."

“Fuck off.” She whined, but she still reached out for his hand. 

He took her hand, lacing his fingers with hers. "No, I'm too nice to fuck off."

“Yeah.” She said. “Really nice.”

"The nicest."

“Gonna marry you.”

"Yeah, you are."

“Poor you.” She teased thickly. 

"It's gonna be great."

“Want the cake.” She mumbled. “Love boozy cake.”

"Maybe we won't have boozy cake, eh?"

“Why.” She whined. 

"What if we want other cake?"

"It's tradition." She complained, turning her head to look at him with sleepy eyes.

"Yeah but I don't like it."

She pouted. “Please. I’ll eat your share.”

"If I'm gonna make it I wanna eat it!"

She whined, closing her eyes. “Just want cake.”

"I'll make us a good wedding cake."

“‘Kay. Can I have some tea?”

"Now?"

She nodded. “Yeah. Wanna stay awake.”

"Sit up a bit more and have some more water first."

She carefully pushed herself up with a wince, trying not to slouch against her bed. 

"I meant move the bed up, sweetie." He told her. "You're still sleepy, I don't want you to spill hot tea on yourself."

“I’m not gonna. Was slouching.”

"It's okay to slouch, love. Your stomach muscles are shot."

“Bad posture.” She replied. 

He laughed. "Bad posture is the least of your problems."

“Don’t be mean.” She whined. 

"It is!"

“Don’t wanna slouch.”

He sighed. "You can sit up then. But if it hurts too much to can slouch."

“Got the bed holdin’ me up.” She said. “Kiss?”

He smiled, and moved to press a kiss to her cheek. "There you go."

“Fao.” She whined. 

"What?"

“I want a proper kiss.”

He rolled his eyes, and stood up, bending over her to kiss her properly on the lips. 

She smiled against him. “Mmm, thanks. Tea?” She wanted it before she fell asleep again. 

"I'll go ask. You're such a princess." He teased. 

“Your princess.”

"Does that make me your prince?"

“Yeah. Prince Charming.”

He smiled, kissed her forehead and headed out of the room. The nurse agreed to get her some tea if she was allowed to come and check her incisions. Fao agreed and led her in. 

"Hi there, Elyana. Your fiancé said you wanted some tea. I just want to check your incisions and I'll go stick the kettle on. Is that okay?"

Ely nodded. “Yeah.”

"Great. Relax back against your bed." She said, gently pulling the covers down and her gown up. She was just checking for excess bleeding on the dressings. It was all fine, so she settled Elys gown back over her and pulled the covers up. 

"Great. Pain on a scale of 1-10?"

“Uhh, 2?” She mumbled. 

"Truthfully?"

“4.” She admitted quietly. 

"Okay. Do you need anything else?"

She shrugged. “Painkillers?”

"I'll check your chart." She said. "And I'll get on that tea for you. You can have something to eat if you keep the tea down."

“Kay. Thanks.”

"You're welcome. Call us or send your fiancé out to us if you need anything."

“Yeah, okay.”

The nurse left and Fao took her hand. "Looks like she went in from both sides to get it all, sweetie."

“It’s shit.”

"Only a couple more scars." He murmured. "This is our opportunity to have a family, isn't it worth it?"

“Yeah. Wish I was pregnant instead of bloated.” She complained. 

"Maybe when you're all healed up in a few weeks you might be."

“Want that more than anything.”

"Well, we're gonna try our hardest."

She smiled. "Yeah, we are."

"Gonna have loads of sex."

"Whore." She teased.

“You love it too.”

"Yeah, I do. Soon as I'm healed." She said.

“Yeah. Gonna be good.”

Her lips quirked upwards in a little smile. "Maybe you can tie me up." She mumbled.

“Oh, I’d love that.”

"Me too." She mumbled, eyes shutting for a second.

The nurse came back after a while with a cup of tea. “Here you are. You’re up to dose on painkillers, but if you’re still uncomfortable after you’ve had it, I’ll sort something out for you.”

"Please." Ely said, wrapping her hands around the cup. The heat was nice.

“See how you feel in a bit.” The nurse told her. “And have a think about what you fancy for food.”

"Okay. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Your surgeon has finished her list, she’ll be around soon.”

Ely nodded. “Okay."

“Though I know everything went well. Keep resting up.”

"Will do." She promised.

Fao smiled. “You enjoying your tea? I should have asked for tea.”

"It's too hot." She mumbled.

“It’ll cool down.”

"I know." She said, turning to look at him. "Is there a menu?”

“Somewhere, I think. Let me look at your ‘welcome package’.” He said with a grin, standing up to find it. There was a little menu, and he passed it to her.

"Stop it with your silly grin." She complained, taking it from him.

“What? It’s so posh.”

"You told me to come here.”

“I did. It’s lovely. And you don’t know anyone."

She nodded. "Yeah. I like that.”

“Yeah. I get stuck with bloody work. At least none of your students are lingering outside.”

She laughed, and then winced. "Poor you.”

“Mmm, I know.”

"Do you have some pyjamas for me?”

“I do, but you’re going home in a few hours so it’s pointless.”

She pouted. "I don't wanna stay in this gown.”

“What’s a couple of hours, eh? If they make you stay overnight you can have them. And I’m willing to bet you don’t want to stand up yet anyway.”

"You're mean." She complained.

“I’m not mean! Come on, just a few more hours and you can put real clothes on and come home.”

"Fine." She huffed, lifting her tea to her lips.

He smiled. “I always win.”

"What about happy wife, happy life?”

“Not my wife yet. And I know just how to make you happy.” He purred.

"We can't yet.”

“I can wait."

"You're always waiting for me.”

“I seem to recall you waiting for me."

She smiled. “Yeah."

“So I don’t mind a couple of weeks.”

She sipped her tea again. "Yeah. It'll fly by.”

“It will.” He murmured.

"Jus' wanna be home."

"I know, baby."

She put her tea down. "I want a cuddle. You're the best to cuddle."

"Mmm, I suppose I am." He murmured. "But can't cuddle you yet. Did you decide on food?"

She shrugged. "There's nothing sticking out to me. You choose for me?"

He rolled his eyes. "No preference at all?"

"No."

"Maybe I'll pick something really gross."

"Please don't."

He grinned. "I won't." He said, taking the menu.

"You're meant to love me."

"I do!"

"Don't pick something really gross."

"I won't!"

She smiled. "Love you."

"Love you too."

She drank her tea, and had a bite to eat - cottage pie, which she was surprised she hadn't chosen, to be honest - and then, finally, she was told she could go home. With a little smile, she turned to Fao.

"Pyjamas, then? You promised." She said.

He laughed. "Don't you want to wear what you wore this morning?"

"Pyjamas." She said firmly.

"Alright, alright. Are you bleeding?"

She stuck her bottom lip out and nodded. "Yeah. You know I am."

"I know, but I didn't know if it'd eased off. Let me sort you out some underwear and a pad." He said, digging around in her bag. He sorted both out, pad in underwear, and then found her pyjamas. "Here." He laid them on the table and offered her his hands. "Right, slowly out of bed. It's not so bad the second time."

She took his hands and carefully swung her legs to the end of the bed before letting him help her get up. It hurt, but she could deal with it to get some pyjamas on.

“There we go, nice and easy.” He murmured, handing her the underwear.

She pulled the underwear on, grateful for a pad that would actually stay in place. "Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Let’s get these bottoms on you too.”

"Help me?”

“Yeah, of course. Hold onto my shoulder. The right one.”

"No, the left." She joked, fastening her fingers onto his right shoulder anyway.

“Break it and I’ll break you.” He teased.

"No you won't." She said, getting her legs into the pyjama bottoms.

“Yeah, I will.” He murmured, helping her into the pyjamas and gently pulling them up. “Done. Need a hand with the top too?”

"If you're offering."

He smiled. "Let's get this gown off then." He murmured, helping her out if it, before helping her slip the top over her head. "Perfect. Beautiful as always." He said, kissing her cheek.

"Shut up."

"Never. It's the truth."

"I'm all swollen and sore." She complained, slipping her feet into her slippers.

“I know, but you’re still beautiful to me.”

"Romantic old sod.”

“Mmm, and you’re marrying me.” He said with a smile. “Let’s grab your prescription and get home.”

"Yeah. I want Arrow.”

“Yeah, so do I.” He said. “You wanna lean on me?”

“Please."

“That’s okay. Take it slow.” He murmured. 

"Yeah." She mumbled.

“I’m all strong now, you can put all your weight on me.”

"Oh, how lovely." She said, taking his hand and leaning against him.

“Mmm, nothing’s gonna break.”

"Good. Need you.”

Carefully they headed out of the room and onto the ward, Fao clutching a load of Ely’s discharge paperwork. They swung by the pharmacy, picked up her drugs and then headed out to the car. It was getting late, and it was pretty much dark outside.

"I'm so tired." Ely complained as she carefully slid into the car.

“Mmm, I know you are. It’s been a long day.”

"I wanna cuddle you.”

“You can when we get home.” He told her, starting the car. 

"Might be asleep by then.”

“Nah, you won’t.” He murmured. “Just tell me if you’re uncomfy.” He started to pull out of the carpark, trying to be as gentle as possible.

"'M fine." Her dressing gown padded her enough, it was nice.

“Just let me know.”

"Promise."

"Good." 

He drove very slowly home, and Fao helped Ely out of the car. He corralled the dog so he greeted Ely nicely, and then hesitated. "Bed? Sofa? Food?"

"Uh.... Sofa? What time is it?"

"Just after nine."

"Bed." She decided.

"Do you want that peppermint tea?"

"Yes please.”

“Go to bed, I’ll bring it to you.”

"Okay." She said, starting slowly up the stairs. It was hard work, but she wouldn't admit it.

Fao set about making the tea, and some food for himself. It didn’t take too long, and once he was done he headed upstairs. Hopefully Ely would have settled in bed.

She had settled in bed, the best she could. The duvet was pulled up to her chin, despite the fact that her body couldn't decide whether it wanted to be hot or cold. When Fao entered, she smiled at him. “Hey."

“Hey gorgeous.” He murmured. “I bought you tea.”

She winced, pushing herself up in the bed. "Thank you.”

“Ah, careful.” He warned, setting the tea down. He propped her pillows up to support her, brushing some hair from her face. “You gotta be careful.”

"I know. But I can't drink tea laying down.”

“You have to move slowly. You’ll rip a stitch.”

She rolled her eyes. "I know. I've done this before.”

“I know you have. But I don’t wanna have to deal with you bleeding everywhere.” He teased. 

"I'm not gonna.”

“Good.”

She held the cup of tea carefully. "Still shit, though.”

“I know. I can only imagine.”

"Wish I could cuddle you properly.”

“We can try our hardest.” He said. “I gotta eat first.”

"What have you got?"

"Pot noodle."

She wrinkled her nose. "I thought you knew how to eat good."

"Ugh, don't mother me." He grumbled. "I'm lazy."

"I've gotta get some practice in."

He smiled. "Yeah, but not on me." He teased. 

"How else am I meant to practice?" She asked, sipping her tea.

"Ollie's thinking of adopting."

That made her pause, and she looked around. "He never told me!"

"Well, we were on an op together and it came up..."

"When did he decide this?"

"Uh, a while ago."

She pulled a face. "I can't believe he hasn't told me."

"I'm sure he's gonna tell you soon."

"I'll have to act surprised."

"You will."

She sipped her tea again, trying to ignore how tired she was. It was so hard to stay awake. "I can do it."

"Yeah. Good actress." He said, mouth full. 

"Don't talk with your mouth full." She complained thickly.

"More parenting practice?"

"Yeah."

He laughed. "Well, maybe when Ollie gets his baby we'll have to babysit."

"Please." She said, draining her tea and then laying back down.

Fao took the mug from her and finished his food. He left it all on the side, not wanting to move. He ditched his glasses and settled down in bed next to his fiancée, once he'd changed into his pyjamas. "How's best for me to cuddle you?"

"I don't know." She murmured. "I'm sore."

"How about I just lay next to you. Would you like some more painkillers?"

She nodded. "Yeah, please."

He smiled and got up. "Of course. Ibuprofen?"

"Yeah. It hurts."

"We'll make sure it doesn't." He said, disappearing off into the ensuite. He returned with two ibuprofen and a glass of water, and made a quick note of the time and the dose on his phone. 

Silently, she took it with a gulp of water, having to sit up again. But then she settled back down. "Can you just wrap an arm around me?"

He slipped back under the duvet. "Yeah." He murmured, settling with his arm around her. "Is that okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah. It'll have to do."

"Tell me if you're uncomfortable."

"I'm always uncomfortable." She murmured, closing her eyes.

"It'll ease." He said softly. "Goodnight lovely."

"G'night." She replied - she couldn't stay awake any longer.

Fao stayed awake to make sure she was asleep, before he settled down to sleep, cosy next to Ely.


	47. Chapter 47

She had the most awful night's sleep she'd had in a while. It was the drugs, of course, but she kept waking up. She was either too warm or too cold, either sweating or shivering, her pyjamas sticking to her skin. Every time she managed to drop off basically straight away, but when she finally woke up in the morning, she felt horrible. She was sore and tired and uncomfortable, and she just wanted to have a proper rest. Groaning, she rubbed her hand down her face.

Fao was woken every time Ely woke, with either her elbow bumping into him or her legs stretching out or just how hot and sweaty she was against him. So he was shattered too, but didn't let it show. When she woke in the morning he rolled onto his side, brushing her hair from her face. "Morning, beautiful. Fancy breakfast in bed?"

"Please. Don't think I can move."

"Blueberry pancakes? I bought all the stuff."

"That sounds amazing."

"I won't be long. More peppermint tea?"

"Yes please."

He nodded and forced himself out of bed, taking the stuff from last night down when he went. He started cooking, let Arrow out for a wee and then grabbed hold of him to stop him rushing upstairs. So whilst the kettle was on and the pancakes cooking he called up to Ely. 

"Sweetie, shall I send the dog up or leave him down here?!"

"Can you send him up?" She called back.

"Yeah!" He replied, telling the dog to sit and wait. "Arrow, gently." He told the big dog. "Go see Ely. Gentle. Good boy." 

Arrow went trotting off up the stairs and into the bedroom, hopping up on the bed and nosing his way under the covers to settle next to Ely. 

Arrow was warm and soft and welcome, and Ely closed her eyes again. She could smell the pancakes downstairs, even though all she wanted to do was sleep. 

Ely and Arrow seemed content and so Fao focused on cooking, a small stack of pancakes for Ely and a larger one for him. He made tea for the both of them too and then carried it up on a tray, careful not to spill anything. He got into the bedroom and could just make out Arrow's nose poking out from under the duvet and he laughed.

"You seem to have an adequate nurse."

She stirred. “He helps. Warm.”

"Yeah. He's good at that."

“Don’t wanna move.”

"You gotta just a little." He told her, setting the tray down and moving a pillow behind Ely to help her sit up before he gave her her breakfast. He sat down for his, trying to get comfortable with Arrow taking up half the bloody bed. 

She’d never been so glad to see pancakes, though she knew she wouldn’t be able to eat it all. She tried her best, however, and Arrow moved to lay between her legs, his chin on her thigh. 

With Arrow on top of Ely, Fao had some room to sit, cross legged in bed with his tea and pancakes. "Give them to the dog if you can't finish them." He told his fiancée.

“You don’t want them?”

"I made myself loads. And Arrow will love you forever."

She smiled. “Yeah, he will.” She agreed. Almost like he knew, Arrow moved under the duvet, slipping out from the bed and onto the floor. Having eaten what she could, Ely put her plate down in front of him. “There. Go on, you can have it.”

Arrow, excited to get people food, rushed forwards and finished up Ely’s pancakes. When he was done, he sat beside the bed, jaws parted. 

“Coming back up?” Ely asked. 

Arrow, tilted his head, then hopped up onto the bed with a huff. He settled on Ely’s legs, comfortable.

She reached out to pat his head. “I think he’s mine now.”

“Mmm, he is. Best nurse you’ll ever have.”

"Even better than you.”

“Even better than me.”

"Though I'm marrying you, not the dog." She said, twisting to kiss his cheek and wincing.

“Well, yeah.” He murmured. “But careful!”

"I know, I know. I just wanted to kiss you." She replied, sticking her bottom lip out. "You can't blame me for that, can you?”

“No, I’m gorgeous.”

"What time is it?”

“Uh, I don’t know.” He murmured, reaching for his phone. “8ish.”

"It's so early." She complained, letting her head fall back against the top of the pillows.

He laughed. “Practically midday.” He teased. “You gonna stay in bed for a bit?”

"Yeah." She said. "And then go downstairs. I should move about.”

“Yeah, you should.” He murmured. "Arrow will look after you. I said I'd try and do some work from home, emails and stuff. I'll be around if you need me."

"Okay."

He got out of bed and cleared the plates away. "Love you." He murmured, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Try to get some more sleep, I know you didn't sleep too well last night. I'll only be in the study."

"Love you too." She said, pulling the pillows down behind her and settling down.

He smiled and headed out. He'd do an hour or so of work in his pyjamas, then go downstairs to the gym, have a run then shower. 

Work was dull, as always, but it was better than sitting on his arse doing nothing. He sent a few emails, made a few calls, and then headed down to the gym. He was still getting back into his workout routine, slowly but surely, and he had a gentle run before doing a small weights section and some abs, then, drenched in sweat, he headed upstairs for a shower.

Ely had slept for a while, drifting in and out more than getting restful sleep. But she woke up a couple of hours later, deciding that she'd remake the bed before she went downstairs. With Arrow watching forlornly, she started to move the duvet, but it hurt. Stubbornly, she started to cry, but wouldn't give up. 

Still panting, Fao came into the bedroom, stripping off his shirt. But he saw Ely bent over the bed, crying, and stopped dead. “Sweetie, what is it? Did you hurt yourself?”

She sniffed, wiping her nose on the back of her hand. "I tried to make the bed.”

“Oh, darling, it’s okay. Do you want to do it together?”

She nodded, tears glistening on her cheeks. “Please."

He smiled, tossing his shirt aside and moving to the other side of the bed. “Right. Slowly, c’mon.”

Still sniffing, Ely took the corners of the duvet again. "I wish I could do it on my own.”

“It’s okay, I don’t mind helping. And you’re still doing it a bit. I’m not doing that much.”

"I want to be independent.”

“And you will be. But you had surgery yesterday.”

"Don't care." She said, straightening the duvet a little. "I hate being helpless.”

“I care. Yesterday you let someone slice into you and cut around to get rid of a load of crap in your abdomen. I think you’re allowed some time to be helpless. You followed me around for ages after my op.”

"And you told me off for nagging.”

“But you still did it.”

"Yeah." She said, as they finished.

“So tough shit. Are you going downstairs?” He asked, stripping out of his trackies. 

She nodded. “Yeah."

“Your blanket’s on the back of the sofa and I put the remote on the arm so you don’t have to get up when you’re settled. I also made a pot of tea for you.” He said, moving to kiss her on the cheek. “I love you. Go be as independent as you can.”

"Love you too." She murmured, a small smile pulling on her lips.

“I’m gonna go shower because I’m gross. Text me if you need anything.”

“Promise."

“Good.” He murmured, ditching his boxers and heading into the ensuite.

"Nice ass." She told him, turning away to head downstairs.

He laughed, shutting the door. His shower was good, hot water soothing his tired muscles. When he was done, he dried off his hair, plaited it, and dressed in comfy clothes, heading down to Ely. He curled up on the other sofa, given how much space Arrow was taking up on Ely’s one.  
She frowned. "Kick him off. I want you."

"Oh but he's so sweet, how could you?"

"Because you're my fiancé and I want you.”

He smiled, and patted the dog on the rump. He hopped off, though grumbled about it, and settled on the other sofa on his own, curled up in a little ball. Fao laughed, and cuddled up next to Ely, snuggled under her blanket.

Happy now, she rested her head on his shoulder. "Thanks."

"Am I better than Arrow?"

"Yeah."

"Glad to hear it."

"You're my Eeyore."

He grinned. "Mmm, I am."

Ely closed her eyes, content. "Love you so much. You're my rock."

"And you're mine." He murmured. "I can't wait to marry you."

"Maybe I'll look through some bridal magazines while you work." She murmured.

"I think that'd be a good idea." He hummed. "Have we got any?"

Ely nodded. "Yeah. I figured wedding planning would give me something to do.”

“Yeah.”

"Unless you want to help?”

“Well, I’ll want to help with some of it. But you plan and I’ll look over the plans?”

Ely smiled. “Yeah."

“I’d like coming home to that.”

"Then I'll do what I can." She agreed, closing her eyes again.

“Yeah. I’m sure you’ll enjoy yourself.”

"Of course I will."

"I'm excited."

“I hope so. Biggest day of our lives.” She said sleepily, pulling the blanket up to her chin. 

"Yeah. Gonna be amazing."

“You gonna make the cake?”

“Yeah.”

She smiled, lacing their fingers together. "Any ideas yet?"

"Not sure."

"Something yummy." She said, closing her eyes again.

"Always."

She opened her eyes, looking up at him. "I love it when you bake."

"Mmm, my waistline doesn't."

She laughed a little. "When I'm healed we could start doing proper exercise."

“I mean, we bought a house with a gym.”

"Yeah, we did. We should make use of it."

"I do!"

"I'm recovering." She whined.

“Before that?”

She shrugged. "Lack of motivation.”

“Well, I can be a very good motivator.”

She looked up at him. “Yeah?"

“Mmmhmm.”

"Like what?" She asked.

“Cuddles.” He purred. “More, different exercise?”

"We'd get carried again." She complained. "I'd end up just lying there.”

“Ah, you can be active."

"What, by riding you?”

“There’s plenty you can do.”

"You're such a whore." She teased. "But I suppose we'll have to get the practice in.”

“We will."

"Not that I can even stretch right now.”

“It’ll come.”

She snorted. "And so will you.”

“Oh, shut up and go to sleep.” He teased.

"Stop trying to get rid of me." She complained.

He kissed the top of her head. “Mmm, love you.”

"You say that.”

“It’s the truth.”

"Should hope so." She said, giving in. She really couldn't stay awake.

Her recovery went... well, in a sense. It was slow, and boring, and she longed for something proper to do. In almost no time she'd gotten a big chunk of wedding planning done, with nothing else to occupy her time. But after two weeks, she was desperate to get out of the house, do something worthwhile. Except, when she told Fao she wanted to go back to work, he was less than happy with her.

"I'm bored." She snapped at him. "There's nothing to do here!"

"I was bored for ten weeks! That still didn't mean I could go back to work."

"You couldn't walk, or stand on your feet for a while!" She shot back. "I'm perfectly fine, and half my job is sitting anyway!"

"You work long shifts, rushing around A&E or frantically trying to stabilise a patient. You cant do that yet, you're still healing internally!"

Ely rolled her eyes. "I'll be fine, special allowances can be made!"

Fao folded his arms over his chest. "If you need special allowances you're not ready to go back."

"Oh, fuck off."

"Don't tell me to fuck off."

"I'll tell you to fuck off if I want to." She snapped. "You worked when you could hardly walk! You stole painkillers and then you acted like a twat and your hip went at work!"

"Well, it wasn't my fault I got cancelled!" He retorted. "And it's not my fault it broke, is it?! I didn't ask for that to happen!"

"No, but you were working when you knew full well you shouldn't have been! You're a fucking hypocrite!"

"Oh, like I could take indefinite sick leave."

"What, so it was better to be stubborn?" She asked. "I feel ready to go back to work, I can do shorter shifts as I get back into the swing of it."

"Oh, fuck off, you know I was backed into a corner." He snapped. "And you know it's never a short shift."

"Well, I'm sorry, but I need to get back into it!"

"You're not ready! You've just had major internal surgery!"

"I think I can judge if I'm ready or not!"

"Forgive me for being concerned!"

Ely rolled her eyes again. "I don't need to be coddled."

"I love you, I'm going to marry you, of course I'm worried."

"Then trust me."

"I just don't want you to do yourself any harm. What if you stretch too far moving a patient?"

"I'll be fine." She said stubbornly.

"What if you're not? One more week, that's all I ask."

"I'll go insane if I'm stuck here any longer."

"Three weeks is nothing. Half the time of a conventional op."

"I'll be fine." She repeated. "I'm sick of sitting at home, acting like a housewife."

"I'll take you out to lunch." He whined. "Please, one more week, just for me?"

"Do I have to?"

"Please."

Ely huffed, slumping against the sofa. "You better bloody spoil me."

"I will. I'm off most of the week anyway."

"I'm so bored here."

"I know." He soothed. "I've been where you are and it sucks ass."

"I just want to do something. I'm bored of wedding planning and I miss everyone."

"Lunch it is then. We can take the dog out, or go shopping?"

"Just something."

"Then we'll do something. Promise."

She nodded. "Sorry. I just hate being stuck at home. I want to work and save lives, not sit about."

"I know you do." He murmured, moving closer. "You know I worry. But you don't have to remind me what it's like to be stuck at home."

"It's so boring. I feel like I've planned our entire wedding because I had nothing else to do."

"Well, at least the wedding's planned."

"My brain is numb." She whined.

"Have you been reading journals? I found that helped."

She shook her head. "No. That can be boring too.”

He rolled his eyes. “Go bother Chris about the fact he’s not got a job yet.”

"No, he'll mother me like you.”

“Nah, he’s not as bad as me.”

"He is." She whined.

He laughed. “Don’t be a whiny bitch.” He teased.

"I'm your whiny bitch." She said. "Besides, whining is all I have."

"Find a hobby!"

She huffed. "Fine. I'll find something."

She did find something. A couple of days later, when Fao was at work, she found something worth trying, and headed out. She was no more than a couple of hours at most, and then headed home. Then, sat in the living room, she opened the knitting book she'd bought, and started knitting.

Fao finished work on time, a rarity, and it was his last shift before some time off. He was looking forwards to spending it with Ely, and when he got home he fussed over the dog before walking into the living room he found his fiancée on the sofa knitting. 

"Uh, did I miss something? Did I go to work and come back twenty years in the future?"

She looked up, taking his reading glasses off of her face and raising an eyebrow. "No, why?"

"You're knitting!"

"So?" She asked. "You told me to find a hobby. I've found one."

"You look like a grandma." He teased. 

"Fuck off!"

He grinned. "You do!"

"You're meant to support me in my ventures!"

He snorted. "Do you want food?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm trying to make... I don't know, actually." She'd just been following the pattern, she hadn't read the text.

That made him laugh. "God, I'm glad you're not a surgeon." He teased, heading into the kitchen to cook. 

"Oi! I've only just started!"

"There's just no precision, honey!"

"Come teach me, then!"

"You really think I can knit? I was given these hands for a higher purpose!"

She laughed, placing his glasses back on her nose. "If you can sew people up you can probably knit!"

"I can sew, I can't knit."

"Stop bullying me then.”

He laughed, and went back to looking for something to cook in the fridge.

"I think I should make a blanket." She mused loudly.

“That’d be nice!” He called back.

"If I can get the hang of this!”

“Blanket can’t be hard. It’s a rectangle!”

"Fuck off, you sarcastic whore!"

"I was staring a fact!"

"You're being sarcastic!"

"I'm not!"

She laughed. "Yes, you are."

"Oh, shush. You moan about being a housewife yet there's not food on the table when I get in? I'm disappointed." He joked. 

"We both know I can't cook. You should be grateful, or you'd have come home to me missing some fingers." She replied.

"I know a good plastic surgeon, your fingers would have been fine. And you're marrying an incredible trauma surgeon. You'll survive."

"And what if I end up poisoning you?"

"You can hold my hair back whilst I'm sick everywhere."

“I’d rather not take the risk.” She shot back. 

"You don't like taking care of me? Rude!"

“I don’t want to cause illness!”

He laughed. "You won't! Come here and I'll teach you to cook."

"No, I'm knitting."

He snorted, and carried on with his cooking. 

"You don't like it, do you?" She asked.

"You knitting? It's cute."

"I thought it made me look old."

"You're cute when you look old."

"Fuck off!" She called.

“Love you too!” He shot back.

"Just feed me!"

"I'm working on it!"

She laughed, and started to focus on her knitting, her tongue slightly sticking out as she concentrated.

It didn't take too long to cook, and when it was done Fao padded into the living room with two bowls of food. "Here. Eat and don't whine."

Ely set her knitting to the side, but didn't move the reading glasses perched on her nose. "Aw, you're such a lamb." She teased.

“Mmm, I know.” He said, kissing her cheek as he sat beside her, settling down for the evening.


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mature content warning. Some of this isn't... the hottest sex. Not noncon or dubcon, but neither of them particularly enjoy it.

Fao spent his time off with Ely, doing cute couple things whilst she recovered. He looked after her, helped her whenever he could. They went back to her surgeon for her post-op appointment, and she gave them some tips for conception - if they wanted to do this, they needed to do it sooner rather than later. With Ely’s endometriosis as under control as it could be, this was their ‘window of opportunity’. So they carefully monitored Ely’s cycle, and Fao got himself seen to so he knew he was in the clear. He stopped smoking - not that he smoked a lot now anyway - but the headaches were driving him insane. That, and he’d stopped drinking coffee. 

So now they had a schedule. For sex. Fao was not happy about it. At first, it had seemed fun, knowing he was going home to Ely spread out on the bed, but then it became a chore. Every other day, and then every day during her fertile period. It was a fucking nightmare. But that was what they had to do to have children, apparently. 

The first month had no results. They'd been told that that was normal, and not to worry about it - to just stick to their schedule. One evening, after he'd been at work, they were cuddling on the sofa. She'd just entered her fertile period, and they really needed to get on before they were too tired. With a sigh, she nudged him.

"C'mon, Fao." She murmured.

He huffed. “Do we have to?”

She nodded. "Yeah, you know we do. We're gonna do it this month." She tried to be optimistic. They were going to have a family, she was going to be a blushing, pregnant bride.

“I’m tired.” He whined. “My head is pounding.”

"Please, Fao." She begged. "I've just started my fertile period, please.”

“Fine. Go on, I’ll be up in a bit.”

"Alright." She said, peeling herself away from him. "See you soon.”

“Yeah.” He said absentmindedly, checking his phone. 

Ely bit her bottom lip, feeling her heart sink in her chest. He obviously wasn't in the mood, but they had to do it. This was what they had to do to have a baby. She headed upstairs, lighting some candles before she stripped off and settled on the bed, her fingers between her legs as she rubbed her clit.

Fao sent a whiny text to Ollie, who’s reply was utterly useless, and then headed upstairs. He was exhausted, and dying for a cigarette, or a drink, or anything. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t drink, he couldn’t smoke, he wasn’t allowed coffee. He stripped off when he reached the bedroom, leaving his clothes in a pile on the floor. He took his cock in his hand, slowly jerking it, and looked over at Ely. 

“Wanna do anything beforehand?”

She shrugged. "Kiss me? That normally gets us going.”

He managed a half smile. “Yeah.” He murmured, moving to settle next to her, then kissed her.

She smiled against him, raising a hand to cup his face as she kissed him back, trying to deepen it.

He kissed her back, almost obligingly. There was no heat, no passion. Just… muscle memory.

Ely forced a groan, hooking her leg over his hip so she could attempt to grind against him and get him going.

He rolled his hips against her, and, for a minute it felt… nice. Not amazing, but not bad. He found his hands wandering, drifting down to cup her arse.

That was better. She moaned this time, more naturally, and dug her nails into his shoulder blades. "That's good. Feels good against my clit.”

“Mmm, yeah?” He asked, voice soft.

She nodded. "Yeah. Really good.”

“Wanna make you feel good. You gonna make me feel good?”

She nodded. "Yeah. Gonna make you feel really good when you fuck me.”

“Can’t wait.” He said, almost automatically. 

She reached down between them, wrapping her fingers around his cock. "Mmm, you can fuck me hard. Pin me down.”

He groaned, and it actually held some feeling. Her hands on him felt nice, and he arched his back, pressing into her touch. 

"Make me take it." She told him, smirking at little as she started to get to him. "Force me to cum on your cock, make a mess everywhere. Cover me in bruises.”

“Oh, I know you love that.”

"I do. Love being your little slut.”

“Yeah.” He hummed. 

"Gonna make me take your cock?”

“Oh, yeah. You’re gonna take it like a good slut.” 

She grinned at him, nipping at the side of his neck. "What if I'm naughty?”

“You know what happens when you’re naughty.” He said, the hand on her arse pulling her closer.

She rolled her hips. "You might have to remind me.”

“Yeah?”

"Mmm, yeah, if I'm naughty enough.”

“But you’re such a good girl.” He purred. 

"If I'm so good you should reward me with your cock." She replied, tightening her grip on him.

He grinned. “Why don’t you show me how good you can be? Give me a bit of a show?” He said, pulling away to jerk his cock himself.

She bit her bottom lip, moving back and rolling onto her back, legs spread wide for him. "I know you like to watch me." She replied, starting to rub her clit again.

He loved to watch her, and deep down he felt… good. It just wasn’t spontaneous, which was what he loved the most. 

“Tell me how wet you are, a stór.”

"I'm so fucking wet." She replied, even though she wasn't. "So wet, thinking about your cock and how well you fuck me.”

“Yeah? You want my cock?”

She nodded. "Yeah. Want your cock in me, stretching me and fucking me.”

He grinned, and moved to push her down, kissing her again.

She groaned, kissing him back. "Gimme it, please.”

Rubbing her clit automatically, Fao slowly pushed into her. But it was… more difficult than usual. “Mmm, you like that?”

She nodded, ignoring the burn. "Yeah. You're so fucking big.”

“I know you like it.” He purred, still rubbing her clit. He didn’t waste time, starting to move inside of her. He started slow, rubbing her clit hard. Maybe she just needed time to get wet.

"I love it. You're so deep." She told him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

“Yeah. I always fuck you so deep.” He murmured, moving a little faster.

She winced a little, trying to hide it. "So fucking deep. Nearly in my belly." She replied.

“I know how much you like it, how much I stretch you out and fuck you deep.”

"I fucking love it. Love your cock in my cunt.”

“Yeah.” He purred. “God, you’re so tight.”

"Yeah? Nice and tight around your fat cock?”

“Yeah. I love it when you’re tight around me. You gonna cum?”

She couldn't lie to him, not when it hurt this much. So she shook her head. "Not yet. Just keep going, keep fucking me. It won't be long.”

He rubbed her clit harder, kissing her neck. He just wanted this to be over, it was so difficult. “Gonna keep fucking you.”

"Yeah, don't stop. It feels so good.”

He didn’t stop, rolling his hips into her again and again. It was uncomfortable, and hurt him a bit too, but he didn’t stop. Ely wanted this, the both of them wanted this. A family, something of their own. Kids to fill the rooms in their new house. This was the price they had to pay.

He hit her g-spot and she moaned, reaching up to pull his hair. "Cum in me, Fao. Do it, please.”

“Mmmmm, I’m gonna cum in you. Gonna fill you all up with my cum.”

"Mmmm, yeah. Do it, I want it so bad.”

He cursed his stamina in that moment, wishing he could cum quickly. He bit his lip and kept going, breathing heavy.

She reached around him, having sucked a finger into her mouth. Bravely, hoping he'd like it, she managed to push it into his arse, just a little. The position made it difficult.

Groaning genuinely now, Fao’s cock jerked inside of Ely. “Ah, f-fuck. You know I like that.”

"I know. Fuck my cunt and my finger." She told him.

“Fucking hell.” He whined, increasing his pace.

"Want your cum.”

It wouldn’t take long, now. He could feel himself getting closer and closer to cumming. “Fuck, I’m close.” He whined.

"Gimme it. I really want it." She whimpered, closing her eyes to try and think of anything but the pain.

He let go then, giving into the pleasure. It wasn’t the best orgasm he’d ever had in his life, but it was okay. It was what Ely wanted, what the both of them needed. He groaned, hips stilling as he spilled inside her.

She was breathing heavily, but removed her finger from his arse as soon as he'd climaxed. She was sore, and in pain. Besides, she needed to elevate her hips now.

Carefully, he pulled out of her, trying not to make a mess. “You need a hand, or should I go?”

Ely shook her head. "No, I'm fine." She said, reaching behind her to take a pillow and carefully put it under her hips.

He pressed a quick kiss to her cheek. “Okay. I’m going to shower.”

She offered him a smile. "Alright. See you in a few minutes.”

“Yeah. Stay comfortable, sweetie.”

"I will.”

He smiled, and headed to the ensuite to shower. He stood there, under the water, thinking about Ely. Was this how their relationship was going to be? Forced sex and awkward silences? All they wanted was a family. 

When he finished in the shower, he changed into his pyjamas and crawled into bed, sighing.

She was still laid with her hips in the air, sniffing and wiping tears away from her eyes. Trying for a family wasn't meant to be like this - it wasn't meant to hurt, or be a chore. It should have been fun, and exciting.

He heard her sniff, and rolled onto his side. “Sweetie?”

She didn't dare look at him. "I'm okay.”

“Are you crying?”

“N-no."

“You are.” He said softly, reaching out to stroke her cheek. “Sweetie, it’s okay.”

She swallowed thickly. "S-sorry. I just want t-this so bad, and it's so hard.”

“Yeah. It’s hard, so hard. I think I have a permanent headache. But we can do this, I know we can.”

"That just really h-hurt." She admitted. "Why can't it be simple?”

“You didn’t tell me it hurt. Sweetie, why didn’t you tell me it hurt?”

"Because we n-need to do it." She replied, finally turning her head to look at him. "We have to if we want a f-family."

"It shouldn't hurt, baby. Maybe tomorrow we can try something else."

She wiped her nose on the back of her hand. "Yeah. I just wish this wasn't all so hard."

"Yeah, it's really hard. Why don't we cuddle?"

"Alright. Let me just get some pyjamas on?"

"Yeah. Take your time."

She carefully moved, quickly putting on some pyjamas before she went to brush her teeth. Only then did she join him in the bed, cuddling up to his side. "I wish I didn't have endo."

"I know. But this is your best shot."

“I just want to be pregnant.”

"I know. I want kids too. So bad."

She bit her lip. “We’ve only just started trying, we’re just doing it pretty intensely. It’ll be fine, I’ll fall pregnant and we’ll have a family.”

"Yeah, it's gonna take time. You're still recovering, really." He said, his fingers brushing over the scars.

“Yeah. We’ll get there.”

"We will. You still get sore?"

She sniffed. “A little. I’ll be fine in the morning. We’ve got work.”

"Yeah. We do. I can't be arsed."

“You know we’ve got to.”

"Yeah."

She closed her eyes. “We should make sure we get enough sleep.”

"Yeah. There's nothing like waking up tired."

Ely just hummed, trying to ignore the faint ache between her legs. She fell asleep not much later, and dreamt about having a baby. 

Life went on. They continued to have sex when their schedule said so, though it was becoming more and more difficult. Ely’s self esteem started to drop through the floor as she noticed Fao was softer, or had to go off to wank before they did anything. A few times, he got himself close in the shower, and only stepped out to cum in her. At one point they had to stop completely, because it hurt her too much, and they even tried AI. All in all, she wasn’t feeling very sexy or desired, which put a downer on the wedding planning, too. 

One day, about a month or so later, Fao had an elective and she was the anaesthetist on the case. She couldn’t help but stare at him in his scrubs, taking in how in control he was, how commanding. It really got to her, and she couldn’t stop thinking about the stuff he could do to her. How she’d let him have his way with her. The surgery dragged then, as she pressed her thighs together and tried to ignore the growing wetness between them. Finally, it ended, and she left the patient in the care of one of the nurses while she grabbed her fiancé. 

“Fao.” She said breathlessly, fingers wrapping around his wrist. 

"What?" He snapped, busy sorting out the patient's post-op report.

“I need you.” She replied, ignoring the attitude. 

"For what? Do you have a patient concern?"

She rolled her eyes. “Not for that, dumbass. I need you.”

He looked up, smiling. "Oh, okay Dr Lozier." He said, voice low.

She grinned at him. “On call room, five minutes. Don’t be late, Dr Blackwood.”

He loved how forward she was being. "I'm never late." He replied, turning to his registrar. "You can finish the report, DiLucca. I've got somewhere to be." He said, handing him the paperwork. 

There was no one in the on call room, and Ely couldn’t help but tap her foot, desperate to just touch herself. But she’d wait for Fao, let him discover how wet she was. 

He almost slammed the door open, arriving at the on call room in less than five minutes. Seeing Ely, he smiled. "You asked for me, Dr Lozier?" He purred, shutting the door behind him and locking it. 

She immediately wrapped her arms around his shoulders, kissing at his neck. “You got me so fucking hot and bothered in there. You’re so fucking hot when you’re in control.”

"Mmm, I love that you find me hot." He purred. "Even in a theatre gown."

“You’re always hot.” She replied, leaning up to whisper in his ear. “I want you to take control and fuck me, right here. I need it so bad.”

"Right here, eh?" He teased, hands slipping down to the waistband of her scrubs. 

She nodded. “Yeah, right here. Please, major. Please fuck me.”

"Who am I to deny a woman what she wants?" He mused, toeing his shoes off. "On the bed, on your stomach." He ordered. 

She almost threw her scrubs and underwear off, and hastily laid down on her belly on the bed. “C’mon!”

He laughed, stripping off himself. "You look gorgeous like that." He purred, slowly jerking his cock. "Hips up."

She pushed her arse into the air, wiggling it. “Stop wasting time!”

"Mmm, I'm just enjoying the view." He teased, settling over her before he pushed roughly into her cunt, moaning at how wet she was. "You're fucking soaked, slut."

“Couldn’t stop thinking of you.” She told him, sighing happily as he filled her. 

He wasted no time, and started to fuck her, hands on her hips. He was close to her as he did, close enough to kiss over her shoulders and neck, biting at the sensitive skin. 

She let out a noise somewhere between a moan and a whimper, sliding her hand underneath her body to rub her clit. “Kept thinking of you using me.”

"Yeah? I'm gonna use you, fill you with my cum."

“Mmm, please. Wanna be used like the slut I am.”

"God, you're such a slut." He growled, increasing his pace, gripping her hips tighter. 

“Only for you. Want you to strap me down and give me an exam.” She admitted, the words falling from her mouth. “Please, sir, use me.”

He groaned, but smacked her arse. "That's doctor, to you. I wish I could give you an exam.”

She had to bite down on the pillow so they wouldn’t be heard and found. “I’m gonna cum, doctor. Can I cum?”

He'd not felt her cum in so long. He knew it'd send him almost over the edge. "Hold on, don't cum just yet."

She nodded. “Okay. Please don’t stop fucking me, it’s so good. Love being your little cum dump.”

"Mmm, you're gonna be my cum dump. I'm gonna fuck you in here then leave you full of my cum." He growled, his grip so tight he virtually lifted her off the bed. 

Her fingers moved faster on her clit. “Fuck, I want it so bad. Please doctor, let me cum on your cock. I can’t hold it.”

"You can and you will." He told her firmly, nipping at her neck.

She whimpered, pushing back against him. It was so hard, but so good.

"Wanna fuck you for as long as I can." He murmured. "You're gonna make me cum if you cum."

She just nodded again. “Okay si- doctor. I wanna be good, wanna please you.”

"Oh, aren't you sweet?" He teased, knowing he was going to leave bruises on her hips as well as where his teeth had met her skin. 

“I’m a good whore.”

"You are. Such a good girl."

She keened at the praise. “Good girl who likes bruises.”

"You're gonna be covered." He told her. "My marks."

“‘M yours. All yours.” She told him. “Belong to you.”

"Yeah. My good girl." He told her, fucking her harder. "You wanna cum now?"

She nodded. “Please, doctor.”

"Go ahead and cum, gorgeous." He said breathlessly. "I'll hold on."

She whined into the pillow, trying not to be too loud as her entire body shook with the power of her orgasm. It had been so long since she’d had one. 

It took all his strength and willpower not to cum, but somehow he managed it, eyes shut for a moment or so. He fucked Ely through her orgasm, faltering a little. "Was that good, eh?"

“Really good, doctor. Thank you so much.”

"Mmm, you're very welcome."

“Please fill me with your cum.”

"'m gonna, little one. Wanna fuck you proper good first, though. You want that?"

She nodded quickly, pushing back against him. “‘M so full of your cock. So fucking good, wanna always be your whore.”

"Mmm, you're always gonna be my whore."

"Always yours." She whined, pushing her face into the pillow to try and stay quiet.

"I'm getting close sweetie." He said, voice softer now. "You gonna cum with me?"

She nodded, rubbing her clit faster. "Yeah. Wanna cum when you cum."

He wouldn't be able to last much longer. It had been so long since he'd enjoyed himself this much with her, so long since she'd been so wet, so responsive. A few minutes later, he came with muttered profanity, pulling her hips back against him, holding her there as he spilled inside her. 

Ely groaned, teeth sinking into the pillow as her cunt clenched around his cock again. She swore she could feel him spilling inside of her, and she did her best to keep herself pushed back against him.

When he finished, Fao was breathing heavily, and he didn't move for a moment, gently kissing her shoulder blade. "That was fun." He whispered, pulling out carefully.

She rolled over, quickly shoving the pillow under her hips. "That was really fun. God, I haven't cum like that in ages."

"God, nor have I." Fao said, laying down next to her. "I don't want to move all day, now."

She couldn't help but laugh. "We've got to. Work and all that."

"I know. At least I finished my elective list so I can nap now."

"I can't." She whined. "I've got stuff to do."

"When do you need to go?"

"I think I can swing a few more minutes."

"Good." He murmured. "You gotta stay like that for as long as possible."

She hummed. "I know."

He reached out, fingers skimming over her skin. "Love you."

"I love you too." She replied. "Only a couple of months until we get married now."

"I can't believe it." He murmured. "It's so soon."

"It'll be on us before we know it."

"Yeah, Ollie was going on about my stag do yesterday."

She smiled, absently rubbing her hand over her belly. "Maybe I won't have a hen do."

"Why not?"

"Maybe I'll be pregnant. We can hope."

"You can still have a hen do."

"Mmm, but it's no fun if I'm not drinking." She replied, lacing their fingers together. "And I don't mind. A baby is worth it."

"Definitely. You found your dress now?"

Ely nodded. "Yeah, it's gorgeous. I have a fitting later this week."

He smiled. "Can't wait to see you in it."

She grinned at him. "You'll have to wait until our wedding day."

"It's torture."

"Not long now. It's exciting."

"I'd marry you here and now if I could."

She twisted to kiss his cheek. "I know you would. Not sure if I want to get married naked, though."

"Why not, eh? You're pretty damn beautiful when you're naked."

She bit her bottom lip, looking away. "No, I'm not."

"You are." He murmured, moving closer. "You're stunning. What's the matter?"

"Nothing. There's nothing wrong." She told him, staring up at the ceiling.

"Come on, I know there's something wrong. You're upset."

"I'm not." She insisted.

"I can hear it in your voice, sweetheart." He said softly. "You don't think you're beautiful?"

She pressed her lips together. "Not... not recently."

He hummed. "Because of the horrid sex we've been having?"

She nodded. "Yeah. With you not being that into it, it makes me feel like I'm not attractive. If I was we wouldn't have a problem."

"It's not you, honestly. It's.... It's the schedule. I love the spontaneity, I don't like feeling like a stallion at stud."

She swallowed. "Are you... are you sure? You have to get yourself close in the shower..."

"It's not you, it's the situation."

"If you say so."

"I do say so." He murmured. "I'm sorry I'm shit."

"Please don't blame yourself."

"I can barely turn you on enough to fuck you."

It was her. She knew it was her. "Well, we did alright today."

He laughed. "Yeah. We did."

"Let's just keep our fingers crossed. I feel like this month might be our month."

"Yeah, me too."

She offered him a smile. "I should get back to work before I'm missed."

"Five more minutes?" He said softly. "I like this."

"Alright. I can never say no to you."

"Because you love me." He said.

"Yeah, I do."


	49. Chapter 49

It really was their month. They kept up to their schedule, trying their best to keep things interesting and fun. And then her period was late, though she held her breath and didn't let her hopes get too high. But her period never came, and then she started being sick - perfectly timed when Fao was at work and she wasn't. It was then that she stole a couple of pregnancy tests from the store cupboard at work, though she didn't get a chance to use them.

She'd noticed she was feeling dizzy a lot, though pushed it away. She had a job to do, after all, she could rest on her break. Besides, she sat down for most of her job.

She and Ollie were just leaving their patient when she stopped, one hand on the wall.

Ollie frowned, looking over at her. "You okay, Ely?"

She swallowed, breathing slowly. "Uh, no." She managed to reply, before she fainted.

Ollie managed to catch her, moving quickly. She wasn't heavy, though he rolled his eyes. "God, why is it always you lot?" He muttered, carefully getting her down onto the floor. Hopefully she wouldn't be out for too long. At least they were in a staff only corridor.

She came around after a minute or so, groaning. “Fuck."

“Between you and Fao one day I’m actually going to have a heart attack.” He grumbled. “How are you feeling?”

"Not as dizzy." She murmured. "Exam room, though? I'm not staying here.”

“Yeah. Someone needs to have a look at you.” He murmured, standing up and offering her his hand. 

She took it, hauling herself up. “I have some ideas.”

“Let’s go, then. Not too fast, I don’t want to have to catch you again.”

She just nodded. “Yeah, don’t worry.”

Ollie escorted her to a quiet exam room, letting her get settled. “Have you eaten today?”

“Yes. Could you go get the pregnancy tests from my locker?”

“What?” Ollie couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You’re kidding, right?”

Ely shook her head. “No. Nothing is for certain, though. Please?”

Ollie shook his head. “I’ll get your gyn. Addison, right? She can do bloods or something.”

Ely rolled her eyes. “Fine, go get her.”

“Page Fao, too. If this is what you think it is….”

“I know.” She stressed. “Go on, get lost.”

Ollie left, returning with Addison. “Well, I’m back. Have you paged Fao?”

She rolled her eyes again, hands resting on her belly. "Yes, I have. I told him to get here as soon as he could.”

Addison smiled. “So you fainted? Any other symptoms?”

"Well, my period is pretty late and I've started with sickness.”

“We’ll get a blood test, then. Much more reliable than the urine tests.”

Ely nodded. "Alright. Go ahead.”

Addison smiled, and sat down next to her. “I’m going to take some blood, and then do a full exam, if that’s okay?”

"Absolutely fine. I'm sure Fao won't be long.”

He wasn’t long as all. Addison had just taken bloods, and was about to start the exam. Ollie had stepped outside, and Fao frowned at him before he burst into the exam room. 

“Ely? Did you need a consult?”

She looked up at him, and smiled. "Uh, not exactly. Come sit down?”

Ely was perched on the exam bed, a plaster on the crook of her elbow. Fao’s frown deepened as he sat. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”

"I fainted." She told him.

“You fainted? Why’s Addison here? Is it the endo?”

She shook her head. "My period is late.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope."

“Oh my god.” He murmured, reaching out for her.

She took his hand, squeezing his fingers. "I've just had some blood taken, and Addison is going to do an exam.”

“You okay for me to stay? Or do you want me to wait outside?”

"Of course I want you to stay, you twat.”

He laughed. “You know I’m always gonna ask.” He said, getting up to stand beside her.

"I paged you for a reason." She said, and looked over at Addison. "Continue, please.”

Addison smiled. “Well, I’m going to need to do a pelvic exam, so I’ll give you a moment to get yourself undressed and comfortable, there’s a blanket over the bed you can throw over yourself.”

"Alright, thank you.”

She stood up, flashing Ely a smile, and slipped out of the room. Fao winked at Ely, grinning. “Bet you’d like me between your legs, eh?”

She slapped his arm. "Piss off!”

“What?!” He protested. “You said you wanted it.”

"Not right now!" She replied, lifting her hips up to get her scrub trousers off. "This is serious.”

“So am I.” He teased.

"Maybe later. Pass me the blanket?”

“You’re no fun.” He pouted.

"This is serious!" She repeated.

Rolling his eyes, he passed her the blanket. “Fine.”

She draped it over herself, and then raised her voice. “Ready!"

Addison reappeared, smiling. “Okay, Ely, you know the drill.”

"Unfortunately, yeah. Go ahead, and slap Fao if he makes any stupid jokes.”

She laughed, pulling on some gloves. Fao just rolled his eyes. “My lips are sealed.”

"Good." She said, turning her head to look at him and puckering her lips.

He smiled, moving to kiss her. As Addison did the exam, he stroked over Ely’s hair, and when it was done he couldn’t help but kiss her again. 

It wasn’t much long later they got the lab work back, and Addison was smiling. “Your bloodwork is perfect, and I’m pleased to say your pregnancy test came back positive. Congratulations.”

It felt like a dream. She stared at her, and then looked up at Fao. "Oh my.... oh my god."

"Holy fuck we did it." Fao murmured, looking down at his fiancée. "We're gonna have a baby."

She nodded, and rapidly wiped tears away from her eyes. "We're having a baby. Oh, god, we're having a baby!"

"God, I love you so much."

"I love you too." She said, sitting up and pulling him close so she could kiss him.

He kissed her, cupping her face. When they pulled away, Addison was smiling. "I'll leave you to it. Likely, you fainted because your blood pressure fluctuated. It happens a lot in the early stages of pregnancy, with the hormone imbalance. We'll get you booked in for a prenatal appointment whenever you're free, we can do it all properly."

Ely nodded. "Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome. I love giving news like this. Best of luck.”

"I'll let you know when I'm free." Ely said. "I should get back to work.”

“So should I.” Fao murmured. “But thank you. So so much.”

Addison smiled at the both of them. "You're welcome. I'll see you soon." She said, and left. Ely was almost bouncing up and down in excitement.

Fao couldn’t help it, he grabbed Ely by the waist and spun her around. “Oh my god, I can’t believe we did it.”

She laughed, managing to wrap her arms around his neck. "I know! We're gonna be a family!”

“You’re gonna be the best mum ever.”

"And you're gonna be the best dad." She replied, pressing a kiss to his lips.


	50. Chapter 50

Now that she was pregnant, most of the stress melted away - there was still stuff to do with the wedding, but it felt like a weight off of their shoulders. Fao refused to let her do so much. He was always picking things up for her, telling her off for carrying anything heavier than a plate. It was lovely, if a little annoying too. The weeks flew by, everything fell into place and her belly started to swell with the life inside of it.

Even during the wedding ceremony, Ely couldn't help but have one hand on the bump. She stared at Fao, blanking out everyone they'd invited.

"I, Elyana Maria Lozier, take you, Faolan James Alexander Blackwood, to be my husband. To have and to hold from this day forwards, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, in arduis fidelis, till death do us part."

Fao's throat tightened as Ely spoke, but he met her gaze with his, and repeated his own vows.

"I, Faolan James Alexander Blackwood, take you, Elyana Maria Lozier, to be my wife. To have and to hold from this day forwards, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, in arduis fidelis, till death do us part."

The priest smiled at them both. "I pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

Fao didn't waste any time, and kissed her, hands on her waist. 

Smiling against his lips, Ely kissed him back, raising her arms to wrap around his neck as their guests cheered.

It felt as though the world stopped when he kissed her, like everything just melted away. It was him and her and nobody else. Eventually they had to break apart, and he was smiling and breathless as they did. 

She beamed at him. "We're married. We're married. Let's sign the papers."

"Shit, we need to make it official." He whispered, laughing. 

"We do." She said, taking his hand and holding her bouquet in the other as she lead him over to the table.

He let her drag him over, and together they sat to sign the register, before posing for photos to be taken. It felt surreal. 

She couldn’t stop smiling. They had loads of pictures taken in the garden, and then the reception. Ely couldn’t stop giggling as Fao poured grape juice from the wine bottle. 

“I love you.” She told him, taking his hand on the table. 

"Mmm, I love you too. You enjoy that wine of yours, eh?"

She kissed his cheek. “Oh, I’m sure I will.”

“Yeah, you better.”

“Is that a threat, husband?” She teased. 

“Not at all, wife.”

She lifted her glass to her lips. “Good. I intend to drink all this, and sneak off later.”

“Yeah?”

“Mmm, yeah. When everyone’s so drunk they won’t notice.”

He laughed, kissing her cheek. “Not me. I’m only letting myself have two glasses. I wanna remember all of this.”

“So do I. We can dance soon.”

“Mmmm, after we’ve eaten all this food.”

Ely was stuffed by the time they finished eating and got up for their first dance as a married couple. Cradled in Fao’s arms, they swayed back and forth, unable to believe that they gotten married. The rest of the party was in full force after that, though her back was aching. Together, they snuck away upstairs, though she stopped Fao from climbing on top of her on the bed. 

“My back hurts.” She whined, fingers in his hair. 

He paused. “Oh, I’m so glad you said that. Everything aches.”

“Bed, then?” She suggested. “It’s been a long day.”

“Yeah. God, I’ve not ached like this in so long.”

She pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “It’s the excitement. Help me get my dress off?”

He smiled. “Yeah, of course. Turn around, I’ll unlace you like a ladies maid.”

She spun so her back was to him. “What, nothing romantic?”

“Is period drama not romantic?” He teased, gently starting to unlace the dress, pressing a kiss to the back of her neck.

“Mmm, maybe if everyone’s husbands were as nice as you.”

“I love you so much, wife.”

“God, I love it when you call me that.” She told him. 

“I love it when you call me husband, too.”

“I’ll make it a habit.”

"Please do, Dr Blackwood."

She smiled to herself. “God, I love you.”

"Love you too." He told her, as he finished unlacing the corset that made up the top of her dress. "You are undone, m'lady."

“Thank you.” She said, stepping neatly out of it and reaching for the white chemise she’d put on the pillow.

He smiled, slowly undressing. He made sure to hang his suit up carefully, and pulled on the burgundy silk pyjama bottoms he'd bought just for the occasion. 

Ely climbed into bed, watching him with a soft smile. “Think you should come cuddle me and baby, don’t you?”

"Mmm, I'd love nothing more." He said, slipping into bed and stretching out with a groan. "I think the weather's changing. All my metalwork is sore."

She cuddled up to him. “Maybe. Baby is already making my back hurt.”

"You sure that's not the corset?"

“I don’t know.” She replied. “Just aches. It’ll be better tomorrow.”

"Yeah. We both will." He murmured. "Baby needs a name, we can't just keep calling them baby."

“Mmm, Peaches?”

"Oh, don't be daft."

“What’s a unisex Gaelic name?”

He hummed. "Uh... Fallon?"

“That’s cute, I like it.” She said, rubbing her hand over the bump. “Mummy and Daddy love you, Fallon.”

Fao smiled, splaying his hand over her stomach as he cuddled closer. "It's a bit more feminine, but I love it."

“It’s sweet.”

"Yeah." He murmured. "Fallon, when you're all grown up, we're gonna tell you all about mummy and daddy's wedding day, how you were here with us."

Ely smiled softly, placing her hand over Fao’s. “We can’t wait to meet you.”

Fao shifted to kiss Elys cheek. "This really has been the happiest day of my life. And we don't need to have sex tonight, we have the rest of our married life for that. We might as well spend tonight cuddled up."

She hummed. “We do. This is perfect.”

"It is. You're perfect."

“So are you.”

She fell asleep like that, with Fao’s hand on her belly. But she was woken a couple of hours later by strong cramps, and she became aware of wetness between her legs. When she flicked the light on and pulled the duvet up, she was greeted with a big red patch of blood. 

“No no no no no.” She cried, hands shaking. “This can’t be happening. Fao, Fao, wake up.”

The light woke Fao, and he groaned. "What's up, sweetie?"

“I d-don’t know.” She sobbed. “I’m bleeding.”

The pure panic in Ely's voice chilled Fao, and he was wide awake in seconds, shoving his glasses on. Looking over at her, she was covered, and the bedsheets were soaked. "Okay sweetie, it's alright." He soothed. "It's gonna be okay."

“I’m scared.” She whimpered, reaching out for him. “It hurts so much.”

He pressed up as close to her as he could. "I'm here, I've got you. Just breathe."

She squeezed his hand. “Can you get Jacob?”

"Yeah, of course. I'll go and get him." He said softly. "Do you want something for the pain?"

She sniffed and nodded. “Please. Be quick?”

"I will." He said, getting out of bed. He found his painkillers in the bag in the bathroom - he'd packed them 'just in case of emergency'. Now seemed as good a time as any. He poured Ely a glass of water and popped out two tablets, returning to his wife. "Here, take these. I'll get Jacob." He said, handing them over and pressing a kiss to her forehead before he left. 

Ollie and Jacob were one of the few guests staying in the house with Fao and Ely, and Fao rushed down the corridor to their room, knocking loudly on the door. 

She took them, sniffing thickly and staring down at the bed. 

Ollie woke up to the knocking, and stuck his head out of the door. “Fao? What’s up?”

Fao's hands were shaking. "I need Jacob. It... It's Ely. I think she's losing the baby." He said, his voice quiet. 

He went white. “Let me wake him.” He said, and shut the door. Jacob woke quickly, and after a quick explanation he was throwing his clothes on and out of the door. 

“It’ll be alright.” He said, attempting to soothe his friend. 

Fao shook his head. "Don't lie to me. This was probably our only chance at a family."

“Don’t you dare think like that.” He said, starting down the corridor. “Right now, you need to be strong for Ely.” 

"I'm trying..." Fao murmured, "It's just so hard."

“I know.” Was all he said. 

They reached the bedroom and Fao pushed the door open, returning to his wife's side. "I'm here sweetie, I'm here."

Ely looked up. “Am I losing Fallon?”

Jacob looked grim, and he sat beside Ely on the bed. "We don't know. With this much bleeding I'm worried, yes. Really, I want to get you to a hospital so you can have an ultrasound."

Ely shook her head. “No. It’s my wedding night.”

Jacob didn't look happy, but he left it for the moment. "Alright. How many weeks did you think you are?"

“Eleven.”

"You've not had your scan yet, then?"

She shook her head again. “No. Scheduled for next week.”

Jacob sucked in a deep breath. "And I doubt you've felt any movement at all, yet."

“No.” 

He nodded slowly. "Right. I'm really sorry to say this sounds a lot like a miscarriage, Ely. I want you to go to hospital tomorrow to have an ultrasound, but I understand why you don't want to leave tonight. Have you had anything for the pain?"

“Yeah. Fao gave me some stuff.”

Ollie, quiet by the doorway, suddenly spoke up. "Why don't I run you a bath? We'll get the bedsheets all sorted and you can have a nice hot bath." He said quietly, and Fao nodded. 

"Yeah, a nice hot bath will help, a stór." He said, kissing her brow. 

“Won’t I just bleed into it?” She asked, looking up. 

"The water will stop the flow." Jacob said softly. "And it'll help your cramps."

“But I’ll still have my baby?”

Jacob smiled a sad smile. “It will take a while for everything to pass. A bath will help you relax.”

She nodded. “Okay.”

Ollie disappeared to the bathroom to start running the bath, and Jacob reached out to rest his hand on her thigh. “We’ll stay for the next couple of days, just to make sure you’re okay. But you have to promise me you’ll go to hospital in the morning.”

She swallowed. "Once everyone has gone.”

“Yeah, of course.” He murmured. 

Ollie stuck his head out of the door. “We’ll sort them out tomorrow, you won’t have to worry.”

"Thank you." She murmured, slumping against Fao and hiding her face against him. This was not how their wedding night, their family life, was supposed to go.

Fao cupped her head, holding her close. “I’ve got you, it’s okay.”

She sniffed. "It's so unfair. Why can't we just have a baby?”

“I don’t know, sweetheart.”

"I just want a family." She murmured against him.

“So do I.” He murmured. “It’s okay, it’ll be okay.”

She just sniffed again. "This is so, so unfair.”

“It is. It really is.”

"W-what are we gonna do, after?”

“I don’t know. We can think about that later."

She tried to press closer, ignoring the damp sheets underneath her. "I want it to be over.”

“It’ll be over soon.” He soothed. “I’ve got you.”

"I love you." She whimpered, screwing up her face. "I-I gotta move."

"What's wrong?"

"I just gotta move."

"Okay, we can do that." He soothed, moving to let her get free.

She shuffled, moving to lay on her back against the pillows. She could feel something, and she hardly had to do anything to help their poor baby along. Tears streamed down her face as she passed little Fallon, and when she saw the fetus she just cried more.

Fao soothed her, stroking over her hair and lacing her fingers with his. "It's okay, it'll be okay." He whispered hoarsely. When Jacob took their little baby and wrapped them up, he felt a tear trace down his cheek. He jumped up, stood next to the midwife. "Come on, we have a family tradition." He said. "There's a cemetery."

"N-now?" Ely asked. "Can I hold my baby?"

Jacob nodded. "Yeah, of course."

She reached out, her bottom lip wobbling.

Jacob gave her the tiny body, sniffing himself as he did. "There. You can hold your little baby for as long as you need." 

Fao couldn't take it anymore, and he darted out of the bedroom and into the bathroom, falling to his knees as he vomited into the toilet, the smell of the blood overwhelming him. It was like being back in Afghanistan, back when he'd lost Alex.

She watched him go, holding their tiny baby close to her chest. She was only a few centimetres long, her skin pink and her eyes dark. Looking down at her, Ely felt like her heart was being torn from her chest.

"Mummy loves you," she murmured softly, absently rocking back and forth, "and Daddy loves you. You're so special, Fallon.”

Fao emerged, wiping his mouth. He was white as a sheet, hands shaking, but he moved over to Ely. “C’mon, come have a bath.” He said hoarsely, voice rasping.

She looked up, and nodded. "O-okay. Do you want to hold her?”

He shook his head. “N-no.”

She nodded again, and turned to Jacob. "Can you find something to b-bury her in? Please?”

“Of course. Ollie and I will sort it all out.” Jacob said, opening his arms.

She passed Fallon over, and then turned back to her husband. "Your hand?”

He offered it to her. “I’ve got you. Up slowly, yeah?”

She closed her eyes as she got up, holding tightly onto his hand. "Thank you. I love you.”

“Love you too.” He murmured. “Let’s get you in the bath.”

"Yeah." She agreed, feeling like she was waddling as they headed to the bathroom.

He wrapped his arm around her waist and led her to the bathroom. When they were there, he carefully helped her out of her ruined chemise. “There. Let’s get you all cleaned up.”

She nodded. "Yeah. I'd ask you to join me but it'll be gross.”

“No, I want to join you.”

"Alright." She said, reaching for some tissue to wipe her thighs.

“You get in first, I’ll join you after.”

"Okay." She replied, dropping the tissue in the toilet and flushing it away before she climbed into the bath, sinking into the hot water.

Fao stripped off, joining her after a moment. He pressed a kiss to her shoulder, unbothered by the water. “There. I’ve got you.”

"I've got you too." She said softly.

“Yeah.” He said, holding her close. He didn’t want to let go. “If I could take the pain for you I would, sweetie.”

"I know. I love you.”

“Every last bit. Ten times what you’re going through, just to make it go away.”

"I know. I'd do the same for you." She said, leaning back against his chest.

“Yeah.” He said, kissing her again. “Does the water help?”

"Yeah, it does. Do you... do you have some spare pyjamas I could borrow?”

“Yeah. I do.”

"Thank you. Sorry for ruining the sheets.”

“Oh, don’t be daft.”

"I am.”

“The sheets will be fine, I can get blood out of anything.”

"Okay. I don't want to go down to breakfast tomorrow.”

“You don’t have to. It’s okay.”

"I don't think you want to either." They couldn't pretend to be happy in front of everyone.

“One of us will have to. It’s my house.”

"We don't. Ollie said he'll handle it.”

“We’ll see in the morning. Chris is here, and your mum.”

She closed her eyes. “I just want you. You’re all I need.”

“You don’t want your mum? I can go and get her right now.”

“I just want to stay here with you.”

“Okay.”

“You’re my everything.”

“I love you.”

She twisted to kiss his jaw. “I love you too.”

“I’m…I’m gonna bury Fallon next to…to my dad.”

“I’d like that. It’s perfect.”

“Yeah. So…so he can look after her.”

“Yeah. He’d love her.”

“He would.”

“He’ll look after her for us.”

“Yeah. Wish you could have met him. Wish he’d been here tonight.”

She kissed him again. “Me too.”

He smiled sadly. "But I've got you. And I'll always have you."

“I know.”

His arms circled her waist and he rested his hands on her stomach, on the bump that was still there. "Love you."

“Love you too. We’ll still have a family.”

"We'll do it somehow."

“We will.” She agreed. 

They bathed together for a while, Fao helping Ely get herself clean. They changed the water once, and he kissed her neck and shoulders almost constantly. When they were done, he fetched her some clean pyjamas (one of his old shirts and his spare pyjama bottoms) whilst he slept in his boxers. Ollie and Jacob had changed the bed, heated up a heat pack for Ely and left after hugging the both of them. Curled up next to eachother in bed, Fao and Ely cried until they couldn't, and then fell asleep. Fao faced their guests the next morning, making apologies for Ely, saying she was shattered and he was taking her breakfast in bed. He felt detached as he joked about doing too much on their wedding night. He took her some food, though neither of them ate, and when all the guests left they buried their daughter in the family cemetery next to Fao's mother and his father's headstone. When they got home he cancelled the Carribbean part of their honeymoon, explaining what had happened. The hotel were very understanding and promised they'd have a room available for them both should they want to reschedule. Once everything was over, Fao went back to work for a week before the two of them went to Ireland. They both wanted some fresh air and a change of scenery, and they spent the week walking together, along the beach and the cliffs.


	51. Chapter 51

But when they got home, Fao started slipping. First it was his smoking - he was getting through packs quicker than normal. Then it was the drink. A glass of wine or whiskey a week turned into one or two or more every night. He didn't notice. Not until he was stood in the bathroom with a blade in his hand. He'd tried so hard, been clean for so long, but when he made that cut it was relief. Pure, unadulterated relief. He hid them the best he could, on his thighs, but then he ended up going back to his arms, old scars becoming new as he fell back into old habits. He felt numb, it made him feel. Made him feel better for what had happened, made it feel as though it wasn't his fault. The blood always made him feel better, made him bleed like Ely had bled when she lost their baby. He deserved to suffer. Half the time he felt like it'd be easier if he wasn't there anymore. He'd even thought about it, in a flash, on the Galway cliffs. As though everyone would be better off if he just stepped off the edge and into the ocean. But he did his best to hide it from Ely. She'd just get angry, and she was probably angry enough with him anyway. 

To begin with, she had no idea what was going on with Fao. She felt like she was in her own little bubble, taking time off of work sick and laying about. A few times, her fingers found her knitting needles and through tears she finished the half-done garments she’d been knitting for Fallon. Then they were all shoved in the bottom of a drawer, and mostly forgotten about. 

When she did go back to work, she worked herself to the bone. She’d stay extra as much as she could, only going home when she was sent, where she’d curl up in bed and sleep until she couldn’t any more. But then she started to notice the alcohol disappearing like a running tap, and the cuts on Fao’s skin in the dull evening light. 

She realised that they both needed help. Moping about, practising destructive behaviours... it was only a matter of time before something went wrong. She couldn’t lose Fao, and he absolutely couldn’t lose her. 

With a cup of tea on her hands and a blanket over her lap, she reached out for his hand one evening, barely listening to what crap they had on the tv. 

He looked over at her with a frown, draining his whiskey glass. "Ely?"

“I know what you’re doing.” She said softly, putting the mug down and peeling his sleeve back so she could kiss the half healed cuts. 

He jerked away from her, pulling the sleeve of his hoodie down. "I don't know what you're talking about."

“You do. We’re both doing it, in different ways.”

"I'm not doing anything."

“You are.” She said, cupping his face. “I’ve seen the cuts. And you’re always drinking.”

"They're scars. And what's wrong with having a drink in the evening? I work fucking hard."

Her eyes were soft, but the expression on her face showed how much he was breaking her heart. “They’re fresh cuts, we both know it. Please, Fao.”

"Please what?"

“We need to get help. Get help with me, please.”

"I did all that shit. Took the pills, did the therapy. I'm fine."

“You’re not. I’m not either.”

"Of course you're not. You had a miscarriage. But I'm fine."

Her bottom lip wobbled. “You’re suffering too. We both lost Fallon.”

He was silent, not looking at her. He just stared into his empty glass. 

“We need help.” She repeated. 

"Maybe you do, but there's nothing wrong with me."

She looked away from him. “You’re self harming, going through more cigarettes than I can count, and drinking every night. I don’t want you to end up like your uncle. I want us to be happy.”

He stood up quickly, so quickly his head span, and he gripped his glass. "Don't you dare. Don't you dare say that to me. I'm nothing like him."

She just looked up at him. “You’re going through whiskey like it’s water.”

"No. You don't get to do this, you don't get to talk about him, to... to accuse me of being like him. I went through nine years of hell with that man. No."

“I’m worried about you. I’m worried one day I’ll wake up and you’ll be dead next to me.” She replied, biting her bottom lip. 

"I'm fine. I'm hardly going to drop dead."

“I’m scared. I don’t want to lose you and you’re slipping away, even if you don’t know it.”

He backed away from her, stumbling slightly. "Don't be stupid."

“You are, Fao.” She told him. “You’re drinking too much, smoking too much, and you’re cutting yourself. I’ve seen the cuts.”

"I'm fine. Will you just shut up about it?"

“Sorry that I’m worried about you.” She snapped. “We’re newlyweds, we’re meant to be happy and you’re just drinking the days away.”

"Don't you worry, I still remember every single painful detail of the wedding."

“What, our actual wedding? Are you saying you hated the whole thing?”

"No. God, why can't you just think for once." He snapped. "I remember every happy moment, thinking about how this was the start of our lives, our family."

“It is!” She said. “It’s still going to be! We can’t just give up!”

"Yeah, right. What's the point?"

She clenched her jaw. “We can still be a family! We could try IVF, or adopt! There’s no reason to give up if we both really want this.”

"Who knows." He muttered, leaving the room. He went to put his glass down in the kitchen and found his bottle of whiskey empty. Swearing, he threw the glass across the room, where it hit the wall and shattered. Then he stormed upstairs and into bed. 

She heard the glass smash and jumped, curling up on the sofa. Why couldn’t he see that he was slipping back? Giving up on everything wasn’t the way to go. 

After a few minutes, when she was sure he’d settled in bed, she went to clean up the mess he’d made. She purposefully took her time, making sure every last share was gone. Then she let Arrow out, and went to join her husband in bed. 

He was crying. Without a word, she slipped under the duvet behind him, pressing up against his back and kissing the back of his neck. 

“I’ve got you.” She said softly. 

He tensed. "I don't deserve anything. I'm not the one who miscarried."

“Just because you didn’t feel it physically doesn’t mean you didn’t emotionally. We both lost Fallon, she was our baby.”

"Sure." He muttered. 

“I’m telling the truth.”

"Don't know why you bother with me."

“Because I love you. You’re my husband.”

He shrugged, picking at the scabs on his arms. "All I've done is fuck you over from the start."

“You haven’t. We made vows, for better or for worse. This is the worse.”

"Maybe we should have ditched the 'for better'."

“Don’t be silly.”

He didn't speak, dissolving into sobbing.

“Oh, honey.” She soothed, rubbing her hand over his upper arm. “Just cry and let it all out, yeah? I’m here, I’ve got you.”

He cried until he fell asleep, curled up in bed with Ely pressed up against him.


	52. Chapter 52

Despite the crying he'd done with Ely holding him, a few days later Fao was, frankly, worse. He never drank at work, but he came in hungover more than once, and he had to call in sick a good few times because he was still drunk in the morning. The cutting got worse, too, and sloppier. He left blood in the sink or left his blade out. Unwilling to ruin his tattoos on his arms any more, he started on his stomach. He started light, but once day at work, after losing a patient, he found himself in a quiet room, and, through the tears, he stripped off his shirt and started to cut. 

He wanted it all to stop, he wanted to go away. The cuts got deeper and deeper and he was sure one went too deep. When the blood started, all he felt was regret. He knew he'd gone too deep, that this wasn't going to be an easy way out, wasn't going to be the end. Clutching the wound with one hand, with the other he managed to find his phone and ring his wife. 

“Fao?” She asked, picking up. 

"Ely?" He whimpered, voice faint. "I fucked up..." He managed to get out, the blood loss making his head spin.

“Fao, what have you done?”

"I... I went too deep. So... So much blood. Fuck."

“Fuck.” She muttered. “Fao, you’re at work. Can you use your pager for someone? I’ll come in.”   
"I... Dunno. Can't find it." He said quietly. "It hurts, a stór."

“Can you go out and speak to someone?” She asked, slipping her shoes on. “I’m just about to get in the car.”

He tried to get up, but failed. "Ah, fuck. No, I can't."

“Alright, alright. Just try to stop the bleeding, yeah?”

"Yeah. Usin' my top."

“Okay. Keep applying pressure, and sit down just in case. I won’t be long.”

"'m on the floor." He mumbled, feeling increasingly faint. 

“Okay, okay.” She said, pulling out her pager and paging Ollie. “Where are you?”

“Uh…..” He wavered for a moment, his vision blurring. “M-my office.”

“Alright. Love you, okay? I’m coming.” She said, finishing the page. Hopefully someone would get there. 

“I love you too.” He said weakly, trying to keep pressure. It was getting so hard.

“Do you want to keep speaking to me?” She asked, shutting the front door. 

“I….I don’ know if I can."

“I can stay on?” She suggested, starting up the car. “So I’m here if you need me.”

“Y-yeah.” He said, starting to cry. “I…I didn’t mean to.”

“I know sweetie, I know. I’m coming, wait for me.”

“I’m s-so sorry.”

“I know. You’ll be fine.” She soothed, aware she was driving way too fast. “Someone will come, I’ve sent a page to everyone.”

“‘kay.” He said thickly. “Think imma faint soon.”

“That’s okay. You’re gonna be just fine. I won’t be long, just ten minutes.”

He shifted to lean against the wall, the room spinning. “Y-yeah.”

“Its okay if you faint.” She lied easily. She couldn’t lose him. 

“I don’t wanna.” He mumbled. “S-so much blood.”

“I know. But you’ll be fine, I promise.”

He couldn’t stay conscious for much longer, and he closed his eyes, finally giving into the the blackness. He was slumped against the wall, clutching his stomach.

Ollie found him like that, and a second later a barrage of nurses burst in. They’d just got him into a gourney when Ely appeared. A choked sobbed burst from her throat. 

It took hours to sort him out. She felt like she was in limbo waiting for him, but eventually he was in a bed. Sat at his bedside, Ely held his hand, as much to comfort herself as him. 

He came round with a groan, mouth dry. “Ely?”

She shuffled closer. “I’m here, I’ve got you.”

“‘m so sorry.”

“Shhh, it’s okay.”

“I jus’…. I wanted it all to stop.”

“I know. We’ll get you help.”

“It was all my fault.”

She shook her head. “It wasn’t your fault."

He sighed. "Shit genes. Shit everything."

“Not at all.”

"Yeah. My mum...."

“I know, honey, I know.” She soothed. “I’ve got you, you’re fine.”

"Five miscarriages."

“I know. But she had you.” It wasn’t as soothing as it was meant to be, but it was the truth. “We’ll have a baby, don’t you worry.”

"It's my fault, it's all my fault."

“Don’t you dare start with that.” She replied. 

"I'm so sorry."

“Stop apologising. You need to rest.”

"I shouldn't have called..."

She raised his hand to her lips, kissing his knuckles. “If you hadn’t, you might be dead.”

"I s-scared you."

“Yeah, you did. But it saved your life, so I forgive you.”

He smiled a sad smile. "Sorry."

“You don’t have to keep apologising. You have to admit you have a problem and see someone.”

He nodded. "I've not been okay for a while."

“I know. But I’m gonna stay by your side and help you get better, like you did with me.”

"I'm sorry I wasn't... Wasn't there for you, after Ireland."

“It’s okay.”

"We should have greived together." He said quietly, then stiffened. "Who knows about what I did? Does the whole hospital know?"

She paused. “I don’t know. I just sent a page to everyone.”

"So everyone knows."

“It’s not like I put what you’d done. Just your office, asap.”

His shoulders slumped. "Oh, okay."

“I needed someone to find you and I didn’t know where Ollie or Chris were.”

"It's okay. I just don't want the stares."

“I know.”

"I wish I didn't do this."

She smiled sadly. “I know.”

"I wish I was normal."

“I know, sweetie, I know.”

"No stupid PTSD, no depression."

She leaned over to kiss his forehead. “I know. This is just how it is.”

"It's not fair."

“I know. But you’ll be fine, we’ll move on from this.”

"I guess." He said softly. "I... I didn't do it because I didn't love you."

“I haven’t even thought of that. I know you love me, we got married.”

He nodded. "Yeah. I just wanted to tell you."

“I know. Do you wanna sleep?”

"Dunno. Feel... Okay."

“Okay. I’m here if you need me for anything.”

"Yeah. Can we cuddle?"

She nodded. “Yeah. Let me squish on with you.” She said, slipping her shoes off. 

Carefully he moved over, feeling like he was made of lead. "Ow." He mumbled, but didn't stop moving over. 

"Hey, shhh. Let me help you." She said, and climbed onto the bed. There was just enough room for her to lay on her side and that was what she did, reaching up to brush hair from his face. "I've got you."

He smiled. "I could have done it."

"I don't want you hurting yourself more."

He huffed. "'m all patched up. 'm fine."

“You need to heal.”

He rolled his eyes. "I know. I did medical school too, stupid."

“Stupid yourself.” She teased. 

He grinned. "'m not stupid."

“You are. You’re my stupid husband.”

"Then you're my stupid wife." He said, sighing. He shuffled over a little more, so Ely could lay down next to him, and then rested his head on her shoulder. "'m tired."

“You can sleep, it’s okay.”

"'kay." He said, closing his eyes. 

"Maybe when you wake up we can go home."

"Maybe."

"But you just sleep."

"Yeah, 'kay." He said, slowly drifting off. 

After a few hours, they were visited by Ollie, and after his wound was checked and he was deemed fine, they were sent home. Ely made sure he had something to eat and was laid down before she got ready for bed, cuddling back up to his side.

"I've been thinking about other things we could try." She murmured softly. "Y'know, to have kids."

He looked over at her sleepily. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." She said, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. "Because what we were doing was... hard, for both of us. I was thinking we could try IVF, maybe?"

He nodded. "Yeah, that sounds... Better."

"We wouldn't get it on the NHS, though."

"We've got the money."

"Yeah, I know. If you want to do it, we could try?"

"Yeah. I wanna have a family with you."

She smiled. "Then we'll have a go at it."

"Yeah. I'll research now I'm stuck at home."

"Alright. I trust you to find somewhere good."

"Mmm, I've got nothing better to do."

She kissed his cheek, and pulled the duvet up over them both. "We'll have our family."

"Yeah. Come hell or high water." He said, running his hand up his forearm, feeling the scabs that covered his skin. 

"We're determined."

"We are." He agreed, resisting the urge to pick at the scabs. 

"I love you."

"I love you too." He murmured. "Surprised I've not been fired, though."

"I'm sure you won't be."

"I hope not."

"You're too good.”

“You have to say that, you married me.”

She rolled her eyes. "Nope, I do. I'm just telling the truth.”

“Love you.”

"Love you more.”

He didn’t let go of her for the next few days, constantly pressed up against her, or holding her hand. He needed her more than ever. After a while, Ely had to go back to work, and he took a couple of weeks off whilst he got in touch with his old psychiatrist. With some help, he got himself back on track, and felt ready enough to go back to work.


	53. Chapter 53

So, naturally, he ended up in theatre. He was doing some elective work, easing himself back into it without the strain of trauma - after all, he was still healing. But the moment he’d walked into theatre, the nurses were whispering. He’d noticed it all day, and it was driving him up the wall. 

Once his patient was prepped, he was ready to start. So he turned to his assigned scrub nurse for the day, and asked for his scalpel. There was muttered words from her colleague, and she hesitated with a giggle. Fao frowned, and desperately wanted to fold his arms over his chest, though he couldn’t. 

“What was that you just said, Maria?”

Ely was sat in her usual place, watching her husband with careful eyes. She had promised to be with Fao for the first few days, just to keep an eye on him and make sure he knew she was there for him. She too hardly caught what the nurses said, but she was scowling under her mask.

"Nothing, Dr Blackwood." Maria answered smoothly, though she glanced at the scrub nurse - Ely thought her name was Jodie.

“No, I know you said something.”

"It's just.... should you really be handling a sharp blade like that?”

“Well, it’s nice to know my staff have confidence in me.” He muttered. “Do you have a problem with my conducting this surgery?”

"Not at all, doctor. It's just... concern. For you.”

“Because you’re worried I’m going to slit my wrists in a sterile operating theatre?”

"I'm concerned that you might have come back to work too quickly." She said.

Rolling his eyes, Fao reached over to pick up the scalpel, and made his first incision. “That is something to be discussed between me and my psychiatrist. I’d very much like to continue this operation so I can spend time with my wife. Do you have any more questions about my mental health?” 

"No." Maria answered, and wisely looked down.

“I’m glad to hear that.” He said. “If anyone else has a question about my mental health, they can keep it to themselves. Because frankly, I’m fed up of the sideways glances and the whispers in the hallways. Yes, I was found in my office after making an attempt on my own life. Yes, I struggle with PTSD and depression, yes, it was made worse due to some personal circumstances that I’d rather not speak about. However, none of that impairs my ability to practice medicine. I don’t appreciate jokes being made at my expense, or my surgical team second guessing my ability to handle a scalpel. If you have a problem, feel free to leave. I’ll just replace you, it’s not hard."

Ely bit her bottom lip, watching her husband. But he handled the situation fine, and no one else spoke up or moved to leave. So she decided to help them resume normal business.

"Dr Blackwood, I don't want to keep Mr Clarke under longer than necessary.”

Fao smiled to himself. “Of course, Dr Blackwood. Let’s get going again, shall we?” He said, looking around the room.

She wished he could see the encouraging smile on her face. "I'm happy for you to continue.”

“Glad to hear it.” He said, and resumed the surgery.

It went well - textbook, really. It did make her job incredibly boring, however, and when they finished she really needed to stretch her legs. She waited until all the nurses had left the little scrub room, and then turned to her husband. Her hands reached up for his shoulders, going around the back of his neck to untie his gown.

"I'm so proud of you." She said softly.

He smiled. "You are? What for, the surgery?"

She nodded. "Yeah, and for shutting those nurses down so smoothly. You make me so proud."

"Oh, that? That was nothing."

"I can still be proud of you." She replied, pressing a kiss to his lips. "You make me proud every single day."

"You're too goddamn cute." He said, kissing her back. "I'm glad I married you."

"I'm glad you married me too." She teased.

"Oh, shush." He said. "Are you gonna let me out of this gown or just keep kissing me?"

"Well, we could just keep kissing...."

"These gowns are really not sexy."

"You're always sexy."

"You're just trying to keep me captive."

She laughed. "Are you complaining?"

"Not particularly."

She pressed another kiss to his lips. "Mmm, good. Maybe I could tie you up at some point..."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Mmm, yeah. We should have some fun, maybe go on a date..."

"Tonight?"

"If we can get home in time." She replied.

"We could go straight from here? I'm not sure I'm for being tied up yet.... But dinner sounds nice."

Ely nodded. "Whatever you want, Dr Blackwood."

"I'd certainly appreciate some cuddles, though."

"Well, they're a brilliant medicine." She replied.

"They are." He said. "You gonna get me out of this gown? Don't quit the day job, honestly."

She laughed. "Alright, alright. Turn around?"

"You're a nightmare, I could rip it off quicker." He said, turning around.

"You shouldn't rip things." She replied, but untied it for him. "And it's gotta be lunchtime, right?"

"It's disposable, it's meant to be ripped." He grumbled, stripping out of it and throwing it away. "Yeah, it is. Half one."

“It’s not!” She protested, shaking her head. “C’mon, you nearly forgot food this morning.”

"It is!" He protested, as they headed out. "You know what I'm like."

“Yeah, I do. That’s why I grabbed it.”

"You've known me for fucking years, so."

“Yeah, unfortunately.”

"Excuse you!"

She grinned at him. “What?”

"You love me, really."

“Yeah, I do. Love you to bits.”

"Can't believe those fucking nurses, though."

She hummed. “I know. But you shut them down.”

"Yeah. Still, though. Fucking ridiculous."

“You can always log an official complaint.”

"No, it's not worth it."

“If that’s what you wanna do.”

"I don't have the energy for official shit. I ache already."

She took his hand and squeezed his fingers. “You sit down, I’ll warm up your lunch.”

He smiled. "You're an angel."

"I know." She teased, turning away and pulling his dinner out of the fridge and putting it in the microwave. It only took a few minutes, and she put her's in to warm while she took her husband his.

"There you are, my love." She said.

That night, when they were cuddled up in bed, Ely found herself thinking about something that had been crossing her mind recently. Laid next to Fao, his arm around her shoulders and one of her legs draped over his, she traced circles on his skin before she looked up at him, at the journal in his other hand and the glasses perched on his nose.

"Fao?" She asked, her voice quiet, as if she didn't want to disturb the comfortable silence.

He turned, looking over the tops of his glasses. "Yeah, a stór?"

"I've been thinking...." She said, trailing off. "About kids."

"What about them, my dove?"

"This.... this isn't working.”

He reached out and set his journal down, his glasses on top of it. “I suppose it’s not.”

"I don't want to keep trying.”

“I understand. Do you want to try a surrogate or something?”

Ely shook her head. "No. I... I think we should adopt." 

“I like that idea."

"This is too painful." She murmured.

“It is.”

"We could start looking this weekend?" She suggested hesitantly.

“Yeah. Sort the paperwork and stuff.”

"Thank you.”

“Might take a while, though."

She hummed. "Yeah, I know. But it gives us time.”

“It does. What sort of age, do you think?”

She paused, and shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe six or seven?”

“That’d be nice.”

"When it all goes through, we'll have to change our hours.”

“We will, but it’ll be worth it."

She nodded. "Yeah, it will. We'll have our family.”

He smiled. “We will."

She leaned up, pressing a kiss to his lips. "I'm excited."

"I am too."

"No more worrying about fertile periods and having sex all the time.”

“Well, I hope we can still keep having sex…”

She laughed. "Yeah, we can. Don't be silly.”

“Good, ‘cause I wanna keep having sex with you.”

She couldn't stop smiling. "I should hope so.”

“I miss having sex and it being fun and spontaneous.”

"I do too."

"But next time we're free we'll put a request in."

She laughed again. "I'd like that."

"Good. I want to do this. More than anything."

"Me too. Love you so much."

"Love you too." He replied. "More than words.”

Not long after that, they settled down under the duvet and fell asleep, tangled in each other.


	54. Chapter 54

About a month later, as they started to put down the foundations for adoption, and started to rebuild their marriage, Fao realised he needed to do something to show Ely just how much she meant to him. They’d had sex a couple of times, but it had been awkward and shy, and very unlike them. He knew it was Ely’s self-esteem getting in the way. So, when he knew she had an easy day at work (and he was off) he decided to pull out all the stops. He went shopping, picking out stuff to make her favourite dishes. Then, he changed the bedsheets to their favourite silk ones, dug out the lavender oil and set some candles out (though didn’t light them) when the food was ready and he knew she was on her way home, he changed into his favourite grey suit, laid everything out on the table, and waited for her to get home.

Her feet were aching, as were her thighs, when Ely finally got home. The day felt like it had dragged by, and she toed her shoes off in the hallway before padding through into the living room.

She was rubbing her eyes when she walked through the doorway, and when she looked up she saw her husband in his best grey suit, with a table covered in all of her favourites, and candles.

"Fao, this is...." She breathed, looking up at his face.

“A nice surprise?” He offered.

She nodded. “Yeah.”

He smiled. “You wanna go have a shower or something? This will keep warm for a bit.”

“That would be great. I’ll put a dress on.”

“I look forwards to it.” He replied, moving forwards to kiss her cheek. “Go on, wash the hospital from you.”

“Thought you liked the hospital.” She teased, but stepped away. “I won’t be long.”

“Mmm, I do, but I know what it’s like to have that after work shower.”

“Bloody amazing.” She replied, heading up the stairs. She had a quick shower, and chose her best dress, but not before she noticed her favourite silk sheets. She blushed, unable to stop it. It was just like him to do the little things. 

Dressed, she headed back downstairs. “You changed the sheets.”

He smiled. “I know you like them. And I happen to like them too.”

“It’s sweet of you, thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Shall we eat?”

She nodded. “Please. I’m starving.”

He pulled her chair out, waiting for her to sit before he draped a napkin over her lap and tucked her in. “There, madame.”

She blushed. “Thank you.” Why was he being so attentive?

“You’re very welcome.” He replied, taking his own seat.

“You really didn’t have to.”

"I wanted to. And being home on my own is really boring."

She smiled. ‘“Yeah, I bet it was.”

"You know how much I miss you."

“Yeah, I do.”

"I'm like a puppy." He said, starting to eat. 

She looked up at him. “You are.”

"And I'm just as cute." He replied with a grin. 

She raised an eyebrow at him. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

He pouted. "Meanie." He joked. 

“You know I love you.” She said, helping herself to the selection. There was a little cottage pie, and a steak, and cheesy mash. He’d gone all out providing her with her favourites. 

"I do. Love you too." He echoed.

“Why are you doing all this? The food, the suit, the candles....”

"Because I love you."

“I already know that.”

"With all that's happened, I figured we needed something nice for a change."

She couldn’t help her little smile. “Yeah, I guess.”

"Some proper pampering."

“What have I done to deserve you?”

"Ah, come off it. We both deserve each other."

“A wonky whole?”

"Something like that." He replied, sipping his wine.

“Well, I’m grateful that I have you.”

"And I'm grateful I have you."

“We’re stuck together for life, now.”

"Yeah. Went and got married, eh? There's no escaping me now."

She laughed. “No, there isn’t. But I’m happy to be your prisoner.”

"Mmm, good. You know how I feel about handcuffs."

She blushed, though she wasn’t sure why. “You gonna tie me up later?”

He laughed. “If you want to. I was going to offer you a massage after dinner and dessert.”

“I’d like that.”

“Good.”

“You always know what to do.”

“It’s a gift.” He replied.

“Did you buy oil?”

“We have some already.”

She smiled. “That’s good. You’re really good with your hands.”

“Well, you’d hope so. They’re my livelihood.”

“I meant in another way.•

“I know.” He said with a grin. 

“You’re a whore.” She said, but her tone was almost embarrassed. 

Fao bit his lip, glancing down at the table for a second. “We don’t have to do anything.”

“We’ll see what happens.” She replied. She had to be positive - Fao hadn’t changed. 

“Yeah. Pudding?” He asked, suddenly brightening.

She nodded. “Yeah. What is it?”

“Chocolate cake, of course.”

She beamed. “I love you.”

He busied himself with clearing the table, chewing his lip a little nervously. When it was clear, he served the cake and carried it in, setting it down in front of her. 

She picked her spoon up. “It looks amazing.”

He smiled. “I hope it is.”

"Did you make it?"

"Yeah."

"God, I love you so much."

He smiled. "You've not eaten it yet, eh?"

She shrugged at him. "You always make the best cake."

"I suppose that's true."

She dug in, humming loudly when she tasted it. "It's amazing!" She told him through her mouthful.

He laughed. "Glad you think so."

"I knew it would be.”

“You’re too good to me.”

She shook her head. "Not at all.”

“If you say so.” He murmured, eating his own cake.

"If anything, you're too good for me.”

“Nonsense. We can go round in circles with this.”

It didn’t take long for them to finish their cake, and once everything was cleared up Fao took Ely’s hand and led her to the bedroom. “Massage?”

She nodded, squeezing his hand. "Yeah."

He smiled, kissing her softly. His hands slowly drifted down, resting on her waist.

Ely let out a soft sigh against him, letting her arms wrap around his torso.

He found the zip of her dress and slowly unzipped it, pushing it off her shoulders.

She reached up on her tip toes, still kissing him. He always knew what to do, how to treat her.

When the dress was on the floor, he found the soft material of her bra, pulling back to hum a question.

She nodded. "Yeah. It needs to be off.”

He smiled, and unclasped it. “Pants on or off?”

"Uh, off?" She replied. "We don't want anything getting covered in oil.”

“It’s up to you.”

"Off." She said more firmly.

He grinned. “Okay then.” He replied, and looped his fingers in the material.

She smiled back at him, stepping out of them once they were low enough. "On the bed?”

“Yeah. Get comfy.”

She stepped away, moving to lay on her front on the bed, pulling a pillow over to rest her head on.

He stripped out of his suit into just his boxers, lighting the candles and uncorking the oil. 

Ely looked up at him, watching him move. "You're so romantic.”

“Well, you deserve it.” He replied. Carefully, he settled on top of her, and dripped a little of the oil onto her back.

She shivered. "It's cold.”

“Sorry. It’ll warm up.” He murmured, spreading it over her back.

She closed her eyes. "You have warm hands.”

“Good.” He murmured, slowly working into the muscle.

"Mmm, that's good.”

“Yeah?”

She nodded. "Yeah. Didn't realise I was so stiff.”

“All that sitting down you do.”

"Heavy lifting too, mister.”

He grinned. “Yeah, that too.”

"'M all sore.”

“Bless you.”

"You've had an easy day.”

“Not always, though, thank you very much.”

"That's not what I said." She replied. "Just today.”

“Fair."

"But don't stop.”

“I won’t.” He replied, still working deep into her muscle.

She groaned. “Fuck."

“Good?”

"Really good.”

“You’re really stiff.”

"Mmm, you would know." She replied.

“Oh, shush.” He scolded, moving lower down.

She hummed. "But you would.”

“I suppose I would.”

She wiggled her hips, pushing back against him. "God knows you're always stiff." She said, before she thought about it.

“Well, that’s all you.” He murmured, kissing the back of her neck.

“Don’t be silly.”

“You know it is.” He purred.

“It’s not all me.”

“Well, you’re the only one for me, so it has to be, eh?”

She shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”

He kissed her neck again, as his hands worked lower and lower.

She couldn’t help but hum. “That’s nice.”

“I’m glad. Your back must ache, yeah?”

“Yeah. Really aches.”

“Mmm, all that bending and twisting. You comfy on your front, yeah?”

She nodded. “Yeah. Like you like this.”

“Well, I like you like this.” He murmured.

“You’re really- god, this is so good. Don’t stop?”

“Not planning on it. You still need some work, eh?”

She nodded, pushing her hips back against his a little bit. “Yeah.”

He rolled his against hers, just reacting to her movements. “You at work tomorrow?”

“Mmm, why?” She asked, trying not to moan at the friction. 

“Just wondering how long I can keep you up tonight.”

“No work tomorrow.” She replied, wiggling again. 

“Then I’ve got you all night, Dr Blackwood?”

“Mmm, you have, Dr Blackwood.”

He rolled his hips against her. "I'm so lucky, because you're just gorgeous."

“Stop it.” She whined. 

"Why? I know you're enjoying yourself."

“Embarrassing me.” She retorted. 

"Ah, I'm not embarrassing you. I'm jus' trying to get a pretty girl into my bed."

“All you have to do is ask.” She replied. “And, uh, maybe the cuffs.”

"Is that so?" He purred. 

She nodded. “Ye- ahhh - Yeah. Please.”

"Noted, my lovely."

“You know how much I, god, I like them.”

He chuckled. He was almost done with her. He worked lower and lower, until his fingers brushed the curve of her arse as he worked. 

“Mmm, Fao.” She breathed. “Go lower.”

He grinned, and rested one hand on her arse whilst the other reached between her legs slowly. "Low enough for you?"

“Keep going.” She urged. 

His fingers found her cunt, skimming through the wetness until he found her clit, which he rubbed. "Better?"

She nodded, letting out a long, quiet moan. “Yeah.”

"Mmm, why don't you roll over and we'll see about those handcuffs."

She did as she was told, rolling over and spreading her legs around him. “Yeah?”

"Yeah, but I'm gonna have to move."

“But you’re gonna tie me up?”

"Yeah. If you want it."

She nodded. “Please.”

He moved off of her and off of the bed to reach into the drawer and pull out the handcuffs. Then, he reached down behind the pillows under her head and found the old tie he'd tied to the bed slats. He pulled it up to come above the pillows, and then snapped his fingers at Ely. 

"Hands above your head, then."

She had to make the effort not to moan at his order, lifting her hands above her head. “There, sir.”

He grinned, and fastened the cuff around one wrist, before looping them through the old tie and fastening them around the other wrist. "There. Not too tight?"

Ely nodded. “They’re fine.” She said, idly tugging on them. She couldn’t get out. 

"Good. You know what to say if you want out?"

She nodded. “Yeah. Red.”

"Good." He murmured, kissing her before he stripped out of his boxers. 

She smiled against him. “I wanna cum.”

"Oh, you're gonna." He promised.

“Come back then.”

He settled between her legs, pushing them apart and slowly dragging his tongue over her folds. 

“O-oh god.” She groaned, rolling her hips against him. “You’re such a tease.”

He laughed against her, then shifted up to her clit, circling it with his tongue. 

“That’s better.” She told him, curling her fingers against her palm. She wanted nothing more than to tug on his hair. 

He looked up at her, still focused on her clit. Then, he pressed two fingers into her, curling them up against her g spot. 

“Oh my god, oh fuck.” She moaned. “That’s so good!”

He didn't answer her, continuing what he was doing. He began to move his fingers inside of her, fucking her slowly. 

She whimpered, biting her bottom lip. “Please don’t stop. Feels too good. Jus’ like that, oh god.”

He knew she was close, she had to be. So he kept working at her, bringing her higher and higher. 

“I’m allowed to cum?” She asked. 

He hummed, not wanting to stop to speak. He just pressed a third finger into her and sucked on her clit, trying to get her to cum. 

“Fuck, fuck, oh shit, oh-oh-oh.” She groaned, giving in and letting herself cum. 

He worked her through it, then looked up at her with a crooked grin. "Good?"

When it was over, she swallowed thickly. “Yeah, really good.”

“Can I fuck you now?” He asked softly.

She tugged on the cuffs. “Please. Could we... turn the lights off?” They had the last few times. 

He tilted his head, sitting up between her legs and stroking over her thighs. "Why, sweetie?"

“I just.... please?” She asked. “We did last time.”

"But you're so pretty." He murmured. "I wanna make you feel pretty."

She blushed, and couldn’t close her legs with him between them. She could barely see the tip of his cock at this angle, but from what she could see, he was hard. “I don’t know how.”

"Let me show you." He replied softly, hands skimming up her thighs. He shifted to kiss one, then moved up to the scars that dotted her abdomen, the five from her most recent op and the older ones, too, though they were nothing but pale ghosts of scars. 

She sighed softly. “You’re hard?”

"So hard." He replied, lips brushing over her skin. He moved further up her now, past her navel and up to the curve of her breasts, dotting kisses as he went. He cupped a breast in one hand, massaging it slowly, as he moved higher and higher, lips finding her collarbone and then her neck. He pressed his final kiss at her jawline, close to her ear.

"Love you."

She shivered. “Love you too.”

“So can we leave the lights on?”

She paused, and then nodded. “Okay. I just get worried…”

“I love you. All of you.” He replied. “And I wanna prove it to you.”

“Okay.”

He glanced down, moving to rub her clit again. As he did, he slowly pushed into her, waiting until he was fully seated inside of her before he kissed her, deep and slow.

Her sigh was one of content now, her eyes shut as she kissed him back. “That’s really nice….”

“Yeah? I’m gonna show you how much I love you.” He purred, rolling his hips slowly, utterly lost in her.

“Really nice.” She said, craning her neck the best she could for a kiss. It was hard, and pulled on her shoulders, but she didn’t care. 

He kissed her again, pressing her down onto the pillows as he tangled a hand in her hair.

Ely whimpered again. “The cuffs,” she begged, “take them off, I wanna touch, please.”

“You sure?” He asked, pulling back.

She nodded. “Yeah. Need to touch you, need to be closer.”

He hummed, and reached up to free her. It was easy, when you knew how. “There.”

Her arms wrapped around his torso, holding tight. “Thank you. Don’t stop.”

He didn’t his movements slow and careful as he rolled his hips into her. He kissed her, breathless and needy.

She was just as needy, trying to rock her hips into him. It was so good, if she closed her eyes she could see stars. And he loved her, he loved her. Even after all they’d been through. 

He made soft, needy noises against her lips between each kiss, his eyes more closed than open. He needed her, needed the closeness. Needed to show her she was loved, needed to prove to her they were still committed. He needed it just as much as she did.

Her orgasm was slowly approaching, a steady building of pressure and heat. She held him tighter, trying to get ever closer, and it wasn’t long before the wave broke. With their lips still together, she moaned into his mouth, her body shaking. 

“God, that feels so good.” He murmured, not stopping his rhythm. “‘m gettin’ close.”

“Keep going. Want you to feel good too.”

“‘m not stoppin’.” He muttered.

“Good.”

He wished he could last longer, wished he could make her cum again and again and again, but it’d been so long since he’d felt this good, and he knew his stamina wasn’t what it used to be. He wanted to make her cum once more, when he did, and so he reached between them to rub her clit. “Cum with me.” He urged breathlessly. “Please.”

She nodded, aware of how close she already was. "Gonna cum with you."

He was breathing heavily, starting to faulter a little. It wasn't long before he spilled inside her, swearing. "Oh, fuck, you're so good, so perfect, fuck."

She came a second after him, tipping over the edge. It had barely passed when she suddenly started crying, hiding her face against his skin.

He slowly eased out of her, chest heaving. But then Ely started to cry, and he hummed. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

"I just...." She got out. "I jus' feel like s-sometimes I'm not e-enough.”

“Oh, a stór. You’re more than enough. I’m head over heels in love with you, I always have been.”

She shook her head. "A-after all the trying, you c-couldn't even get it up. I c-can't be that attractive.”

“That wasn’t you, gorgeous. I was tired, and so stressed. It had nothing to do with you, I promise.”

"Just f-feels like it.”

“I promise, it’s not you. I felt so bad about how painful it was for you.”

“O-okay."

“Come on, why don’t we get comfortable and cuddle?”

"Yeah, okay. That'd be nice.”

“Yeah. You wanna put some pyjamas on?”

She nodded. “Please."

“C’mon, then.” He replied, kissing her forehead. He got up, found her some soft fluffy pyjamas and passed them to her, before pulling on his own pyjamas.

She put them on, and immediately got under the duvet, laying on her side to wait for him.

He settled down under the duvet once he was dressed, and gathered her up into his arms. “I love you so much, sweetie.”

"I love you too." She replied.

“And I’m gonna hold you all night.”

"Thank you.”

He kissed the top of her head. “Mmm, you smell like lavender. Sleep tight, sweetheart.”

"You too."


	55. Chapter 55

It took time, but Ely's self-confidence slowly started to grow. She made sure to tell her therapist about it, and she was given techniques to help. They also got approved for adoption, and the waiting game began. While they were waiting, Ollie and Jacob adopted a little baby girl, and through nagging, Ely managed to get them to go out together one night as a couple, leaving her and Fao with their daughter.

There was just something so special about sitting on the sofa in the main room, a little baby in the crook of her arm, and a blanket over her lap.

Fao had just finished making a cup of tea in the kitchen, and came in with his mug clasped in his hands. Seeing Ely on the sofa with his goddaughter, he couldn’t help but smile. 

“Oh, you look perfect.” He murmured softly.

Ely looked up at him, and smiled back. In her arms, Robyn stirred, yawning. "I like this. She's so cute.”

“She’s gorgeous.” He murmured, sitting down beside her. 

She shuffled carefully, leaning against her husband. "She is. They got lucky with her.”

He chuckled. “They did. They’re lucky bastards anyway.”

"Yeah, they are. But we're lucky too.”

“We are. We’re gonna get a beautiful child.” He murmured. “A perfect family.”

She kissed his cheek. "We are. I'm excited to be a mum.”

“I’m excited to be a dad.”

"Maybe we should run away with Robyn." She joked.

“Ollie would kill us.”

"Aw, but she's so sweet! He can't blame us.”

“He’d still kill us.” He murmured, sipping his tea.

She shrugged. "Maybe. She's due a bottle soon.”

“Want me to do it?”

"I did one earlier, you should have a go.”

He hummed, and put his tea down. “I’ll go sort it, you enjoy your snuggles.”

She grinned at him. "I am doing.”

He smiled, and kissed her cheek. “I’ll be back in a minute, then.”

"Alright. Not too hot, remember.”

He rolled his eyes. “I know, I know."

"Don't roll your eyes at me." She teased, keeping her voice low.

He grinned, and headed into the kitchen. He made up thwe formula, careful to test the temperature, and then came back into the living room.

Ely smiled at him again, and carefully started to wake the sleeping baby. "C'mon, sweetie, it's time for your supper. Then you can go back to sleep.”

He couldn’t help but grin. “You’re honestly adorable.”

“Robyn knows she’s adorable.” Ely replied, stroking her finger over the baby’s cheek as she yawned. “That’s it, darling, you wake up.”

“Can I have her?” He asked.

Ely hummed. “Yeah, I guess. She’s so cute.”

“I need to feed her.” Fao whined.

“But I feel like a mummy.” She replied. 

“You told me I needed to feed her.” He replied. 

“I know.”

“So let me hold her.”

“Ugh, fine.” She said, passing the baby over. 

He took her carefully into his arms, cooing softly. He settled back on the sofa with her, then started to feed her.

“God, you’re a natural.”

He smiled. “I’m glad you think so.”

“Suits you.”

“Does it?”

She nodded. “Yeah.”

"I hope I'm a good dad."

She smiled at him. “Of course you will be.”

"Hope so. Didn't have a good dad for very long."

“I know. But you’re a good person.”

"Glad you think so."

“It’s the truth.” She assured him. 

He hummed as little Robyn took her bottle. "I'm so excited for this."

“So am I. We’ll have our family.”

"But for now we have this little cherub."

“Until Ollie and Jacob come back and steal her away.”

"Until then. When are they due home?"

She glanced at the time. “Another hour.”

“Mmm, one more hour of snuggle time.” He said with a grin.

Ely shook her head. "No, because we've gotta get her in bed.”

“Aw, give her a bit. You’ve had like all evening with her.”

"Well, you should have asked for cuddles sooner." She replied, grinning. "Godmother's prerogative.”

“You’re so mean. You’re only godmother because of me.” He teased. “I got you the job that helped you meet Ollie.”

She frowned playfully at him. "I'm still godmother.”

“I deserve more cuddles.”

"Ugh, if you say so." She replied, but kissed his cheek.

“I do say so.” He said, smiling at her as their goddaughter finished her bottle, which he put carefully down on the side.

"Y'know, this is making me really broody.”

“Is it? We could always go upstairs once Ollie arrives and do something about it?” He suggested, voice low.

She bit her lip. "There's no way I could be quiet.”

“That’s why we’re doing it when Ollie’s taken Robyn home.”

"Mmm, maybe.”

“Now I’ll just tease you by cuddling a gorgeous baby.”

She groaned. "You're so mean.”

“Mmm, look, she’s so pretty.” He said, cooing to the baby.

"I know.”

“Aren’t you so pretty, eh? Your daddies are so lucky with you.” He said quietly, flashing Ely a smile.

She had to press her lips together, adjusting the blanket over her lap. "God, stop it. You're winding me up.”

“Oh, don’t be a whore.” He shot back, turning his attention back to the baby. “Your Auntie Ely is being all silly. Yeah, she’s getting all broody, little girl. So silly. So so silly.”

"I'm not! You just look so good with a baby, and she's gorgeous too.”

“You’re getting all broody.” He pointed out. “Given you find me gorgeous with this little bundle in my arms. All those mama bear hormones.”

"I can't help it!”

He laughed. “I know, I know.”

"Uncle Fao is being a meanie, Robyn.”

“Oh, come here you daft broody hen.” Fao teased. “Cuddle up."

She did so, cuddling up to his side. "She's just so sweet.”

“She’s a little angel.”

"She really is."

"Glad we've not got the sleepless nights though."

Ely smiled. “We could have a drink to that.”

“We could.” Fao agreed.

“Not like I have to breastfeed.” She joked. 

“No, you don’t. Thank god.”

"Lucky me.”

“Mmm, we can have loads to drink.”

She grinned. "Later, not now.”

“Obviously.”

"Too busy with cuddles now."

"Way too busy."

"Can't believe you stole her from me.”

“Oi! You’d been having cuddles all evening! I deserve some.” He protested.

"Still a meanie.”

“Shush, I’m lovely.”

“And I’m broody.”

“You are.” He murmured. “Like a little clucking hen.”

“I just want children.” She moaned. 

“We’re making plans. We’ll have our children.”

“I know, I know.”

After a while of snuggles, Ollie and Jacob arrived to take their baby girl home, and it was time for Fao and Ely to settle down for the evening, tangled in eachother's arms as they fell asleep.


	56. Chapter 56

A month or so later, Ely and Fao were contacted by the adoption agency. They’d matched them with a child, and were invited to come and meet them, to see the chemistry.

When Fao woke up that morning, his stomach was churning, and he pressed closer to Ely, humming. 

Ely too felt sick. “What if he doesn’t like us?” She blurted out. 

“Of course he’ll like us."

“But what if he doesn’t?”

“Then we’ll be matched with another kid.”

"I really hope this goes well." She murmured.

“So do I.”

"What time is it?”

“Early, I think.”

"So we've got some time in bed?" She asked.

“Yeah.”

She smiled. "That's nice.”

“Mmm. Hopefully, it’ll be some of our last free time.”

"It feels weird, to be happy about that.”

“I know, but I can’t wait to have a kid, have some responsibility.”

"Me too." She murmured.

“It’ll be so good.”

“Proper family life.”

“It’ll be perfect.”

They got up a little later, and Ely had to force down some breakfast. But then they were on their way, to go meet the little boy who would hopefully become their son. 

Fao was driving, drumming his fingers on the wheel in an attempt to stop his nerves. He just hope this boy liked them, wanted to be a part of their family.

When they got there, Ely swallowed thickly. “You ready?”

"As ready as I'm gonna be." He replied, shifting to kiss her cheek. 

She smiled. “Let’s head in.”

"Yeah, let's." He hummed, as they got out of the car. He took her hand as they walked in, and signed in with one of the social workers, who then proceeded to take them to the little room where they'd be meeting the boy they'd been paired with.

It was only a few moments before the boy was brought into the room with the social worker. He was nine, with messy blond hair and wouldn’t meet their eyes. Ely still smiled at him. 

“This is Ely and Fao, Luke,” the social worker said, “if you like them, they’re gonna adopt you.”

Fao smiled too. "Nice to meet you, Luke."

“Hi.” He greeted, voice quiet. 

Fao's fingers were still laced with Ely's, and he rested their hands on the table in front of them. "Like the social worker said, I'm Fao and this is my wife Ely."

He looked up. “You’re pretty.”

Fao smiled. "She is, isn't she?"

Ely smiled too. “Thank you very much, Luke. Do you want to sit down?”

Luke nodded. "Yes please."

Fao hummed. "Go on and sit. Get comfy."

The boy got into a chair, though he didn’t look comfortable yet. Ely continued to smile at him.

It was the social worker who spoke up next. "Why don't you ask Ely and Fao what their jobs are, Luke?"

Luke looked a little uncertain. "What are your jobs?"

“We’re doctors,” Ely said softly, “I put people to sleep for operations.”

"And I do the operations." Fao replied. "We work at the big hospital near here."

“That’s cool.”

Fao nodded. "I think so, yeah. Do you like dogs?"

He nodded. “Yeah.”

"Ely and I have a dog at home. Wanna see a photo of him?"

“Yes please.”

Fao took his phone out and found the photos he had of Arrow, then passed it to the young boy. 

It took him a moment, but Luke smiled. “He’s very cute.”

"He is. If you do decide to live with us, I'm sure he'll keep you company. His name is Arrow."

“That’s a good name.”

"I'm glad you think so." Fao replied. "What sort of things do you like to do?"

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I used to clean...”

"Well, I'm sure you don't have to clean anymore. What do you do here, with the other kids? Do you play football?"

“Yeah.” Luke said. “But I don’t really know the rules.”

Fao smiled. "Nor do I. I'm sure it's fun. What about school, eh? What's your favourite subject?"

“I like science.”

Ely nodded slowly. “Science is fun.”

"Science is super fun." Fao agreed, squeezing Ely's hand. 

“Maybe we could come over again and do some experiments?” Ely suggested. 

"Maybe." Luke agreed quietly, glancing at the social worker. 

“Only if you want to.” The social worker assured him. 

Luke nodded. "Okay," He answered, and turned back to Ely and Fao. "Would I have brothers and sisters, if I lived with you?"

Ely paused before she answered. “Maybe one day. We don’t have any children right now.”

He nodded again. "Okay."

“Would you like brothers and sisters?”

"Maybe. Depends if they're nice." He mumbled.

“I’m sure they would be.”

He managed a little smile. "'kay."

“Is there anything else you like?”

Luke shrugged. "I don't know."

“What about colours?”

"Blue is nice, I guess."

She nodded. “Blue is very nice. I like pink.”

"Pink's okay. I like blue better."

“Do you like blue, Fao?” Ely asked, smiling at him. 

Fao nodded. "Yeah, I like blue. It's one of my favourites."

“If you want to come live with us, we can paint your room blue.”

"I'd like that." Luke mumbled quietly. 

She continued to smile at him. “Only if you want to, though.”

He nodded. "I'll think."

“That’s all we want.”

"Okay." He turned to the social worker. "Can I go back to my room now?"

"Of course you can. Are you going to say goodbye to Ely and Fao?"

"Oh, um, goodbye. Thanks for showing me your dog." Luke mumbled, and darted off. The social worker smiled a small smile at Ely and Fao. 

"Luke had a very difficult childhood." The social worker explained. "He came from a physically and mentally abusive home, and was taken into care for his own wellbeing. If you decide to continue with the adoption process and if Luke agrees, it's something you'll need to be very aware of. He's not your average nine year old."

Ely nodded, squeezing Fao's fingers. "That's something we can cope with."

Fao hummed in agreement. "My own childhood was, by the sound of it, very similar. We won't have a problem meeting Luke's needs. What steps do we take now?"

"We'll need to wait for Luke to make a decision. Fingers crossed, he'll want to live with you."

Fao nodded. "Okay. Well, I assume we'll hear from you in due course, then. Thank you."

"Hopefully, it'll be within a week. It's been a pleasure."

He nodded, shook the social worker's hand, then him and Ely headed to the car. Fao sat down, pausing to take in a slow deep breath. "Oh my god."

Ely looked over at him. "Are you okay?"

"When we were talking to him, I had this feeling... But the fact he went through what I went through? It's...."

"I know. Hopefully he liked us, and we can help him."

"He got the opportunity I never had."

She reached across to take his hand again, raising his knuckles to her lips. "He did."

"I hope he says yes."

"So do I."

He looked at her. "You don't mind he's a bit older? I know you wanted someone younger."

She paused, and shook her head. "I know, but.... adoption is about helping a child in need. Besides, an older child is better for our schedule."

"Yeah. He'll be at school, until July."

"He will. If he likes us, we'll have the summer to bond."

"We could go away somewhere."

She smiled. "Yeah, we could."

"Just for a few days."

"So long as he says yes."

"Yeah."

They headed home after that, trying not to get too excited about the prospect of adopting Luke. It was all down to him, at the end of the day. They tried to get on with life as normal, heading into work and helping people to the best of their abilities. It kept them busy, and stopped them worrying over it for about a week.


	57. Chapter 57

They were in surgery together, working on a trauma when Ely's phone started to buzz. She frowned, and reached for it. The number displayed on the screen immediately forced her heart into her throat.

"Fao," she said, looking up at her husband, "stop what you're doing.”

Fao finished his suture, and frowned. “What’s up? Is the patient okay?”

"It's the adoption agency.”

“Oh.” He murmured, passing his things to his scrub nurse. “Go on, then.”

She bit her lip, and answered the call, putting it on speaker.

“Hello?"

“Hi there, is that Dr Blackwood?”

"Yes, speaking."

"This is Michelle from the adoption agency. I've got some news regarding your adoption application."

Ely swallowed. "Yes?"

"I'm pleased to tell you that Luke has decided he'd like to try living with you for a trial period, and then if that goes well, we can make things official."

She stared at Fao. "That's... that's amazing news."

Fao couldn't quite believe what he was hearing, and he was beaming underneath his mask. He nodded at Ely. 

"We'll make arrangements for you to collect him. When are you and your husband free?" Michelle asked. 

"We're free on, uh, Friday, if that's okay?"

"Friday sounds perfect. You can collect him once he's back from school?"

"That would be good."

"Wonderful. We'll see you around four."

"See you then, thank you." She said, and hung up.

Fao laughed. "Oh my god, we're gonna be parents. Holy shit."

She was still staring at her phone. "Oh my - fuck, this is it."

Claire turned to Fao. "Congratulations, Fao. That's amazing news."

Ely looked up. "We're gonna be parents!"

"We really are. Oh my god. He liked us!"

The whole team cheered for them, utterly excited for them. The rest of the operation seemed to fly by, and once the patient was through in recovery, Ely left them with her nurse while she stopped with Fao in the scrub room.

"I can't believe it."

He smiled, pulling her in for a hug. "I can't either. This is incredible."

She hugged him tightly. "A dream come true. We've got our family."

"We have. I can barely believe it." He murmured, before he pulled back to kiss her. 

She hummed against him, cupping his face. "We need to make sure we have a room ready. Bedding and stuff."

"Yeah. We can sort it."

"On Friday morning.”

“Yeah. We’ve got most of Friday.”

She let her fingers drift up into his roots, smiling softly. "We'll have to have something comforting for dinner.”

“Macaroni cheese?”

"Mmm, that sounds amazing. We shouldn't make a massive fuss.”

“No. just… normal. Let him settle and have his own space.”

"Yeah. We don't want to push if we want him to stay.”

“Keep it a normal evening.”

She hummed. "Maybe we could him a nice plan blue duvet set.”

“Yeah. Then if he wants to stay he can pick out his own stuff.”

"I want it to feel like home for him.”

“Yeah. We’ve got to be so relaxed about it, though. Can’t be as pushy as we want to be.” He replied with a smile.

That earned him a laugh, as they separated and went about their day, occasionally seeing each other, as they often did. All day Fao felt as though he was walking on air, and Ely was much the same. It was hard to believe that soon they'd be parents.


	58. Chapter 58

Now that they knew Luke liked them, the days flew by. Before they knew it, it was Friday, and they'd been out to get bedding and a few other things that they hoped he would like, to make his room more homely. But they'd decided to let him choose which room he wanted, so they hadn't made the bed yet. Ely felt nauseous as they drove to the children's home, and then as they knocked on the door and were lead to the little room where they'd met Luke.

The young boy was… excited, to be going home with Ely and Fao. He was nervous, too, but he’d hated the children’s home, and the couple had seemed nice. All day at school he’d been nervous and distracted, and when he was picked up and taken to the children’s home he was excited that it’d be the last time, hopefully. If the couple liked him, and didn’t kick him out. One of the social workers told him they were there, and he gathered up all his stuff and rushed downstairs to meet them again. He still couldn’t quite meet their gaze, but he managed a smile. 

“Hi.”

Ely smiled at him. "Hi, Luke. Are you excited?"

He nodded. "Excited to meet Arrow."

"He's excited to meet you too."

Slowly, Fao offered his hand to Luke. "Shall I take your bags?"

"Uh, thank you." He said, passing them over.

Fao took them with a smile. "That way, you can say hi to Arrow when we get back."

"Yeah. That would be nice.”

“Ely is just doing some boring paperwork, then we’re gonna head off and you can meet Arrow. We can even take him for a walk later, if you want.”

Luke smiled. “I’d like that.”

“Cool.” Fao said with a smile.

Ely finished with the paperwork a few minutes later. “That’s done. Shall we go?”

“Yeah. Let’s go.” Fao said, and led the way to the car. 

Once they were in the car, Ely twisted to look at Luke. “We’ve bought you a new duvet set, but we didn’t know which room you wanted, so you get to choose. Is that okay?”

Luke nodded. “Okay. T-thank you.”

“You’re welcome. How do you feel about macaroni cheese for dinner?”

“Sounds okay.” He mumbled. “I can help cook, if you want.”

She shook her head. “No, it’s fine. Fao’s an amazing cook.”

“Okay.” He said quietly. 

"We don't want you to do housework for us. You don't have to earn a living.”

Luke nodded. “If you say so.”

"I'm sure you'll want to get settled.”

“Will you help me unpack?” He asked softly.

"If you want us to.”

Fao hummed. “We’ll definitely help you, once you’ve picked your room.”

“Okay."

It didn’t take much longer for them to get to the house, and Fao helped Luke out of the car, and carried his bags in. They headed upstairs, and Fao set the bags down on the landing. “So, there are three bedrooms. You can pick any of them. The one at the end of the hall is mine and Ely’s but you can have any of the others.”

Luke nodded nervously. “Okay."

“How ‘bout I show you them?” Fao offered, going to the first room and pushing the door open. “This one is the biggest one, but the window is a bit small.”

He showed Luke the others, too, and eventually the little boy picked the bedroom with the window seat. Once they’d made the bed, Ely and Fao put all his stuff away, and they started to cook dinner, giving the boy some alone time with the dog.

Ely hummed, chopping some bacon to go in the macaroni. "I hope he likes it here.”

“I hope so too.” Fao murmured as he stirred the pasta.

"He's so quiet.”

“He’ll just need time to settle.”

"I hope so. Even if he decides he doesn't want us to adopt him, I hope we help him.”

“Yeah. A quiet, understanding place he feels safe for a while.”

She nodded. “Yeah."

“That’s all we can do. Hopefully, he’ll want to stay. He seems to really like Arrow.”

"Arrow is the perfect dog to help him.”

“He helped me.” Fao murmured.

"He helped me too.”

“Yeah. He’s perfect.”

She smiled. "He really is."

They spent a tentative few days with him, helping him settle into their house. He loved the dog, and tried to do as much as possible with him. Fao took him on walks with him, and he was keen to get up early in the morning and help feed him and take him out, even on the weekends. He seemed to thrive when he had a job to do, which Fao understood. So he gave Luke the responsibility of the dog. It wasn't much, but it was enough for Luke to be comfortable with, to feel like he was doing something. Luke fed and brushed the dog whenever he could, and helped them take him out for walks at the weekend. 

It was tough getting used to the school run, and they had to adjust their hours, but it was so, so worth it. Luke was an absolute sweetheart, and gave them so much joy. It was the little things, like the small smiles they got when Fao told a daft joke, and the times he'd come and sit with them on the sofa and watch a film. Sometimes he'd stay down late, until it was time for bed, and sometimes he'd disappear as soon as he'd eaten his dinner. But that was okay, because he was still settling in. It would take time. Fao and Ely had to be careful not to shout, or argue, for fear of scaring the young boy, but they managed. Fao knew how to help him, and did his best to reassure him that he was safe, and nobody would hurt him while he was with them.


End file.
